Authors' Note: We are so sorry! We never intended to leave you hanging that long. I was just so busy with more important things like work and school to have time to finish this chapter. We won't blame you for hating us but really don't you want to find out what happens next to Tatiana? I won't keep you long then. I'm just going to point out that this chapter is my best description so far so I'm sorry if it seems like nothing really happens this chapter. It needed to be here, so no, I did not have a choice and cutting it too short wouldn't have worked either. But next chapter is basically getting really close to the end if you know what I mean. So without stalling any longer I present to you...
Disclaimer: I don't own HP
Chapter 26
Pieces of Me
They called me Lady Tatiana. There were four of them, all quiet old and dressed in shabby black clothes. They never looked up or even talked for that matter since they first entered the room. My mother and Narcissa were called out of the room as the ladies prepared me. They pulled my hair roughly with a brush, pinning it painfully to my head as they strapped on a tight corset dress. I saw all the dresses in my closet, and strangely they were mostly all black. Everything that I had seen since also had a dark feel to it. It was as if the colour had been sucked out of the world. Even outside my large window the sky was missing its beautiful blue hue. At least I know I'm not completely crazy, I at least remember the sky is supposed to be blue.
This dress was strangely heavy for spring weather. It was hard to move with the layers weighing me down and my feet getting tangled. Worse was how I ever found these pinchy black shoes comfortable. Why else would these things be in my closet unless I put them there. Maybe if I had the time to look through my closet I would find something that sparked my memory or at least my style. I do admit that the dangerously beautiful girl starring back at me with the dark make up circling my green slit eyes did suit the dress. Now that I see the whole picture I'm starting to understand why I might've picked these clothes. Still I think I might have to ask at least for a different pair of shoes, that won't give me blisters like the ones, I can feel forming.
Turning around, I noticed that I was once again alone in my room. This time however I had a feeling like there was something missing, more than just the memories this time. I couldn't be sure what but I knew this feeling was real. At the end of my bed was a small outline in dust. There used to be some sort of box here, and it was there recently. It was most likely taken last night when I lost my memories. Someone didn't want me looking in there and putting pieces together about my old life. But who would possibly do something like that? A splash of colour caught my eye. It wasn't hard to miss in this dreary room. Striding over, I found a red leather-bound book. I looked over the strange pattern hoping that its contents would be more interesting. The book glowed bright red where my fingers tried prying open the pages. They began to burn so intensely, that I dropped the book and backed away from it. There was no way I was picking that up again, now that I look at my painfully blistering fingers.
'Are you ready Tatiana?' The hissing words came from the door. Nagini pushed open the door with her tail inviting me out. I can't remember if I had actually met a snake in the past, but I highly doubt any of them were this nice, I doubt that any of them could talk either. What do I know, oh yeah that's right, nothing.
I clenched my hands in tight fists to get the pounding of pain to stop and I followed Nagini out of my room. The hallways were long and filled with grey light from outside, but it didn't help to illuminate all the dark shadows. The insides of my fists began to sweat nervously. It isn't every day that you get to meet your father, for the first time. The question was why wasn't he there when I first lost my memory? Did he not know until now or did my mother keep him away from me. The labyrinth of hallways and stairs Nagini led me through tinged at familiarity, but that was as close as it got. There were few people in the halls, most wearing black as if this house needed to be any more ominous and dreary. Those we passed stopped and bow slightly as I walked by. I of course, looked awkwardly away not really sure what to do or make of it. I didn't feel like I should be treated like royalty, even with the name Lady Tatiana and this beautiful dress. But then again, I was on my way to get some memories back into my head.
There were two huge wooden double doors. The two men at the doors hurried to open them as we approached, making sure that the snake wouldn't have the chance to stop and stop for a snack on the way in. The room was different compared to the rest of the house. It was almost too out of place. Every curtain was drawn back letting in massive amounts of lights so there was no shadows cast on the walls or floors. It was if they tried to make it more cheerful. It all just felt fake to me. Just more lies to confuse me. People in here looked more dignified, it was easy to tell because they all wore the same forced smiles but none that reached their eyes. The only familiar face in the crowd that closed behind us was my mother's standing off to the left. I saw her take a step forwards but was immediately stopped by two men crossing their arms in front of her path. Narcissa came beside her and pulled her back, whispering something to her and pointing to the end of the hall.
