Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

Chapter 26

Because of you

Grimmjow and I were laughing when I heard my Nana call me to come in for a minute. One of her many clubs was having a meeting and it was here today. Some of her friends wanted to see me and feel my belly. I never knew being pregnant meant the whole world got access to my belly. Everyone wanted to touch it. It looked bigger to me. I'm assuming it's because of Unmei, but maybe she didn't grow that much since Unmei was only out a few minutes.

Mother and Debbie both belonged to this club. Debbie was upset that it wasn't Shane's. She used to always ask Shane and me when we were going to get married and have her some grandkids. I guess she knows the answer to that now. I heard mother tell her that I wasn't with the father and that she hoped I would take Shane back. They both began talking about him doing the anger management thing. I hated to tell them, but I wasn't going back. I didn't believe he had fully changed.

After all the women made a fuss over Raina, I went back outside to be with Grimmjow. We talked some more and somehow it led to us kissing. It was abruptly stopped my mother yelling at me to come there.

"My mother wants me. This ought to be fun." I said sarcastically as I got up.

"Are you aware that people saw you two kissing?" She asked.

"Not really, but it's not like I care."

"First you bring a long haired, tattooed guy home and tell me he's your boyfriend. Then you announce you're having his child, but you aren't with him anymore. Now you have a blue haired man living with you. You never cease to amaze me, Kristen. I thought I raised you to be a dignified lady, but you aren't acting like it."

"Could you not judge someone by the way they look just once?"

"Appearances are everything."

"They can also be deceiving."

"I don't know why you couldn't just be with Shane."

"Don't go there, mother."

"I also don't know why you believe you need this baby."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"I don't believe you're ready for a child."

"I don't have a choice, because she's coming either way."

"You could put her up for adoption."

"What? I would never abandon my baby. I am capable of taking care of her whether you believe it or not."

"Babies are a lot harder to take care of than you think. You were a handful, still are."

"I know it's going to be hard, but I know I can do it. I bet if I was with Shane and she was his baby you wouldn't have a problem, would you?"

"I wouldn't, because I know he would be there to help you."

"Oh, so you don't think Renji will be in Raina's life? Well, he will be and he'll be a damn good father! I don't why you put Shane up on a pedestal. He beat me, mother!"

"He has gotten help, Kristen."

"I realize that, but that doesn't make what he did go away. They're so many things about him you don't know. If only you knew what I knew about him."

"Well fill me in then."

"We used to party, all the time. He would always tell you we were going to the theater or something, but we would find a wild party to go to. He would buy me drinks. Let's not forget that I was 18 at this time. We used to go park somewhere and have sex in the backseat of his car. I had only dated him for a couple months before he talked me into giving him my virginity. He hated using a condom, so he went without and pulled out. But one time he was so into that he didn't pull out and he got me pregnant. Yes mom, Shane knocked me up at 18 and you never knew about it. No one did. We didn't tell anyone. He freaked out and told me he didn't want to be a father and I needed to get rid of it. I was torn as to what to do. I knew you would be so mad if you found out and at that time I actually cared what you thought. I didn't want to disappoint you and I didn't want him to leave me. So he took me and I had an abortion. I took a life. I'm a murderer!" Tears started to run down my cheeks. "I have to live with that for the rest of my life! I hate myself everyday for doing that. It was all because I didn't want you to think less of me. I got on birth control after that and Shane paid for it so it wouldn't show up on my insurance. You always held such high standards for me, standards I couldn't reach. No one could reach them. You wanted me to be perfect and I couldn't do it. I wanted so bad just to make you proud of me. It's because of you that I keep things from people. I don't want them to shun me the way you did when I told you disappointing stuff. So I keep it to myself. I was never good enough for you, never. Nothing I ever did pleased you. It's still like that. I've just stopped caring, because I realized it was pointless. I wish I wouldn't have cared so much back then because I wouldn't have had that abortion. Raina would have a brother or sister. I'm keeping Raina and I'm going to be a damn good mother! I will be nothing like you; you're a horrible mother!"

