[ XXVI ]
"You're home early," a deep voice rattles off, pulling her from her thoughts.
She wipes her face discretely before she turns towards the voice.
He stands there at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in long thin cotton pyjamas, his torso bare of a sleeping shirt. Her eyes drop down before they can sweep across his body; magnetised to his russet skin. Turning back she washes the rest of the dishes that were left from the morning's breakfast between her and her son before they'd stopped in at Billy's to see Seth and then spent the better part of the day running patrols.
"Yep," she replies, careful to keep her voice calm. If he was going to stay under the same roof, she needed to remember to at least be civil. It wasn't as if he had anywhere to go either.
"Where's the kid?" Jacob asks as he opens the fridge and grabs out a carton of juice. He reaches into the cupboard and pours himself a glass, stepping around the familiar kitchen.
"He's with Edward. He'll be home later."
"Huh. You thirsty?" he asks as he sets the empty glass on the bench.
"I'm fine," she answers as she pulls the plug and wipes her hands on the towel. She folds it neatly before she places it back near the dish rack. "Has Rachel called at all?"
Jacob stares at her for a moment, making her skin prickle. "Seth's still the same. Nothing just yet. Also, I hope you don't mind, I used a towel from the cupboard."
"Go ahead. What's ours is the packs. Essentially."
This time she does look at him. He's sitting on the counter, hands braced on the edge of the plastic top. His head is down, his inky tousled hair dripping water onto his cotton pants. His large shoulders are flexed, the muscles braced much like the ones covering his chest and torso. She swallows as she crosses her arms and leans back against the doorframe separating the kitchen and living room.
"I had dinner with Embry and Charlotte last night. It was nice."
She nods even though he is looking down at the flooring. She remembers some of the gatherings her and Seth attended. Charlotte and Embry's residence always radiated a calm that she was drawn to. Maybe it was their aura, or just the way the both of them were. Pure and good. Decent.
"I didn't hear you come in last night."
"Good. I didn't want to wake you or August. Anyone ever tell you that he snores like your dad?"
Leah can't help the side of her mouth quirk up. "Yeah," she half chuckles. "Seth said the same thing."
There's a pregnant pause before Jacob speaks again.
"I missed you, you know. In Phoenix. I tried to call a few times, but I always hung up before anyone answered." He signs as he rubs his palm across his hair. "Sometimes I would phase and roam around the desert. The pack link was too far away to hear anything, but - somehow I felt closer to home. Closer to all of you."
Leah blinks a few times before she closes her eyes as well and sighs. "This dance is getting a bit old, Jacob."
"I know it is," he smiles sadly as he looks up at her, her eyes opening at the exact same time. "But I 'm not going to give up, Leah. Not this time and not again."
She blows out a long breath, realising she had been holding it in her lungs. "I saw Edward tonight. To tell him whatever we had, was over."
His eyes cut to hers sharply as his nostrils flare. She doesn't know why she's telling this to Jacob Black of all people.
"We are going to still be parents to August, but - there's no longer an 'us', so to speak."
Jacob swallows as he fights to keep control. "Why?"
She runs a hand over one of her braids, toying with the end. "It's been complicated from the start. We were both searching for something and we found it in each other. Even if it was fleeting. I never ever thought he would be more than a friend, but - we both needed something more. To feel something. And I will not apologise or regret anything. Because August is the greatest part of my life."
"I can tell he loves you. He's very protective of you," Jacob murmurs, as if almost uncomfortable. "He has your nose and lips as well."
She laughs softly. "You think so?"
"Yeah, Clearwater. I think so." he says gently, his own mouth tugging into a smile.
"You notice the strangest things."
He ignores the rib. "It's been a while since I've seen that smile. Man, I wish you did it more often."
Leah gives him a look as if to say he's crazy.
"Don't be like that. If you could see yourself through my eyes, you'd know how truly stunning it makes you. Everything about you is amazing. From that gorgeous smile to those huge feet of yours."
"Fuck off, Black! I do not have huge feet," she gasps, picking up the tea towel and throwing it at him.
He catches it easily before it hits his face. He chuckles, showing all of his pearly teeth. "Okay. Maybe they're not as big as mine but I have big feet for a reason."
