Into You, I Go

Chapter 26th: Whispers in the Dark

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"Where do you think you're going?"

Mikan paused at the mild disinterested tone and made a face. She turned to the general area of said voice and peered into the darkness. "How do you guys do that?"

Leo stepped out of a shadowed corner, but didn't answer. Instead he gave a pointed glance towards the bed—where she was supposed to be—and the hand she had on the door—the one she shouldn't be remotely near to.

"I want to go to the bathroom."

Leo's stare was baleful and sarcastic. "Are we really going to do this?"

Mikan squinted her eyes in speculation, calculated her chances as she watched the pale light of the moon bounce over the hard surface of his lion mask, and then grumbled back toward her bed with Leo stalking her every step.

Leo's pale green eyes noted the sulk in her demeanor, the pout on her lips, and the fire in her eyes. Temper brought a healthy bloom to her supple cheeks.

Pretty. Sweet-looking.

But nothing special.

His brow wrinkled over his earlier musings, still not understanding the reason behind Natsume's actions. No, not only Natsume—if it was only Natsume—but her other circle of friends too. He spent forty minutes alone on dodging their dogged attempts to follow him.

They were quite relentless and sneaky too.

It didn't help that their Alices were quite useful for searching people and on spying. He couldn't count the many times he had to sweep the room, himself, and other guards for bugs—both mechanical and biological—since the Natsume incident.

Leo narrowed his eyes to inspect the girl in front of him to find out what exactly it was about the girl that inspired such loyalty and—there was no other word for it—devotion.

To his eyes, she was just a normal, pretty, seemingly clueless girl.

"Where's Narumi-sensei?"

"Around."

"How long am I going to have to stay here?"

"A while."

"You're not going to elaborate on any of your answers, huh?"

"No."

"Do you always talk like this?"

"Mostly."

Leo's lips twitched at the obvious irritation that surfaced on Mikan's face, but squelched the urge to smile at her, mockingly or otherwise.

"You've seen him."

Leo blinked at the serious tone of her usually cheerful voice and met the straight gaze of her amber eyes.

"You've seen Natsume."

Leo didn't say anything, for there was nothing to say. She wasn't asking; she was stating a fact.

He watched silently as those amber eyes glued to his face with such unnerving intensity.

Interested with the sudden change, he stayed still under her inquisitive gaze, trying to imagine how he'd look from her perspective, trying to figure out what she saw on his face that led her to such a conclusion.

The silence stretched on as both of them measured each other among the passing shadows and iridescent lights that danced along the windows.

At the end, her heavy sigh broke the silence. "He's in a bad shape, isn't he?"

This time, although it was a question, Leo knew she didn't really expect him to answer, so he remained mute.

"He's always so hard on himself." She scowled at her toes. "It's annoying."

She shook her head, her pigtails brushing her shoulders. "He's probably blaming himself for what happened. Baka."

Leo raised an eyebrow and she seemed to catch the movement even in the sparse light.

She huffed and crossed her hands. "It's not like he made me use my powers, did he? I did it myself. I did it; he had nothing to do with it."

"Why?"

He didn't really want to enter into a conversation with her, but the question sort of…popped out of his mouth. A habit that always got him into serious trouble.

Mikan blinked, not expecting Leo to join in on her one-girl-conversation, but was only too glad to have someone to talk to. Narumi-sensei was good company sure, but he kept avoiding her questions on Natsume and her friends. It drove her crazy. Not to mention that her sudden captivity was already doing some serious harm unto her mentality.

And she was worried. They wouldn't tell her what happened to Natsume. To her friends. She knew something had happened, something big, and that Natsume was in big, big trouble.

Her uninformed and solitary state was driving her up the wall.

"Why what?"

A frown twisted Leo's face, unsure whether he should continue or not. But his curiosity and his driving need to understand got the better of him.

"Why did you do it?"

She looked taken aback. "You mean, why did I use my power?"

"Yes."

"To save Natsume."

Frustration bubbled up inside Leo at the tone of her voice, as if that was something that he should already understand. As if that was the logical thing to do. "Yes, but why?"

"Why did I save him?"

"Why did you want to save him?"

"Because," Mikan blinked her big eyes repeatedly, confused with the question that was brought upon her, "because he's my friend."

"And you'd do that for all your friends?"

"Of course."

His brow was in danger of being permanently wrinkled, but he was no way near to understanding. "I don't understand."

It was Mikan's time to be confused. "What is there to understand? He was in trouble. I had the power to help, so I did."

"Didn't you stop to think what it would do to you? Or Natsume for that matter?"

She grimaced and scratched her head. "It wasn't like I had a lot of time and," she impishly added, "I'm not generally known for…thinking ahead." She shrugged. "Something happened, I reacted. That's all."

"You almost died."

