When the Storm Breaks
By Hazelmist
A/N: PREVIOUSLY ON WHEN THE STORM BREAKS: A few little things mentioned in earlier chapters might be important in the near future. In Ch.21 Alec had a major episode while watching Fred for Ellie (so that she could go on her interview) and Tom found him. Tom and Alec then had a little disagreement about WHY Tom skipped school and there was some manipulation and a secret pact. A book found in Ch.14 and an implied trigger was referenced in that chapter as well. In Ch. 23 Alec got some bad news from his doctor, Marty, and went back to Broadchurch instead of to their Aunt Iris'. Alec then lied to Ellie and gave himself 5 days to say goodbye. Oh, and SPOILER ALERT: Alec and Ellie sort of like each other A LOT, lol.
Thank you for the feedback and the bribes and the pleas you made for Alec's life! I'm taking it all into consideration and seriously considering shipping Alec off to New England instead… Kidding! I hope this chapter makes up for the end of the last one!
Dear SEA, it's going to be a very long drive, but no matter how many of your crappy mix CDs we listen to or how high we turn up the volume it still can't drown out the fact that you'll never be there waiting for us when we come home.
Chapter 26: Lightning
Ellie took the long way home. The errands hadn't taken much time, but she'd decided to take advantage of Alec's presence in her home and gone to Edgewood to tie up some loose ends required for the move and the possible new job. In spite of Alec doing everything in his power to make sure that his DS got suspension with pay and cleared of any charges that could've been made after it came to light that her husband had murdered Danny, Ellie had to undergo a lengthier background check and a lot more paperwork before she could be officially offered the job. Once again, Ellie had to wonder what exactly Alec had done that had earned Worthington's respect and made the tight-lipped DI even consider Ellie for the job, let alone go through the complicated process of getting her hired.
She'd texted Alec and he'd texted her back that Fred was asleep, Tom had come home, and that they were fine. Ellie didn't know why she didn't rush home. Maybe, she liked the fact that she had some time to think without having to worry about a busy toddler, a growing teenager, and a moronic man that took care of her and her boys but didn't seem to care about his own wellbeing.
Ellie wasn't an idiot. Although it was frustrating, it made sense that Alec wouldn't get the results until Monday and that a date for a pacemaker wouldn't be set until then, but there was something that he wasn't telling her. She knew he was scared he wouldn't survive the operation and that she'd probably have to drag him to the hospital, if that woman Alec was avoiding didn't do it herself. Ellie knew from the way that Iris looked at Alec in the restaurant and the way that Alec vehemently defended her, that Alec and Iris did love each other, but Alec was putting off visiting her and acting like she'd keep him in a cage. Ellie couldn't understand why. His behavior earlier had confused her too. They still hadn't discussed whether they were going to tell her sons that they were in a relationship, if you could even call it that. Every time she took a step forward, Alec seemed to take a step back. But that didn't explain why he'd been so paranoid about Fred. Or why when he kissed her he'd acted like he'd lost control of a careening vehicle, although he'd had no trouble at all kissing and touching her over the past few days. The way he kissed her earlier had been different, but that still didn't explain his horrified reaction. She brooded over it for most of the ride home, even though she told herself that she was going to take a few minutes not to worry about any of them.
It was dark by the time she hit Broadchurch and drove the familiar winding road that passed over the cliffs. That was when she remembered Alec's fear of the ocean. Now, she felt like a complete arse for teasing him. Quietly, she slipped into the house with an apology on her lips, but the sound of raised voices in the kitchen made her pause.
"I said I would, didn't I?" The thickening of Alec's Scottish accent betrayed his ire. "But you're going to have to trust me unless you can come up with something better than that." She was surprised when her son's changing voice answered him.
"Well, you could always tell her-" Tom dropped his voice so that she couldn't hear him. Apparently, she wasn't the only one.
"What?" Alec asked, forcing Tom to repeat something in a voice still too muffled for her to understand. Whatever it was, it left Alec at a loss for words. After a long moment, he coughed and cleared his throat.
"Tom, I think that's something that you might want to talk to your mother about."
Tom muttered a response that was once again too low even for Ellie's sharp ears. She toed off her shoes and crept closer.