"Really? And why is that?"
"Let's just say, I'm proportioned perfectly."
Leah scoffs as she pushing off the wall and walks towards the stairs. "Goodnight, Black."
She hears his chuckle as she ascends the stairs. "Goodnight, Leah."
.
When the sun peeks and Rachel wakes, she finds both Jacob and Leah at her father's small dining table. They're not speaking at all but both of them are sitting contently, blowing on steaming hot cups of tea.
"Hey, Rach," August says from behind her, almost making her jump out of her skin. The action alerts the two adult wolves to her presence.
"Jesus, Augie," she scolds as she presses a hand over her chest. "You almost gave me a heart attack."
She leans her head to the side as he places a small peck on her cheek and flushes his apologies.
"What are y'all doing here? It's still so early."
Leah shrugs. "None of us could sleep so we thought we'd come over and check on Seth."
Rachel can see the circles under Leah's eyes from lack of sleep and sighs. She knows how worried Leah is, how worried all the wolves are. Except maybe for Paul. She makes a point to ask Leah about him later, away from prying eyes. Guilt eats at her over the reaction to Paul the night before and she wants nothing more than to talk to him and figure out where they stand.
She knows she loves him, she wouldn't have accepted the proposal if she didn't. But she needs to know how Paul feels, free of the imprint bonds that are chaining him to her. He feels guilty, that much she knows. But so does she. Rachel knows she was wrong for screaming at him, for pushing him and she wants to work through their problems. But she needed him to want to work through them. She needed him to be candid and vulnerable. She didn't want him to be a pushover like Sam and just fall to his knees at every whim, or give up on every fight they had, to let her win.
He needed to fight. Otherwise they would remain too disjointed to ever fit together.
"Let me just get changed and then I'll check on Seth alone. I had to insert a catheter yesterday because of the fluids he's hooked up to."
She sees Leah wince at her words but when her brother Jacob lays his huge hand over hers and squeezes, the she-wolf relaxes.
.
Leah climbs into the small bed, careful not to jostle her baby brother. She gently moves the intravenous line so she doesn't accidently pull it out and lays down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. His skin feels warm like she remembers, even smells the same.
With his eyes closed and his brown wavy hair brushing his forehead she can't help but smile. Even through the face of a man, she sees a five year old, curious about the big wide world. She doesn't see his pain, doesn't see the internal struggle he goes through between his injury, the pack problems or even the deaths of their father and mother.
"I'm here, Seth. So whenever you decide to wake up, just know, I'll be waiting. All of us are."
She lays her arm over his torso and gently hums an old Quileute lullaby their parents both sang to them when they were children.
.
"You wanna go for a run, kid?" Jacob asks. He can see the cub getting twitchy on the couch, not use to being in one spot too long.
"You sure you can keep up, old man?" August asks lazily, looking over the Alpha wolf.
Jacob rolls his eyes and bites back a remark about the age of August father but holds it in. He wants to get along with the kid. He's an important part of Leah's life and a member of the Quileute pack. The kid deserves as much respect as any of his other 'brothers'. Besides that fact, he knows Leah's visit will extend into hours. He could almost feel her worry radiating from her aura as they walked through the cool silent forest, using the back trail to get to his father's home before Rachel and Billy had woke.
"Pftt, you know I can."
"Really?" August raises an eyebrow over his green eyes, almost hearing the challenge. "You do know who my mother is, right?"
By the end of their run, Jacob knows he should be eating his words.
.
"What do you think he's doing up there?" August asks as Leah sets down two huge plates of spaghetti and a smaller one for herself on the table.
"I don't know, but in thirty seconds you can ask him yourself," she replies.
True to timing, Jacob Black saunters down the stairs, his chin titled high, rubbing his non-existent stomach. "I thought I could smell dinner," he grins as he ambles in to a chair.
