Reviewers where have you gone? I think I am about to cry :'( you guys owe me, so I need loads of reviews on this chapter okay? Did you not like last chapter or what? :(
[Santana's pov.]
I stepped out of my car, wobbling on my feet. My tears had magically stayed in the corners of my eyes. I wasn't sure what I was doing, was it right to just dump myself on this person? Before I could think more about it and drive away to live out in the streets, I banged on her door. I was so angry, and I needed to transfer my energy to something, and that something was banging on the door. I felt guilty, but I couldn't process anything but sadness around my body. She opened the door, she wore an annoyed look, but it quickly softened as she saw my pained face. She held her arms out, and I gave in. It was an instinct; it was what Brittany normally does. I held onto her tight, wishing and wishing that she was Brittany, but no matter how hard I wished or held onto her, she wasn't Brittany, and she never would be. So I cried, I let my tears soak her clothes, and I let myself go. Fuck everything. What was life without Brittany anyway?
I was inside, sitting on Jenna's couch. She was sitting on the couch opposite me. I gave her eye contact. How did I stop crying so fast? How did I get inside so quick? I lifted my hand to touch my face, to find my tears sitting there, but they weren't there.
"W-what," I stopped, my throat hurt like hell.
"Santana it's been two hours since you turned up at my door step, I think it's time to tell me what just happened." She arched an eyebrow. Two hours? Really?
"What? It hasn't been two hours?" My voice was creaking, and my throat was burning. Every note I let out scraped the sides of my throat.
"What are you talking about Santana? Tell me what happened!" She sounded annoyed. I wasn't sure what she was on about so I recalled the past few hours... or at least the past few hours that I could remember. Oh.
"I-I came home, and they were just there, they were staring at me" I gave her an empty look. "So I stared back, but I couldn't give them eye contact, because, because I felt guilty... I didn't know how they knew something was up, but they did any-anyway. Then my mother spoke up. She said," I held my breath, knowing this would sting. ""Well Santana, are you going to tell us or are you going to stare at our cheeks until we die?" I, I felt terrible, and I wasn't sure what to say. So I said nothing, but then she prompted for my answer, and I gave her one. It was too honest, too honest for my liking. I said I didn't know where to start." I closed my eyes, picturing it all. "Then she asked me where I just was, then I remember her eyes, she looked me up and down, and again I gave her no answers. So she prompted for one, and I gave her another answer. I, I said I was with you: Brittany's aunt. And I remember how much saying her name out loud hurt... It was like, like I was unworthy of saying her name. I remember looking at the floor, and wishing that I would fall around the pits of hell. Then my dad asked why, and I told him the truth." I looked up to meet Jenna's eyes. "My, my mother, she said that it was a fantasy." I looked at her, searching her face. She didn't understand. "She said, she said, that I needed to get over her, that, that it wasn't real. Nothing between me and her was real. She said that two people of the same sex were incapable of falling in love with each other." My throat swelled up. "She said it was a fantasy. She, she said it was a lie Jenna! She said it wasn't true! I remember how bad it hurt, I was waiting for some condolences or something similar, but I got none so I continued. "Then I was angry. Real angry. How could she say that Jenna? She's my mother... I don't understand. Then, then" I gasped for air. "She called me, a lesbian. Then she told me to get the silly idea out of my head because she didn't bring me up to be a lesbian or she would chuck me out of the house. Her words... they stung more than I thought they would. I ignored her threat, and I told her that how you are brought up doesn't determine someone's sexuality. Then she said all this stuff about me living on the streets." I clenched my eyes shut, trying to block out my feelings. I wanted to stop sharing everything, but I couldn't, because I had already started. "And then I lost it, I told her how I felt about my sexuality. I remember running up the stairs, and grabbing all my stuff, and walking down the stairs. I remember each step I took, nearly had me fall on my head. Then my dad said, "Fine Santana, live out on the streets. Have a nice fucking life." And it really hurt Jenna. This is my father we're talking about!" I took my hands and hid my face from Jenna. "And then my mother, she basically said I would be better off dead... and I am, I am better off dead, it hurt so much, because it was so true... I walked out of my house, and I took one last long look at them, then I said "Bye mum, bye dad. I'm sorry I was a disappointment." I let it hang in the air, and sting them because I really meant every single word. Then I turned up here... and I don't know what to do Jenna. Please help me, I, I really don't know what to do." I took my hands back to my lap and looked straight at her. My tears started to leak from my eyes, spoiling my vision. I could hardly see Jenna.
"I don't know what to say Santana." She was confident with her words. She shuffled a little on the couch she was sitting on before getting up to sit next to me. She held her arms out for me to fall into once again, but I refused, instead I didn't move. So she made the move, she hugged me. It was awkward, and it hurt. It hurt that she wasn't Brittany. I shrugged her touch away and instantly felt guilty.
"I-I'm sorry Jenna. I-I just-"
"No. Just go upstairs Santana, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll get all of your things from your car, so leave your car keys down here." She was calm, she didn't sound angry or upset. So I got up, and placed my key on the table, then I stopped just before I reached the staircase. I dropped my head, and looked at the floor beneath me.
"Thank you so much Jenna." I whispered, and then I walked up the stairs, into the guest room, and hid under the duvet.
Again, let me just stress how hard this was to write, and that you guys owe me a lot of reviews! :(