Don't own. Sorry it took so long to get up.

So, thanks to a request by Merula Aeolus, you'll all be getting an extra update this Thursday. But be warned, I'll need some feedback on that one, or it could delay next Monday's comic, and that would defeat the purpose of a holiday-gift-update.

… … .. . .. … …

"And then, and then, I took a running leap out the window." Jim cackled, slapping the table in amusement as Sulu nearly choked on his cereal.

"It was three floors up." McCoy said with a note of annoyance. "And he ran straight to the clinic where I was on duty."

"How did you run after a fall like that?" Sulu grinned, coughing between words.

"Practice." Jim responded proudly, in spite of it not being something he should be proud of.

"Vhat did she do aftervords?" Chekov asked excitedly.

"She chased me down!" Jim said with a modicum of amusement. "She didn't jump out of the window, but she apparently ended up at Starfleet Academy looking for me."

"Yikes!" Sulu chuckled.

Jim had been regaling them with memories of his time at the academy, mostly from his first year as he hadn't had much time for shenanigans after starting to take things seriously. It was nice to have a mostly quiet morning. Sure, there were a few sideways glances by personnel that overheard his rambunctious tales, but it was well worth it. Sulu liked his stories and Chekov…well, Chekov liked to hear him talk. He was probably actually a bad influence on him.

He was so busy sharing the he missed Spock entering the cafeteria, looking just a little haggard. Not sleeping was only mildly annoying. Not being able to complete his meditation without his thoughts turning to Jim was…problematic. It was proving troublesome for his barriers and that, in return, provided more for him to think about. A good portion of his night was spent wondering how he would reassure the falsely boisterous captain that his presence was welcome.

Spock approached quietly, going unnoticed by the entire group.

"Jim?" He asked carefully, placing his hand on the blonde's shoulder.

Jim stiffened, whipping his head around to look at him before offering a sheepish smile. "Hey Spock. Did you need something?"

"A moment, when you may spare it." Spock nodded.

"Uh…" Jim glanced at his companions, noting the understanding nods they gave him. "Okay. I've got a few spare right now."

Spock nodded once and turned on his heel, leading him towards the door. Jim glanced back at them a moment, shrugging as he stood. Bones cleared his tray immediately, rolling his eyes and nodding for him to leave. He trotted out after his first officer, rushing to catch up.

Spock didn't stop until they made it to the turbo lift. Jim grimaced as soon as he saw what had, in his head, been officially dubbed the discussion room. Usually that meant that there was going to be a private discussion happening shortly. In all actuality, he was pretty sure the turbo lifts saw more discussions than the briefing rooms. Spock stopped the lift almost immediately, though he had at least put on a show of directing it to the bridge.

"Well?" Jim prompted when he remained silent.

"I wish to apologize for my behavior last night."

Jim blinked at him, clear confusion in his eyes. "Uh…what?"

Spock nearly sighed. "It was inappropriate of me to accost you in such a manner in front of nurse Chapel."

"Wait, that's bothering you?" Jim gave him an incredulous look. "I can't believe that. You weren't…I mean, it's entirely up to you what you do. I wasn't upset about that."

"Why were you upset?" Spock lifted an eyebrow, daring him to deny it.

Jim grimaced, leaning back against the wall. "I…I was frustrated. I don't know. Don't worry about it."

"Jim." Spock's eyes softened, fixing him with a deceptively gentle look. "We must communicate."

Jim flushed, kicking at the wall a little and crossing his arms over his chest. "Okay. So maybe I thought you were going to be upset that I touched you in front of her even though you said it was okay. And maybe I got pissed at myself when I realized I'd doubted you. And maybe I was a little worried that you were upset because I doubted you."

It was Spock's turn to blink in surprise and confusion. "It would appear we have once again miscommunicated. I believed you were upset with me."

Jim sighed, dropping his shoulders. "No. No I wasn't."

Spock forced himself not to squirm, feeling decisively uncomfortable. "Then we are…alright?"

