Chapter 26: Promise

Author's Note: TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide.

Jill sat, curled up, across the room, watching Cliff sleep peacefully. She smiled rather glumly, whispering.

"I used you too, Cliff…"

She stood and walked over to him, sitting beside him and watching his face closely before softly kissing his forehead, resting her cheek against his chest, murmuring silently.

"I…don't have any dreams after this, Cliff, I don't have anything…I loved Tsumaru so much…but yet, I love…" she faltered and whimpered, "I love you so much too. I don't deserve to live or have been loved by either of you…it can't go on this way…you should have so much more…your mother was right about me. I'm a horrible person…and as long as I'm here, I'm going to continue to ruin your life…"

She stood and mumbled, "Good bye…"

Drip…drip….

Izumi Cliff frowned gently, opening his eyes after a moment. Frowning at the previously occupied space beside him that was now oddly empty, he glanced at Jill's alarm clock…8 am. Must've been out working then…

He sat up and hugged his knees, resting his chin on top of them. How could she do this to him…? How could she expect him to be able to have a friendship with her after an amazing night like that? He closed his eyes, remembering how her lips felt against his, against his body…she was so perfect. She could have complete and utter control over him for all he cared…

But then, they were just…friends with benefits, right? An easy lay, as the saying went, he thought, feeling a little angry. How could she use him like this…? Was he that much of a nothing to her?

Drip…drip…

He scowled at the sound of water somewhere and realized that the shower was on. He sighed…had he left it on during the romp last night? He grumbled, miserable and numb, pulling his pants on. Whatever…this couldn't work. Even before last night, he knew it couldn't work. He couldn't be friends with someone that he loved so much… it was his mistake to mess it up in the first place and…well, he'd just have to suffer with it.

He bit his lip. Forever…

Drip…drip…

Feeling depression hit him, he wandered towards the bathroom to turn off the water, hoping to escape before Jill came into the house. Would be easier that way, he thought sadly.

He frowned, the water of course overflowing onto the floor. He'd lay some towels down then…walking over to the tub, he reached to turn it off, but his hand faltered and he let out a loud yelp.

The tub was filled over the brim…and in the bottom…

"Jill!"

He reached into the icy cold water and pulled her out, her body hanging loosely in his arms, her skin a deathly pale blue. He sobbed, cried, rushing to a dryer spot, lying her there, quickly pinching her nose and cupping his lips over hers, forcing air back into her lungs.

"Oh my God, Jill, what the hell are you thinking?! What is wrong with you?! Why?!" he sobbed before giving her another deep breath, pressing her chest.

Her body yielded no response over three or four minutes of CPR and he stopped, out of breath, and stared at her before tears rolled down his cheeks.

"W-what have I done?! God, Jill! Why?! Don't you know how much I love you?!"

He beat against her chest uncontrollably, dying inside, "Why would you do this to me?!"

Collapsing against her, choking on tears and sobs, he froze when he thought he heard something…sitting up, he cupped his hand to his chest. Yea, that was…his heart beat, but…putting his hand over her chest, he gasped.

A heart beat…Jill was…

He lifted her into his arms and ran down the streets, receiving startled glances from onlookers. He whispered into her ear lovingly, brokenly.

"Jill…if you care about me, even a little, you will hold on. Please…hold on…"

"DAMN IT!"

Popuri watched as Koji went on an absolute tirade in the waiting room, holding the restless Keiji in her arms. She bit her lip and glanced at Nelly who looked miserable…she slowly patted his arm.

"Nelly dear, can you hold Keiji while I try to calm him down…?"

He stared vaguely at her and nodded, taking the baby from her. She stood, walking towards her husband who was pacing a hole into the floor and gently grabbed his arm. He turned a fierce glare at her. She offered him a look of calm. He stared at her a minute longer with fury before the expression melted into sorrow. He wept.

"What use am I if I can't even look after my baby sister?"

"This isn't your fault, Koji… stop blaming yourself" Popuri soothed.

"The hell it isn't" he snapped before rubbing his eyes, "Jill cannot fend for herself. She never has been able to."

"You're wrong!"

They all looked up at Cliff, who had also been pacing a little. He looked angered, "Jill has always been capable of taking care of herself!"

Koji carefully shoved Popuri out of his way, giving Cliff a look to kill, "And you…how, pray tell, did you find Jill if she kicked you out of her life?"