"I'm not going to tell her about that," Alec snapped and then checked his temper, continuing in a calmer voice, "But I still think that you need to talk to her."
"You can't tell her!" Tom's voice cracked. "You swore you wouldn't." Ellie walked in just in time to see Alec lean back in his chair and drag his hands down his face.
"God, Tom, do you have any idea-"
Tom kicked him under the table. Alec jerked up and noticed Ellie standing in the doorway. They both stared at her as if they were immensely guilty of something.
"What's going on?" she asked, looking from one to the other. Alec glanced at Tom. Her son's face turned crimson and he ducked his head.
"I'm going to bed," Tom announced. He tried to rush out of the kitchen, but Ellie caught him before he could escape. Behind Tom, Alec silently shook his head at her and mouthed, "Don't ask". Ellie was suddenly struck again by the little reminders that Alec had been a father and a husband once. She hesitated, not sure if she could trust Alec or her son at the moment, but reluctantly kissed Tom's cheek and tousled his hair.
"Goodnight, sweetheart," she said, letting him go. "I love you," she called after him as he dashed up the stairs. She thought she heard a "Love you too" before the door of his bedroom clicked shut.
Ellie whipped around to glare at Alec. If he didn't tell her she was going to sit them both down for an interrogation that they'd never forget.
"You better have a really good explanation for that," she hissed.
"Will you at least give him five minutes to go to sleep before you start yelling at me and he hears us?" Alec hissed back.
Ellie scowled at him, but she knew he was right. It was hard to believe that it had been almost a year since she'd lost her partner. Over the last five months, she and Alec had spent a lot of time together, and during that time she'd gotten a few glimpses of that side of him. But it was still strange for her to see Alec in that role and that she was even considering him as her partner. Ellie froze halfway to the table.
"What?" he barked at her. He had his forearms folded on the table and his untidy hair falling into his eyes. "What?" When she didn't answer, he pushed his bangs off of his forehead before she could do it for him, and nervously eyed the doorway. "Look, I'll tell you everything just sit down for a minute and eat something," he whispered and gestured to the chair next to him that Tom had vacated.
She sat down and discovered that the table was covered in takeaway boxes. Alec pushed three of them toward her along with plastic utensils, a bottled water, and some paper napkins.
"How much food did you get?" she asked, her jaw dropping at the stack of takeaway boxes.
"Don't look at me," Alec said, holding up a palm. "Tom's the one that ordered. I only paid for it."
"It must've cost you a fortune." Ellie counted a pizza box and seven takeaway containers for two adults, a teenager and a toddler.
"I didn't ask," Alec said flippantly. "Don't really want to know."
"Was this necessary?" Ellie asked, pointing to the three boxes that were apparently saved for her. Alec rubbed at the nape of his neck.
"I didn't know what you wanted," he admitted sheepishly as she started opening the boxes. "There's more if you want, but Tom and Fred already took a bite out of or ate half of the rest of that stuff. I had to stop them from getting into everything."
Ellie recalled that night so long ago, when he'd shown up on the doorstep of her last home bearing flowers, wine and chocolates. He seemed almost as anxious now as he had been then. She wanted to tell him that he didn't have to be, not with her, but she didn't know how.
"You don't like any of that stuff?" He was bewildered. "Tom said you did, and I know I've seen you eat fish and chips, but if you don't want it I can get you something else." He snatched one of boxes but Ellie stayed him with a hand on his arm.
"Fish and chips are fine," she assured him.
"Then why aren't you eating it?" he snapped.
"Have you eaten?" she snapped back at him and followed his eyes to an open box of some sort of salad that looked like it'd barely been touched. Ellie passed him a plastic fork. "Eat," she ordered him. Alec sighed, but accepted the fork and reluctantly tugged the takeaway box toward him.
They passed the next fifteen minutes in silence. Ellie was consciously aware of how much time passed and how much Alec ate. When he'd cleared half the box, Ellie was satisfied enough to bring it up.
"So, what's going on between you and Tom?" she asked softly, nibbling on the last of her chips.
Alec toyed with his fork as he swallowed another bite. Ellie waited, but her patience had been stretched too thin. She smacked his arm and caught a flash of that guilt before that blank stare settled on her.