Jim grinned. "Yeah. We're good." And as an after thought. "Hey Spock, is it alright if I assume you aren't upset with me unless you say you are?"

"That would be reasonable." Spock's lips twitched through a smirk. "I will endeavor to alert you when you distress me."

"Just don't choke me." Jim grinned, restarting the lift.

Spock tensed, and Jim immediately scowled. "Oh no you don't. Don't even start that today. I was joking and I don't want you to even think about blaming yourself for that again."

"Of course, Jim." Spock nodded half heartedly.

"Good." Jim smiled, slapping his shoulder affectionately.

… .. .

Spock tensed, trying desperately to ignore the snippets of emotion and thoughts he kept receiving from various crew members. They were mostly innocuous, but distracting all the same. Distracting enough that he missed the concerned looks Jim was shooting him. Said Captain approached Uhura right before lunch on the pretense of his 'secret' project, effectively ditching Spock with the aid of his navigator and pilot.

"Am I loosing it or was Spock really tense on the bridge today?" Jim asked as soon as he got her alone.

She scowled. "No. I noticed it too. He was tensing up even more than usual when people brushed into him."

"Alright." Jim sighed. "Keep him distracted at lunch. If he asks, tell him I'm in engineering eating with Scotty."

"And where will you actually be?" Uhura snorted, placing her hands on her hips.

"I'm finding Stonn."

… .. .

"Captain." Stonn said as though he weren't surprised to find Kirk standing outside his room.

"Stonn." Jim nodded to him politely.

Before he could get another word out, Stonn stepped sideways, inviting him in. The quarters weren't uncomfortable, but they were a bit more cramped than the officers' quarters. Jim didn't look around, accepting the seat he was gestured into.

"To what do I owe this visit?"

"I want to talk about Spock." Jim answered immediately, before he could chicken out.

Stonn raised both eyebrows at him, tilting his head ever so slightly. "What do you wish to discuss about him with me?"

"You told him to meditate, right? Well, I want to know what exactly you told him and how he's doing." Jim crossed his arms, stubborn look firmly in place.

"It is not my place to share such private matters with you." Stonn responded easily, as he wasn't bound to listen to a Captain.

Jim scowled. "Okay. Maybe not me, but would you tell my CMO? What ever you told him, I don't think it's working. He was good for a little while, but I think whatever was bothering him that he needed to meditate for is getting worse."

"Do you?" Stonn sounded a bit interested, leaning forward to convey this.

"Yeah. I do. It's his barriers, right? He said he was meditating for his barriers and you're the one who told him to do it, weren't you?"

"I was." Stonn admitted. "You believe his barriers are insufficient?"

"I think he's having problems with them. He said he rebuilt them entirely, but…" Jim scowled, not even sure where he was supposed to be going with this conversation.

Fortunately, Stonn took it from there. "Intriguing. I suspected it would be insufficient."

"Then why did you tell him to do it?" Jim snapped, suddenly feeling tense. "You set him up for his barriers to have problems."

"I did not." Stonn informed him, unoffended by the accusation. "I offered that option as an alternative to what I suggested, with the caveat that it would most likely not succeed."

"Then what did you tell him to do?" Jim scowled, utterly confused.

Stonn considered him a moment. "Tell me, Captain, why are you so interested in this matter? It is Spock's concern alone."

Jim gulped, considering the fact that he could just leave, letting Spock sort out his bag of snakes on his own. "He's my friend."

"You hold no obligation to him in these regards." Stonn informed him as though he had no idea. "You do not have a requirement to assist him."

"I want to help him." Jim knew his voice was soft, tentative.

Stonn regarded him with a touch of amusement. "If I may be frank Captain Kirk, I am not sure you are capable of doing such."

Jim tensed, scowling. "I'll do anything I can."

"Allow me to see." Stonn instructed him, raising his hand. He raised an eyebrow when Jim scooted back, eyes wide.

