You know, Saya's gotten two responses on her amvs that she thinks can never be beat, the first of which was this one, which was the comment to an Uchihacest vid. Now, someone could write a paragraph about the vid on all different things, but nothing will ever be as funny as this "omg Sasuke really does take in up the ass..." it was very funny in all it's simplicity.

Um.......Saya no own.... that's it....

Rated M for Allen molest, swearing, voodoo dolls, and what-not.

26. Introspective

Allen's mini-vacation was coming to a close, hewas on his way to a briefing where he would be given his next assignment. Now one might think that they would make Allen stay inside the Order's walls, but no, he was an exorcist who had a duty to fulfill. In truth, the inner Allen, the selfish one who cared about his own well-being, wanted nothing more than to beg Komui to let him stay at the Order's castle, where the Noah couldn't get him, and the worst that would come to him were his dreams. But the outer Allen that cared for the world and the Akuma above all would not have that. Outer Allen would insist that he was not useless, and that his well-being was not as important as the world's, that he should be out exterminating Akuma.

But in that sense, where did the real Allen end and the false one begin? While it was true that inner Allen was selfish, and cared much about his own life, it was also true that the real him cared for the Akuma. No, his real self loved the Akuma. His twisted heart had a twisted love, he loved the Akuma, and therefore, he had to destroy those pitiful creatures. It was self-destructive, to love the Akuma, to love things that couldn't love him, to destroy what he loved. But even so, it was all that kept him alive, his need to save the Akuma, his need to save the world. Why else would he put up with the cold? Why else would he walk through the day with that frozen heart, where it was unbearably bleak? For what other reason had he allowed himself to live in that frozen hell, instead of giving up and killing himself? There was no other reason, he lived for the world, that much was real.

That raises another problem though, if his heart loves the Akuma, then why did he have to freeze it over in the first place? Doesn't love warm people? Once again, Allen's masochistic love was to blame. He loved what couldn't love him. He wouldn't allow anyone to love him. While it was true that people definitely loved and cared for him, it wasn't really Allen they loved, it was his false self. He didn't show his real self, so no one had the chance to love him. He did not let the affections of others warm him, if he did, one day those feelings would undoubtedly fade, or those people would leave him. It was better to never feel that warmth in the first place. But his inner self and his outer self felt the same thing towards the akuma. What makes a person real? What makes a person fake? What makes a person themself?

Though Allen loved the Akuma, he found it harder and harder with every one he destroyed to love the humans who made them. He loved the Akuma, and sympathized with them, they had no choice in existing. They almost never had a choice in dying, and they most certainly never had the choice to be brought back. They lived in misery everyday because some human was selfish, too selfish to let their loved ones live peacefully in their afterlife. Those humans had a choice, and they made the wrong one, killing themselves and bringing back their loved ones, who would be tortured until an exorcist could save them. Still, Allen found it impossible to love the Akuma and not love the humans who made them, humans who didn't trust him all because of the badge on his chest. Humans were selfish, and so is love, love can not exist in a selfless heart. So Allen loved the humans who created the Akuma. He loved the Akuma, which is why they must be destroyed. Allen was well aware just how much like a Noah that made him, maybe that's why he didn't completely hate the Noah, because their love was the same as his, just aimed towards a different populace.

Allen reached Komui's office, opening the door to reveal the mad scientist, the science section leader, and three very familiar exorcists. He stood next to the couch, the old, familiar, battered couch, instead of sitting with the other three and making them all squeeze together. Komui started on his explanation of their latest mission.

"There is a town in Belgium, Gent. The finders around that city have sent reports than nearly the entire population there may be made up of Akuma, or the majority of the population, the situation is very similar to Japan's. It's almost like a reserve army. If the Earl ever needed to move a large group of Akuma all at once, all he would have to do is order the 'inhabitants' of Gent to move, and there would be a united force of nearly 250 thousand akuma. Your mission is to go to one of the surrounding towns, to one of the finder's strongholds, and day by day thin out the Akuma population," Komui explained as Reever passed out information packets, Komui pointed the city's general area out on his map of Europe, and Lenalee passed out coffee and tea.

"How come they think that the entire population is made up of Akuma?" Lavi asked, sipping his coffee. Like he really needed coffee.

"Because, they have reported that Akuma go down the streets in their Akuma forms, and none of the city's inhabitants are frightened by that. Also, when the Akuma roam around like that, they don't kill anyone, they leave the city to attack. We can only assume that killing another akuma isn't as beneficial as killing human beings, so they prefer to travel to do that. If there was still a large or noticeable human population there, then the Akuma would attack them. You four will be leaving tomorrow; your finder will be waiting for you tomorrow in the water passages."

The group nodded in understanding, and dispersed to go back to their own rooms to read over the information packs before they had to leave, and get ready for the mission, which was bound to be a long one.

Allen walked alone back to his room, fairly sure of where he was going. Or not.

'Oh geez...I think I took a wrong turn a few halls back...'

The last three or four halls were all almost exactly the same, same number of doors, no defining (and often disturbing and cryptic) pictures on the walls. It was a place where Allen often messed up when going to his room, but it was easy enough to backtrack from there. Sometimes. One hall back, two, then three then four, and Allen was more lost than he was just a few minutes ago.

"Tch....do you always get lost in this exact same hall?" Allen turned to see Kanda scowling down at him.

'What does he mean, 'this exact hall'? Have I gotten lost here before? ....Oh yeah ... That time when it was really late and he brought me to the dining hall...'

"Um... maybe... what difference does it make where I got lost!?"

"Because you always manage to get lost mysteriously close to my room baka Moyashi."

"Huh? Really?" Allen had no idea where Kanda's room was, it was a bit strange that he'd always get lost near it.

"Does baby Moyashi need to be led by the hand to his room?" Kanda asked in a teasing manner. Allen huffed indignantly, blushing slightly.

"NO! I don't! I can find my way back easily enough!"

Kanda rolled his eyes and headed in the direction Allen just came from, stopping mid-hall.

"Well do you want to get back to your room or not Moyashi!?" Allen jumped, realizing that he was expected to follow. He turned around and followed Kanda back to his room.

'...Why does he know where my room is when I don't? No fair...'

Yeah.....saya just had to end this in a silly way. There was a lot of Allen introspection in this chapter. He's turning out to be a kinda deep character ...maybe.... that might be a bit self-gratifying to say. Oh well. Review if you wish.