"What did Tom have to talk to me about?" she demanded. "He was mumbling and I couldn't hear-"
"Oh, that." Alec tossed his fork into the styrofoam container and wheezed a laugh.
"What's so funny?" she asked him, shoving her empty box aside so that she could fold her arms on the table.
"You have to swear not to say anything to him," he said with a gravity that didn't reach his eyes or the grin that he couldn't stop from curling at the corners of his mouth.
"Fine," Ellie agreed.
Alec took his time closing the takeaway container. Ellie was about to smack him again when she noticed that Alec's neck and cheeks were flushed.
"Tom, well, he-" Alec cleared his throat and made a face that strongly resembled her thirteen-year-old's.
"Out with it!" Ellie hissed.
"He got his first kiss," Alec blurted out, loudly. They both looked at the open doorway. Ellie waited a moment and then drilled him for details, careful to keep her voice low.
"When? Where? Why didn't he tell me? Who was it?"
"And you used to complain about me for asking questions too rapidly," Alec sighed. Ellie swatted his arm again and he rolled his eyes.
"I don't know, Miller. He said it was at the bonfire over the weekend and that it was some girl, Welch, or Walsh, or was it Wilson?" Alec frowned as he tried to remember.
"Oh, my god, you already forgot her first name?" Ellie gaped at him. Alec blinked at her and Ellie buried her head in her hands. When she lifted her head, Alec was still perplexed.
"Miller, he's a teenage boy," he explained slowly. "He wouldn't have even told me if it wasn't for-" He stopped in mid-sentence.
"If it wasn't for what?" Ellie repeated, straightening up and scrutinizing him. Alec slouched in his chair and ran his tongue over his teeth. Sighing, he met her gaze.
"Ellie, he can't talk to his father," he reminded her. His eyes rested on her with that same softness that had stroked over her earlier after he admitted he'd missed her. Now Ellie wondered if it was pity. But Alec had never pitied her and had told her this several times over the course of their twisted companionship.
She couldn't handle it. Pushing her chair out, she stood.
"Where are you going?" Alec asked, alarmed and concerned.
"I'm going to check on my children."
"Right." Alec nodded and sat back in his seat. Ellie could feel his soft gaze following her out of the room, up the stairs and all the way into her children's bedrooms and her own.
She expected his footsteps behind her as she entered the nursery, but he left her alone and gave her the space that she needed. She didn't know how long she spent watching Fred sleep, but her innocent son gave her a kind of peace that she couldn't find anywhere else. She would hate Joe for what he did to her, to Tom, to Fred, to Danny, to the Latimers, and even to Alec. And Tom would always be tainted by the memories of a father that must've loved him on some level, although Joe had been willing to risk Tom too when he pursued someone the same age as his own son. Ellie could understand Joe leaving her, but leaving Tom and Fred was unacceptable, and then the murder and those photographs… Ellie boxed those memories up and with one last kiss, she turned away from her baby who wouldn't remember or ever know his father. She was determined to shelter Fred from the truth for as long as she could and wished she could do the same for Tom.
Tom was asleep too, or pretending to be. Ellie could never tell anymore. Tom was withdrawing from her more and more with each passing day. Ellie had some vivid memories of when she was a teenager and she knew that it was a normal rite of passage that every parent should expect, but Ellie still worried about him. Joe had been so close to him and had been so good with him that Ellie wished that he was still there to talk to Tom about the things that she couldn't. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Ellie felt like she was going to be sick. Ducking out of the room, she made it all the way to her en-suite before she started gagging. She grabbed her toothbrush and brushed her teeth so vigorously that she almost made her gums bleed. And yet all that mint wouldn't rid her of that bad coppery taste that the memory of Joe always left in her mouth.
She went downstairs and found the takeaway boxes gone and Alec sitting at the cleared table. A long time must've passed because he had his glasses on, and he'd dug out her laptop and had it open in front of him.
"What are you doing?"
Alec looked up at her and once again something akin to guilt flitted across his face. After a moment, he beckoned to her. His eyes returned to the screen as she approached the table. Ellie rested one hand on the back of his chair and the other on the table next to the keyboard. She couldn't help but think of the many times she'd similarly positioned herself in his office, or the way Alec had perched himself on the edge of her desk scattering papers when he left, or the way he'd ignored all laws of personal space when there was something he needed to see on her computer or something he wanted her to see. Sometimes she missed her old boss, even if he'd been a complete knob. She often wondered what it would've been like if they could've continued to work together.