Leo watched in disbelief as she rolled her eyes at him. "So Narumi-sensei tells me. But I didn't."

"You could've died."

"Everybody dies."

"We're not talking about everybody."

"Gee, I didn't know you cared."

Leo frowned at her, his pale green eyes iced over, but she didn't even flinch, being too used to getting those stares from Natsume to be scared.

Leo didn't know why, but her casual way of talking about her death infuriated him. Doesn't she understand? Doesn't she understand the consequences of her actions?

"Didn't you think about what it would do to Natsume? To your friends?"

"Of course I did."

He waited for her explanation, but when she didn't continue, his frustration spiked yet again. "So, why did you do it?"

"How could I not? Are you saying that if one of your friends is in danger of dying and you actually can do something about it, you won't do anything?"

Actually, although he faced the possibility of his death often enough, Leo couldn't imagine a time where he'd actually want to give up his life, but that would've ended the argument pretty short. "That depends."

"On what?"

"On the situation and whether the person I give up my life for is better than me."

Unexpectedly, she smiled; the expression on her face was triumphant, as if he had actually proved her point. "You think that Natsume is better than you?"

Her face twisted. "Oh, don't tell him that. He's already difficult to live with." Her lips curved upwards. "He's better in some ways, worse in others, but from a general point of view, I consider him worth dying for."

"He kills people."

Leo watched as her back straightened, the skin around her eyes tightened, and her mouth firmed. "For someone who works in the same area, you're one to talk."

"I'm not saying I'm not a killer. I'm just saying that he kills people."

"So? It's not like he wants to."

"What, like he's a victim of his situation or something?"

Her amber eyes pierced him where he stood. "Don't sneer. You of all people should know how bad his situation is."

"If he wanted to, he could just quit."

The bitter smile on Mikan's face somehow turned his stomach, maybe because it was a familiar smile, a familiar smile on a face that didn't suit it all. It seemed wrong on her pretty face, like it didn't belong.

She snorted. "Right. Like that's actually an option. Why don't you quit? What are you staying around for? The milk and cookies?"

"You know what he does, but you still think he's worth saving?"

"Natsume is a good person."

"Who just kills people in his spare time."

It was interesting, Leo thought, how she took his words so personally, as if he had offended her instead of someone else who was not even a lover or family.

"What, no comeback?"

"Obviously you've made up your mind about Natsume."

"I would know what he would've wanted if I was in your situation, so I'm starting to wonder whether you really know him."

"What are you talking about?"

Now we're getting somewhere, Leo thought, as he saw the slide of her eyes, as he heard the odd tone of her voice.

"You know. You know what he would've wanted."

"I don't know what-"

"You know he'd rather die."

Shocked silence struck the room as he watched her clench her eyes so tightly.

"No." The denial was a mere whisper.

"You knew he was ready to die; you knew that's what he would've wanted."

"No."

"Death would've been a welcomed comfort. It seems like such a simple request really. It's the only way he can escape from all the horrors he's done or will have to do again. It's not much, but you just had to take that option away and all because you have a stupid savior-"

"I love him." The passionate tone in her voice was more of a plea than a declaration. It rang with sincerity the way only the truth could. "And when you love someone you don't get to choose which part of them that you want to love. You either take all of them or nothing. I know he does bad things, but he has reasons and those reasons I can understand."

"Not enough to give him what he wanted obviously."

He saw her flinch at his words and the mocking tone in his voice, but like so many before her, guilt turned to anger. "You think I don't know that? That I didn't realize it? You think I don't know that if I had let him die, all of this would've stopped for him?"

"Do you? Because if you did, you wouldn't have saved him. You would've accepted his death and be glad that he went the way he did."

"I can't do that. I can't just let him die."

"Why not? If you loved him like you claimed, you would. But, instead you had to save him, knowing your life would be at stake, knowing how that would affect Natsume and your friends. You couldn't stand to see him die, so you jumped in to the rescue and let them watch you die instead. Why would you about care what it would do to them? You wouldn't see any of their suffering anyway, right?"

Leo didn't quite understand why he was doing this. He just knew that he was irritated, to put it mildly. The need for him to understand somehow changed to the need to make her understand what she had done.

To make her understand the consequences of her recklessness.

For her to admit the foolishness of her actions.

"Do you know where Natsume is now? Do you know the sort of punishments he's getting because of you?"

Stricken, Mikan—her face made even paler in the moonlight and darkness of her room—breathed in a harsh, hard breath as if Leo had just punched her in the stomach and she was struggling to catch her breath.

But she couldn't quite say that he was wrong.

Her little hands clenched on the blankets; her eyes strained on the footboard of her bed, searching for patterns that would ease the pressure in her chest.

"Love, you say." Leo's voice was a whisper in the dark. "All it comes down to is selfishness."