Mr. Gold's POV
XX
For a week I had seen nothing of another living soul.
On the first day, Charming had come to my door and banged loudly on it, threatening dismemberment. Emma had come a few days later and demanded I let her in. Later that same day, Snow came to the door and pleaded with me to allow her in so we could discuss the situation rationally.
Needless to say, I stayed away from the door.
I barely ate. I didn't have the appetite, and it would've just slowed down my thinking processes. No matter what scene in my life I turned to, regardless of what I tried to think about, all my memories led me down the same paths.
My wife –a burning, aching need. A love beyond all doubt, more potent than the vilest of potions. The woman of my present. The savior of my future.
Belle. A lost chance. A love I was never permitted. A guilt, painful and deep, at what she'd endured at the hands of Regina. The defining moment of my past, the woman that proved the monster still had a heart.
Who was my heart's greater desire?
Was there really any question?
XX
That evening found me on the library's steps. My knuckles were white from the force with which I held my cane, and I took a deep breath.
This needs to be done.
I pushed open the door, wincing at the bell's cheery little twinkle that announced my presence.
"Belle?" I forced out through numb lips.
Footsteps hurried my way, and I wondered if it was too late to duck out of the door. Then she was in front of me, smiling nervously and wringing her hands in her skirt.
"What can I help you with, Rumpel?"
I prepared myself for the pang that her voice should've brought, but it was absent. Perhaps this wouldn't be so difficult.
"Belle, we need to talk."
I watched her smile fall. "Of course, right this way."
She led me to a set of comfortable chairs, facing each other over a glass table. I sat down heavily. I didn't want to hurt her, but my indecision was hurting everybody, and it was time I laid old ghosts to rest.
She was quietly waiting for me to begin, and I did so hesitantly.
"Belle, you realize that… nearly thirty years have passed since I first learned of your 'death'?"
With her almost imperceptible nod, I continued.
"I missed you. But two years after you'd left me, I met Jennifer. I didn't mean to love her, Belle. She's royalty, daughter of Charming and Snow. I knew that it was not my place, as the fearsome and hated dealmaker. I was prisoner of the kingdom at the time, and being mistreated. Jenna… she was so kind. The first soul since my son to protect me. The first person to look upon me and not cringe in fear. Even you, sweet and accepting as you are, could not stand the sight of me for several months. The first time she looked upon me… she saw a broken man in need of care.
"And I hate to say it Belle, because your happiness is important to me, but I love her. She is my wife, and I love her. You will always have a place in my heart, you must understand that, but she…"
Belle was nodding. Why was she nodding? Shouldn't she be crying, calling him abrasive names? Shouldn't she be upset?
Belle smiled a tremulous little smile at his look of confusion. "I understand, Rum. You've moved on. I can't fault you for being human. I can't be upset at you for not remaining faithful to a dead woman. I'll be fine, you needn't worry about me." I stood, and she stood with me and started towards the door.
Once we reached it, she held out her hand.
"To the hope of happy new beginnings for the both of us."
I pulled her into a hug.
"Goodbye, Belle."