After 24 hours, Cupid was not talking. Regina gave him the worst, most 1980s Flock of Seagulls style haircut she could manage, breaking him down into a whining puddle, but still no admission of his plans.
The Queen was at it again on Friday night, when Emma came in with two armed guards.
"Regina, we're just going to have to leave him for now. We're supposed to be at the dance."
Cupid's ears picked up. A dance? As in, where lots of people went to fall in love? Or where he could take away love? Or even simply put on his red leather pants and get down with his bad self?
"Oh Emma, it's at the Rabbit Hole. Something tells me this is the kind of event it's appropriate to be fashionably late to." Regina was heating up beauty wax, intent on giving Cupid little lightning bolt eyebrows. At this point it wasn't even about getting a confession. Now she was just having good old-fashioned Evil Queen fun.
"It's a dance, Regina. We show up in little couples, dance awkwardly to music nobody likes, have some punch, socialize, and go home. How late could it go?"
Cupid was really interested now. They were coming in "little couples"? He had to get out. He was not missing a dance. He had to follow them down to this Rabbit Hole.
They were describing Cupid's element. He was a party boy, a playboy, he was the one throwing the parties. They were always where he could give and take the most love, get a little snookie on the side for himself, and it was always his favorite time. Second was still war. But first was definitely a party.
"You really haven't spoken to Tink lately, have you? This is beyond the innocent get together that Mulan and Belle had in mind, before Ruby and Tink morphed it into…whatever it is. This morning Tink called me to suggest that when picking out our outfits, we, and I'm quoting, 'whore it up' for the evening." The Queen hadn't taken her eyes off of the wax the entire time. Maybe she would do his armpits, too. That would really get him talking.
"Regina, please. We're too old to be out until three in the morning. And we're not leaving Henry alone all night." Regina stopped stirring the wax.
"Fine. Guards, I am untying the prisoner so he can eat when dinner comes in. You are to keep your weapons pointed at him at all times. He goes to the bathroom right there," Regina pointed to the bathroom off the main room with no door, "and he eats in here. Under no circumstances is he to leave this room."
"Yes Ma'am!" the guards responded.
When Mulan and Belle came walking up to the entrance to the Rabbit Hole, they found a line to get in already forming, and they were an hour later than start time. Tinkerbell was at the door, along with a much larger, muscle-y guy who seemed to be the real bouncer. They went ahead and got in line, only standing in it for about five minutes. It seemed to be more of a formality than a showing that the dance was full. Even standing next to the building, they could feel the music pumping, and see artificial fog rushing out every time Tink opened the door to let someone in.
There was only one more couple in front of them.
"ID's, and five bucks cash each." Tink barked at the couple, as she sized them up. She had on her night sunglasses, and was also wearing a feather boa over her black dress, and was smoking an E-cigarette that blew out a light purple smoke.
"She's charging a cover?" Belle said, taking out her purse, flipping through to see if she had any cash.
"I've got it." Mulan said, making sure she had her military ID ready. This was the point where Mulan realized that she had better never leave Storybrooke while in this world, as she didn't technically have a driver's license. Or a birth certificate. She actually figured Belle was in a similar state, outside of their realm-hopping passports.
It was Mulan and Belle's turn, and Tink did not seem please.
"No, no, no, no. This is an exclusive club, not where you take your middle school sweetheart!" She yelled at them. She opened her purse and handed Belle her pink sunglasses and another feather boa.
"This is my back-up pair. Don't mess them up!" She said, before turning to Mulan. The Warrior was actually dressed quite well, if they were going to a Gucci runway show. This, however, was a dirty, loud, creative, dark club with booty-popping honeys in a champagne room.
She took out a small pair of scissors, cutting off Mulan's sleeves.
"Hey! I like this shirt!" She yelled, but didn't pull away.
"You'll like it even better when you don't look like everyone's mail carrier." She took the sleeves, cut it into strips, and made little bow ties, attaching them to Mulan's suspenders. She then pulled out a magic wand, using it to magically paint on each bow tie, but nobody actually saw any color change. Tink then started painting on Mulan's face with invisible make-up, and Mulan thought this might be the point where Tinkerbell had finally lost it. Completely cuckoo for cocoa-puffs.