His mother smirks and shakes her head. She clearly knows Jacob, and August wonders about how well they really knew each other. He knows they haven't been a couple in the past, but when he looks over them, he sees a familiarity between them, one that could only come from closeness. It's strange to be in the middle of the exchange, almost as if he is a third wheel. Jacob talks animatedly to his mother, to which she offers snide remarks yet there's something endearing about the way they converse. It all seems playful, if anything. Not as it had a few weeks ago when the man first came to town with his pale face girlfriend. He wonders where the girl is and if Jacob was still involved with her.
"You know your mom's cooking is the best I've ever tasted," Jacob tells him, his fork swirling around the long pasta until it's stacked tightly on the utensil. When he shoves it in his mouth the Alpha male groans, spaghetti sauce smearing on his chin.
"Use a napkin, you animal," his mother grunts, throwing at stack at his head.
August can't help but laugh at Jacob's apologetic face.
.
He's showered and sitting on the bed when Leah appears in the doorway.
"August wants to know what you're doing up here," her voice sounds, her feet shuffling side to side.
He looks up at her and thinks back to the last time he'd seen her in a doorway, rampant and ready to rip his head off when he first arrived. Her eyes still burn with intensity but it's not something new. She's always had an internal fire.
"Just reading." He replies, unable to stop his eyes from travelling from her face down her body. In most ways she's still the girl he remembers, still strong and still as mouth-watering as ever.
"Reading what?" she almost frowns, cocking her head to the side in question.
"Just - ah. Something."
"O-kay," she drawls as she rolls her eyes. He knows she is probably imagining something like a playboy magazine or similar. "Well if you're still hungry, there's ice cream in the freezer. Just don't eat the whole thing, alright?"
He nods in silent thanks.
"Leah-" he starts before she turns to leave.
"Yeah?"
"Can I get a goodnight kiss?" he grins.
Leah can't help the smile that slides over her mouth.
"Kiss this," she replies as flips him the bird.
When she leaves the doorway he sprawls out on the bed, hands behind his head. He chuckles to himself for only a moment before he reaches for the stack of papers, intent on getting past the first page.
.
Leah visits Seth again both on Tuesday and Wednesday.
By Thursday before the sun even peaks on the horizon she is up, pacing the hallway.
It's now she officially begins to worry that Jacob has remained in the room, not even coming out once to eat, since they last spoke.
She has the urge to knock on her brother's door where her former Alpha has taken up residence but before her closed palm can come in contact with the wooden door she draws it back and holds it to her chest. It's hard not to slip back in time. To a time where she was Jacob's Beta and could call him out on everything and anything, which she did regardless of the consequences. She wants so desperately to be free of the hovering thought of doom over their lives now that it was regaining some kind of normalcy besides her brother laid up unconscious with Rachel Black looking over him.
Sighing, she runs a hand over her hair, and looks back towards the stairs. August is out with Embry on early morning patrols and the only thing besides the silence in the house is that of Jacob's heavy breathing. Something inside her tells every part of her brain that something is wrong, but she's unsure of how to approach the situation. Two days prior when she stood at the same door, she couldn't deny that when Jacob asked her for a goodnight kiss, that she wanted to cave to his request.
Leah knew to be cautious around the wolf. She knew this because she could feel her own wolf clawing inside her, desperate to find a way to get near him. It was frustrating to be so close, only a room away from him, yet so far. It reminded her of her time as a teenager, punch-drunk in love with Sam Uley. Except this time, the object of her affections was a man, not the awkward teenager Sam had been. She can feel the need to be with him constantly, and the need was burning her alive.
Both nights she had tossed and turned in her bed, her limbs willing her to move and be so close to him they blurred into one entity. But the human side of her fought tooth and nail, her hands balling into fists on the sheets of her bed to remain there and not give in to whatever crazy hormones or wolf magic was drawing her to the perfectly sculpted man behind the door.
When she stops pacing and cocks her head to the side, she hears complete silence.
Panic rolls in her stomach as she pushes open the door, uncaring about letting her entrance be unknown. Her eyes dart around the room before landing on the window ledge. The curtains blow softly in the morning breeze, birds chirping in delight, but nowhere in the room is Jacob. His scent is still strong on the sheets and the room still resonates with warmth.
Darting to the window she watches Jacob Black stomp away from the house and toward the tree line. He's dressed in jeans and a ruddy shirt but from the way his forearms, shoulders and back are tensed, she knows he's pissed beyond belief.