"Miller, pay attention!" he snarled at her and Ellie took it all back. "Were you even listening to me?" he asked, twisting in the chair to look at her.
"No," Ellie admitted, feeling like a DS that had just been scolded by her grumpy cantankerous boss.
Alec sighed and shut the laptop. Hunching over the table, he took off his glasses and held them in his hand. He shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Ellie laid a hand on him and he threw his glasses across the table. She stepped back as he jumped up from his seat and stalked away from the table.
"Alec."
Alec swung around and crossed the kitchen in three steps.
"Listen to me, Miller," he ordered, his voice steadily rising with every word that followed. "Clearly, you don't care, but I've done all that stupid research that's such a waste of bloody time that no one wants to do. I've tried to make it easier on you and the boys. I've got a list of the schools for Tom, the child minders for Fred, the removers if you don't already have one, and all those stupid little things that you might want to know-"
"I didn't ask you to do that!" Ellie interrupted him.
"I did it because I wanted to!" Alec shoved the laptop halfway across the tabletop and sat on the edge of the table in front of her. "I want to help you because I-"
"Lower your voice!" Ellie shushed him. "If you wake up my sons-"
"I won't be here!" Alec's voice echoed through the kitchen and in her ringing ears. She stared at him until he tugged on his ear and his eyes wandered. "Ellie," he sighed her name and folded his arms over his chest. "I-I don't know what's going to happen." He looked up at her then and Ellie saw a raw fear in his eyes that she'd never seen before. She wanted to reach for him and tell him that everything was going to be fine, but they'd told each other that so many times that Ellie wondered if those words were starting to lose their meaning.
"Alec, no one ever knows what'll happen," she said quietly. Alec gazed at her for a long moment and then lowered his head. "I know you're scared," Ellie went on softly and stretched out a hand. "Alec, I'll go with you to the appointment on Monday-"
"No." Alec's voice was sharp enough to hurt, but the way he flinched and scooted out from under her hand, hurt more.
"You're missing the point!" he spat, shaking his head. "You're not getting it. If I'm not here, I want to be sure that you and the boys are taken care of. For my own piece of mind, I need to do this."
"It's not your responsibility!" Ellie broke in but he was already working himself up again.
"Do you think I bloody care whether it's my responsibility? After everything we've been through, do you really think that that's why I'm still here?" he asked and shot up from the table. He towered over her and once again the thickness of his Scottish accent was an indicator of how upset he was with her. "I'm here because I care about all three of you, and I care about what's going to happen to you when I can't be there anymore, because you and I both know that there is a possibility that I might not be around for much longer-"
"Calm down!" Ellie hissed, looking over her shoulder. Alec shook his head, his jaw clenched and his chest heaving. But when Ellie grabbed hold of his arms and pushed him down onto the table, he didn't resist.
"Ellie, I can't-" He held her arms and her gaze. Ellie could deal with his temper, but his raw fear and that almost feral desperation was something she didn't like and didn't understand. "Ellie, I don't know if I can do this." She didn't know what he was talking about, but she knew if he kept going on like this he was going to set his heart off. Hushing him, she dragged his head against her chest, muffling the rest of his incoherent words against the front of her jumper.
"Relax," Ellie soothed him, running her fingers through his hair. "Alec, you need to relax."
Alec's words dissolved into her chest as she whispered the soft strings of syllables that she had used time after time to comfort her own children. His fingers scrabbled at her sides but his arms never looped around her. Gradually his breaths evened out and his hands fell to her hips. He pushed her back a step and leaned against the stained wood, but he never let go of her.
"Relax, Alec," she whispered again. Alec looked up at her, his eyes glassy and slightly out of focus. He blinked and refocused on her.
"What'd you say?" He frowned.
"Relax," she urged him, scraping her fingernails over his scalp as she combed her fingers through his messy hair.
"You want me to relax?" he repeated her as she tilted his head. His hands tightened on her hips, pulling her a little closer.
"Yes, Alec, you need to relax."