"Tink, you're not doing anything."
"You'll see it in the dark, under the black lights. Okay, you two are good to go!" Tink opened the door, letting more fog out, shoving the couple inside.
Cupid watched his two guards as they watched him eat his soup. As promised, one had a taser pointed at him, the other had a bow and arrow drawn. He knew eventually the Archer's arms would tire, but the one with the taser could just keep switching arms, potentially indefinitely, until it was time to lock him in for bed. However, the one up he had on his captors was that they had no idea he had his spare arrowheads hidden in his boots.
He had to figure something out. He knew if he made a swift movement towards his boots, they would see the jerk and shoot. He thought for a moment that it might be worth it if he were to just be hit with the taser, but if the guard with the bow and arrow shot, he knew that would be the end of the line.
The guards saw the captive's eyes roll back into his head, as he collapsed onto the floor and started having what appeared to be a seizure. They each dropped their weapons, running to his side. Cupid was quite the thespian, and faked his seizure with the best of them. The two guys who previously had held the weapons had no idea that in the process of flailing his limbs about, he had reached into his right boot and pulled out one of his smaller purple arrows. Luckily, Cupid always knew where he had what kind of arrow hidden in case he needed to make a quick grab in battle.
He squeezed the arrow in his hand to activate it, and ended his theatrics as he threw it into the air and ran out of its way, as though he had just thrown a grenade. The arrow set off as fireworks over the guard's heads, exploding and then sprinkling into their hair.
The two men felt the blast of the love weapon, and within seconds, couldn't keep their hands off each other. It was the most intense love and desire the two had ever felt, forgetting momentarily about both of their wives. It was like they needed to physically unite with one another. Immediately.
The two were so busy hungrily making out in the middle of the floor that they paid no attention to Cupid stealing their wallets, and taking their weapons.
"Now. If I were a Rabbit Hole, where would I be…"
Emma and Regina were inside the club, making their way through the crowds, only light up by all of the glow-in-the-dark paint on the walls and on people's bodies, and the black lighting. There were trays of shots that Tink had enchanted floating high up above the dancers, occasionally floating by, so if a dancer wanted one, she could just grab it out of the air. There were some corners with couches and tables by the go-go dancers, and stools at the bar, but otherwise it was pretty much wall to wall dance floor.
Tinkerbell had reserved them a VIP room, which meant champagne hot tub, bottle service, and just about anything anyone could want on request. And when Tinkerbell had told them that earlier, she made it clear that she indeed meant anything. Tink was at the point where she equated "Mayor" with "Sultan". Emma had been on the velvet couch in their private, curtained off room for about three seconds before they noticed that the VIP servers were all topless, men and women.
A topless woman went right to Regina with a tray in her hand.
"Can I get you a beverage? We've got drink specials all night long." The woman leaned over, putting her very free breasts way too close for the Savior's liking to whisper, "This hour, the special is sex on the beach."
Regina tried to ignore the nipples that were now three inches from her face, simply replying, "I'll have a bottle of the chardonnay."
Emma couldn't take it anymore. "I'll have my girlfriend back, thanks. And a glass for me for the wine." She said, hopping into Regina's lap.
The server backed off immediately, leaving to get the wine.
"Jealous, dear?" Regina asked, amused.
"Immensely." Emma responded, before kissing Regina in a way that said they would be taking full advantage of VIP status.
Regina didn't want to get too carried away, and hoped some of Emma's friends would find their way over. She had only a couple of hours to unload as much of the Fairy Steroids as possible, which meant identifying which partiers looked the most responsible, but which were also not students. She had left one bottle at home as a back-up, but had a good eight grams in her purse, in the individual two gram bottles.
It didn't take long for Cupid to figure out where the Rabbit Hole was. The stage lights flashing around the building could be seen blocks away, and it seemed like the only hopping place in town. He could also feel the magic drawing in from that particular point in town. It was his kind of magic, love and sex and desire and fun and a drive for complete lack of responsibility.