"Jacob!?" She calls out loudly, trying to garner his attention, her hands resting on the window sill.
She knows he can hear her, knows he is ignoring her calls to him.
He undresses quickly and ties his clothes to his leg before he bursts from his human skin and the only thing she can do is watch a russet wolf dart through the trees, completely out of sight.
Leah swears to herself, knowing she has to relieve Rachel and give her a break from watching her brother. She wants desperately to follow the wolf and find out what's going on but she has other priorities at the moment. No matter how much she hated the notion, Jacob Black would have to wait.
.
"Okay, I've given you enough time to come to your senses. Clearly you're not going to, so I've come to make you," Rachel says coolly as she rips open the curtains to reveal Paul sprawled face down in the huge bed of their house. His hair is messy, strands sticking up in each direction once he lifts his head to look at her with a heated gaze. Her nose crinkles at the smell of the room, her senses filling with bourbon, whiskey and something else.
"I better not be smelling sex in this room!" she hisses, throwing a pair of boxers at his head.
He growls into the pillow, feeling her slide the sheet off his body, no doubt exposing his bare ass. "Contrary to belief - I wouldn't cheat on you." He grumbles out into the cotton.
"Get up, Paul."
"Fuck. Off." he bites out, closing his eyes and hugging the pillow once again.
Rachel catapults herself onto the bed and rips at his ear so he turns around to face her. Her eyes are burning with anger, her lips pressed into a deep line, his face isn't fairing much better. "Listen to me, Lahote. You are the most stubborn asshole I have ever met. You annoy me. You drive me down right crazy, but-" her eyes soften momentarily. "But I love you, you big idiot."
He sneers at her. "Yeah, and what about shiny Seth Clearwater?"
"What about him, Paul? He's Seth for Christ sake. I've known him my entire life. Sure he's cute, and dreamy and when he smiles those butterflies appear-" Paul growls in the middle of her sentence. "Shut up. But that's all he is, Paul. He's a great guy and someone who I would have gotten a long with, but you - you're the best. Of course your table manners could be better and I swear on my mother's grave if you belch near me again I'm going to leave a permanent wooden spoon dent in your head, but you are what I need in life. I need you to call me out on my shit, I need you to push me, make me better."
Her fingers release his ear and move to cup his bristled cheek. "I love you, you big dummy."
"I'd rather you not insult me with your back-handed comments when you're making my dick hard." He admits, as her eyes glance down.
She rolls her eyes. "Look - you may think I gave up my life because of the imprint, but I love my life here. I'm close to my family, the one I tried so hard to run away from as a teenager. And I have the pack to keep me on my toes. And I have you. And Leah. And Charlotte. Your mother and father may have been shit people, babe, but you aren't. You think you're not enough but you are. And you're so much more than you know."
He touches her hip and let's out a slow sigh. "I'm sorry for being an asshole. I am trying."
She grins at his apology. "And I'm sorry for being a grade A bitch."
"Tell me about it. You could definitely rival Leah any day of the week." He chuckles, even when she slaps his bare chest.
"This is going to take work, Paul. But if you are up for it, I will be here." She mumbles as she presses her mouth to his.
He is still for a second before he growls and deepens the kiss, turning them so he's between her legs.
.
When she arrives back at her father's house she notices once again, it's empty. She kicks off her shoes as she walks to the kitchen, socks padding lightly on the cold floors. Pouring herself a glass of juice she leans against the counter and begins to pack away a few items from the store. It's still only early, but she likes the feeling of accomplishment so early in the day.
She contemplates making herself toast before movement in the backyard catches her eye.
Bella watches as Jacob stomps across the grass, carrying a metal bin. His forearms flex as he plants it firmly on the soil before trudging back toward her father's small shed. She has no idea what he's doing and why he's even come by after more than a week of ignoring her calls. He suddenly appears again, this time with lighter liquid her father uses on the grill and something else tucked under his arm.
Her stomach clenches in panic when she identifies the items.
"No, no, no!"
