Lying Helpless in Her Arms
Chapter 25 - No Dimples
They quickly finished their shower and changed into new clothes. He had helped her with everything from drying her body with the towel to brush her hair as soon as she was dressed. That was the only thing that made him feel better and she could sense it. He needed to be there for her even if only for the smallest things. He wanted to make up for the pain she was still feeling regardless of whom or what caused it as they blamed their own pain to themselves instead of to one another. She was what he had of most precious and it was his mission to take care of her.
It helped him with the pain and it helped him with the guilt. Her forgiving heart was touching. He couldn't forget a word of what he had said to her when they met in the front yard and still all she could remember was his hurt eyes. Brooke was indeed special and unique. He knew he didn't deserve someone such kind heartened but he wouldn't question the reasons why she fell for him. Everything that mattered was that she loved him back and that she was willing to make them work.
Brooke let Julian do whatever he wanted. She could see the love and care with which he did everything for her. He was so sweet and sensitive that she couldn't be more thankful for having such an amazing man in love with her. She didn't blame him for his strong reaction. He was new in all of this after all and she had lied to him when she knew she shouldn't have, when she knew she didn't need. If there was a person that would give her all time and space, it was Julian. He had always done everything he could for her and she knew she could count on the man in front of her.
As she watched him getting dressed, after she was ready, she contemplated how her life changed in less than one month. She was hopeless when she met him. She was cold and bitter and no matter how intense the pain she had at that moment was she still thought she was in a better condition than before she had met him. Julian Baker had changed her life for better and for good.
"Are you ready?" he asked and offered her his hand. She nodded and a small curve in her lips appeared but it wasn't yet a smile.
A breath of relief took the house as Julian and Brooke walked downstairs holding hands. Whatever had they talked and decided at least they were pacifically together though their faces showed that happiness wasn't invited. At least not yet.
"Uncle Jully! Auntie Brooke!!" the kids celebrated loudly.
"I don't know how Brooke had become their favorite Auntie within just one day" Nat whined as she helped Isabella to get the dishes on the table.
"Jealous much, aren't we?" Isabella asked her husband who just laughed and completed "Can you imagine if Brooke and Julian get married? You can start rethinking your life plan, Nattie because I guess you are going to need your own kids" Dylan let the joke slip but the moment Isabella nudged him he knew he had said too much though neither Brooke nor Julian seemed affected by it.
"The kids are great and I am sure they can give a piece of their heart to everybody" Brooke suggested light heartened.
"As long as my share keeps being the biggest one, I have no objection" Julian offered bringing Jayden to his lap "Uncle Ully loves it too much, he loves!!!" he tickled the thirteen months old in the stomach and Brooke watched with a tender gaze.
"How did it go?" Isabella whispered to the brunette as she watched Julian playing with Jayden.
"Traumatizing to say the least but we won't give up" she smiled weakly as her eyes got teary.
"I'm here for you. You don't need to go through this alone, okay?" Isabella offered hugging the designer.
"How about we eat?" Dylan suggested and everybody agreed.
The dinner was nice. The kids brought happiness to the house and for some moments Brooke and Julian had forgotten of what happened to them. Every now and then she would think of what it would be to have a family like that. Every now and then she would remember of her former plan of adopting a girl, especially as she watched Julia being such lovely and sweet towards her and Julian.
"Auntie Brookie tug me?" Logan asked as he yawned. It was past their bed time even though they had served dinner earlier than usual on Thanksgiving because of the children.
"Me too!" Austin quickly asked too.
"Will my princess give me the honor?" Julian asked to Julia who was sat in his lap ever since they had moved to the living room.
"Is it okay if Auntie Brookie comes too?" she pleaded and Julian couldn't resist to her puppy face neither doing something like that with Brooke.
"It is perfect" Julian agreed kissing her forehead.
"I am going to tug Jayden. I have to take my chances while he doesn't ask for Uncle Ully and Auntie Brookie. I am so not ever talking to you if he learns your name before mine, Brooke" Nathalie pouted taking her godson upstairs.