He wasted no time taking inventory of what kinds of arrowheads he had stashed in his boots, and how many, calculating exactly what to do. He began the task of fashioning arrows to put the arrowheads on, carrying the bow with him that he looted from the guard.
Nobody cuts Cupid's hair without permission and gets away with it.
Back inside, Ruby, Mulan, Belle, Snow, Charming, and Tink were now tucked inside. Regina had slipped out to start scoping out her drug options.
She would definitely not be distributing to the go-go dancers, especially not Sneezy. The dwarf was surrounded by men and women; clearly the most popular dancer. Regina was impressed with how in-shape mining kept someone.
She also decided against most of the people on the dance floor, who were already quite intoxicated, and they way that some of them were grinding to the point of coming very close to actually having sex suggested that some of them had brought their own little drug stashes. Regina was glad not to be the mayor anymore with that thought.
Belle dragged Mulan out to the dance floor, channeling her inner-Lacey for a moment. Mulan actually looked amazing under the black light, with all of the paint work that Tinkerbell had done now visible. Belle thought it was hilarious that Mulan danced with the fluidity of August when he was made of wood.
"Hips! Mulan, it's all in the hips!" Belle shouted out.
"What?!" Mulan shouted back. Belle turned around, shoving her butt into Mulan's crotch, putting the Warrior's hands on her waist. She smirked at the idea that Mulan's eyes were probably wide. Once Mulan was in grind position, she leaned her head back to talk right in her ear.
"Move with me."
Mulan looked around, trying to see what everyone else was doing. It looked like…well, it looked like everyone was just humping their partners as though there were no clothes and no other people. Interesting.
Sneezy refilled his drink tray, and covered in body paint made his way back to the VIP area. He paid the topless woman with a $50 from his hottie shorts so he could take over the area.
Tinkerbell just laughed as he danced his way in.
"Sneezy! You're supposed to be working the floor!" She laughed.
"Well, I thought I'd check on how the boss was. I mean, bosses." He added quickly, acknowledging Ruby.
"Well, as long as you're here, dance!" Sneezy started pulling out his best club moves, which made Charming incredibly uncomfortable, and Snow incredibly entertained.
"Yeah! Sneezy, come in the hot tub with us!" Snow shouted, as David shook his head in horror.
Sneezy went over, lending a hand to help Tink up so they could prepare to jump in the tub.
Emma watched the whole exchange, wondering what on earth was taking Regina so long to find the bathroom, even taking a line into account. She was distracted by the dwarf in his very tiny shorts, noticing how he had come in to dance for Tink. Tinkerbell who he had formerly dated, but Tinkerbell had dumped. Tink, who he risked his neck for to get the Steroids smuggled in for. Emma couldn't believe she was just getting this.
Sneezy was in love with the Fairy, and he had it bad.
Regina wasn't having any luck. She ducked past Mulan and Belle grinding on the dance floor, making sure she wasn't spotted. Maybe the Rabbit Hole wasn't the best place to try to distribute drugs responsibly. She had already casually left a bottle in the women's bathroom, hoping it would just fall into curious hands. Two grams wasn't really enough for anyone to do any real damage, anyway, and she had to unload. Three bottles left.
She looked over to the VIP corner, and saw Emma half-hanging out of the curtain, clearly looking for her. Emma waved her down. Regina sighed, giving up on her current unsuccessful career as a drug lord, and went back to VIP. She saw Emma also waving in Mulan and Belle. It was uncanny how she did it, really. It was like watching a mother duck identify her ducklings in a full pond, and somehow got them to all follow her back single file.
Once everyone was back in their private party, Tink and Ruby got out of the hot tub, drying off.
"Okay, everyone! To the boat!" Tink's boat was parked right at the docks, about a hundred yards from the bar.
"Don't worry, the boat is just as stocked as the party is! C'mon!" Emma looked at Regina and shrugged. They might as well. Mulan and Belle had a similar expression.