Cliff raised his chin indignantly and Popuri grimaced, whispering, "Ko-sama, Jill and Cliff became friends again…"

He turned to her swiftly, "You knew about this?"

"Yes…"

He stared at her in disbelief, "Why is it that every time I turn around you're keeping something from me?"

She gawked and shook her head, "Koji, it's not like that at all! I just thought you'd overreact!"

"Overreact?! I don't even know a damn thing about my family that lives a whole mile away from me because apparently I'm not able to handle knowing anything!"

Cliff swallowed, shaking his head, "It is NOT a big deal, Koji."

Koji's jaw grew taut, "Really? So tell me, Cliff, you and my sister are friends again, right?"

"Yes…"

"Friends. Well, last time I checked, friends don't have sex."

All heads shot up and Popuri stared at Cliff, wide eyed, "What…?"

Cliff gaped a little as Koji gave him that dangerous unreadable expression, "That's right…the doctor said they found your semen in Jill. So, tell me please, Cliff, what exactly happened last night and why is my baby sister in there fighting for her life?"

Cliff grimaced and bowed his head, mumbling, "Jill and I…were watching a movie and…she suggested that we…have…sex. I…I wasn't sure but I went along with it and…and when I woke up this morning, she was just lying in the bottom of the tub, drowning…"

Nelly hissed, "Every time you're around, something happens to Jill. Why is that, Cliff?"

"You can't blame this on me! I didn't want this to happen!" he snapped.

"So you thought you can bang my sister after she had all this trauma and nothing would happen, is that it?" demanded Koji.

Cliff faltered, "N-no, I just-"

"You just what? Thinking with the wrong head, Cliff?"

"Stop it!" cried Popuri, "Stop fighting, please. Let's just…please, wait, in silence…nothing we say out here is going to help Jill…so please…just wait."

Cliff slowly backed away and nodded, sitting…but Koji just stared, expressionless.

"…Tell me when you hear something. I'm going for a walk."

Popuri opened her mouth but Koji took his son from Nelly and walked from the hospital, obviously quite furious. She grimaced and sighed miserably, sitting beside Nelly and glanced at him.

"I…do you think I mean to keep things from Koji too, Nelly?" she murmured.

"The baby thing still takes the cake, Po, but…" Nelly sighed, massaging his temple, "I always heard if there's no communication in a marriage, it's not a marriage at all. You need to realize that what you do and keep to yourself does happen to affect others…"

She grimaced and bowed her head as Nelly shook his, "But it doesn't matter in this case. Koji also needs to realize that Jill is very well capable of making her own decisions and that…well, our guidance…we've done all we could."

Popuri sighed and nodded…glancing at Cliff who looked shaken, completely broken…yea, they had done everything they could to make everything easier on Jill…

The rest was in her hands…

She had to wonder what death felt like…

She never really, really thought about it…suicide had been a thought she'd had since her teens, but alas, she didn't think about what came after…some said nothing, that you just…died. Some said heaven…or hell.

She couldn't expect anything good with all the bad she'd done in her life…but it was all right, she'd deserve it.

"…What are you doing here?"

If Jill still had a heart, it was exploding, the voice so wonderfully familiar. She turned around, floating in a white, foggy place. But…could it…

Dark eyes stared back at her softly. She swallowed.

"Tsumaru…"

The man stared at her a moment longer before sighing, "You didn't answer my question."

"Huh…?"

"Why are you here, Jill?"

She frowned and sighed, "I…it was just too much so I…drowned myself, I guess."

He groaned, running a hand down his face, "Jill, my God, why on earth would you—ugh!"

"Because!" she sobbed, "I used Cliff! I used him like I used you, made you think you actually loved me-"

He looked at her bitterly, "I love you…there was never any place for question."

She looked down, "I love you too…Tsumaru…but how can I be with Cliff if I loved you?"

Jill's eyes widened as she felt warmth embrace her. Tsumaru was standing over her, holding her tightly, his eyes filled with that wisdom she adored him for.

"You love your brother, your nephew, your family, right?"

"Of course I do!"

"Then Jill, you can love Cliff…"he murmured softly, "Our hearts are capable of loving openly…and you care about Cliff, I know you do. Don't close yourself off because of me…I'd be more disappointed in you if you did that than love again."