Everything was just so confusing. I stopped mid stride, trying to process all of this at once. I hid my face in my hands taking a moment to at least figure out what was up and down because the room felt like it was spinning. Then inside this dead silent hall, footsteps all began at once. I looked back and noticed almost all had turned without a word, heading straight for the doors. None attempted to make eye contact as they passed. The heavy doors closed and it echoed through the now empty hall.
"I should've been more considerate, but we all just wanted to see you well and on your feet." I strange voice said from behind. I knew that I had heard it before, but that was all I remembered. Strangely, it felt like it cooled the air around me, causing the fluster that had risen to drain out of my cheeks.
"I don't know if I would call having no memory being well exactly." I said as I turned around slowly, making sure not to trip on the hem of my dress.
"Not to worry my daughter. With my help you will have everything that you need." There he was standing on the raised portion of the floor where sat two ornate looking chairs. My breath caught in my throat when I saw the face that belonged to the words that belonged to my father. His pale skin and hollowed cheeks just made his scarlet red eyes stand out even more frighteningly. This was no man, he looks more like the snake at his feet than the father he claims to be. Maybe that's why my mother kept him away from me at the beginning because she knew he would frighten me. He quickly glided towards me, his robes looking like smoke flowing behind him. "I mean you no harm." He said softly almost like a snake hissing as he opened his hands to me, offering me to take them. His tone eased my doubts, convincing me that he meant it. I gently placed one of my hands in his and pulled up the hem of my dress with the other. A smile was odd on his face, but any facial expression would without a nose, I guess. He smoothly guided me up the step and to the second chair, which I assumed was mine.
I will just have to get used to his strange appearance. He wasn't trying to hide it so he must have accepted it, just as I will have to. I blinked once and the chairs now faced each other. Was I just imagining how they were, maybe just from an old memory possibly. Of course it won't be as awkward if we would've had to turn our heads or one of us stands. "Um," I stopped right before sitting down. "Weren't the chairs the other way?" I figured I could get away with sounding unintelligent at the moment. After all I did have a pretty good excuse.
"How did you burn your fingers?" He completely ignored my question. He grabbed my other hand and placed them both in his left hand. I wasn't sure what he was doing but it all happened really fast. From out of his robes he pulled out a stick and waved it over my blistering hands. I felt my eyes widening as my fingers began to glow faintly. I made sure not to blink so I wouldn't miss anything, but right in front of my eyes the painful blisters disappeared. Not even the slightest hint that anything had happened was left, my hands were probably in better shape now than they had ever been.
"What did you just do?" I asked still looking at my hands, hoping they wouldn't turn back the moment I looked away.
"Magic." I looked at him like he was crazy. He took his wand again and waved it. A shower of silver shimmering sparks danced above my head like glitter falling from the ceiling. I gazed in awe as the tiny sparks danced around my head, bursting into tinier flecks before vanishing into nothing. "You my daughter have a very powerful blood line, full of ancient magic. You are capable of being great."
I could see the fervor in his eyes, a hunger almost. They spoke the truth. Even if his red snake slit eyes scared me, but then again mine looked just the same. It was as if his words were persuading me to believe him. I felt that he would be the one to tell me the truth; he was the only one who hadn't tried to hide anything from me. I might have to learn again of this magic blood stuff, but I had the vaguest memory of knowing about it prior. I did know it was really important to remember something about the magic, something that I should really know but the rest came up black.
"Well couldn't you just use magic or isn't there any sort of spell that could give me my memories back?" I asked wondering why I didn't think of it before. He shook his head sadly, looking at Nagini on the floor who lay comfortably at his feet.
"If there was an easy way we would've already tried it. There is one way, but it isn't a way I could consent to." I guess I already knew that, why else would they purposely want me to forget who I was?
"So I'm left with the hard way and finding out on my own." I sighed wishing my mind wasn't so blank, so empty and full of fear from the unknown.
"No, you are not alone. I'm here to help you. First tell me what you do remember." I saw a brief glance he made over my shoulder. It almost looked like a warning. I just know I would hate to be the person on the receiving end because I got chills just seeing it. He then turned his understanding gaze back to me.
"I remember the castle called Hogwarts, a green banner with a snake on it, moving pictures and a professor named Snape. That's pretty much it, sometimes I remember things if I'm reminded like mom's hug and that I think Nagini hangs out a lot at the end of my bed." I said quietly my head down hiding my ashamed face. I didn't remember anything else, not even my own father. Truth is he still scares me but I didn't want him to know that. With one of his long boney fingers he gently lifted my chin.
"I'll call for Snape and have him bring something for you. If I need to I will help you remember everything you need."