"Don't ever take Nat seriously, Brooke. She loves to play this part but the kids are crazy about her and she knows it" Dylan assured Brooke.
"You guys have a great thing here" she shyly commented as she took Logan's and Austin's hands to walk them to his bed "Thanks for sharing it with me"
"I thank you Brooke. You were so great to the kids and Julls was right, you are just too easy to love" Isabella smiled to the younger brunette who blushed. She was flattered by such love and concern the whole family held for her even though they just met. She knew Julian played a great part in this as he probably said a lot of things about her and once again it warmed her heart. He truly admired and loved her in such a way that she wasn't even sure if she was deserving.
"Do you want me to carry you, Lo-Dy?" Brooke asked and the little boy that was almost sleeping just nodded, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.
"Let's go" she said as she took the boy in her arms, getting Austin by the hand.
"Thank you Lizzy. I don't know what would have happened if you weren't there for her today. Thanks for taking care of her and thanks for bringing her back to me" Julian quietly thanked his sister.
"Everything for you, Julls. See you tomorrow" his oldest sibling hugged him and watched as he took Julia upstairs.
As they entered her room he asked the little girl to get changed into her pajamas and wait for him and Brooke.
"Did you forgive Brooke, Uncle Jully?" Julia asked before her uncle left her bedroom.
"Yes, Princess. What I did to her today was very bad. I accepted her apologies and she accepted mine" he explained as he brushed her hair with his fingers before leaving the room and promising to be back soon.
He thought Logan was probably already sleeping and headed straight to Austin's room where he guessed Brooke might was.
"Uncle Jully!!!" the four years old greeted excitedly.
"Do you need any help here?" he asked Brooke kissing the top of her head as he took the boy in his arms "Ready to sleep buddy?"
"We were picking a story from the bookshelf" Brooke explained standing up from the boy's bed giving Julian space to lay him down.
"And what did you get?" Julian asked as he helped Austin with his pajamas.
"Goodnight Moon though I guess it could be Goodnight Austin" Brooke nodded towards Austin that was blinking heavily already.
Julian carefully laid Austin in the bed and Brooke sat by the little boy side as she started to tell him the story. It was obvious that Brooke never tugged anyone to sleep or in the case she did it to her godson it wasn't really with the intention of making him sleep. She was so excited telling Austin the story that her voices and gestures sort of awake the boy instead of leading him to sleep.
"Hun, the purpose here is to make him sleep not the other way around. Let your amazing acting skills for tomorrow when he is wide awake" he leaned down and whispered in her ear folding his arms in her chest while his chin rested in her shoulder.
"Oops" she muttered looking up to him with an apologetically and innocent face that melted his heart as he stayed in the comforting position attached to her body.
She lowered down her voice tone and kept her gestures to a soothing hand in the little boy's hair and a couple of minutes later he was already sleeping. "Good night, Mini-J" she kissed his hair softly and stood up.
Julian stretched his hand to her and whispered "Julia is still waiting for us" Brooke nodded and took his hand as they headed to the girl's room.
"I thought you forgot me" Julia lightly pouted as she saw the couple entering the room.
"How could we forget you, Priss? You too special and beautiful for us to forget you" Brooke offered her sweet smile as she tapped the girl's noise softly which melted Julian's heart once again.
Julia smiled shyly to Brooke and then looked up to her uncle that held an adoring gaze on the woman he loved and even for an eight years old it was evident that he cared a lot about Brooke.
"Are you getting married?" she asked with a mischievous but yet sweet smile.
"Now where did it come from?" Brooke arched her eyebrow though she bit her lip just after she spoke. She surely didn't know how to answer the little girl and she tried not to look up to Julian to ask for help because she didn't know if help was what she would get from him.
"Well you were holding hands and then Daddy said you were getting married" she shrugged innocently as if it was the most obvious thing.