She froze, horrified, before weeping into his chest, "I don't want to disappoint you, Tsumaru…"

"Then leave this place…and go back to him. He's waiting for you…don't leave him again, Jill" he whispered.

She looked up at him, teary eyed, and nodded before rising on her toes and kissing him, "You'll always have a place in my heart, forever…"

He smiled at her, "Continue to smile for me, okay…?"

She stared at him, surprised, before giving him her brightest smile, "Always."

It took all her willpower to open her eyes. It almost felt like heavy weights were hanging on her lids. But she got them open and winced, the light especially blinding. She shivered, a painful cold running through her body. It hurt…she felt something move beside her but she didn't even have the strength to jump. Moving her head a little…

"Cliff…" she whispered in a hoarse raspy voice.

His head shot up from it's resting place on her bed, his hair tousled, his face tired and worn. He stared in disbelief before sobbing.

"Jill…"

She offered him a weak smile and shakily took his hand. Staring at their fingers entwined, she chuckled tiredly.

"Mm, I don't think blue's my color" she replied, seeing how pale her skin was.

Cliff laughed almost humorlessly, "No, no it's not…"

He stared at her a moment before shaking his head, "Jill, why…? Do you have any idea what it would have done to your family, to everyone…to me if you'd died? I…I can't see any good coming out of it. But…but if I make you want to die…"

He withdrew his hand and looked away, "Then I'll stay as far away from you as possible. I'd rather you be alive and ignoring me than dead…"

She grimaced and struggled to sit up, grabbing his arm for balance. He blinked at her, surprised, as she rested her cheek against his shoulder.

"Funny…I think I'd…rather be dead than away from you."

His eyes widened at her and she whispered, "Tsumaru was my good excuse at keeping myself from getting hurt again…and I was afraid to love, in fear of betraying him, but…he doesn't want it to be that way. He doesn't want me to be alone. I…I know you won't hurt me again…right?"

He wrapped her in a tight embrace and shook his head rapidly, "Never. Never again will I hurt you, I promise, God, I promise…"

She closed her eyes and whispered, "I'm so tired…"

He relaxed her back against the bed, stroking her cheek as he covered her, kissing her forehead, "Sleep, Jilly…I'll be here when you wake up…all of us will."

She smiled gently and held his hand before falling into a restful sleep…everything…suddenly…felt all right.

"Mm, I have to wonder…"

Jill stared at Cliff as his hair covered his face, "What would you think…if I cut my hair?"

She gasped and ran her fingers through his long blond locks, "I'd cry!"

He chuckled and took one of her hands, kissing it, "Then I'll let it grow magnificently long and look like an absolute woman."

She laughed and tackled him backwards against the bed, kissing the corner of his lips, "I guess getting it TRIMMED would be fine."

He grinned fondly at her before sighing, hugging her waist tightly, pulling her against him, "Anything you like…"

She sighed gently and relaxed her face into his neck, inhaling his sweet scent. When she woke again those months ago, she found Cliff there, as he promised, but Koji as well, leaning against the wall, staring at them. Cliff was sleeping heavily so he probably didn't notice, but…Koji turned his head, mumbling.

"I had to find out that Cliff was the reason you were hurt when I left through Nelly. I had to find out that you and Cliff were starting up again through Popuri…is something wrong with me? Am I not…reliant anymore?"

She grimaced, sitting up, "Of course you are, Ko-sama…I…I just…don't know."

He stared at her and sighed, "You're not my baby sister anymore…it took me forever to realize it, but I guess…it can't be helped. Just…you don't have to tell me everything, just…just tell me when something might hurt you. I…love you so much…so I hope that's not…too much to ask."

She whimpered, "I'll…you'll…always be my older brother, Ko-sama…and I…I'll always rely on you. I never meant to hurt you."

He stared at her before smiling, walking over to her and embracing her tightly, "I know, baby…"

He kissed her temple and she thought she felt him cry. She swallowed hard, realizing that she'd not only been hurting Cliff, Tsumaru…God, what had she been doing to her family? She closed her eyes, shaking her head, whispering, "I…love all of you. Shin, Shawn, Nelly, Tony…"

He chuckled gently, "They're coming soon…you know dad will have an absolute fit and force you back home, right?"