Alec stared at her and then inexplicably started sniggering.
"What's so funny?" she demanded, tipping his head back further so that he was forced to meet her eyes. Alec grinned and sat up suddenly, forcing Ellie backwards. Ellie was about to persist, but Alec wore the rare grin well and she wished he would wear it more often.
"Do you want to relax with me?" he proposed. His hands left her hips, sliding over the small of her back until his fingers interlaced and locked together. Ellie wondered if he'd lost his mind, and then finally, she got it.
"Seriously?" she snorted. "That has got to be the worst proposition I've ever heard."
Alec barked a laugh and Ellie couldn't help but smile. She rolled her eyes, but let him laugh until he started coughing and abruptly stopped. Ellie was about to get him a glass of water but the coughing petered out, replaced with that familiar wheezing laugh. Shaking her head, she rested her hands on his shoulders.
"No wonder why I'm the first woman you've been with since Vicky," she teased him. Alec's laughter died in his throat and his head snapped up. Ellie's smile faded as their eyes met.
"I haven't been with you yet," he reminded her, his voice rough and hoarse. She blamed the sound and the shiver that it ensued on the laughter and the coughing, but he was looking at her in a way that he never had before.
One of his hands left the small of her back, hovering near her face. He lightly traced her profile with his fingertips, searching her eyes for something. He must've found it because when Ellie leaned toward him, he kissed her. Ellie braced herself, expecting the same sudden loss of control she'd experienced earlier, but Alec cradled her face and took his time. At first…
Plunging his fingers into her hair, he suddenly tugged her closer. She snaked her arms around his neck as his hand stroked over her jumper and then slipped past all of her layers until his palm was pressed hard against her spine. She fumbled with his shirt and his hand sunk into her curls, breaking her hairclip at the same time she tore the top button off of his shirt. Alec's glasses slid off the table. That was the only warning they got before the whole piece of furniture started to tip under the combination of their weight, teetering on that edge they'd been toeing for so long.
Ellie yelped, hopping backwards. Alec leapt up and caught at the corner tabletop before it went down. She lunged forward to help him stabilize it and stopped the laptop from going over. They stood there, panting with their palms planted flat on the wooden surface that was once again sturdy and solid beneath them.
"Are you alright?" They asked each other at the same time. Alec snorted and Ellie laughed. His grin reappeared as his shoulders shook with another round of sniggering. She laughed until he shushed her, barely able to control his own mirth.
"Miller, you'll wake up the kids," he hissed, peeking over his shoulder at the open doorway. Ellie threw her arm around his shoulders and giggled into the crook of his neck, almost causing him to tip the table over again. "Miller! Will you shut up?" His whisper carried absolutely no threat, because he was grinning and his eyes were so bright.
Ellie's giggle left her along with her breath. She didn't need to hunt through his phone again for a photograph of him and his daughter from years ago; she finally saw Alec Hardy smile like he had before that case, before he lost his daughter, before he got sick, before he came to Broadchurch and back to her. It was gone as soon as he drew himself up to his full height, but Ellie knew she'd never be able to forget it.
They gazed at each other, all signs of laughter gone, replaced with something else. Ellie held out her hand to him and he took it, his fingers curling around hers. She looked him in the eye, dead serious.
"Do you want to relax with me?"
Blushing, Alec rolled his eyes and Ellie chortled softly. His flushed face cracked and she thought she caught a tiny glimpse of that grin. It was enough.
"I can be quiet," she whispered, running her thumb over his knuckles. The bruises were only visible if you knew they were there. He was healing and she was too. Months ago, maybe even a few weeks ago, she wouldn't have considered herself emotionally strong enough to even think about this. Sidling up to him, she lowered her voice and stood on tiptoe to reach his ear. "I can be very, very quiet," she murmured and squeezed his hand. Alec's fingers tightened around hers.
"I doubt that," he whispered. "Half the time I can't get you to shut up."
"You didn't try very hard," Ellie retorted.
Alec studied her and then dipped his head to slant his mouth over hers. As he parted her lips, Ellie was rendered speechless, temporarily.
"Better?" he asked her, smirking.
Ellie nodded, breathless.