The ground began to shake as I yelled.

"How dare you say I'm not ready for a child? I love Raina and that's all that matters. She is my life and always will be. I'll never give her impossible standards to live up to! I'll be proud of her no matter what she does! I'll always protect her!" I continued.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" She asked, frightened.

I was so emotionally unstable and angry right now. Unmei was going to come out and I couldn't stop her. Then I felt someone touch my shoulder. The ground stopped shaking and Unmei was stopped. It was Renji. My mother just looked at me for a minute.

She smoothed out her outfit and said, "I'm going to see if anyway else felt that earthquake." She walked off.

My mouth dropped. How could she just walk off after everything I just said to her? It was like I didn't even say that stuff. Could she not get it through her narrow mind or something? I was stunned. I stood there for a second trying to compose myself.

"I don't believe this." I said before running upstairs to my room.

I used my powers to slam the door shut and lock it. I burst into tears as soon as the door closed. I could still remember the night me and Shane found out I was pregnant.

Flashback

"So what does it say?" Shane asked.

He was referring to the early pregnancy test I just took.

"I don't yet. We got to wait." I said.

The 5 minutes we had to wait seemed like an eternity.

"Ok, it's been 5 minutes." I said picking up the test.

"Finally, what does it say?"

I looked at the test and it was positive. My heart sank. My mother was going to kill me. She would be so disappointed.

"Kristen?" Shane said getting my attention.

"I'm sorry. It's positive."

Shane looked pretty upset. I didn't say anything. I just sat down on his bed. He paced around his room for a second.

"You can't have this baby, Kristen." He finally said.

"What?"

"You're just 18, what kind of mother do you think could you possibly be for this kid?"

"I think I would be a good mother."

"Seriously? I don't."

I just looked at him.

"I can't be a father right now. I have too much to look forward to and a kid would ruin it all." Shane said.

I began to cry.

"Besides, we've only been together a couple months. Who's to say that we will even make it?" He continued.

"How could say all this? What do you expect me to do?"

"I want you to have an abortion."

"I don't believe this. You said you loved me and that I should let you be my first. Now you say that you don't even know if we'll make it. You want me to kill my own baby? What kind of person are you? You're definitely not the guy I thought you were."

I ran out of his room, crying and left. I balled the whole way home. When I got home, I dried my tears and fixed my make up before going inside. I didn't want my mother to see me like this. I didn't sleep well at all that night.

Shane came to see me the next day. He wanted to take me out for a drive, since it was a nice pretty day. I hesitated at first, but he said that he was sorry and that we needed to talk. So we drove out into the country and parked somewhere to talk.

"I do love you, Kristen. I was just upset yesterday. I'm sorry." He said.

"I love you too. It's ok. It's a lot to take in."

"Look, I believe we're going to make it. I think we'll get married and have lots of children. I think a baby now would mess up our relationship. We haven't been together that long. A baby would put a strain on it. You want to be with me, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Then I think you should have an abortion. You mother would be so mad and ashamed if you had this baby. You would be letting her down."

I thought about how much I wanted my mother to be proud of me. She would hate me forever if I had this baby. Her opinion mattered so much to me. Then I looked at Shane. I wanted to be with him always. Maybe he was right.

"Ok." I said.

He stroked my cheek. "You're making the right decision."

End flashback.

Shane manipulated me into doing that. I can see that now. I should have been stronger. I shouldn't have cared so about what my mother thought either, but I was young and naïve. I remember getting it done and how I felt after. I wanted to die. I tried to make that so. I took a butt load of pills. My dad found me in my bathroom floor and got me to the hospital in time. The doctors said I was lucky. If he had found me any later then it would have been too late. I never would tell them why I wanted to die. They made me go to counseling, but I wouldn't tell them why. I eventually got better on my own, but it still hurts.

