HERE TO STAY

PART II: New Beginnings

Chapter 25

TRIS

Hope is a funny thing—it often has a way of making you feel fuzzy and warm on the inside, but sometimes, it can break you to the core. That was how it felt watching Tobias.

The whole ordeal had been traumatic to say the least—to witness the death of your best friend and to be the one to pull the trigger on your own father, yes, even despite the fact that he was a psychopath—well, that would've broken someone completely. Tobias was putting on a brave face, but she could see, only Tris could see the small moments when his façade would slip, and she would get a glimpse of how torn he actually was. No one else caught onto these flashes of weakness, and in the eyes of others, Tobias was his usual self. It seemed only Tris understood what he really needed—time to grieve, to heal, time to forget and move on—yet, in some part of her mind, she doubted whether he really could get over this.

The longer he went without talking about it, the more she could see it changing him.

They were back in the safety of Tobias' apartment, though Tris doubted whether it was really that safe if he had felt the need to escape this place previously. Granted, the man who was basically 'hunting' them was long dead, and his accomplices gone with the wind no doubt, but the aftermath of it all stuck around—like a thick fog, following their every move. It was so dense, Tris could barely breathe. She didn't know whether it was the guilt crushing them both or the fact that Tobias hadn't spoken a single word since two nights ago.

Looking at him now, sprawled on the couch, he looked so vulnerable. She could only see the side of his face, but that was all she needed. She saw everything, all the emotions swirling inside now painted on his face. It broke her heart to see him like this. He was always the strong one; he was her rock, her tether to keep her to the ground, but not today.

She flinched when she saw tears rolling off his cheek as he cried to himself silently. Seeing him like this, so broken, it hurt her. She reached over, her hand brushing his lightly. Her voice was gentle and soft, comforting and serene, "Tobias… I know you said to never bring it up again, but I think you need to—you need to talk about this."

"Tris, I know you're trying but you don't understand how it feels—"

"No Tobias." She interjected, "You've made the same excuses over and over, and I know. I get it, okay? It's hard; of course it's going to be! Do you think that losing someone's not hard? Sure, you can go ahead and say I don't understand, because I haven't lost anyone in my life—I haven't lost family, but I might as well have. You had a mother who loved you, who showed you compassion and love, I on the other hand, had a mother who was cold; a mother who abandoned me, and as for my father, where was he when it mattered? He didn't even realize how much it affected me; he tossed everything to do with my mother aside—he pretended she didn't exist. He was no better than her. So no, you don't get the right to say I don't understand." Tears had begun to pool in her eyes and despite her attempts to speak clearly, she found her voice shaking, mirroring how she felt inside exactly.

"Tris, I didn't mean to say that—"

She nodded, "I know you think I don't understand but I think I understand more than you know. I also know you're hurting Tobias, and I'm really trying to help but I can't… I can't help you unless you let me in."

"I can't—" He swallowed, "If I let you in, I let everything in. All the grief, pain, hurt, loss, I can't—I won't be able to take it. It'll break me…" His voice wavered, "And I don't think anyone can put me back together again if I do."

Her eyes softened beneath his gaze, "The despair, all the anger and hurt you're feeling, it's too much for one person to handle. If you don't talk about it, it'll cripple you Tobias. It'll consume every inch of you."

"You're strong Tobias, you've always been. You were there for me when I needed you, when I was at my lowest point. You were the one that helped me… so let me do the same."

"You can't let others and their selfish actions define who you are; the past, your past, it doesn't determine who you'll be in the future, that's all up to you." She took a deep breath in, "I'm here for you, but I really do think that you have to at least try…" In a soft whisper, he spoke the last part, "Christian would've wanted that."

Silence echoed all around them—the lack of words was deafening.

"Okay." He sighed, nodding his head unsurely at first, but the longer she stared at him, the more she could see him changing—he was finally giving himself a chance at life again. "And I'm sorry for being so rude and insensitive about your parents… I know that must've been hard… Tris, if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here, just like I know you would be here for me."

It was as if, she could actually see his heart healing, repairing itself, and strengthening his soul. It was indescribable, the feeling she got in her chest as she witnessed this transformation. Only a few moments ago, did he claim to be a lost cause, that he was unable to feel once more, but she never doubted him, she gave him a reason to live—and to keep on living.

They hugged for what seemed like an eternity, the comfort they got from each other was all they had needed. His chest was placed firmly on her chest and she stroked his hair, running her fingers to the bottom of his neck then along his cheeks, forming a circle. Her fingers traced his facial features as her mind drifted elsewhere.

It was so strange, for Tris, and the more she thought about it, the more she wanted to laugh. It was only a little over a month ago, where the roles had been reversed—he had been her rock, her anchor, and she, she was the one in desperate need of someone that cared, that could love her and also, teach her to love.

Finally, a little giggle escaped her lips.

"What's so funny?" He asked, tilting her head up to meet hers.

"Just thinking of how a month ago, I was the broken one and you, you were my strength." She whispered.

For the first time in a long while, he let out a small smile. He numbly kissed her lips and mumbled against them, "You weren't broken Tris, you never were. And you have always been strong. You're the strongest woman I know."

Her eyes shone at him, gleaming with hope and purity, "I love you Tobias."

