Courier POV:
A steady throbbing in the back of my skull is the first thing that registers in my mind. The second thing is someone's crushing grip on my hand. Slowly, I peel my eyes open. That itself is a chore given how heavy my eyelids feel at the moment. Even when my eyes are opened I can't see anything. Blurry images and shapes with vague colors are all that register in my eyes. A voice begins to speak to me. Again, nothing registers. Just the gentle mumble of someone trying to speak to me. An irrational, unspeakable fear consumes me. I can't remember anything. Well, not anything. I just can't remember anything recent.
A pain begins to form in my chest as my breathing begins picking up. The voice becomes deeper and quicker. I mentally beg my eyes to work and squint. A pressure is applied to the bottom of my eyes as I feel something slide off of my eyeballs. I shudder, but I'm powerless to stop it. My eyes become even more blurred before snapping back into focus. Julie Farkas' face offers me a fake smile as her tired eyes rove over my face. My friend is close enough I can't see anything beyond her. My throat throbs and aches when I try to form words. Julie's face twists and a gentle finger stills my lips. I barely manage to read her lips as her deep, unintelligible voice rings in my ears.
"Don't speak. Please.". I relax my muscles and stop trying to form words. Julie offers another weak smile. I desperately read her face. Fine lines that I don't remember seeing before, bags have formed underneath her eyes, and her skin itself seems to have lost some of its luster. My irrational fear comes back. I can't remember anything important. I don't remember why I got here, what I was doing before this exact moment, or even what I was doing after I entered the Divide. I suck in a deep breath (that causes Julie to look frightened and touch my neck) before trying to make a mental list of what I remember. I remember my name, gender, affiliation to the NCR, the names of about four of my close Companions (Rex, Lily, Veronica, Cass), my favorite gun, my favorite armor, and a few of my fears.
A painful shudder runs the length of my spine as I remember the darkest memories not even forgetfulness can shake. Benny pressing Maria on my forehead and the shot reverberating inside of my skull; Violet managing to trap me while I was traveling alone before locking me inside a cage and mockingly treating me like one of her damned dogs; and Cass 'training' me until I was broken enough she could touch me whenever she wanted without me crying or fighting. Julie's hands come out and I vaguely feel them coming to rest on either side of my cheeks. Her lips keep moving, but I only catch the end of her sentence.
"...under. For a few hours.". I'm not sure what she's saying, but I can't mistake the medical mask she begins bringing up to my face. My head screams and my neck sharply hurts, but I shake my head a little. Julie hesitates and I can make out what she mouths.
"Thirty more minutes.". I want more than thirty more minutes, but it looks like that's the best I'm going to get at the moment. Julie puts the mask back down and mouths at me.
"Don't try to move.". I can't nod, but the fact I don't move is enough for the woman. Honestly, I don't think I could move even if I wanted to. My limbs are heavy and I can't quite breath properly. Julie's face eventually disappears and I'm left looking up at a tent's ceiling. More mumbling and grumbling, but another face doesn't come before me. Instead, the mask is secured by a hand without a body. Weakly, I try to fight it. I breath shallowly and attempt to raise my arm. My limb is far too heavy to move, and breathing shallowly won't help me forever. My vision blurs on its own accord, or maybe Julie is putting those things back on my eyes again. Either way, another face I can't see swims before my face. I can't make it out, but the last thing I feel is pressure being applied to my cheeks and right between my eyes.
Honestly, the gun is beautiful. I even have her still tucked away in my Novac home since the Lucky 38 is too open for my liking. Maria is a custom model of an M&A 9mm pistol, and she has M&A Guns Manufacturers stamped on her ass. A pristine image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, a Catholic figure (hence why I know her) and a representation of the biblical Woman of the Apocalypse (I learned that part from some papers in Benny's room), is painted on the pearl grip of the firearm. The entire body of the pistol is engraved with ivory and floral details, with a polished nickel finish and a golden trigger. Maria is truly gorgeous and if she was more powerful I would have kept using her. Sadly, this memory isn't one where I'm behind Maria shooting at ghouls. Instead, I'm at the other end of her.
The barrel is cold and heavy against my forehead. Benny is talking, but I don't give him the satisfaction of looking at him. I'd always knew I'd end up being killed by someone else, and I swore I'd never give him/her the honor of being the last thing I see. Maria is pretty enough, so I look at her while she bangs me in the middle of the skull. My eyes cross as I fall onto my side. A steady, dark stream of blood begins pooling around my head. Constantly, I send signals to my body to run, move, or even to scream. My own body betrays me and refuses to listen as Benny drags me into my grave.