"No!" A piercing scream made my small smile vanish completely again. He shot what looked like a spell over my shoulder before I even had the chance to see who had said it. I turned and noticed my mother rising from behind one of the black robed men that was still left in the room. Why did my mother scream no? Why did he try to hit her with some sort of spell? Why would my mother not want my memories returned?
"Know your place." My father said dangerously.
"I am her mother! That is my place!" She said in the same tone. I had a strange feeling that they didn't quite get along, anymore that is. The glares that I was standing between were probably a dangerous place to be at the moment. "You have no right to fill her head with lies!" she yelled at him.
Father placed his hands on my shoulders and pulled me close to him. "You had no right to deprive me of her existence and keep her from me." He said bitterly low, but the look on my mother's face told me she heard it. What possible reason would she have kept me from my own father? And that was what she was going to do again if it hadn't been for Nagini's intervention. "Now it's my turn to raise her as my daughter." I heard the smile on his mouth when he said it; strange but wasn't everything strange to me at the moment. A look of horror struck my mother's face when he said this. She almost looked like she wanted to cry but held it in for my sake. What could be so bad for her to act like this? The way I hear it, she didn't give him the chance to be my father and now it was only fair that it be his turn. She gave me a pleading look before turning for the door. She walked a few steps towards the far doors before stopping and turning around again.
"Grant me one thing, if you wish me from telling her my truth." Father looked passive but said nothing as if allowing her to continue. "Keep her pure... she's more powerful that way."
What could that mean? Stay pure. I looked at my father but he said nothing, he didn't even meet my eye. By the time I looked back my mother was already gone. There was no word said but the remaining group left quietly. I could've sworn they all had somewhat of a smug smile on their face before dropping their eyes and turning towards the far doors. I felt myself being guided backwards by the shoulders and was gently ushered into a chair. I watched every single person leave. The last one was a lady with wild black hair and she gave me a crazed smile before shutting the doors behind her. They echoed so loudly in this quiet room I jumped in my chair. I jumped again when something touched my ankles. I breathed sigh of relief when I saw it was only Nagini. My father sat in his chair rather kingly making, it look more like a throne, a winning twinkle in his eye.
"Now, let's see what I can teach you." He said with a strange smile as he twirled his wand between his fingers.
I felt dizzy. Holding my head with my hands I rested my elbows on my knees. I don't think I could take any more information. He placed his hand on my head. I did know one thing. He was telling me the truth. Whether or not I am able to believe that I am the key to winning a war is quite another thing. I just learnt about magic and now I will have to fight in a war! He could have at least given me a day to ease me into it.
"I summoned Severus Snape for you. He'll be arriving later this evening. Why don't you go rest?" He said, attempting to soothe me I assume. I could see that he was a little new at the whole parenting because it didn't help one bit.
"How in the world am I supposed to rest, knowing that there's a war going on, that these Muggles and muggleborns are trying to steal our magic handed down by generations and that I will help you win this war?" I raised my voice exasperatedly as I paced in front of him.
"You already know how all of this, I am simply aiding your memory. You have Salazar Slytherin's blood in you, which make you very resourceful, cunning and clever. You need not worry over these terrible times, at least not for now." He stopped my pacing by capturing my hand and patting the back of it kindly. "Take Nagini and clear your head with some fresh air." He placed my hand on Nagini's head and she rubbed against it. Nodding I followed the snake. Before exiting through the doors that magically opened on their own I looked back to find my father sitting in his throne, fingertips pressed together in front of his face. He had a strange look on his face and it was almost a smile but for some reason the word cunning popped into my head, but I couldn't be sure from this distance.
He was right, the cool spring breeze felt amazing on my skin. It soothed my pounding head and pushed it to the back where it settled for just being in the background. Nagini said nothing. She kept looking up at my with some sort of glint in her eye that reminded me of how my father looked when I looked back. I tried ignoring her but it only worked for so long. The silence around this huge manor was deafening. I could barely see the end of the house let alone believe that I live in this house. Makes sense that his name is Lord Voldemort. Now I see why they were calling me Lady Tatiana. But I did have this strange feeling, this didn't feel like home to me. When I hugged my mother I knew that feeling but now I feel empty and I don't think it's just cause of the memory loss.
How long ago did I move here? I was hidden from my father so that makes sense that it doesn't feel like home yet but how long was I hidden away? More importantly why was I hidden away and separated. What reason did my mother have? I stopped dead in my tracks, clutching my head in immense pain. I closed my eyes trying to hide out the pain. So many questions, so little answers, more importantly so little chance for my questions to be answered.
