Zero Tolerance
"Helena, please….," Myka tried again, but the Brit whipped her arm away from Myka's gentle touch. She didn't say a word, but her facial expression was loud and clear. Helena had been blindsided.
Helena walked out of the room, and Myka took a deep breath, the word – 'stupid' – continuously repeated in her head. Myka followed Helena into the large entryway, but it seemed Helena didn't know where to go. In her own home, and she didn't know where to go. Finally, she moved toward the door to the basement.
"Helena, please - I'm so sorry," Myka said again of her ill-chosen words. Helena simply closed the door behind her and locked it. Myka banged her head gently against the door. "I'm sorry, Helena," but there was still no response. "Dammit!" Myka yelled and put her hand on the glass plate that usually recognized her hand print and allowed her in.
Now it refused - locking her out, much the same way Helena was.
Myka paced the floor wondering what to do. She didn't mean for the conversation to go awry. She really had planned on coming home and telling Helena how much she missed her and how she loved her and how she drove her crazy with desire. Somewhere in that planning, her feelings of elation left the door open and other feelings tagged along for the ride. They weren't silent passengers. They questioned how come Helena hadn't told Myka things and begged the question – did that mean something? Was Helena only going to share the convenient things and keep secrets to herself? When Bridget wondered what kind of mother Helena would make, Myka wanted to scream she was a mother and suffered an unimaginable loss, but she couldn't. In spite of being in the spotlight with Helena, she could not tell anyone about her. Myka accepted that – but realized – even if she could – there was so much about Helena she didn't know. What was it like to have a daughter? Did she play with Christina? Who was she named after?
It was as if Myka's feelings of missing and loving Helena brought her to the precipice and she realized for the first time, the gaps in their connection.
Myka felt her heart as if to check if it was still beating. It was pounding, but she still couldn't tell where Helena was, she couldn't feel her the way she could before. Helena had shut down – not just her feelings, but their connection. That scared Myka most of all. Suppose she couldn't get it back? She rushed at the door and banged on it. "Helena, please….," Myka tried, but there was nothing.
Then Myka thought about what Helena could be doing. Where would Helena go? Myka knew the answer immediately. She would go to Irene and probably took the transit system there. Myka found her phone on the hallway table and dialed Irene. A very tired woman answered the phone.
"Is everything okay?" Irene asked, because Myka rarely called, especially at this hour.
"Irene….," Myka said and the rest of her words got stuck behind the lump in her throat.
"Is Helena okay?" Irene asked, sitting up straight in her chair. She had said good night to the two body guards a little while ago and was reading in her room.
"We…had words. I said some really terrible things. Irene….," Myka said between soft sobs.
"It's okay Myka," Irene comforted her. "I'm sure Helena will be okay once she calms down." Irene was surprised this didn't happen more often given Helena's temper, but had come to appreciate the calming effect Myka had on the Brit.
"Irene…I …..can't …..feel her …..we're not connected," Myka said and the tears cascaded down her cheeks and her throat ached from the words.
Irene had only inkling about what this meant – and it wasn't good.
"Myka, where is Helena?" Irene asked, pushing her feet back into the slippers.
"She went into the basement. She won't let me in," Myka said. "I thought maybe she was on her way to you."
Irene knew if Helena needed anything right now it was to get her anger out or cry. She would only do either of those with her, if Myka wasn't available.
"She just needs time to calm down, Myka. I'm sure she'll be fine and will be back," Irene said, trying to sound convincing.
"I need her to accept my apology. I didn't mean for any of it to come out that way," Myka started to confess.
"I'm sure you didn't and Helena will understand that, Myka," Irene assured her.
"I'm worried," Myka said.
Irene was, too. A disruption in their Oneness is what concerned Irene the most. She knew theirs was more intense than anything she had shared with Helena. She knew that it was driven by an emotional connection that was sustained by both people's desire. You had to want to be connected. If Myka couldn't sense Helena inside, Helena had shut down.
And that was never a good thing.
"Let me go downstairs and I'll call you back," Irene said, hoping the Brit was sitting in her living room.
Irene hung up and went to the floor below, but the house was quiet. She looked through the lace curtains on her living room window hoping Helena would be there. Then Irene remembered her house guests and worried Helena would not come with them there. So Irene had to start thinking of where else Helena might go.