I snap and snarl and kick like a wild beast as Violet heaves me into her arms. Her grinning, filthy face looms above me as she carries me back to her junkyard she calls a home. Her dogs are baying and howling as they snap at my heels and head. The net constricting around me makes me powerless to swat the hounds away. This entire situation is my fault, though. I only have leather armor and Maria, so it would've been smart for me to kill whatever came at me. Instead, I hesitates when Violet's dogs found me snooping around looking for her. The NCR commanded me to kill Violet before returning with her head, but they only warned me she had dogs. I'd thought that meant she would have dogs that would bark when I came near. I didn't imagine she'd have dogs that would actually attack me.
So, when the dog came to me I thought it wanted petting. Instead, it had bit my armor, yanked me from my hiding place, and howled to warn his mistress. Obviously, I'd fled. I'd also failed to notice a primitive trap Violet had set up to trap anyone entering her area. I'd hit it from the wrong side, but it still activated. 'Activated' being the net wrapping completely around my legs and torso in order to immobilize me. Violet had, thankfully, reached me before her hounds could reach me and tear me to shreds. I'd quickly learned not to be thankful when Violet strips me down before locking me in a dog's cage to treat me exactly like she does her hounds for a week.
Violet had insisted on feeding me like I was one of her dogs. Which meant raw human flesh and turbo. Obviously, I'd refused. Somehow, Violet dragging me from my cage, sitting on my chest, and plugging my nose until I was almost unconscious made me decide the meat and turbo were better than being strangled to death. Violet had let me get away with just eating for a while. To just lie in my cage and whimper until she forced me to eat. Eventually, she got bored and decided that beating me like I'm a dog would be even more fun. I'd fought at first. Then, she'd let the dogs get at me.
Once they'd mauled me properly, she beat me and shoved me back inside my cage. The next time she gave me a choice. Come out of my cage on my own and not get mauled before my beating, or stay inside and get mauled again before she beat me. I'd come out on my own. Near the final days of the week, Violet decided she wanted to start 'playing' with me. Violet would put my cage on the ground, face me towards freedom, and stab me in the ass if I refused. She'd give me five minutes before she'd chase me down and beat me like a dog. If I ever got too far away Violet would let her dogs out to track me, then beat me when they drug my bloody form back to her. The week ended when she forgot to lock my cage and I manged to sneak away at night when her and her hounds were asleep.
The rough, harsh ground scrapes against my naked body as I struggle to crawl away from my attacker. A heavy boot comes to rest on the small of my back. I scream and begin kicking and clawing backwards. My hands are already raw and my feet are cut open. The boot applies even more pressure until my back is radiating enough pain to get me to quiet down. I fall still and bury my crying face in the dirt. I've already begged and cried and screamed, but I do it again.
"Please!". Crushing force is applied to my spine. I cry out and desperately begin thrashing my head around to see where I can escape. The desert slopes to my right and leads into a slowly moving creek. To my left there's miles and miles of barren land. I begin yanking myself forward as I yell for help.
"REX!". I hear his paws pounding over the dirt. I've called for him before, but only now my calls are desperate enough for him to override his natural instinct to 'stay' whenever I tell him to. My assailant screams as Rex tackles her to the ground.
"REX!". This time it's her screaming. Already, I know what's going to happen. Rex will hop off of her because she's my friend and my dog will think he's made a mistake and fucked up. She'll scream at Rex and he'll just sit down and stew in confusion. Then, the next time I scream he won't come. It's not his fault. He'll just be waiting here like he was told. Like a good boy.
Although, I already knew this because I've been in this situation before. Rex was only a distraction. I roll into the river and allow it to begin carrying me away. It's not enough. The river's too slow and Cass is too quick. I howl and beg and fight as she drags me from the safety of the water. The wounds on my belly and back are beginning to bleed, and none of my other injuries have stopped hurting. This is the worst Cass has hurt me since she found me hiding from her in Zion Canyon the day after she was done training me there. I remember Cass took pity on me when she first started doing this. I could cry and scream to get her to stop and let me go. Now she'll only stop if I start throwing up. I've already tried forcing myself to heave something up tonight, and my throat is burning from the effort.
I already know tonight's going to be long and fulfilling for her. Cass shoves me back to the ground and places her body on top of mine. I scream for Rex again, but it doesn't work. Instead, a piece of ice is forced into my bleeding, burning mouth. Tonight is the first time I break. The first time I give up and let Cass hold me after what she's done, and the first time I don't run from her in the morning. It's the first time, but it won't be the last.