Well...what do you know? Here is another chapter. I guess I defiantly owe you all since there was such a long time between posts until recently. For that I apologise. But real life seems to have calmed down a little bit now so I have more time to write and share. I have a rough outline of exactly what will happen in this story and I'm aiming for about 40 - 50 chapters all up...yeah its long but I cant shorten it without it going weird.

Like always feel free to review or pm me, I adore hearing your feedback.
Wanderer

xo

ETTY'S POV

Two months.

That was how long Jasper had been gone for. No one knew where he was or if he was ok. He was just gone. I don't understand why. I mean he was fine when I saw him, hell he even told me he would see me the next day so why up and leave? I sighed and put down my book I was trying to read. I just couldn't concentrate. I hadn't really been able to the last month and a half. The weird thing was the Cullen's didn't seem fussed by it.

"He'll come home when he is ready." Edward said when I asked. "You shouldn't worry about him. He always runs."

Yes I knew that thank you captain Obvious. But he hadn't ever been gone for so long before! When I tried to argue, he just smiled and patted my arm like I was a small child throwing a tantrum.

"Don't worry Etty. Trust me. He is fine."

Urgh! Men! Honestly they should be slapped on a regular basis by something large and hard. I sighed and looked at my clock. 6:45 the green neon lights flashed. I sighed again and decided to get up. I had been up since 4:30 and hadn't been able to get back to sleep due to my wandering mind thinking about some shmuck I cared about.

Cared for? Honey you are falling hard and fast.

Stupid voice in my head. I stretched hearing all the bones crack and sighed again before getting up and making my way towards the shower.

I guess in all honesty, I felt stupid. Here I was pinning over a man I barely knew. I never pinned...like ever. I just feel...fooled. I shouldn't be though, Japer was sincere in everything he said and did...right? I mean it's not like we had sex or anything so why run now? It would make more sense if he ran after having sex like other guys I knew. I sighed and ran the shower. I stripped down and jumped in without a glance at the mirror. I didn't need it. I knew I looked like crap. I hadn't been wearing makeup or bothering with decent clothes, I always had my hair tied up and I knew i looked...boring. I just wasn't me.

This guy was getting under my skin. I thought as I washed my hair. I'm like a fucking zombie waiting for a guy I barely know.

But you do know him. There was that voice again. Hmmm hearing voices in your head is surely a sign of madness right? I rinsed out my hair and started to scrub my skin. I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep falling for guys I barely know. It has never ended well in the past. Riley is a perfect example. As was Trey. I sighed again, turned off the shower and jumped out. I stood there for a few moments. Maybe it's me that sends them running. I grabbed a towel and started drying myself as I pondered that thought. I mean, I am fair nuts...just ask the voice in my head. I have no family. Hell I don't even know what a real family is! I don't really get along with people as they shit me. I have a mild obsession with music and my guitar and tend to dance around in my underwear while writing a new song. Maybe I should call the boys from back home.

My boys were my very best friend from New York. They were also my band, Broken Faith. We met one day when I was playing in their spot in Central Park. We had a few...words and we became inseparable since. They knew about my family and how fucked up they are and even helped looked after me when dad took it too far. They were my brothers. There was Mitch who was tall and lanky with long black hair that always had a random coloured streak. The colour changed weekly depending on his mood. He had a sleeve of tatts and a lip ring. He was our drummer and resident goof ball. Then there was Bundy. He real name was Francis but we all agreed very quickly that that was defiantly no name for a rock star. Because that's what we were and what we were going to be, rock stars. Bundy was as tall and as lanky as Mitch but had blonde hair he always wore spiked. He had both arms covered in tatts and a few random pieces spread out over his body. His favourite habit was sticking out his tongue when he played bass so he got it pierce. "Little extra for the ladies" he told us. He was...well he was crazy. He was like a three year old on a sugar high all...the...time! And finally there is Memphis. My Memphis. I was closer to him than the others only due to the fact he literally knocked my dad out one night when he came and picked me up and saw the black eye. He went through the same thing with his old man but he got out when he was fifteen and lived with his Nanna ever since. He's saved my arse more than once and has never judged me. He was like the older brother everyone wished for. He was tall and solid with dark chocolate skin and no hair except for a small soul patch. We swapped and changed lead guitar and vocals depending on the song but like in real life, we always had each other backs. I spoke to them at least once a week normally but lately I have been ignoring their calls and texts. Just two days ago I got once from Memphis demanding I answer him or he will fly down here and kick my arse for scaring him. I sent back a small reply saying I'm fine just dealing with some issues and not to worry. He replied with a simple messaged that made me realise how pathetic I was being.
"U r kind, U r Smart and U r Beauuuuutiful! Don't let them walk all over u. Stand tall and proud and show no fear. We r here if u need us kitten. Much brotherly love times 3!"

Like usual, he got what was wrong and gave me the push to deal with it. I sighed and wiped the mirror with the towel. I don't like looking into mirrors as I've never been one to really care about my appearance but I needed to look myself in the eye and pull my head out of my arse. I had wallowed long enough. I am by no means gorgeous but I like to think I am alright looking. I could never be a model but then again I like food too much and I hate people so even if I had the body, I have too much of a personality to survive that world. I ran my fingers over the long twisted knotted scar that run from just under my left breast to my right hip. No, I defiantly couldn't be a model. I was covered in marks. Small scars, large scars, some scars that were long since faded but I could still see them clear as day. Burn marks dotted my body like a bad puzzle. I shook my head to clear the memories and looked back into my eyes. I was a mess. I had bags under my eyes that made me look like a panda and my hair hung wildly down my back. I bit my lip and frowned. No, this wouldn't do. I wasn't me anymore. I was a shell and I had worked damn hard to make sure I wasn't a shell before. I had come a long way since those times and ill be damned if I was going to let Jasper fucking Hale make me go backwards. I grinned at myself in the mirror and nodded. It was time to stand tall and proud again. He was a just a boy. There were plenty of them in the world.
But no boy had ever made you feel so special and happy before.

Ignoring the voice in my head again I picked up my make up and went to work. Watch out Forks, Etty is back.