"Oh Honey, your Daddy was kidding" Julian added but his heart was anything like his careless voice. The simply mention of Brooke and he getting married was enough to make his heart rush in his chest. No matter how much they felt hurt right now and how everything seemed too painful, marrying her was still what he wanted more in his life. Before of all this mess came he had thought a couple of times of the best scenarios. Just like he had thought about the worst ones. In the best scenarios he would visit her today in Tree Hill, they would have a great day together and she would accept to come to his house. He would end the night in the porch confessing his love to her to which she would just correspond and they would kiss passionately.
In his mind after they had finally confessed their feelings he would ask her to marry him as soon as he was sure she was ready to say yes or at least to do not freak out by his proposal. He didn't want to go any further day without having her and in this dream it wouldn't take her too much time, maybe a month or two, for her to be ready to be asked the question that he had wanted so much to say.
Even though the day was nothing like he had dreamed of and even worse than he had ever imagined his intentions hadn't changed. He still wanted to marry the woman that was tugging his niece with him but now he was the one who wasn't ready for this though he doubted that she was anywhere ready too.
"We like if you get married" she sleepy girl offered after the brief silence.
"We who?" Brooke chuckled nervously. Now definitely wasn't the best time for Julia to bring up this subject when Julian and she had yet to figure out how they would try to fix it.
"The boys and I but I guess Mommy, Daddy and Auntie Nattie are Team Brulian too" and the same smile as before was in the little girl's face again. She had loved Brooke not because of the gifts though she had loved them but because Brooke was so kind to her and so nice. She remembered Julia of her own mother when she treated them with such affection. And she got them nicknames and she got them presents and she played with them and she was funny; the little girl thought.
"Actually Juke" Julian let it slip and he now looked to the woman sat across of him in the girl's bed.
"Juke is funny" Julia laughed out loud.
"Guess who came out with the name?" Julian chuckled softly and his hand reached for Brooke's that was yet to look up to him but did so as she felt his hand on hers.
"See? Auntie Brooke is fun that's why we like her" she yawned and Brooke and Julian realized it was way past Julia's bedtime.
"So do you want us to read a story to you?" Brooke suggested turning her attention to the girl that was fighting to keep awake with the two people she liked so much even if one of them she just met recently.
"Yes. I want you to tell me how you met" she blinked heavily and both Brooke and Julian looked up from the girl to each other. That was definitely a night they wouldn't ever forget and now thinking about it they realized that fate brought them together. There was no way for them to escape each other.
"That's a good one, Princess" he offered but his eyes were still locked to Brooke's who just muttered "Really good".
"But how about we tell you tomorrow? It is long and I don't want you to sleep over it" he suggested and the little girl just nodded.
"I will fill you in with all details and how great Uncle Jully was" Brooke whispered softly as she rubbed the little girl's hair knowing that with that soothing her words and caressing the she would be a goner very soon "And I will let you ask me all questions you have and Uncle Jully will tell you his version and all" she completed as her gaze was in the hero of her story.
"I guess you learn fast" he whispered nodding to the already sleeping girl.
She only nodded and leaned to kiss Julia's hair, to which Julian just followed suit. They stood up and left the girl's room and headed to theirs.
"You are great with them just as I imagined you would be" he confessed as they reached for her door.
"Still not half good as you are" she replied with a smile showing the full dimples that he missed so much and that remembered him of how special she was to him. She was his Dimples even though he couldn't bring himself to use the nickname that he loved so much. He couldn't explain what he felt. At the same time that he was relieved to know that they forgave each other and were willing to give it a try he was yet lost and unsure around her. He didn't know how to act and some things just didn't seem right no matter how much he wanted them to be. And one of those things was being his old self around her especially if she wasn't being her old self around him either.
"I've been doing this for eight years so I guess I got some practice" he nervously and weakly smiled and Brooke knew it was just as hard for him as it was for her. Somehow it was easier to behave around other people. It was as if the others had actually distracted them from the unavoidable situation they had to handle. For some moments during the dinner and now tugging the kids everything seemed just perfect as before though these moments were too ephemeral.