She runs as fast as her feet will allow, socks sliding against the kitchen tiles as she rounds her way through the laundry room and bursts out the back door. She doesn't care that her socks are being drenched from the water logged grass, nor when she slips, her jean covered knees sharply hitting the green lawns. She struggles to get up, her legs kicking out in blind adrenalin to reach Jacob before he can do what she thinks he's going to do.
"No! Jake, please don't!" she cries as she runs towards him. Her heart is beating wildly in her chest, squeezing in desperation.
It's as if he doesn't hear her, moving to toss both her laptop and cream binder into the bottom of the bin. He rips off the cap of the accelerant, dousing it before reaching into his jean pocket.
She catches his forearm before he can flick the lighter, both of her limbs dangling to try and stop what was happening right in front of her eyes. "Please! Please! I'm begging you."
"You lied to me, Bella." He says calmly as he shakes her off, causing her to stumble backwards, her behind splatting against the grass. It's clear he doesn't want her touching him when he rolls out his shoulders and doesn't move to help her up. His eyes are so dark, nothing like the brown hue she knows belongs to her Jacob.
She doesn't understand how he knows about what she's been doing and the guilt of it all almost crushes her. She knows that some part of her has betrayed him, but he could never understand her need to explain her life in words. In some ways she knows everything on those pages belonged to a life that should have been hers, in all its entirety.
"Jacob, please. It's just a story. It doesn't mean anything," she begs, pulling at the lapel of her parka desperately. Her hands fly to her hair, pulling at the thick brown strands, thinking of ways she can stop him from ruining her dream.
"Doesn't mean anything? Are you seriously trying to run that shit with me? I read your words, Bella. I fucking read enough of what you wrote to understand."
His voice is wavering, primal rage burning through him. She can see that he isn't trying to bury it down, hide it away like he had always done to keep her safe. He's losing control, his hands tightly balling into fists beside his shaking form.
"You've played me for four years, Bella. I gave you four years of my life! I left my pack, I fucking left my friends, my family, for you. And all this time, after all of the years I loved you, Edward was the only one you could think about."
She closes her eyes as tears spill from the corners, fogging her vision as the wetness clings to her lashes. Shaking her head she tries to get a handle of the situation. She hadn't meant to hurt him. Even through it all, he was her best friend, one that had helped her through the hardest part of her life. "I love you too, Jake. I do!"
His nostrils flare. "You have a funny way of showing it. You're uncomfortable when I hug you, pull away when I kiss you. You can barely stomach it when we are intimate." He takes a deep breath as his skin trembles again. "And then you go and write about my heritage? Like you know something about us? About me? About my people? It was a privilege to be invited and hear the Quileute legends, then you go and write about them in your book? For the whole fucking world to see?"
"Jacob, please," she whispers as she wipes her sleeve over her face. "It's fiction. It's - it's just a story."
"Bella - this is not just a fucking story! This is our story! Yours, mine, Edwards, my pack. It outlines EVERYTHING that's ever happened between us, even though you twisted the ending."
"I'm sorry. I didn't think. I - it was stupid of me to write it. I didn't mean to hurt you."
His eyes are like midnight, black and void of any light. "You really wanted Edward to get you pregnant on the honeymoon that never was? That he would change you? That I would imprint on your baby so I could be fixed after you choose him over me? You are fucking delirious, Bella. You really expect me not to be hurt? Feel betrayed? You really think imprinting on a half vampire baby would fix everything for me after all we've been through? After I fought so hard to keep you alive? After I fought so fucking hard to have you love me."
"I'm sorry." She whispers, her chest shaking to contain her sobs.
"Me, too."
He flicks the lighter and throws it in the bin, watching as the flames leap and dance, engulfing the words of her betrayal. He reaches into his back pocket to grasp a rolled yellow envelope, throwing it in as well.
"Now you can write a new story, Bella. One that doesn't include me."
If she had looked harder she would have seen the tiny Forks Police Department logo affixed to the right hand corner of the envelope which was aptly addressed to one Leah Clearwater, but in the haze, she doesn't.
Instead, she watches Jacob Black walk across the lawn and out of her life.
Exactly the way Edward Cullen had, four years earlier.
.