I looked down at my bump and rubbed it. "Mommy loves you, Raina. Never forget that."

She moved and I felt this ease like she understood what I meant and she loved me too.

All of a sudden I got this pain in my stomach. I screamed out.

"Kristen, are you ok?" I heard Renji say from the other side of the door.

I used my powers to unlock and open the door. He ran to my side.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"My stomach, it hurts. I don't think I can even walk."

He picked me up. "I think I need to get you to a doctor."

He took me downstairs and everyone asked what was wrong . I think he intended on taking me to see Captain Unohana, but since my family saw us plans changed. Grandpa said he would drive. Renji put me in the backseat of the SUV and got back there with me. Nana was going to get everyone out of the house and then come. Grimmjow looked scared to death. I heard Nana tell him that he could ride with her.

When we got to the hospital, Renji got me a wheelchair. I wasn't going to be walking in this kind of pain. They asked me all kinds of dumb questions like do you smoke, drink, or do drugs? Of course not lady! I'm flipping pregnant!

"When did the pain start?" The lady asked.

"Not too long ago. I came as soon as I started feeling it. Maybe 30 minutes ago."

"How severe is it?"

"Pretty damn severe, she can't walk!" Renji answered for me.

Grandpa tried to comfort him. He was obviously worried. I could tell he was aggravated by them seemingly taking their sweet time.

They asked some more questions and then took my vitals. They said my blood pressure was rather high, so they took a urine sample to make sure it wasn't preeclampsia. Then they showed me to a room. Renji stayed back there with me while Grandpa went to see if Nana was here.

"If something happens to you and Raina while we're waiting, I'm going to have their heads." He said.

"Calm down. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"You can't walk because the pain is so bad! How is that fine?"

"Please hunny, just calm down."

The doctor came in and cut our conversation short. He told me that I didn't have preeclampsia. He asked me if I was stressed and I told him I was. He said I needed to relax, that everything would be fine. How could I relax? Aizen is trying to take over the world basically. He didn't know that, though. He was lucky. He did an exam to make sure I wasn't dilated or effaced. I wasn't.

"Where are you hurting?" He asked.

"The pain is in my lower stomach and back and they seem to make it difficult to breathe."

He did some other stuff and left. Then a lady came in with an Ultrasound machine and did a sonogram. Renji was amazed. This was the first time he's gotten to see Raina. I mean I showed him the pictures Unohana took of my sonogram, but it's still not the same as seeing it.

After she left, the doctor came back in and said that everything looked ok on the sonogram and the baby wasn't in distress. He said I was having round ligament pain and that it was pretty normal. Some women just have it more severe than others.

By the time we got back home, it was getting dark and I was tired. I just wanted to go to bed.

"I'm sorry we didn't get to spend much time together." I said yawning.

"It's ok. There's always tomorrow." He stroked my cheek. "I'm just glad you and Raina are ok."

"I told you we would be."

"Yea, you were right."

"I love you, Renji."

"I love you too."

"I know you're going to be a great father."

"And I know you're going to be the best mother."

I walked him to the front door and kissed him before he left.

I walked back upstairs and went to my room. After I got my pajamas on, I went to see Grimmjow. I hadn't spoken to him since before the fight with my mother. I went to his room and he was lying on his bed.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"I'm fine. I should be asking you the same thing."

"I'm fine too. You looked scared to death when I was leaving."

"I didn't know what to do. You were in pain and I wanted so bad to make it stop, but I couldn't do anything. I felt kind of helpless. I didn't like seeing you like that."

"Awww, it's sweet that you feel that way."

"Yea, I guess so."

"I'm going to get some sleep."

"Ok, goodnight."

I smiled and went to my room. Grimmjow cared so much. I know it's hard on him though. He's not used to feeling this way. But I liked that he did.

Author's note: I'ma give credit where it's due, Sosh helped me with the whole ER scene. Thanks Soshy! So you found out a little about Kris's past, watcha think? Review plz!