I own nothing to do with True Blood. Just a humble fan here, who is sort of screwing with the characters.

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Chapter Twenty-Six

A violent assortment of emotions hit me, too many for one body that I found I was having difficulty in standing upright. I collapsed into the nearest piece of furniture available to me that I could find, which was an old red vinyl couch while I tried to regain all my breath. I closed my eyes tightly, placed my hands on my forehead.

There was this awful ache inside my chest. I felt broken. Broken, battered and bruised, but on the inside.

I felt so tired, and so exhausted emotionally. So sick and tired of all of this constant, non-stop arguing with Eric. And I knew it was probably all my fault; It was all due to me, because I was mainly the one that started them with him. I just couldn't help it. I couldn't help myself; I just couldn't refrain from shouting at him half the time, even if it only meant us going around and around in endless circles.

But it had to end, didn't it? When would it just end all ready?

"God, I'm so tired of this. All of this." I whispered weakly, rubbing my face with my fingers, trying to get the tears and the hurt to just stop altogether. "I don't know what the heck is wrong with me lately. I just feel so angry right now. So angry and pissed off at everything and everyone. I never used to be like that."

I felt new tears spill down my cheeks and I swiped them away quickly with the back of my hands, then I used my fingertips to rub around my forehead where I could feel one of those horrible tension headaches coming along. I felt the cushion beside me on the two-seater couch depress too, so I knew Eric had permitted himself to sit beside me. I felt his shoulder, the side of his body press against mine, but I wouldn't dare risk looking at him though. At least not yet. I didn't think I could stand it just yet. Not while I was being like this.

"I think you've made me this way. It only happened after you started all of this," I went on senselessly. I swallowed hard, trying to will myself not to cry anymore than I already had. And it was damn hard work. "I just feel so... so hurt and betrayed. I just needed you to be wrong about what you said- about my Granny knowing."

Talking about Gran out in the open and what I had learned recently tonight, it made me even worse. Before I knew it, I was crying again. Hard. Uncontrollably. I was pleased the noise outside the bar- all of that heavy metal band music- drowned most of it out. I had no doubts I probably sounded like a hysterical cat drowning.

"I needed you to be wrong about it so badly. And yet... you were right. You were right about Gran knowing. As it turned out, she knew all along and I trusted her more than I did anyone else in the entire world." I took in another desperate breath, hoping to force more air into my diaphragm. "Now I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to believe or... who to even trust. I don't know anything anymore!"

I felt Eric's arm come around me, holding me tight into his side, which surprised me and kept me quiet for a couple of minutes while I thought everything through. It was the very last thing that I was expecting; Eric comforting me, like he actually cared that I was upset.

But that wasn't what shocked me most of all; No, what shocked me was how I felt, due to his arm being around me. I neither felt like wiggling out from under his arm, or scooting off the couch away from him in disgust. I didn't feel like hissing at him angrily to keep his arms and hands to himself, for him to not dare try to comfort me- especially seeing as he was the ultimate reason I was being like this.

I actually felt relieved. I actually felt relieved that he was offering me comfort, that he actually bothered to make the gesture. It didn't make me feel angrier or more depressed than I already felt. It soothed me in an unbelievable way, so much so that I shifted slightly around on the couch with my body and pressed the side of my face against his shirt.

My arms went around his waist instinctively, and before I knew it, he was responding to my hug and fully doing it back, in putting both his arms around me and giving my body a bit of a gentle squeeze with his arms. Then one of his hands was stroking the back of my hair and he rested his chin on the top of my scalp and I felt no hatred or anger towards him at all. If anything, it was the best feeling in the world, in being hugged and comforted by someone, even if that someone was the very reason you were messed-up the way you were now.

Eric was holding me in his arms and hushing me, and for some inexplicable reason, I felt healed. Like all the hurt and that ache that I had currently been feeling had receded for the time being.

Which was something I did not understand.

I felt the corners of my mouth pull up into a weak imitation of a smile as I rubbed my chin into the soft cloth of his shirt. "Well, this feels surprisingly nice," I whispered tonelessly. "If I had known it would have felt this good earlier, I might have done it sooner. Somehow... this feels a lot better than fighting with you does."

Eric said nothing in response, but I felt him brush the strands of my hair back away from my forehead with his fingers gently. Shocking me even more than the hug, I think, he bent down and pressed his lips into my hairline. That felt confusingly comforting as well. It didn't last very long, however. Not with what he did next.

He moved, pulling his arms back away from me so that he could use his hands to take either side of my face in each of his hands, lifting my chin up. Then he bent, and his lips found mine, and an instance later I was not with him in his office at Fangtasia on the couch anymore. No, I was seeing another one of his memories. I was inside it.