"I…sorry." Jim gulped, eyeing his hand. "I haven't seen that hand motion on the best of terms."

"Indeed?" Stonn glanced at Jim's meld points interested.

"I…I don't mean…well, there was this…ambassador…right after the uh…Nero incident." Jim coughed awkwardly. "And this one time with Spock."

"You have melded with Spock?" Stonn couldn't stop surprise from coloring the edge of his voice.

Jim found himself squirming. "Well…I kind of provoked him into doing it. He wasn't…er…thinking straight. He didn't do anything wrong though."

"Remarkable." Stonn folded his hands in his lap. "What was your opinion of the occurrence?"

"It was a bit uncomfortable…" Jim admitted with a shrug. "But that was mostly because we were mad at each other."

"And your opinion of Spock's mind?"

"W-what?" Jim stuttered, blushing furiously.

"Humor me, Captain, and a meld may prove unnecessary." Stonn instructed him.

Jim glanced down at the ground, feeling so weird to be admitting this. "It was…nice. I don't know…is that weird? I mean, it felt like I was actually…somewhere. It's weird. Like…his mind is this…place. It makes me think of…a planet. An isolated world, perfect…waiting."

"Waiting?"

"I don't know." Jim laughed awkwardly, a sad tone to the timber. "Like…it's like he has everything he needs, except for…something is missing. Some kind of warm, welcome place. He's a planet with no sun. Pure talent and worth, with no purpose. Cultivated soil without anything to make it thrive. I…I sound like an idiot. What the hell am I saying? I don't know…"

"I believe your description makes perfect sense." Stonn informed him politely. "Everyone has different attributes to their minds. Did you feel welcome in Spock's mind?"

Jim stared at him a moment considering what he was just asked. He had been fighting with Spock. It would feel weird to say he was welcome when he was being forced through a slew of pain and fear. It would be weird to say he was welcome in a place filled with hate directed at him. It would be. So why did he instantly want to say yes? Why did he want to say he felt like he understood more in that moment then he ever had? Why did it feel like he had gotten to see some private thing that was to be cherished?

Why had he started his description by saying it was nice?

"I think so." Jim looked up at him, baffled.

Stonn nodded. "From my own contact with you, I can say you have a very dynamic mind, Captain. It is unsurprising that you found yourself comfortable with the nature of Spock's mind."

"Uh…okay? So now what?"

Stonn glanced sideways, as though he were considering the options he had. "Very well. I will instruct you in how you may assist him. You are to tell no one, however. If he refuses your help, then you must accept this too."

"Of course." Jim nodded eagerly, scooting forward with rapt attention.

"Meditate with him."

Blue eyes blinked, as though they had been expecting the secret to life time happiness and had been told to wear clean socks every morning. "Okay. I must have missed something. What?"

"It would be helpful if you were to meditate with him." Stonn acted like it were the most obvious thing in the world. "It will help his barriers."

"Why?"

"If you are meditating with him, it well help keep him from being distracted. It is often said the best way to learn is by teaching." Stonn replied absently.

"Wait…if that was what you told him before, why didn't he meditate with me?"

"He was under the impression that you would feel obligated to assist him." Stonn pointed out without humor.

Jim sighed. "So…what? I can't tell him I spoke with you. Do I just…ask him to teach me how to meditate? Because that totally wouldn't seem suspicious at all."

The present Vulcan was quite aware of the sarcasm in his last statement, and chose to ignore it. "Do you wish to meditate with him?"

"Yeah…well, I mean, I've thought about it…a little. It looks so…peaceful. I guess I've always been a little interested in it." Jim squirmed, suddenly wishing he hadn't decided to bother Stonn about this.

"Then tell him as much."

"I have to get back to work." Jim inform him, before he could be grilled more about his personal life.

He was feeling highly uncomfortable. Stonn allowed him to leave, intrigued by his behavior. A moment later, T'Pring entered the room, looking mildly interested.

"You were not entirely honest with him." She murmured thoughtfully, offering her hand in a kiss.