"Do you want to come in?" she offered shyly and insecurely and he could say that she was unsure about it.
"No, come here" he stretched his hand for her to take and she complied following him downstairs.
He brought her to the porch that she had spent so painful moments earlier in that day.
"I've forgotten how the sky is beautiful from North Carolina"
"Yeah, it is beautiful but I am still more dazed by your beauty" he rubbed her cheek and admired her flawless face and for a moment she had her Julian back. The complimenting and gentle Julian she learned to love so fast. His eyes spoke much louder than his words and she was relieved to know that even briefly he could look at her like he used to.
A silence followed his tender words and they were back to the moment where they didn't know what to do. All they wanted to do was to forget the guilt because of each other's pain.
"I am sorry" she muttered as her head lied in his chest.
"About what?" he asked confused.
"It is just that all this lets me nervous. I am scared and I know I am not a teenager who just had sex for the first time. Damn this is not even the first time I fall in love but it still scares me. All those feelings that I thought I wouldn't have for someone else and the fear of where those feelings are going to take me this time. I wish I could just take a leap of faith and forget about everything else but you but I don't know how. That's why I lied. I am damaged, Julian and I don't even know to which extent and now I can't get over the fact that I hurt you that bad" she admitted how she felt for him for the first time. They had talked about her past and how she had been hurt and while he could have a pretty good idea of her fears and pain it was the first time that she confessed it clearly. Her voice was muffled by the tears that rolled as she talked and her eyes were so desperate and in pain that Julian was taken aback.
"It is okay Brooklyn. I told you I've got your back. You can count on me Honey, you can always count on me. I've made the mistake of not understanding you once and I won't do it again" he kissed her head and took a step back to look at her beautiful and vivacious hazel eyes. She was absolutely gorgeous and her eyes were even prettier when she cried though he surely preferred if she never dropped a tear again because it broke his heart.
"But this is not fair Julian. You are ready to live this even if we still have some work to do from where we are now, you are ready for this. I thought I was, I came here trusting that I wanted to have this with you and while I didn't change my mind about it I am still tempted to run especially because I hurt you in the process and I am sure that's not the last time I am going to be compelled to screw things up. I wish I could control it. I trust you with my life but still I don't trust me and I definitely don't trust me your life" she looked down ashamed and also frustrated. The voice in the back of her mind was relentless. It warned her all the time that she would hurt him and that she would get hurt. She tried her best to fight against the fears that she had lived with for so many years and while she thought she made some serious progress by coming to Wilmington and not giving up when things got nasty she still knew she had a long way ahead of her. A long way for her to be relaxed about being in a relationship again.
Julian wrapped his arms around the body of the woman he loved so much "Give it time, Brooklyn, things will work out, just give it time and for now I am thankful that I am holding you instead of being in my house imagining of how much I hurt you while you were in your way back to New York. For now I am forever thankful for you to be facing your fears and staying here with me after all the pain I caused you"
"You have no idea of how many times I dreamed about this, most of them awake" she closed her eyes as she snuggled in his chest looking for her spot. Even if they were stood up there was this special place that seemed to fit her head perfectly and from where she could listen his heart beating.
"Yeah, I know. I craved for your touch, for your lips, for your smell and for having you in my arms just like now" his trademark grin almost making its way to his face. Not that he wasn't happy for having his Brooklyn in his arms because he was but it wasn't like he wanted it to be. He didn't want them to have this battle to simply stand there like that. He didn't want to feel her tears soaking his shirt. Except if those were happy tears.
"I had so many plans" her eyes stood closed as a small smile showed in her face "Actually I would call them dreams"
"What have you dreamed about us?" he asked curious, though he had also dreamed so many things about them.