"I know." He pressed his lips against hers again, "And I love you."

…

A few days had gone and passed and things had fallen back to it's usual routine back at the campus, though Tris rarely stayed at her dorm anymore. She had spent all her time outside of classes with Tobias, whether it was in his apartment or anywhere he wanted to go as an escape. No one had spoken anymore about that night, but she knew, when the time was right, he would talk. It seemed, like it always was in the crazy underworld—a world not many ordinary people get to see—that Marcus' death had been swept under the rug. With everything being severed off completely; accomplices disappearing and other persons affiliated with Marcus had gone under the radar, everything was so clean and efficient that the whole death could've been sealed off with a neat bow. There were no reports on the news, no small whispers along the street; it was as if Marcus had died—as he was supposed to—all those years ago.

As for Tris and Tobias, their relationship was still rocky, and they treaded around the conversation, like broken class under the tips of their toes. It wasn't a light conversation and was definitely one to be taken when ready, so neither pushed the talk—especially Tris, she understood the importance of waiting until he was ready to talk about it, at his own free will.

"So care to tell me where you and Tobias skipped off to for the past few days, and why you left us at that café?" Christina's voice was fierce, and Tris shrunk under her stare, "We went to the bathroom, and when we came back, you two were nowhere in sight. And all we get is one text message? Seriously! Come on Tris, you owe me an explanation. Now spill." Tris' friendship with Christina and Will had been mended as much as it could've, with Tris deliberately leaving out some information—but as it seemed, it was the stuff Tris didn't say that Christina was more invested in.

"I told you in that text! It was a family emergency." Tris said with a tight lip. She bit down on it, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to stop herself from saying more. She looked at the shorter girl, and despite the height advantage, Tris was still a little intimated by the girl.

"You said, and I quote "Sorry had to leave early, something came up". What's the something? What was so urgent you had to leave? And without a goodbye too!" She hissed and Tris flinched. Her grip on the doorknob tightened as she used her freehand to guide Christina into her dorm. Her posture was stiff and the welcome gesture, which she had meant to be inviting, didn't come off so well. She had invited her over to her dorm, instead of Tobias' apartment where she had been currently staying over, because she knew Tobias' wasn't at the stage where he could handle company still—and that definitely meant company as strong as Christina.

"There's not much to say… We just had to leave really quickly. It was all a mess and Tobias' was really distraught. I couldn't just leave him to drive on his own so I left with him." Her mind was thinking of a thousand excuses and plenty more fake explanations she could give, if the current one went awry. Despite her attempts at hiding the real reason, there was some truth behind her words. They had left because of a family emergency; only it was more of an emergency for them rather than a family member.

"Oh… Is that why Tobias hasn't been around lately?" Her voice turned gentle, as she treaded softly, "I haven't seen him in classes or around the campus."

"Yeah. He's just having some trouble adjusting… I don't think he'll be ready to return this year, since there's only a few months left. But I think the university has given him a chance to carry on his work experience next year."

"I'm sorry Tris—I—I didn't mean to come off as insensitive… It's just that, everything's been so strange between us the past few weeks—the last one in particular—and I know our friendship didn't get off to the best start on the trip." She took a deep breath, "I just haven't seen much of you lately and I've been worried, scared that something might've happened to you and Tobias."

"No." She shook her head lightly, "I'm okay—we're okay." She corrected, "I've just been putting my time into helping Tobias, he's just having a really rough time right now… It's nothing personal, nothing to do with you… It's just that he's really hurting right now, and he needs me more than ever."

She sighed, "I understand, and I'm here if you need to talk too. You know that right?" She asked.

Tris nodded, understanding. "I know. And thank you Christina." She said with a smile.

The two looked at one another, friendship glowing in the air around them. Suddenly Tris realized, the cloud that had been following her, was now almost gone. There wasn't anything obstructing her view or her ability to think anymore, there was clarity in all she could do now. It was the differences in the friendship that had caused the rift between the two, and the main reason why everything had gotten so tense. But with it gone, everything had cleared up with it.

She leant in and gave her friend a small hug, the warmth and love she felt making her feel good inside. A small smile spread across her face as she whispered, "Thank you for everything."

She broke from the hug when a loud bang rung from the door. Both their heads snapped up at the sudden intrusion. From beneath the door, she could see a small shadow on the floorboards. Her eyes didn't leave the door as she walked over to it quietly, slowly unlocking the door, revealing a woman, possibly in her forties.

Tris studied her; she looked oddly familiar as if she had seen her on the street, or perhaps in a dream. Her face wasn't special but there was about her that struck something in Tris—something that she related to as an old memory.

"Tris?"

She only opened the door enough to reveal her body but not anymore. She could sense that Christina was still watching, from the bed where they were sitting before, but she didn't give that a second thought. She turned her attention back to the stranger at the door and spoke in her loudest voice, "I'm sorry. Who are you?"

She waited for a reply, but only caught onto mumbles and parts of words. She sent the woman a puzzled look, which she obviously received, as she cleared her throat and spoke once more.

"I forgot to introduce myself… I'm Natalie, Natalie Prior… your mother."

A/N: This is the last pre-written chapter so updates might be slower but I will still try to get them out to you asap! Thanks for your patience :)