Stonn pressed his fingers to hers, mildly amused. "Indeed. It would appear they are unaware of their connection."

"And you encourage them to foster it without their knowledge or consent." She wasn't disparaging, just stating the situation. "It could go wrong."

"I do not suspect it will. You have glimpsed into his mind, have you not?"

"I have." She admitted. "They are suited for each other."

"I was truthful in my statement." Stonn reminded her. "It will help his barriers to meditate with him."

"In part. It will also do him no favors in shielding himself from the Captain."

"No. It will not."

… .. .

Jim was back on the bridge before the rest of his crew. Uhura gave him a questing look when she returned and he smiled. She nodded accepting that as he had some idea of what he was doing. Spock was already at his station, incredibly tense. Jim grimaced sympathetically and opted to run interference as best he could for the rest of their shift. It was easier said than done with the advent of paperwork in accompaniment to Spock's inherent popularity with the science personnel.

About the seventh time into the second half of their shift that a science mook snuck up on Spock and accosted him with questions about their work, Jim blew up.

"Learn to do your damn job!" Jim snapped, earning the hushed stares of the crew.

The young ensign looked ready to cry, and it was to everyone's surprise that Spock came to his defense. "It is my requirement to instruct him, Captain. It would appear I have been negligent in remembering that our crew consists of many students who have not completed their entire course loads."

Jim gulped, shaking his head. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just on edge."

"Captain?" Sulu asked quietly.

"I can't shake this feeling." Jim sighed rubbing at his temple. "It's the same one I had… Don't worry about it. I'm being anxious for no reason."

He was. Yeah, he had that same gut feeling that something was going to happen, but not yet. He knew he had time, so that didn't make any sense. It didn't make sense that he felt like his anxiety was being multiplied tenfold. Like he was picking up on all of the crew's haggard nerves and internalizing them. If anyone should be frayed from the tension of the crew, it should be Spock.

"Captain." Spock murmured thoughtfully, having moved from his seat to stand behind him. "Perhaps you should retire for the night."

"No." Jim groaned, rubbing his forehead. "I just need to calm down. Get a hold of myself."

And suddenly it clicked. He glanced sharply up at Spock, who was still watching him closely from a distance. He made the split second decision to go with it and opened his mouth before he could remember he was on the bridge.

"Could you teach me to meditate?"

And the pressure drop.

Spock blinked owlishly at him, eyes a near black. "I do not think that-"

"Please." Jim added quickly. "Spock, please. Help me."

It was a rare moment of humanity and, dare he say it, weakness. A second too late, he remembered his crew was watching him like he'd grown a second head. He flushed, embarrassed like he wasn't used to feeling in front of so many people. Spock's ears were a fair shade of green, pupils wide in his suddenly, unfathomably pale brown eyes. It was a color he didn't recognize at all.

"Very well, Captain. I will assist you at the end of our shift."

The remainder of which was exceptionally awkward.

They kept glancing at each other, just missing each other's eyes most times, occasionally catching each other and looking away as quickly as possible. The rest of the bridge crew kept their eyes fixed on their stations. Apparently the poor ensign ran back to the science labs and told everyone what happened. Especially since McCoy managed to make his way to the bridge and have a hushed conversation with Uhura, well aware of the confused, questioning look Jim was giving him.

Once he had confirmed that yes, what he'd been told happened had in fact happened, he left the bridge. He left Uhura with instructions to come down later and deal with Chapel, who was in near hysterics. At the end of her shift, she announced her intent to head to Sickbay and left as quickly as possible.

Jim felt decidedly awkward as they headed to Spock's room in complete silence. When the door shut behind them, he shuffled in place. Spock retrieved his incense and candles, lighting them carefully. When he finished, having stalled as long as he could, he turned to Jim. He was still standing there, sheepishly looking down at his feet like a student that had entered his office for reprimand. While not particularly suiting to Jim, it was intriguingly appealing. He chose not to think on that strange occurrence.