'Are you alright Tatiana?' Nagini hissed softly. I shook my head not daring to speak. The pain had started to fade and I didn't want to jinx it. 'Let's head back then.' She suggested, almost urging me not to go any farther. I took in a deep breath and blinked back the sudden pain until it was again just a headache. Truthfully, I wanted a little more time before being given a new memory. No matter how persuasive he sounds, I still can't be sure what the truth is. Plus I wanted to see if in fact she was trying to hide something on the right side of the house.
"No, I think I'm alright now." I told her as I stepped over her. Lightning fast she slithered directly in front of my path, showing me her fangs.
'It would be best not to continue any farther. Mas... your father doesn't want you to run into anyone. It might just confuse you even more. Plus you don't remember the way back and you might get lost trying to find your way back.' I heard her change to a softer tone. Unfortunately she was right. I didn't need any more confusion. If my head just hurt thinking about a few questions, what would happen if I ran into someone or tried finding my way through this huge house? I picked up my skirt again and followed her obediently. Timing would be the only way to find out what was in the right wing that they didn't want me to find out.
I sat alone in my room. Not even Nagini sat with me as I wasted hours. It felt more like a prison, if you ask me. They put me the farthest away they could just to keep me even more out of the loop. The only visitor I had was this tiny little creature that popped in laid a tray of food on my table and popped out again. The only thing I had to occupy myself was the large dull books that I assumed were from school. I tried my best to read at least some of them but it was pointless without having a wand. Of course where I had put it last, or if I even had one, was part of the memory I had lost.
Lying on my back with my head over the edge of my bed didn't help me come up with a new memory either. All it did was allow me to pass a few minutes more of my time. But something wasn't right. This wasn't a memory; it was one that I had made in the last day. Where was the red book? I rolled over, seeing if my eyes were just playing tricks on me. The burning feeling was still fresh in my mind and I know for a fact that I didn't pick it up afterwards. Maybe it was the same person who took the trunk from the bottom of my bed, just so I wouldn't remember something. But in the pit of my stomach, I felt that someone had come just for that book, someone who knew how to open it. Who that someone was I didn't know, but if they know how to open it, the one thing that I was more or less allowed to keep, they might also know who I truly am.
I doubt that there has ever been a house this quiet. Something had happened while I was in my room, that or something was about to happen. I could feel it by the chills that ran down my spine as I stepped out of my room. When Nagini came to get me again, I was relieved, but the hush over the house was very unsettling. The only sound I could hear was my own footsteps that echoed loudly through the halls making everyone we passed stop their quiet whispering and stare. You could probably hear a mouse squeak all the way on the other side of the house.
There were once again a crowd of dark robed people in the room. Hums of low voices diminished as the heavy double doors shut loudly. Several took a few steps back giving me extra room as I passed by. The crowd parted to the sides of the hall until there were only two people left. I turned back once and as before they all exited the room without another word. One was my father who stood up smoothly out of his chair gesturing me to take mine beside him, the other was a man dressed completely in black who sparked my memory. As I grew closer I could remember his face from memories that started jumping to the surface. He only ever wears black, and that same unimpressed expression. But for some reason Professor Snape was my favorite teacher at Hogwarts and I had spent hours practicing seeing if I would get a raised eyebrow of approval out of him if I got a spell perfect.
I kept my eyes on him as I turned and sat down on my chair. In his emotionless face, there was a small hint of pity in his eye. Something that I know he has never shown me before. "Why is it that you are the only person I remember?" I asked him wondering what else he might know.
"You were the only student I ever took on privately. But then again, memory charms are tricky, usually only meant to take away part of a memory. Of course I already told you something like that." Like what? He murmured the last part. His eyes had met my father's making him stop talking. I could tell that he wanted to say more.
"I've asked Severus here because of his expertise in potions. He has made a potion that may get your memories back." My father explained. My brow furrowed. I don't remember him teaching potions at school though. Maybe he wanted to bring Snape just because he was the only person I actually remembered without external influences.
"What do you mean 'may'?" I asked pointedly. It was Snape who answered this time.
"The only way we know to successfully retrieve memories is through torture." Snape said, his even voice slipping a bit and I breathed in horrified. I looked at my father but he remained stone set. Snape took a vial out of from inside his robes. It was filled with a dark liquid, which sloshed around in the small container. "I wish I was never involved with this." He murmured under his breath.
"Wait!" I exclaimed suddenly. "Are you going to torture me?" I pulled back into my chair.