A girl, short and blonde with pigtails, was chasing after a little boy in the yard. The boy looked several years older than her, and he was giggling at her to come get him. I saw this from above; Far, far above, like a birds-eye view from a tall tree. Dark green leaves and a few branches obstructed some of what I was seeing, the wind swayed them around, and yet, I could still just only see that little girl chasing after that little boy.

"Give him back! It's not funny!"

The little boy was holding something in his hand, something that belonged to the little blonde-haired girl. He threw it up in the air and, only seeing the hands of the person's memory I was in, he caught the toy effortlessly. He turned it over and over with his fingers. A toy dog.

"Go and get him then!"

"Jason, you big jackass!"

"Hey, you said a bad word! I'm gonna tell Gran on you!"

"Now Bear's stuck up there in the tree!" The little girl stomped her feet, looking up at the branches rustling in the breeze. She clearly couldn't see the man that was up there, holding the toy. "I hate you, Jason! He was my favorite friend!"

As if he couldn't endure torturing the girl any longer, I saw the hand chuck the toy dog back down, where it landed right near the girl's feet. She picked the toy back up, and she was so happy, that she giggled gleefully and hugged her toy to her chest tightly with all her might. I knew she was happy, she was so happy her toy came back down from the tree that day.

I knew, because that little girl was me...

Slipping my hands around Eric's, I pulled them down away from my face before moving back in the chair, putting a reasonable amount of distance between us. We were back in his office again, in the here and now. And he had shown me yet another one of his memories. I didn't know how that was possible, but somehow, he did. Why didn't I ask him how it was possible before? I supposed I was just too wound-up and emotional to ask. I had never even considered how or why back then.

But now it all suddenly made sense; I had always wondered how my toy came back down to me, after having spent so long up that tree. I had thought he was lost to me forever. It was silly to feel so upset over a toy, but I had loved him back then. He had made me feel better, happier, after losing my parents. And Eric had been the one to give him to me in the first place, not Gran like I had first believed. And he had been there that day; And he had thrown him back down to me, my friend. It was bizarre. There was hardly any words that described accurately how strange it was that it had been Eric, right there, that whole time. I knew why now, and it was because he was a vampire and he was eternally youthful, he couldn't age and be around longer than others, and all that jazz.

But the fact that he was there... It was scary to know he had been there, with me always, all along. I didn't know what to think about that. It made me a whole lot of uneasy. But perhaps Pam was right, in what she said, in that he was obsessed with me?

"So you were there, too," I said, and for some reason beyond me, I was grinning. I guess his memory had made me feel dreadfully nostalgic. "You were there and you gave my toy back to me. I was so upset when Jason did that, because he was my toy and he always made me feel better somehow. I didn't feel so alone because I always had him there with me to hug and... to talk to, even though he was just a silly toy and couldn't talk back. It's so weird how you get attached to things as a kid, isn't it?" I was quite aware that I was babbling nonsense but I just couldn't get over the shock of it. "And you got him for me all along and yet, here we are...fighting constantly with me not being that little girl anymore."

Finally, I glanced Eric's way quickly. He wasn't looking at me, but at his hands, which were clasped in his lap. He looked faraway himself, as if he was still back there that day, in that tree. His blue eyes were hazy, distant. His lips were compressed tight, and I could see he was gnawing on his tongue with his teeth, like it was taking all his might to keep quiet and let me keep on going with talking foolishly.

"How come you can show me your memories?" I asked quietly. I needed to understand. There wasn't much I did understand right now, to be perfectly honest. "It... it happened before but I somehow forgot to ask you. So tell me now. How is that possible exactly?"

He looked up, meeting my eyes. There was a lot of hesitation shining there in them to answer my question. He opened his mouth to answer, then he closed it back up again. He was clearly having trouble telling me, whatever that something was. "Because, believe it or not, I'm not much different from you, Sookie," he finally said in a low, quiet voice.

I had to press my lips together tightly to stifle the inappropriate impulse to laugh out loud. I arched my brows at him in disbelief. "You're not that much different from me? I'm sorry, but I happen to find that very hard to believe. We couldn't be more different to each other even if we tried." Eric closed his eyes tightly and I heard a little sigh escape his nostrils before he reopened them. I was frustrating him. "For one thing, you're a liar. A big old liar, and I can never see myself being like that. I could never lie to anyone that I cared about, which is hardly what I can say about you!"

"Yes, and clearly you are not going to forgive me for that anytime soon," he muttered under his breath in irritation. "You have made that quite clear. You have also made it very clear how lowly you think of me."