"So how do we do this?" Jim murmured, blue eyes grey with fear.

Spock reached his hand out to him immediately. "I will assist you."

Jim gulped, setting his hand in the other man's and momentarily relishing the warmth that seeped in at the contact. Spock lead him down to the ground, sliding into an appropriate stance. Jim settled in less easily, mimicking him as best he could.

Spock didn't attempt to sort the medley of confused, stressed thoughts that pressed at him, offering his other hand.

Jim accepted it without question, blushing at the brush of their palms together. "Uh…this is a bit more intimate than I though it would be."

"Indeed." Spock whispered, hands humming at the cool contact.

He found himself wanting to, rather illogically, lace their fingers together and relish the nearly open push of the deep mind just a touch away. It was embarrassing, confusing, and disarming, all at once.

"S-so…do I just focus on my breathing or my thoughts or something?"

"Calm yourself." Spock instructed. "Breath deeply. Close your eyes and separate your thoughts from your emotions. I will help you."

Carefully, Spock lead him into meditation, the faintest brush against his mind, helping him separate his thoughts and focus. Jim wasn't a telepath, though, and Spock couldn't just show him how it was done. All he could do was whisper words of help when needed and pick up on the mounting frustration Jim felt. He hadn't meant to catch hold of one particularly clear thought, but did.

Spock sprang to his feet, earning a very confused look from Jim. "You spoke with Stonn."

Jim swore, standing quickly in spite of the needling sensation in his legs. "Wait, Spock. I can explain."

"I believe I understand quite well what you have done." His tone was harsh, a stinging slap across Jim's face. "You violated my privacy and attempted to engage me in something you know nothing about."

"Damn it Spock!" Jim snapped, hands fisted at his side. "I am so tired of this push, push, push deal we've got going on! I want to help you so I'm going to! And maybe I wouldn't have no idea what I'm doing if you'd just tell me!"

"It is not your place-"

"Shut up!" Jim shouted." "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! I don't want to hear it!"

"You are behaving like a child!" Spock growled.

"I'm not the one who won't accept help!"

"You have no obligation to assist me!"

"I'm not doing it out of obligation! I want to help!"

"I do not required your aid!"

"What is so wrong with me that you don't want my help?"

They both froze, staring silently at each other. He'd said it. He'd finally asked. Spock wasn't touching him, didn't have to touch him, to feel the prevalent sense of regret, pain and helplessness shining clearly. Sometimes he wondered if he had minor empathic abilities as he slowly reached out to Jim. His blue eyes were shut tight, fatigue etched around his eyes, an open feeling of sorrow surrounding him. Spock set his hand on his shoulder, softly.

"I do not wish to burden you, Jim." He whispered gently, hoping to impress upon him how important he found this.

"I want to help. I want to be able to help. Please, let me." Jim opened his eyes, looking resigned that he was to be told to leave.

Spock took a deeper breath than strictly necessary, pushing aside the illogical want to keep Jim from this. He was being offered help. Help he truly needed. If his damn pride would just let him accept it. He nodded, once, and pulled Jim down to the ground with him, far closer than before.

"I will accept your help, if I can." He admitted quietly. "You do not need to meditate yourself. Simply…remain."

"I can do that." Jim insisted, nodding vigorously.

Spock almost smiled before allowing himself to focus. Jim was there, still light and darkness, a tempest on a sunny day just below his fingertips. Spock focused on it, zeroed in on the warmth, the desire to stay welling up in him, holding it. He didn't know how to begin analyzing it, so he didn't. He focused on his walls, the constant feeling of just barely remaining in contact with Jim, no matter how he built them.

When he opened his eyes 3.26 hours later, Jim was still there, watching him, a far off look in his eyes.

"Hey…" He murmured, blue eyes focusing after a series of rapid blinks.

"Hello." Spock replied, earning a wicked little grin at the humor of it.

"So…did I help?"

"I believe so, yes." Spock inclined his head to him, wondering if it really did do anything for his barriers.