"That I would spend an amazing weekend with you and your family and that we would take the kids to the zoo and then take a walk in the park just like we did in New York. We would cuddle in your sister's perfect motherly southern living room and we would tell many stories to the kids" her smile was now broad and her dimples showed and if her eyes were open she would see as his famous and illegal grin finally found its way back to his beautiful face. "And then we would fly back to New York as the most annoyingly happy people ever"
"I like the way you think" he finally leaned down to kiss her and after sharing so great plans their kiss taste and feelings changed drastically from the ones they had shared before. It was sweet and intense as it had used to be and in that very moment it was filled with hope and love.
Brooke and Julian felt in their hearts that after the weirdness was passed they would resume what they had until two weeks ago.
They didn't deepen the kiss. That wasn't what they were looking forward at least not in that moment. People use to say that there is nothing more intimate than a passionate kiss and that was what Brooke and Julian shared in that moment. Their hearts finally went at easy and they could cherish each other's company truly for the first time since they took their different ways in New York.
Brooke slipped her hands to the back of his head while he moved his own to her waist and pulled her close to him. He slowly moved back until he felt the chair touching his calves. He had to sit down. His knees actually trembled by the overwhelming sensations he felt in that moment. The woman he loved and who he thought he had lost was now in his arms.
Brooke followed his motion while he sat in the tip of the chair and she sat in his lap, resting her legs by his side. Though the position was sexy and sexual they were too lost in their lips to be aroused. It was as if that kiss was healing momentarily their raw wounds and for that reason they didn't want it to finish, not even to potentially make love. But earlier than they wanted their bodies craved for air and they had to break apart. After breathing in some oxygen they quickly find their way back to their mouths and breathed in some love. Somehow it seemed like that their bodies needed more the feeling than the air itself.
They stood outside for longer than they could count. She stood sat in his lap and they just kissed and enjoyed being in each other's embrace. The reassurance they had got from those minutes and the comforting warmness of their mutual feelings was too good to be stopped. But now the coldness of North Carolina's fall was making it hard for the in love couple to keep enjoying the soothing breeze that seemed to help them to be at ease.
"Let's get inside Baby, it is freezing and I don't want you to get a cold" he kissed her hair and she only nodded in his arms.
They walked slowly and carefully upstairs. Everybody else in the house was already sleeping and they didn't want to wake them up, especially not the kids. As soon as they reached the end of the hallway just where their bedrooms were they stopped their walking not knowing exactly what to do now. Surely they had made serious progress ever since he entered her bedroom earlier that day but they didn't want to put a lot of pressure on each other, especially Julian on Brooke.
"Mine or yours" he offered with his childish mischievous smile but his eyes showed how jittery he was.
"Yours. The closest of your bedroom I got was your hotel room and as much as I agree that you made that the most personal hotel room I've ever seen I still want to know something that is genuinely yours, that has your touch" she smiled sweetly and his heart skipped a beat. He couldn't control how much he loved that woman more and more by the minute.
"Actually this year I've spent more time here than in my house in LA" he offered nervously fearing that she didn't catch on his joke before. He wasn't inviting her to make love though his body still craved for hers. He didn't know if they could handle it tonight and he wasn't willing to take any step backward.
"Thank you" she pulled him for a kiss and he led them inside his bedroom.
As she looked around the room was everything like she expected. Simple but filled with so many meaningful things to the man by her side. Surely there were even more pictures of him and his family than in his office and suite; more DVD discs than she could count along with some books and some teddy bears and other toys that showed her that either the kids gave it to him or that they were a constant presence in his bedroom. There was nothing sophisticated though Isabella's house was fancy but probably the most valuable things to Julian were there.
And that was made him so special to her. He didn't seem to care about money though she had no doubt his family was wealthy based in Isabella's house and the kind of hotel room he got himself. Probably their parents had a lot of money and like hers gave it to them, though she couldn't be more wrong about this last part. A few times she had thought why he had never mentioned his parents, though she knew both were still alive thanks to her Google research. It was odd that on Thanksgiving she hadn't heard a single word about his parents. Dylan's had called and talked to the kids but there wasn't any news on Julian's.