"I wouldn't say I could never forgive you," I corrected him uneasily. "I just...I'm not so sure how to start forgiving you or how to get over my anger due to what happened. But trust isn't something you just take, it's something that has to be earned. And if you're wanting me to trust you, then you're gonna have to start working extra hard, aren't you?"

"I still don't think you understand."

"You're right," I agreed stiffly. "I don't understand, but you aren't making it any clearer or easier on me, are you?"

He shifted slightly on the couch to face me more, his expression grim. There was a determined glint in his eyes. "Well, allow me to make this one thing very clear on you," he began through gritted teeth, "If I was as bad and monstrous as you seem to think I am, I would have gone about this a whole lot differently. If another vampire was in my position, I have no doubts they would. You wouldn't have stood a chance then."

I couldn't say I believed him. But he had captured my interest. "How so?"

"Well, as vampires, we are used to simply taking things. We are used to getting what we want. I could have simply taken you against your will, taken you away from everything you know, keep you under duress." He jerked his chin over towards his desk. "A couple of minutes ago, when you were taking off your clothes and offering yourself to me, I could have taken you. And easily. And yet, I didn't, did I?"

"So why didn't you? Just then, when I was literally offering my body to you, why didn't you just take what was offered?"

"Because I happen to think I am better than that. I don't just want your body, although its part of it," he said, rather smugly. "I didn't want it to be that way. If it's going to happen, I would prefer it be you acting and choosing completely out of your own free will. I would prefer you eventually succumb to me because you want it yourself, not because you feel I just want it."

I had to admit that this was rather nice; Us talking like two civilized adults, with neither of us arguing. It didn't mean that I liked what he was telling me, but it was better than raising our voices and growing exhausted by it.

"I want it to be because your heart wants it, that you want it in the way that I want you. If I was another vampire, I probably wouldn't be as patient."

"And what if my heart never wants it?" I threw at him curiously.

"Then I'll keep waiting until it does." He shrugged, looking away from me. "I've waited long enough. What's another couple of years or so to me?"

I had to acknowledge that maybe he was right; If he had been a different vampire, maybe things wouldn't have been like this. I suppose that was a small something to take comfort in. Maybe he wasn't a complete and total monster, after all? Maybe he truly did respect my wishes, to a certain extent?

"So you couldn't tell me what you truly were until after this whole revelation thing? That's why you were pretending to be a human all that time?"

"Precisely." He glanced my way again, and I could tell he was having difficulty fighting a smile. "I admit, I made one lousy human. But that's the way I see most of them, anyway. Pathetic. Awkward." I couldn't help laughing at that. He sure did make a rather awkward and strange human, that was for sure.

"So not only were you pretending to be human, but you were trying to pretend as if you didn't know of me as well?" I thought I was finally beginning to understand. Well, some part of it, anyway. "You didn't do very good with that either, did you? I think that was what confused me the most, though. You knew about that toy and... and Uncle Bartlett. You told me as much, yet I couldn't understand how it was possible at the time."

"There were many times where I felt tempted to just blow it, and tell you the truth." Eric looked my way again earnestly. "More times than that, I felt tempted to just bite you and claim you as mine." That comment made me feel all cold and shivery. One minute he could sound rather vulnerable and, in the next, downright dangerous and vindictive.

"You already did that, though, didn't you?" I reminded him nervously. "That time in the bathroom at Church? You bit me then?"

"I had a weak moment. I'm not perfect." We fell into a weird silence for a few minutes. I was thinking everything through. I felt like I understood how things were a lot better now. Then he continued, sounding surprisingly heartfelt with all, "What you have to understand, is that when you do what you can do, in making a vampire bleed, it leaves them feeling weakened. Hungry. You did that at Church to me without even knowing it."

"Yeah, and I realize that now," I muttered thoughtfully. "I still don't quite understand how I can do it, but I realize that it was me that made that happen to you now." I felt like there was something else I was forgetting to say, only I couldn't remember what. But when I started playing with my car keys, fiddling around with them, it made me remember then. I owed him for repairing my car that night. "Oh, I forgot. How much did it cost for the full restoration of my car after that night?"

He blinked at me a couple of times, like he didn't understand where I was going with it. "I pulled a couple of strings. It was just under three grand."

Three grand? Holy guacamole. "I have fifty dollars in my purse, in my car. It might be awhile until I can fully pay you back, unless I take some extra shifts at work, then I can pay you back what's owed to you. That's if you don't mind waiting awhile?"

Eric was staring me like I had slapped him around the face. "You seemed to misunderstand me. I don't want any money back for it."

"Well, that's really too bad. I don't like owing people things, and I want to pay it back. Besides, I think I already owe you enough as it is."

"I don't want anything. Just keep your money, wifey."

