See you Lovelies at the bottom!

WARNING: Drinking or smoking/inhaling while reading may result in excessive choking, vomiting and possible shitting of one's pants. I am NOT responsible ;D

BWAHAHA!

When Emily had finally fallen back to sleep, I half expected to find Emmett waiting for me on the other side of her bedroom door, but to my surprise, the hall was empty.

I could hear someone down in the kitchen, but I wasn't about to fucking go down there on the chance that it was just Emmett.

That and the mess in my fucking pants was beginning to burn and dry, causing the hair on my thighs to stick together.

Yeah, it sucked.

Assuming that Bella wouldn't mind me barging in her room to change, I walked in, not bothering to knock.

"Edward!" she screeched.

Her body streaked across the room in a flash, nothing but flesh and her long, mahogany tresses to be seen as she dove on the other side of the bed, grasping at the sheets.

I quietly shut the door behind me, trying desperately not to laugh as she peeked at me over the edge of the mattress.

"Haven't you ever heard of fucking knocking?" she snapped.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before, Princess."

She rolled her eyes as I stayed exactly where I was.

After the night I'd had, I wasn't going anywhere fucking near her naked flesh until I was one hundred percent sure we wouldn't be interrupted.

"Why are you all the way over there?" she questioned, raising a confused brow at me.

"Why are you hiding down there? More importantly, why the hell are you naked?"

"Why do you think?"

I chuckled with a shake of my head. "Swan, I'm not doing shit until we're either at my place or I know for a fucking fact that Emmett and Emily are sound asleep and not getting back up."

"Why don't you fucking dust them, genius?"

"Gee, why the fuck didn't I think of that?!" I answered sarcastically. "I'm out of dust…remember? Big dude, baseball bat, chasing me around his fucking living room because your OCD ass had to touch the goddamned piano?"

"You aren't bitter about it, are you?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" I shot back, smiling at her fucking spunk.

"Did she go to sleep easy?"

"Oh, she's out like a light. It's Emmett that's still up making racket in the damn kitchen. Do we really have to go back down there tonight?"

"If we don't, he'll come up here and you know that. So I guess that since you're out of dust, you're going to have to recruit him, aren't you?"

"Fuck yes, as much as I don't want to. But what's bothering the shit out of me is the fact that with you and Emmett working routes every night, no one will be here to watch Emily."

"I haven't got that far ahead yet. Just…let me think about it, but you have to tell Emmett tonight, Edward. He won't let up until you do."

For the first time since Bella had found out about me, I actually wished she had her fucking wings already; that way, she could fucking tell Emmett and recruit him herself.

This just wasn't something he was going to take lightly and I knew it.

I sighed as she stood, her back to me as she wrapped the sheet around herself. "Do you happen to have any other pants I can change into?"

Bella's face scrunched up as she ran her hand over her face.

"No, I don't…can't you just wear those?"

"I've got fucking jizz in…"

"You glitter glued yourself…right, I forgot. There's two options: you can either ask Em for a pair of his pants which are way too fucking big for you, or you can wear that."

I looked in the direction which she pointed.

Fuck no.

Was she fucking kidding me?

"A robe? You're suggesting I wear your fucking robe?!" I growled, eyeballing the silky, vibrant purple robe that hung from her bathroom door, lacy shit embroidering the collar.

"Well, do you have any other ideas, Einstein?!" she exclaimed loud enough to get her point across, but quiet enough to not make it past her door.

I laughed manically to myself, looking up at the sky and flipping it the bird with both hands, knowing without seeing that my old man was laughing his fucking ass off.

When I brought my head back down, Bella was smirking at me, extending the vile piece of fabric to me in her hand.

*~TT&ABOFD~*

I swear on fucking everything, I was going to start traveling with a damned bag of extra clothes.

Never again would I do this shit.

When I re-emerged from the bathroom, it had taken the bitch nearly fifteen minutes to quit laughing long enough to take a damn breath.

The robe was three sizes too fucking small.

The sleeves squeezed my arms like a second skin and cut off about an inch past my elbow. Thank god my hips and waist were slim because had they have been a size bigger, I'd have walked downstairs with my junk on display, peeking through the robe.

"Swan, when we go down there, you're fucking sitting in my lap. If you don't, we could wind up in a very bad position with Emmett."

"Good lord, Cullen, it's not like he hasn't seen a cock and balls before. After all, you gave him an up close and personal feel earlier, didn't you?"

I whimpered tiredly. "You're really going to fucking go there? Don't you realize just how bad tonight has sucked already? And you want to make it worse?"

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to fucking lighten the mood a little bit, Edward. I think I might have some boy shorts if you wanna put those on under it. They'll be tight as hell but it's better than nothing."

"Let me guess, they have fucking Hello Kitty on them, right?"

"No, not Hello Kitty…" she hummed.

Shit.

This was going to be bad.

I could just feel it.

In fact, I promised myself I wouldn't fucking look at them.

So, when we went downstairs, the seams of the fucking boy shorts cutting into my skin and my dick feeling like it was suffocating, I prepared myself for the worst.

Emmett met us as we walked into the kitchen, his brow furrowed, nose flaring, and lips twitching as his eyes widened in disgust.

"One, why the hell are you wearing Bells' robe, and two, why fuck is your dick choking the Powerpuff Girls?"

I'm just gonna...

Yeah, no words...AGAIN!

Just hit that review button, and I'll see you ladies tomorrow night D

T