"You guys go ahead! We're good here!" Snow yelled, still in the tub with Charming and Sneezy.
"Fine! Ladies night on the boat it is!" Tink yelled back, taking her new entourage with her. She and Ruby redressed before walking through the club to leave. Heaven forbid anyone saw them less than dressed like runway models.
Cupid saw that a group had now moved to a boat from the party, and moved his position to spy on the new outside party. He had been contemplating on how to get in, but if the party was going to just present itself to him instead, even better. It wasn't long before the boat had its own music blasting, and a crew of partiers opening their secret stash of liquor and dancing on the deck. Nobody appeared to be driving the boat anytime soon, they were just using it as another private party option.
Cupid snuck in closer, staying behind the area shrubbery. Once he was close enough to identify faces, he saw it as a party of his captors. Cupid smirked. Clearly they thought their prisoner was still safely under lockdown. This was a situation Cupid liked very much – a fist full of his orange arrows, one of his more creative magic creations, and a load of unsuspecting victims, most of whom already seemed to have lovers. This was almost too perfect. And Cupid was quite pissed at the level of accommodations he had been given the last couple of days.
He banded together all six of the arrows he had made up, easily shooting them over Emma, Regina, Mulan, Belle, Tink, and Ruby on the little boat without them noticing right away. They only looked up when the arrows exploded into fireworks over their heads, letting the magic rain down right on their faces.
"Hey, look! Someone's setting off fireworks!" Emma yelled excited.
"No! No, those are not regular fireworks, Emma! That's Cupid's magic! We have a problem!" Regina said, starting to panic.
As the fireworks dissipated, they each felt something, leaving their bodies. Each of them watched a smoky, thin line, each a different color for each person leave and float over their heads, swirl around into a min-vortex, and then return to each body a different color.
"Um, what was that?" Mulan said, feeling very strange, but not sure what was going on.
"Oh no." Belle started. "I've read about that. It's in Cupid's autobiography, 'The Awesomeness of Me'. That's a Love Blender. This is not good."
"How bad could a Love Blender be? It sounds delicious. I bet that's something they make at the bar." Tink responded, not breaking out of party mode for even a second.
"It takes the love you have for someone, rips it out of your body, and puts it in someone else. It would take a group like us, and scramble up who everyone loves." Belle was becoming distraught. She knew she was with Mulan. She had every memory of every date they've ever had, their first kiss, every encounter. But as she looked in the Warrior's eyes, she no longer felt in love.
It was confusing, and devastating, as Regina looked at Emma and realized the same thing. She knew they were supposed to have feelings, but they weren't there anymore. She still had all of the good memories, but didn't have the feeling behind them. She didn't melt from looking at Emma's eyes. It was like a part of her was missing.
"Oh, I should be fine then. I'm not in love with anyone." Ruby said, still dancing with Tink, and neither of them taking this seriously.
"It doesn't matter. If you're not in love, it takes your capacity to love, and mixes it up." Belle said, still looking at Mulan, trying to feel something. Trying so hard to make everything she felt only moments before on the dance floor come back. Where did the love go? She thought.
Cupid had positioned himself in the cabin of the neighboring boat. He loved his mischief, and wanted a good view when it finally kicked in. The full force of what he had just done hadn't even kicked in yet, but he was already regretting it. Getting a closer look, he saw a blonde Fairy that he hadn't seen during his time in captivity. And she was beautiful.
Cupid immediately regretting having assigned her love to someone else.
On the boat, Tink and Ruby were still dancing, and the other two couples were still staring at each other, trying to figure out why they no longer felt in love. They looked devastated.
Tink and Ruby took pity on the couples, and Ruby slid in between Mulan and Belle, while Tink went to Emma and Regina. They were seriously becoming party downers. Major party foul.
Once Ruby was next to Belle, and Belle felt the Wolf's leg brush up against her own, she felt the telltale jolt of electricity shooting through her body; what she remembered the first time she put her hand on Mulan's arm. Belle's love came flooding back – but it was for Ruby.