Irene paced the floor, much as Myka was doing back in the townhouse. Myka couldn't wait though. She had to find Helena. Every minute of feeling disconnected was agony for her.
This is what it felt like to be truly alone in the world. Her concern became tinged with anger. How dare Helena cut her off like this? Didn't she realize how much pain this caused? Maybe she didn't. Myka would give her the benefit of the doubt. For now.
Myka used that anger to bang on the door again, but there was nothing. She didn't think Helena would ignore her pleas, so she decided Helena left. Now she had to find her.
Myka went to grab her coat and looked upstairs. A terrible thought crossed her mind and she dashed up them, taking the steps two at a time. She rushed to the door that housed the Time Machine and listened, the entire time begging 'no, no, no' in a small voice. Silence. She sighed her relief knowing there was no way to use the machine without some audible detection.
No one could just disappear anymore. Even Helena could be tracked – electronically. Myka needed Claudia. She was going to have to admit that she pushed Helena too far and ask for help. She put on her coat and headed to Irene's, texting Claudia. Within seconds, the IT Director was on the phone with Myka. When did she last have contact with Helena? Did Helena have her phone? No I don't have any visual of her underground system yet. Let me check some surveillance cameras at the house.
The cab got Myka to Irene's in thirty minutes and she spent all that time texting Helena or trying her cell. The taxi driver didn't realize who his passenger was and dropped her off without putting it together.
"I had him drive through the park in case she went for a run," Myka said as she sat down in Irene's living room. Claudia was there now with her laptop opened.
Myka looked at Eileen when she asked – "Do you know where she is?" Irene knew what Myka meant by that question. She was afraid that Helena's Oneness had shifted to her own flesh and blood.
"No, I have no idea," Eileen said, sitting down in an oversized easy chair to think.
"Sonova…," Claudia started, but stopped short. "She's changed everything. The cameras were offline, the security codes have been changed and …,' Claudia said as she furiously typed passwords and codes. "She's hacked the system, son of a ….."
"This is all my fault," Myka said, looking directly at Irene.
"Now Myka, she'll be okay. She's upset," Irene said. Myka looked at the older woman. As hard as Irene tried to sound reassuring, her demeanor said she was very worried.
Irene was used to Helena's temper tantrums, the worst of which were all before Myka. This was different. If she was shutting down from Myka – she was untethered from what grounded her and anything was possible.
"Shut down the labs," Irene said to Claudia. "Recode them if you have to. Eileen, get Mr. Lattimer on the phone and tell him what's going on."
"What is going on?" Eileen asked to be sure.
"She is not going to like that," Claudia said, knowing her boss well.
"Do it," Irene said, and Claudia's head snapped back down and she reprogrammed security codes to the labs at Wells Corp.
Irene couldn't share what she knew about certain projects and was afraid Helena, in a fit, would compromise things. For the next hour, Claudia checked everywhere that any one of them could think Helena might go. There was no one at the office, no entry at the Penthouse, she hadn't returned to the townhouse. Pete and Steve were out driving around Manhattan, looking for their boss. Finally, Irene told Claudia to leave her laptop and go back to bed with Eileen. They wouldn't find Helena if she didn't want to be found, and right now, she didn't want them to.
"I don't like this," Myka said, unable to sit down and after the pseudo body guards went back to bed.
"Myka, there is bound to be discord in every relationship. Coming through it - as I have no doubt you and Helena will, will only make your connection stronger," Irene said, gently patting Myka's hand. "We'll wait here until we hear from her."
Irene went to the closet and pulled out a blanket and insisted Myka sit down in the recliner chair. Myka went through the whole evening, telling Irene what happened and how much she regretted her words. Irene understood what was really bothering Myka – and how hard Helena's circumstances made it. Reconciling that was hard.
Myka talked until she couldn't say it all again, wearing herself out. At three in the morning, Myka finally gave into the exhaustion and closed her eyes.
No one had heard anything from Helena.