She grimaced and sighed, "And with growing comes consequences, I guess…"

Of course when Yagami Yamada came, he was insanely furious with her, demanding she return home, just as Koji had said. But, like the onii-san he was, he replied.

"Jill worked so hard she fell asleep in the tub, dad, it's stressful running a farm. But after everything that's happened, everything she's been through, don't ask her to come back so close to the end. Let her accomplish this…kay?"

She smiled. Yamada, reluctantly, allowed her to stay for the last few months to finish up her task. That was Koji for you. Tony was a wreck again…she hugged him, promising sincerely this time that nothing else would happen to her like this. At least, in her control, that was. He stared at her and replied.

"I trust you, Jill."

Out of everything that had been said to her, besides Koji's enlightenment, that meant the most to her. She had people's trust…that's why she couldn't betray it.

"Whatcha thinking about, baby?"

She blinked and stared up into Cliff's blue eyes gently before smiling, kissing him, "Nothing…just how I love waking up next to you again."

He smiled warmly, sighing, "Me too…"

Jill rubbed his thigh playfully, chuckling, "I can't wait to go back to Subami…"

He smirked, raising an eyebrow at her hand, "Well, if it's for something like that, we do it here too…a lot…"

She smacked him, snickering, "I just…want to start life."

He sighed, "I have no idea what I'll do…"

She sighed, "Me either…"

She just…still…really wanted to leave.

Manna smiled as Cliff picked grapes beside her, humming happily to himself.

"You look so much better, dear…I'm so happy things worked out for you in the end" she sighed.

He glanced at her and laughed gently, "I'm happy too, Manna…"

He dropped the bucket slowly at his feet, stretching, before glancing at her, "How have you been? Does Duke EVER come out of the basement?"

She sighed, "Occasionally… he comes out for food or a shower, to say hello or something…but its almost the same as being alone."

Cliff bowed his head guiltily, "I'm sorry, Manna…"

"About what?" she scowled, popping a bunch of grapes off the vine, "Cliff, I told that man that you were not to be turned into one of his drinking buddies. But no, he ignored me. He chased my daughter away, too, with his drinking…but…"

Cliff looked up at her as she smiled sadly, "I can't leave him…maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment."

Cliff smiled, "Despite all his faults, you still love him, Manna, and nothing's really wrong with that…"

She sighed, "I suppose, dear…I think you should visit him, though, show him that you can get out of this drinking lifestyle…"

"All right" Cliff murmured, "But not too long…I wanted to make Jill dinner."

Manna chuckled, "You're a good boy, Cliff."

Manna opened the cellar door as Cliff steadied his mind for what he'd say to this man that lead him down a path of destruction that he had to pay hell to get back from…he wasn't entirely to blame but he wasn't exactly guiltless either. Cliff sighed and just shook his head. A kind hello…that's all…

"Oh my God!"

Cliff glanced at Manna, confused, but was instantly ready to exclaim himself. The stench that they were met by was nearly unbearable. If Cliff smelled like THAT, it was no wonder Jill wanted nothing to do with him.

But…that couldn't be alcohol…it didn't even smell that…pungent. Manna rushed down the stairs, mumbling, sobbing, 'oh my God' over and over. He followed after her quickly. What was going on?

He gasped when he came to the stair end. Lying on the ground was…Duke.

He'd wasted away to absolute nothing, his face so full of hollows and dark shallows. His hair was frail and tousled, brittle looking. He was white as a ghost. But what horrified Cliff the most was his eyes…they looked…dead.

"Duke! You idiot!" sobbed Manna.

Cliff stared at the dozens, if not hundreds, of bottles littering the ground…and nearby the body that was once Dukes was a rather empty bottle of aspirin and a half empty bottle of whiskey.

"Oh Duke, God…" whispered Cliff, covering his mouth.

That wasn't the stench of alcohol…

It was the stench of death.

Manna cried uncontrollably, yelling at his corpse and Cliff bit his lip, having trouble digesting what he was seeing…this couldn't be right. Duke was…Duke was…dead?

Whimpering, shaken, he glanced at a slip of paper nearby and knelt down to pick it up. He read it softly aloud.