Ruby felt it too, suddenly feeling awkward. She felt Mulan's stare burning a hole in the back of her head, as the Warrior could see clearly to whom Belle's love had been scrambled over. This was not cool.
The three of them were in a three-way stare down, nobody having any idea what to say. That is, until they heard Emma next to them.
"Hey, get your fucking Fairy paws off my girlfriend!" Emma yelled, as Tink and Regina had immediately started making out after one look at each other. That answered the question for Emma where Regina's love had gone.
"You don't even love her right now!" Tink said, before attempting to reattach her mouth to the Queen's.
"It doesn't matter! I did, and she's mine!" Emma attempted again to rip Tink and Regina apart. Until she glanced up and caught a look at Mulan, who suddenly seemed very attractive. She had never noticed how the Warrior had such perfections about her. Mulan's skin was impeccable, as was her well-shaped, lean and strong frame.
Emma was incredibly turned on by the Warrior in that moment. And it was creepy as fuck, if she were honest.
Oh boy. Emma thought. This is going to get messy. Me with Mulan. Tink back with Regina. Belle and Ruby. We have to fix this.
Cupid was not enjoying his plan much at all. He knew the Evil Queen was one of his captives. He did not want her kissing the perfect, gorgeous Fairy that he decided he just had to meet.
The couples, or rearranged couples, left the party immediately and went to Belle's house to figure out what to do, since she lived the closest.
"At this point, we have two problems. The first is that Cupid clearly escaped and has arrows, and second, it's not like I don't want to jump your bones, Mulan, but I really need to get my love back for Regina." Emma started, leading the objective. "Belle, is there anything in the books that say how to fix this?"
"I'm afraid not, at least not that I've seen. I can keep looking. Maybe one of the other books out of Valentine Land will have a reference to that particular kind of arrow. I know it's a stretch, but I don't mind going to the library to at least try." Belle said, trying to sound positive.
"I'll come with you!" Ruby said, popping up from her seat. Emma noticed Mulan's eyes bulge for a moment, but the Warrior said nothing.
"Whoa there, Red. I think we should stay in our regular couple formation for the time being, until we get this figured out." Emma really had keeping Tink off of Regina in mind, but the others had to be concerned as well.
"It's okay, Emma. Let them go." Mulan said sadly. What if she never got her love for Belle back? She wouldn't deny her the right to be with Ruby by clinging on to past feelings that were no longer there. She also had to come to terms with being currently in love with Emma, who knew all of her embarrassing secrets and habits and had seen her way more drunk than Belle.
"Later guys!" Ruby yelled as she and Belle scooted out of the room.
"Okay, fine. Pairs it is then. I think we should make a rule – and Mulan, make sure you text this to Belle and Ruby – no sex with out current interests. Even with our love jumbled up, it's going to go back eventually when we figure this out, and we don't want any regrets. I mean it, Regina. If we get out love back and I find out you slept with Tink, I'd have a problem with it." Emma was still the leader.
"Why, dear? Don't want me taking your sloppy seconds? Please. Like you didn't sleep with her." Regina went right back to sucking face with Tink.
"Emma, we have to figure this out. They're…they're making me feel awkward." Mulan piped up.
"Okay, Mulan and I are going to get my parents and see what we can do. You two: no sex. I mean it." Emma and Mulan left, leaving Regina and Tinkerbell together.
Cupid knew he was on the run now. However, he couldn't just leave Storybrooke and just leave behind the Fairy he was so immediately smitten with. He had to learn everything – he didn't know her name, who she was, what she did, and had nothing to go on.
Luckily for Cupid, he was able to barter for some supplies and for clothes that would help him blend in. Apparently shop owners in Storybrooke took old world gold coins, and Cupid decided to go ahead and settle into the boat he had already broken into. There were no food stores, no clothes aboard, and layers of dust everywhere. As far as Cupid could tell, the owners hadn't been around in awhile.
The Lover of Lovers was going to get himself a lady. He got back to the ship's cabin, and immediately took out his newly bought scissors. First order of business was going to be fixing his hair. Second, was to get the fair to fall head over heels in love with him.