But that wasn't what touched her heart about Julian. Yeah, his parents made an excellent job with not only him but also his sisters and she would be forever thankful for that but it was how sensitive and amazing he was. Instead of valuing what people in Hollywood seemed to care, Julian valued his family more than anything else. She remembered again about the research she did. He had been in many charity events. He cared for people, he had a good heart, he was always thinking about everyone else and she loved him for that. She loved him for making her feel so special even if today he had broke her heart.
"Come here" he broke her trance leading them to sit in the bed, he against the headboard and she against his chest.
"So what did you think? Does it match Brooke Davis' standards?" he smiled while he smelled her hair. Only God knew how much he loved and missed this woman.
"I love you" she bluntly said avoiding his question.
Though he was surprised by the spontaneous declaration his ears and heart would never get tired of listening to her.
"Good, because I love you too" he folded his arms around her waist kissing her cheek.
"No, that's now what I mean. I mean, it is, because I guess 'I love you' there is only one meaning but what I meant is that I love everything about you. You are a great person Julian and you seem just perfect to me. I don't know what you do but you make me smile even when it hurts. You made me forget about all my fears and accept that I love you. You made me feel like I could have a chance in love again. You made me feel like I could resume my dreams. The words you say to me, the way you look at me. It is all reassuring and true. I can see how you love me and how you admire me and how I am special to you just by the way you look me. Nobody ever made me feel this way. Nobody ever loved me like this and even now that everything hurts because of what we did; I look into your eyes and I find peace to my heart. I struggled so much in these past weeks. I tried to let it go, I tried to avoid it but I couldn't. Within only few days you made me dependent on you and trust me there is nothing I value more than my independence but around you I feel like I don't need it. More than this I feel like I don't want it because I never made myself feel like you made" she started her speech rambling but as she progressed her voice was getting steadier and the conviction in her words were somewhat overwhelming. But not bad overwhelming, Julian thought, if that's even possible.
It was too much but not in a way that he couldn't take in anymore but as if he was going to explode of pride, happiness and love for the woman in his arms.
"And I thought I was the one good with words" he muttered. He didn't even know how to react to all those words. He never expected to be this meaningful to someone, let alone someone like Brooke.
"You are good with everything, Baby" she turned her face to his and pulled him into another passionate kiss, just like the ones they had in the first night they spent in her apartment and didn't have sex.
"I don't deserve you, Brooke but I won't ask you to find someone that deserves. I want to make you mine and I want to make all your dreams come true. Everything you'd ever want" he brushed her hair as they broke apart.
"Everything?" she sweetly asked and he nodded "Starting right now?" she tested him once more and he reciprocated the smile.
"So can you just hold me tonight?" her lips still curved but her voice cracked. Not because she feared he would say no but just because she couldn't believe this was happening after everything they went through earlier in that day. She needed the reassurance of his presence.
"Yes, Honey, my pleasure" he kissed her forehead and they stood like that until they fell asleep.
AN: I may be making Brooke the bad guy here but she is actually who caused all this. Surely Julian could have been more thoughtful and reacted better or at least given her a change to explain but yet he was deeply hurt and it was still raw. But whoever's fault it is what I want here is for both of them to fight for each other. I am a bit tired of the unilateral thing – though sometimes it fits – but I wanted something different and they are actually in the same page so they will both fight to get together.
This feeling of not belonging will soon go away, they just got into a big fight that was pretty intense, if not by its duration and words by its consequence so it is pretty normal to feel like this for a while, especially if they weren't even together - though that might change quickly and briefly.
Thanks a lot to Syrine, Artemi, Love me some Julian, kaos2405, sb1218, Syrine ;), MaryOTH; Sab; xxAshley; Kayla, Y0uNMcK33; haleydavisbaker; FriendlyGirl333; vampiregurl and SouthernBellBrooke. Your reviews make my day, every day :)
Coming up next: make up sex; Julian and the kids relationship and more details about Brooke's fertility issues.
Talk to you soon - though next chapter is yet to be finished :P
Babi