"Dear Manna…and Cliff…I've always been a rather selfish man… I never saw how what I did affected others and neither did I care. When Aja ran away, it was because she was a rebellious teenager, not because her father was a drunk who paid no attention to her…when Cliff got sick, it was because he couldn't handle his alcohol and it was his own fault for ruining his life…and not because I took an honest boy trying to make his way and corrupted him…so perhaps it's best if I just leave…Manna, I may not have told you often, but I did love you…and our daughter. My biggest regret…was not seeing our grandchild. The winery is yours to do with as you like…and tell Cliff…I'm sorry…"

Manna whimpered and Cliff bit his lip. Why…?

"My poor baby…" whispered Jill, stroking his cheek as Cliff nestled back against her chest.

"I can't believe he'd…do something like that. He was selfish until the very end" Cliff said bitterly.

"He thought he was doing what was best, darling" she soothed, "Sometimes you don't see what it does to other people when you think you're doing what's best."

Glaring at her, he sighed brokenly, "I…just promise never to do anything like that."

"I promise" she said sincerely.

"The funeral was short…only a few people showed up…" he said sadly, "I just…how is it that a member of this community could be so…abandoned in the end."

"That's just the world, Cliffy…don't take it personally, honey."

"I know…" he sighed, sitting up, "Manna's been renovating the house too…getting rid of everything and filling in the cellar."

"I feel so awful for her…"

He sighed again before kissing her, "Mm, I'm gonna go do a quick grocery run."

"You don't have to" she smiled softly at him.

"I know but…" he smiled softly, "I love you."

"I love you too."

He walked out of the house and she watched after him, sighing, slowly putting pillows away. They left this weekend…she couldn't wait. This would all be over and she'd be with Cliff…

A curt knock at her door some minutes later halted her packing and she frowned, walking over. She always expected Koji or Popuri or Nelly…

Her breath caught.

But she should know by now that it was never who she expected.

"M-Mrs. Izumi?"

The woman's black hair was rigidly pulled back as usual, wearing a casual white dress shirt and stiff gray pants. She glared her down.

"…Hello. Is Cliff here?"

"Uh, n-no, he just ran to the grocery store" Jill blurted.

By God had Jill forgotten about the incident with this woman. After all that had happened, it just seemed so small. And what was that, two years ago?

"Then let me just make this short."

Jill came to and stared at the ever serious woman, confused. She replied briskly, "After some discussion with Cliff's father, we believe that it'd be in his best interest to stop seeing you."

"…What?"

"Your father disclosed some recent…information about your state of mind with Cliff's father and we're concerned. He already has enough problems without any insanity."

Jill felt fury fill her, burning, "How dare you? If I ever thought I was hurting Cliff, I'd have let him go! Why do you think you can judge me?!"

His mother stared at her evenly, "Because…I know your type, you dramatic rich girls that make everything about them, think about what's best for yourselves…"

Jill gawked and she questioned curtly, "Tell me, Ms. Yagami…what have you given my son lately?"

Jill stared at her, wordless, as the woman walked away, "Good bye."

Backing away from the door, Jill slammed down on her couch, stunned…what…had she given Cliff lately? Grief? Problems? …Her cell suddenly rang and she grimaced, the caller ID reading 'Cliffy'. Slowly answering, she murmured.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby, c'mere, I want to show you something…I'm near the vineyard."

"Cliff, I-"

"Puh-lease?" he pouted cutely.

"Tell me, Ms. Yagami…what have you given my son lately?"

"All right" she smiled vaguely.

Clicking off, she wandered towards the vineyard. Cliff was sitting on the post of one of the fences, smiling at her. It made her remember when they first met, that impish, joking Cliff…he was mellowed out now, rather quiet…what had she done to him?

"Hey" he greeted as she got closer, leaping off the fence.

"Hey…"

He frowned gently, "What's wrong, baby…?"

"N-nothing…"

His brows furrowed and he smiled, "I…I have something to give you."

She grimaced, "Cliff-"

"Cliff?"

Jill looked up, behind her, where Manna was walking out of her house, holding suitcases in her hands. Cliff looked at her, surprised.

"Manna, you're leaving…?"

The woman smiled at them, "Yes…"

"But…but your whole life is here! Where would you go?"

Manna smiled sadly, "I found a way to contact Aja and told her about Duke…she's…she's heartbroken and offered for me to stay with her, to get to know my grandson… it's for the best."