"That's good." Jim said absentmindedly. "My thoughts weren't too distracting?"

"To the contrary. I rarely received a fully decipherable thought." Spock informed him, retrieving his hands. "I am, however interested to know more about this special brief you seem to continuously be turning your thoughts to."

Jim beamed at him. "No can do. It's a secret."

"I see."

"Let me keep helping and I might just share." Jim joked, though his eyes still asked if he would be allowed to stay.

"You did not find the experience…unfulfilling?" Spock's lips twitched through a frown, doubt etched into his eyes.

"No…" Jim glanced away. "I…find it quite interesting."

"…Very well." Spock almost sighed. "I will accept your aid."

"Yes!" Jim cheered, leaping to his feet. "Alright! So we're going to be adding this to our routine, right?"

"Yes." Spock stood, giving him a mildly amused look. "I would suggest dinner first, though."

Jim flushed as his stomach growled, laughing a little. "Heh, so dinner and meditation. Way better than chess, right?"

"Meditation is not a game, Jim." Spock informed him with no real chiding to his voice.

"I know." Jim admitted. "And I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."

Spock froze from where he had been selecting food for them, turning to stare at him. "I would not presume there was anything you do not share with Doctor McCoy."

"He doesn't know everything about me!" Jim insisted immediately. "And I don't share other people's business."

"While that is commendable, I imagine the entire ship is aware that you came to me to meditate." Spock informed him, busing himself with their dinner so he wouldn't feel quite like he was being awkwardly idle.

Jim coughed uncomfortably. "Uh…yeah. Sorry about that. But no one has to know it's more than a one time thing. I mean, not that I'd want to lie about it or anything, but there's no reason to go around telling everyone we're meditating together…or whatever it is we're doing."

"Indeed." Spock agreed with him, setting their food down. "I would appreciate discretion, then."

… .. .

"Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?"

Jim blinked up at his best friend, setting down his fork. "Good morning to you too, Bones."

McCoy snarled, sitting down across from him. "I'm not joking, Jim. Meditating with him?"

"I know what I'm doing." Jim defended himself immediately, rolling his eyes.

"Oh I have no doubt about that. I just want to know if you have any idea what you're getting into."

"There's a difference?"

"And that answers that." McCoy snorted, shaking his head. "Okay. Fine. I won't asks if this is continuing, or what's going on, or anything. So please, don't share."

"I'm using discretion." Jim said indignantly. "I promised not to talk about it. Not even with you."

"Now there's an idea."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

McCoy looked him over a minute, thinking it over. Jim was a lot happier than he'd seen him in a long time. He looked rested, fit and a healthy color. Loath as he was to admit it, something was going right. This whole spending time with Spock thing was going well. Secretly, he knew why, but he was reluctant to admit that idea. Instead, he focused on the fact that it meant less stress for Jim. Less stress and more facing his issues. And he couldn't argue with results like that.

"I just don't want to hear about it." He replied absentmindedly.

Jim frowned, not upset, but concerned. Bones seemed a bit out of it to him lately. It was like every time they talked recently, he had something on his mind. He didn't want to pry, but if there was something bothering him, he didn't want it to interfere with his work. If he were distracted at the wrong time, then he could be seriously hurt.

"Bones…you'd tell me if something was wrong, right?" Jim asked quietly, fixing serious blue eyes on him.

McCoy froze, eyes going a little wide. "Of course I would, Jim. Where is this coming from?"

"I…I don't know. I guess I just wanted to makes sure. You know?" Jim hurried back to his meal, only feeling a little better.

"I…guess?" McCoy frowned, convinced he was missing something. "Would you?"

"Of course." Jim answered immediately. "Did you doubt me?"

"No!" McCoy paused, tilting his head to the side. "Well, actually, yeah. I do. But you've had a track record of that."

"Oh great." Jim rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping from his words. "Thanks."

… … .. . .. … …

Uh…yeah. Keep your stories to yourself , Jim.