And there he went again... calling me wifey like he expected me to find it so endearing of him.

"I think I've made it perfectly clear just how much I don't like you calling me that," I reminded him seriously. "Not even in jest."

Something broke out across his face then. Something, I felt, was dangerous. His eyes were dancing, his lips were curled mischievously, and he leaned closer to me on the couch. "Then if you feel you owe me something that badly, give me a kiss and I'll call it even."

I didn't know whether to laugh out loud or to scold him. "Oh, I don't think so. Never gonna happen. You think you're so charming, don't you?"

"A lot of women have said that I am over the years." His voice was lower, huskier. Like this was all a big game to him. "Tell me, as I'm curious about this. Do you find me charming?"

"Not even in the slightest," I admitted without hesitation, although that maybe wasn't completely true. Okay, so he could work on the charm when he wanted to, I supposed.

"Oh, really?" He was disappointed for some reason. "You don't find me charming? Not even at all?"

"Nope. What do you care so much whether I do or I don't?" Something else came to me; Another question. I wasn't sure whether it was right of me to ask or not, but I was curious. "So you say you've been waiting for me for years?"

"I have."

"What about other women then? Did you... do something to fill in the time? Screw other women?" I felt myself redden over my ineloquence at phrasing the question. I didn't know why I cared so much but I somehow did.

It was obvious it was something Eric didn't particularly like talking about. He looked away from me, his mouth flattening into a hard line. "I will just say that I have been faithful, yes," he said simply.

"Meaning what? That you didn't screw other women while waiting for me?" Surely he had to have. Thirty or whatever years was a very long time and he was handsome, of course he was. I was sure women threw themselves at him all the time.

"I seduced them. For their blood." He definitely wasn't comfortable talking about it with me. "But that was where it ended. I can't say the same for Pamela, however. She fucked her meals, while I just fed." I wasn't entirely sure I believed him wholly, but when he finally glanced my way, he looked absolutely truthful and sincere.

"Wow." I was impressed. And definitely not expecting that. "So... you didn't at all?"

"I didn't."

Well, he had a firm hold on himself, didn't he? I wasn't sure what to think by that news. I was speechless.

"Well, I'm really learning a lot tonight," I whispered out loud to myself. It was baffling. Everything. "There's one thing I don't get, though. If you're a vampire, how come you are able to be out in the sunlight? All those other vampires, they came in to work soon as the sun came down. Can't you burn in sunlight? I thought that happens with vampires?"

"With most it does, but I am no ordinary vampire. Just like you are no ordinary human."

"So what makes you not like an ordinary vampire?" I asked, confused. "How come you can go into the daylight unlike everyone else?"

He stared at me for a few moments while I sat there, eager, waiting for him to finally enlighten me completely. Yet instead, he sighed and looked away from me. "Are we going to be talking here all night?" he asked me unexpectedly.

"Oh? You want me to leave?"

His expression softened. "Of course not. But what are you going to do about Adele?"

Adele... Him and my Grandmother were on first name terms obviously. Him just even mentioning her name made me hurt all over again.

"Well, that's a very good question," I said, uncertain on what to do about it myself. "I just don't know if I'm all that up to being around her right now. I feel like I... I just need some space."

He moved, pulling something out of his jean pocket. I didn't know what that something was, until he shook it at me. A set of keys. "If you don't want to have to deal with your Grandmother right now, then I suggest you stay over at the apartment."

"When you say the apartment, you mean Pam's and your apartment, right?"

"It's just a suggestion," he said, his voice soft, indifferent. "Either way, I don't care what you decide. But it is probably safer for you if you spend the night there."

"Will we have to share the bed together?" The question came out of my mouth thoughtlessly and without my control. Immediately I wished I could have sucked it back in. I hated the amused look in his eyes as I snatched the keys from him.

"Do you want to share the bed?" There was some hope there in his tone that did not go unnoticed. "You and me?"

"Not particularly, no. Not with you. At least... not yet anyhow."

I caught the way his face fell. He definitely was not happy that we weren't. "Then no, sadly we won't be sharing the bed on this occasion. Pam and I have coffins downstairs. I hardly use that bedroom." I had definitely noticed how untouched and clinical that room had looked. Now I knew why.

"Then good," I retorted, satisfied. "I just wanted to make that clear."

Hope you enjoyed this one?

Sorry, I know, Sookie is quite immature. She's just very distrusting right now, but things will eventually be better. I think Show-Sookie was rather self-absorbed and hostile to Eric too, until she realized he wasn't bad at all and that she could trust him haha. I'd love to know your thoughts? Would you prefer Sookie to try to forgive him and give him a chance, as much as she can? Do you feel she's being unreasonable or fair considering?