"I can try harder," he promised huskily, hitting the light switch as they walked out of the kitchen together. Ellie led him through the dark house, but her nerves got the best of her when they got to the stairs. She tripped over the second step and almost took Alec down with her.
"Sorry," she apologized as they separated to get their bearings.
"I should be apologizing," Alec sighed and leant against the wall as Ellie grasped the railing. Ellie wished it wasn't so dark so that she could see his face. "Ellie, I'm not sure-"
"Oh!" Ellie gasped and felt like a complete moron for forgetting about his heart condition. Mortified, she babbled, "Alec, we don't have to - I'm not expecting you to - It doesn't matter-"
"It matters to me." Alec found her hand in the darkness and dragged her back to him. She fell against his chest and he held her there, supporting them both against the wall.
"I want to take care of you, Ellie," he breathed, burying his fingers in her hair.
"Alec," she sighed, "You don't need to-" She broke off as Alec touched his lips to her throat. It was one touch, he'd probably done it several times before, but he kept his lips there, and Ellie knew that tonight he was going to leave a mark like the one he'd left on her wrist and that she was going to let him.
"Alec," she whispered, but her body was trembling, already giving in. Alec hushed her again and they continued their slow and unsteady trek to her bedroom, this time with him leading her.
He was too gentle and too slow as he undressed her and gradually worked his way lower and closer to that precious part of herself that only one other man had seen. It was as if Alec wanted to take every single second to memorize every inch of her. Ellie thought it was sweet, but after almost nine months of knowing each other, two months of unresolved sexual tension, and one whirlwind weekend building up to that moment, she was impatient. Ellie was desperate to exorcize the memory of that other man that she still wondered if she could've stopped if only she'd been a little bit better. Alec could have everything and all the time he wanted from her, but not right now. Not tonight. Ellie wasn't thinking straight and it was entirely his fault. She forgot herself and him.
"I'm not going to break," she panted, frustrated.
"I'm not worried about you," he growled, his eyes dark.
"Prove it," she challenged him.
He did.
All it took was one word, her name on his lips, and she broke.
"Thought you said I couldn't break you?" Alec was breathing almost as hard as she was and his fingers trembled as they brushed back her limp and sweat soaked curls.
"You didn't," she insisted and then registered the smugness in his voice. "Wanker!" she cursed, weakly lifting an arm to hit him. Alec caught the limb, pinning it to the bed over her head. She couldn't stop her boneless body's instinctive reaction to his touch. Chuckling, he bent closer.
"You're astounding, Miller, not even thirty seconds ago you were calling me everything from God to Jesus Christ."
"You fucking-"
"Language," Alec chided her, reminding her softly, "Your sons are asleep on the other side of the wall." His breath tickled her ear and Ellie grasped at his shirt, tugging him down on top of her. She slid her hand between them, fumbling for his belt buckle.
"We'll see if you can stay quiet," she whispered but once again Alec had the upper hand, taking advantage of her weakened state to stop her.
"I wouldn't if I were you," he warned her, his eyes black as night. Something in them froze the very blood in her veins, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. Smirking, Alec pushed himself up onto his elbows.
"If we were to do that Miller, you'd probably wake your kids and the rest of the neighbors."
"Is that a challenge?" Ellie asked him.
"Merely an observation," Alec sniggered. "You'll have to work on that, Richardson." He got up from the bed to use the en-suite and Ellie tossed her shirt after him with another name for him that definitely wasn't sanctified.
Alec took care of himself and then washed his hands. He shut the tap off and leaned over the sink. His heart was still racing and the image of Ellie on the brink was branded into his mind. All he had to do was say her name, one word, and he shattered her on that bed. He'd never forget that. His pounding heart and the two pills he had to force down reminded him that it had probably been a mistake, but Alec didn't care. He'd wanted to see her like that, just once. Resting his forehead against the glass, he closed his eyes and knew that it wouldn't be enough. He gritted his teeth, knowing that it would never be enough. More than anything he wanted to stay with her, with all of them, but the irony was that his heart wouldn't allow it.
A/N: I wanted to have this story done by my birthday but unfortunately that didn't happen (although I came much closer than I expected). I'm going on a road trip so it might be another week or two before I can update, we'll see if I survive. I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays and have a Happy New Year!