The older woman suddenly bit her lip and walked over to them, sighing, "Cliff, I…can't bear to sell this house. I fixed it up to sell, but I…I can't."

"Manna…?"

"I thought…I'd offer it to you. Aja has no interest in it and…you're like a son to me…" she murmured.

Jill's eyes widened and Cliff blinked, "M-manna, that's…so nice of you, but I-"

"Take it, Cliff!"

Both Manna and Cliff turned to her, surprised, and she felt herself tremble, smiling, "T-this is perfect. T-take what Manna is offering you. Take care of Duke's memory."

Cliff continued to stare at her as Manna laughed softly, "That's nice of you, dear, but…it's up to Cliff."

Jill avoided his gaze and Cliff blinked before his eyes died…glancing at Manna, he smiled, "Manna, I would be honored to take Aja winery."

The woman looked overjoyed, gave him the keys, told him that she took anything related to Duke so he didn't have to worry about that. Jill and Cliff, silent and away from each other, walked her to the dock. She hugged Cliff and sobbed.

"Call me, darling, if anything goes wrong."

He smiled, "Everything will be fine, Manna."

She nodded and turned, smiling warmly at Jill, "I know you two will be happy…"

Jill smiled nervously, "Yes, thank you, Manna."

The ferry had barely left dock before Cliff murmured, "And you're still leaving me, aren't you?"

Jill stared at her feet and wept, "I…think this is for the best."

"Leaving me…is for the best? After all the…promises, the plans…it's the best to leave me?"

She wept, "I don't…I don't know! But I-I can't stay here with you! I'm sorry!"

She ran away, avoiding his gaze, her heart heavy, her mind yelling at her. But…it's for the best.

"That girl…"

"I never thought I'd say it but…poor Cliff."

Nelly and Koji sighed as they sat in Koji's office, Popuri and Jill chatting, both obviously avoiding the topic of her leaving, in Keiji's room. Nelly shook his head.

"He's an absolute mess…I thought she was finally okay, but…"

"I guess…"

Jill stared in and slowly crept in, twirling a piece of hair around her finger, "Hi guys…"

"Hey…" they both said in unison.

"I, uh, am going to start heading out now…"

Nelly stood and sighed, "We're gonna walk you, babe, but…are you sure about this?"

"Of course" she sniffed, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Koji and Nelly exchanged a glance before sighing. Koji stood, "Then let's go."

They all wondered towards the dock in silence, Jill carrying a purse since she'd sent everything ahead of her. Arriving near the ferry where people were walking on and off, she stopped and embraced Popuri.

"I promise, I will be back soon to visit you and my wittle Keiji."

"All right" sniffed Popuri sadly, looking down at Keiji, "Say bye to auntie, Keiji."

"Babai" he said, giving her a remotely toothy smile.

She cooed and kissed him, "Bye-bye, Kei-chan."

She stared at Nelly and hugged him, "Thanks for taking the farm, Nelly…I…I know you'll do well with it."

"I hope" he snorted, "I don't think your cows like me…"

She giggled, "They'll come to like you, promise."

"Kay…" he sighed.

Jill swallowed as she came to Koji last. He looked at her ambiguously before smiling happily, "I'm proud of you, Jill."

She tilted her head, confused and surprised, "For what, onii-san?"

"For…surviving."

She laughed softly, "Ah…thank you."

He held her tightly, whispering, "Have a good trip, baby girl…"

"I'll miss you, onii-san…" she murmured, tearing up.

"Jeez, I didn't get that kind of good bye" pouted Nelly.

Koji swatted at him and Jill chuckled, "Love you…each of you."

They smiled, "Love you too, Jill."

She waved after them as she started to walk away…walk away from the place she'd called home for three years. She looked back, slightly hoping…looking over the docks, she saw no sign of him…

"Cliff…" she whispered under her breath as she stared over the edge of the ferry.

Looking up, she thought she saw him on the horizon as the boat started to pull her away…but she couldn't be sure. She gasped as a soft fog surrounded the ferry. What…? The weather was so clear a minute ago…

"…Jill…I can't believe you're leaving…"

Her pace rushed and she looked around. Tsumaru?

"…You still don't get it, do you? …You really did disappoint me."

She felt herself yelp and she looked out over the edge again…this time, she saw his outline, his hair blowing faintly in the wind….was this…?

Huge hot tears rolled down her face. Was this…?