Irene sat there staring out the window wondering where Helena would go when she felt this way. She wasn't sure she had the answer, but she went upstairs, got dressed, and called a taxi. The only sound in the quiet residential neighborhood was the dull thud of the door closing as Irene told the driver to take her to Wells Corp in Times Square. Thirty minutes later, as neon lights scrolled and flickered, Irene said hello to the night security guard. She didn't bother asking if he had seen Helena because she knew if the woman was here, she wouldn't have come through the front door. Claudia would have been able to detect her presence through the normal channels. Irene made her way up to the 17th floor and knocked on Helena's door and went in.
There behind the large desk sat the woman who was trying to close herself off from the world and lick her wounds. Myka might have guessed as well that Helena would return here, but Irene had only one advantage over Myka for the time being. She had a history with Helena and had seen her struggle with acclimating back into the world – and when things didn't go her way – this is where she retreated to.
There was another reason Irene didn't wake Myka to come with her. She knew Helena needed to get her anger out – and she didn't want Myka to bear the brunt of that. She, on the other hand, had been down this road with Helena before when something upset her.
Plus she was sporting a brand new heart.
Helena didn't seem surprised to see the HR Director in her doorway. She glared her warning, but Irene walked to the chair in front of the desk and sat down anyway. Irene even pushed the Newton's Cradle closer in case that would help. Helena continued to pound keys on her keyboard as she drafted directives about projects and policies.
"Are you okay?" Irene asked not sitting all the way back in her chair.
"I am perfectly fine. You, on the other hand, do not look well," Helena said without looking at her.
"Myka is worried sick, Helena," Irene said and saw Helena clench her jaw and blink slowly.
"Then return with the message that I am okay," Helena said as if they were discussing business.
Irene had to be very careful now. Pushing Helena even gently could backfire when she was hurt. If Helena could block out Myka, she could detach from anyone. Irene had to go easy.
"Do you want to talk about it?" was met with a resounding 'no'. Suggestions that it would be better to talk about it were swatted away like flies. Helena knew exactly what Irene was doing. This was the woman's modus operandi that she used to get Helena to talk about her feelings. Helena was having none of that. She was hurt, closed off and that was that.
Myka woke up with a start. She had no intention of falling asleep and cursed herself for not being more alert. She looked to the spot where Irene had been sitting and saw the teacup still here, still warm. She looked at the doorway and saw a coat missing from the closet – her eidetic memory finally helping out. Now she felt the frustration mount as two people were missing.
How could Irene know where to look for Helena and not Myka? Where would Helena go? Where would Helena feel safe? She gently pounded the heel of her palm on her forehead in an effort to make herself think.
And then she knew and was calling a cab to take her into the City.
"You should be home resting and not gallivanting around the City," Helena chastised her friend.
"Your babysitters are sound asleep by the way," Irene said, trying to ease into a conversation.
"Then I shall fire them, " Helena said - her eyes still locked on the screen.
"Don't be ridiculous," Irene slipped and an icy glare shot her way. "Fine, fire them. Fire all of us," Irene said because she was tired of hitting her head against the brick wall that was Helena.
And then Irene lost it.
"Oh Helena, when will you learn?" Irene said, gently pounding her clenched fist on the desk.
And that did it. If Irene had been rested, not aggravated at having uninvited guests or not worried about what Helena was doing, she would have chosen her words more carefully. And that was all it took.
"You listen to me," Helena said, rising from her chair and leaning over looking down at Irene. "I have learned a great deal. You madam, told me to play nice, fight fair, be open to things, stop acting like a child and I did those things. I learned to apologize, I learned to think before acting, to be considerate of others' feelings. And look at what happened. You got sick scaring the life out of me and Myka is not pleased with me," Helena said, and the more she spoke, the angrier she got.
"I am sorry I scared you," Irene asked calmly.
"Do you see what happens when people think I am soft? They try to buy off my employees. Employees think I am available for the beck and call, and Myka feels I do not trust her because I refuse to share the darkest parts of my soul with her. I do not need a One, " Helena said, seething. "I need me!"
Helena crossed her arms and turned away, unable to look at Irene as emotions pushed at her. She was surprised at how quickly she felt the cutoff with Myka and it scared her. But she was hurt, angry and incredibly stubborn – the trifecta of poor decision making. She stood there hearing the sound of her own jagged breathing and waited. She was ready to pounce on the next syllable Irene uttered.
