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Chapter Twenty Six
RPOV
I stared after Damon as he left, his words echoing in my mind. You need to choose. I had to choose between Dimitri and Damon. How could I choose between a perfect but doomed relationship I'd dreamed of for what felt like so long or a relationship that could also be perfect in its own way but was something I had only just realised I wanted. I felt so torn. I was hurting both of them and I had no idea what to do.
I clutched my pillow, taking a deep soothing breath. It didn't work. Throwing the pillow aside I climbed off of the bed and hurried into the bathroom, washing my face and looking at myself in the mirror.
I jumped and whirled around.
"Caroline... you scared me," I said slightly breathlessly, laughing, "That's not easy to do."
"Well, uh, congratulations to me, I guess," she smiled.
"Uh... what's up?" I asked, pushing a strand of wet hair out my face.
She eyed me sympathetically and I dropped my shoulders in defeat, knowing she'd heard.
"Who else heard?"
She winced slightly, "Tyler... Stefan was talking to Elena... he didn't hear a thing."
"Perfect..." I sighed.
Caroline smiled and pulled my hairbrush out of the bathroom drawer, "Do you wanna talk?"
So I did. We sat on my bed and I talked and I cried and I pondered about every possible situation. And Caroline just sat and listened to me. She brushed my hair and wiped my tears and made me look presentable. She gave input when necessary and was really, really insightful.
"... but at the end of the day, you're wearing the necklace Damon gave you and the letter jacket he got for you and you never take either off. That has to mean something... doesn't it?" she asked me.
"I think I'm over-thinking this... I mean I've sat here analysing both relationships and that's not the proper basis for a relationship. I need to stop following my brain and start following my heart."
"I think that's a good idea. How are you going to do that?"
"I'm going to go to the dance and I'm going to dance with both Dimitri and Damon and then I'm going to choose," I said decisively.
=X=
I'd been sitting in my room, alone for about an hour when Dimitri came in.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, standing up.
"I'm sorry for not believing you. I should have trusted you... you have good instincts and I know that and I should have believed that what you were telling me was real," he said.
"You're just logical... it's okay. I had trouble believing it all... too."
I suddenly realised we had drifted closer together and I was practically clinging to Dimitri. He bent his head down and our lips touched briefly. I moved closer and felt his lips move against mine. I kissed him back for a moment before pulling back.
"Rose, what's wrong?" Dimitri asked, confused by my reaction.
"No," I stepped back, "We can't. It's not fair."
"To who?"
I swallowed, not wanting to tell Dimitri about the twisted (even more than usual) state of my love life, "Damon."
"Why would this not be fair on Damon?" Dimitri asked.
"Because he loves me," I replied in a broken voice, "And... and I might love him."
Dimitri didn't speak for a moment, "What are you going to do?"
I didn't speak. I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands, "This is such a mess."
He didn't respond. Instead he put his arms around me, holding me tightly. After a moment I raised my head up, my eyes locking on his. I was not in a good place, but he was looking at me like I was the most beautiful woman in the universe. It wasn't his fault, but that look made everything feel better.
I leant in, kissing him passionately, while tugging on the hem of his shirt. He responded and rather than acting rationally, I let my teenage hormones take over. I gave myself to him, just the way I'd always dreamed.
=X=
I woke up feeling warm and happy, with arms wrapped tightly around me, my head on a warm, muscular, bare chest. I opened my eyes and lifted my head. It was dark but my vision was good enough that I could see who was in my bed and remember what had happened.
"Oh no..." I mumbled, slipping out of his arms, and off of the bed, "No. No. No."
"Roza what's wrong?" Dimitri mumbled sleepily.
I ignored the soreness from my first time as I dressed quickly in my clothes, "What time is it?"
Dimitri checked my phone beside him, "10:46."
"Oh God... I can't believe we... oh God!" I cried, "You have to go."
"What?" Dimitri sat up, suddenly awake.
"If Damon finds out what happened he'll be crushed!" I replied.
"But you chose me..."
"No... I didn't choose. God this is such a mess. That was the biggest mistake I could have made," I sat on the bed miserably, feeling dirty.
Dimitri stood up and dressed silently. As he left he said, "Well I'll go so you're not reminded of your mistake."
I couldn't even muster up the strength to dispute that. I just sat praying Damon hadn't heard. How had I let myself lose control that way?
"Rough night?" Damon said drily from the doorway.
I looked up as he flicked the light on, I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the sudden light. I watched him take in what I knew had to be sex hair as tears welled up in my eyes.
"Damon, I..." my voice cracked, "I'm sorry Damon."
"Don't be sorry," he said sadly, "You made your choice."
"No... no I didn't. I made a mistake," I cried, jumping off the bed and grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving.
"Rose... you don't have to defend your decision. I gave you a choice and you made it. I shouldn't have been surprised by the outcome," his voice became a whisper at the end.
I shook my head, tear streaming soundlessly down my cheeks, "No... no, no, no... Damon, please... I don't know how I feel. I don't know what I want."
"It sure seems like you do," Damon said bitterly.
I continued to shake my head, "Damon please... please just give me some time. I made a mistake."
"I can't do this Rose. I can't have my heart crushed again. I'm sorry."
He jerked his arm out of my grasp and left me in my room all alone. I collapsed against the wall, letting the sadness crush me, feeling nothing like myself and heart-crushingly weak.
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