"Only if you want me to." He said sadly. Slowly, I got out of my chair and stepped towards him. I could see in his eyes a deep pain broiling from the inside.
"What do you mean?" I asked him seriously. He sighed quietly.
"I was asked to make this by your father. It will be painful, as if your mind were to explode. It won't cause you any physical damage, but if you can't find a way to fight it, it could be dangerous and could also make you vulnerable." I stared at the tiny vial in his hand wondering how on earth that little bottle could do something like that. But why would my father ask him to make if he knew that it was going to hurt me.
"I still don't understand why I you said it is my choice."
"You will have to find a way to fight it. Find the strength if you want to get some of your memories. I cannot promise all of your memories but at least some."
"That's the thing, I don't know I if have the strength or not." I shyly said the truth to him.
"I wouldn't have made this potion if I didn't think you did. You'll find a way." He opened his hand to me, the terrifying vial inches within my grasps. I looked between Snape's wearied eyes and my father's red ones. Must be my subconscious, but I could've sworn I heard someone say 'take it'. With a shaky hand I grabbed the vial from him. I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes as I opened the vial. Before I could convince myself otherwise I down the potion. Tasting like metal, it slid down my throat. It was like acid, feeling like it was burning my insides. My heart began racing faster and faster. I could feel the pain starting to rise. My legs were the first to give out on me and I crumpled to the ground. The fire started blazing in my head making my blood boil and cause me to shake uncontrollably. I clawed at my head, trying to get it out. A high pitch scream left my lips as it felt like someone was drilling through my skull.
"Please! Make it stop!" I clutched to something. I couldn't open my eyes; I couldn't not unless I wanted to die. Death would be painless compare to this.
"Fight it Tatiana." Someone said softly and I felt something cool touch my forehead. "This is an illusion. This is not real; I told you it's only in your mind. The pain will stop if you keep fighting. You may be the most reckless, irresponsible, foolish student I have ever taught, but you are the strongest by far. This is nothing compared to what true pain is and you have faced that before. That strength never left you, it's still in there for you to find."
I could see the grey haze forming on the corners of my mind. The voice provided me with a wall. The pain was still there, still white-hot as if knives were piercing every inch of my skin. But it was enough to stop me from screaming. I couldn't stop my body from shaking spastically, though my head never felt the hard stone ground. I whimpered quietly as I felt tears running off my cheeks, behind my ears. I welcomed the empty feeling the haze brought with it. Any sort of relief would be welcomed from this pain. A pain that wasn't the one Snape was talking about but I knew for a fact that I had felt it before.
Authors' Note: OMG what is going to happen next? Any guesses? I just love Snape! I just hate that we will be killing him off like JK did in the book. I actually cried when I remembered it. Anyways, I'm not sure if we're going to have a Draco POV before the final battle but I don't think it's that important... we like Tatiana just might not know what he's up to. Also I'm getting excited about the end, I just hope I have enough time to write fast enough for you guys. I know we don't really deserve it after making you wait forever for an update but maybe we could ask for some review? Just maybe? Thank you to all who do, we just love you guys so much and we feel terrible for not having the chapter ready fast enough. You guys know the drill... questions? Ideas even? Tell us to hurry up next time... leave it in a review please!
Love, C & M
xXMizz Alec VolturiXx- Not sure yet if we get to see what's Draco up to. But you'll have to wait until next chapter sadly to see what memories she has now. Thanks for the review!
BlackRose- Well thanks for the two reviews! Helps with our numbers =], Sorry it took so long to update. I actually have her entire future planned out but I'm not sure if I'm going to write another story or maybe just a really long epilogue. The story will be completely concluded in some way so don't you worry.
Porsha- NO problem... it's kind of my way of coaxing more people to review. Who wouldn't want to have their name some way in the chapter? Actually I'll let you in on a little secret... she actually doesn't get her memory back for a while, won't tell you anymore just to keep you in suspense. Thanks so much for the review!
Nadia Leigh- I did miss the lack of enthusiasm coming from you. What was I thinking? That this would be what I/ my readers would hate the most, thus making them unable to stop reading (of course with my late updates it doesn't work as well I would like). Thanks so much for the review!
Tasha- your pretty much on the right path, but that's all I'm going to say. And I'm sorry that I didn't post last night like I said I would... someone turned off my internet so I couldn't finish replying to the reviews. Thanks for the review!
Guest- (leave your name next time so you know this is for you... even a pseudonym). Sorry about the long wait though, hopefully you didn't die completely of being deprived of this story because then you wouldn't be able to read what happens next. Thanks so much for the review!