Irene looked at Helena, trying to decide what to do next for her. This wasn't Helena frustrated or impatient – this was Helena hurt. Irene decided to speak to Helena from her heart.
"You're right," Irene said, getting up from her chair.
"What do you mean..?" Helena jumped before she realized what the words were.
"I asked you to do all those things, Helena, and you did them," Irene said, coming around the desk. "You have come so far, Helena, and I am sorry. I am sorry I scared you and I'm sorry Myka wanted more from you. I think sometimes I forget you have your limits, Helena, because you seem so limitless to me. You deserve better from me," Irene said and pulled the stiff bodied Brit to her and hugged her.
Helena remained silent.
"Talk to her, Helena," Irene said about the true source of Helena's pain. "She is so worried about you."
"I …cannot tell her," Helena said, pulling away gently and looking out the window.
"You can tell me anything," Myka said from the door. "Or nothing."
Irene turned to see Myka there and heard the small gasp from Helena because she was not prepared. Myka crossed the room slowly, as Irene moved away to make room.
"Helena, I am so sorry. Please forgive me," Myka said, continuing to close the distance between them. "I was scared Helena, but tonight taught me what I really fear. And that is losing you. Please come back to me," Myka said and stopped in front of Helena. "I am so sorry," Myka whispered through soft tears.
"Do you know why I came here, Myka?" Helena asked, but didn't move. "Because this office is mine. I built this – all of this. The last time I had a stroke of genius, I gave it away and spent years mourning its loss – until I found out what true loss was. I lost my child. I failed Christina, Myka. I failed her. And when she died, my heart broke, but a piece of my soul went with her. We are not meant to live without souls, Myka. It drives us insane and that is what happened to me. I lost all sense of reality as I searched for answers, ways to bring her back to me. And when I couldn't - I resorted to using my skills to hurt the people who hurt her. I did it then, and I would do it again. And worse than knowing what I am, is living with the fact that I didn't protect Christina. My job was to protect, and I didn't do that. And you want me to share that with you? Why would I share that darkness with you?" Helena said, angry, hurt, confused, and scared.
"Because I didn't want you to be alone with it," Myka said, and fell on her knees in front of Helena. "Because I want all of you, not just your intellect and kind heart. Not just Helena who saves the world, one person at a time. I want all of you, Helena. I don't want any part of you to be alone in this world, ever again," Myka said, in front of Helena.
Irene had walked slowly out of the room, but waited to hear Helena's response.
"Thank you, Myka," Helena said, pulling Myka to stand up. "From the bottom of my heart, thank you." She leaned in and kissed Myka as if they had been separated for weeks. "I thought I was protecting you, but I think I was protecting myself."
"How?" Myka asked.
Helena took Myka's hand and they sat down on the couch, their knees very close. "Myka, I never looked in anyone's eyes for my reflection. I always knew who and what I was. But then you came into my life. And I started to look into your eyes and saw myself. You see the best in me Myka, and for the first time in my life, I liked my reflection. I was that kind, caring person I had once been. You resurrected all the good in me, Myka. I didn't want that image spoiled by sharing all the rest. And even when I told you some of it, I still could look in your eyes and see how much you loved me. I never want to lose that, Myka," Helena said and bowed her head.
"Helena, please listen to me. There is nothing you can do, nothing you can tell me that will ever change how much I love you. Your past never mattered to me because I love the person you are no matter what. Always trust that, Helena. I love all of you," Myka said and put her hand on Helena's heart.
Helena put her hand over Myka's and held it in place. Then - Myka felt the surge of energy that flowed through her hand into her own body.
And just like that – Myka was reconnected to Helena.
Outside in the waiting area, a very tired Mrs. Frederic sighed her relief as she sat on the couch. She texted Claudia and told her where they were and that everything was okay. It was Saturday morning, and no one would be coming up to the 17th floor. Irene took her coat and folded it over and placed it behind her head as she lay down on the couch – exhausted from the early morning activities.
"I don't care if I do have a new heart, I am too old for all of this," the woman said as she closed her eyes and smiled the broadest smile.
Thank you for reading along. It's always appreciated as are your reviews, PM's and thoughts.