26
"But I have baby brain" Jack said again as Ianto moved quietly through their room.
"Hush, they are finally asleep and I will not have you waking them to one of our arguments!" Ianto hissed in that low dangerous voice that warned Jack he was on thin ice.
"But…"
"Jack." Ianto swung to face him once they were out in their main cavern and the children sleeping in their bed could not hear them, "You are not able to use that excuse around me. Do you forget that when I used it that time I left Dean asleep in the bloody washing basket and wandered off you tore strips off me?"
"That was different" Jack spluttered.
"How!"
"He might have got hurt or something" Jack said indignantly, his frown deep as he tried to work out how to salvage something from this.
"Really" Ianto snorted, "And Hope wasn't?"
"Dirty pool" Jack huffed, then sighed as he knew damned well Ianto was right, he had messed this one up.
"Jack, you have to remember them" Ianto pleaded, "I know it is hard to remember she is so small when she acts to grown up and self sufficient but sometimes she just wants to be a little girl. Our little girl. Gods, some days all I want to be is your lover. Your mate."
Ianto snorted as he looked away and Jack looked up from the clothes he was folding as he heard the bitterness in the noise, "Once I was special and shiny too. I know how it feels to be cast aside for another shiny thing."
"I did not cast you aside" Jack said with confusion.
"Since Rose came along she is all you talk about, all you focus on." Ianto sat and placed his hands on the table, too tired to argue now, "Our trysts are few and far between. Is it because you do not want another? Now you have one you made yourself? Is Hope right? You have traded up? I miss you too."
"Hey" Jack said softly as he reached for Ianto's hand, gripping it firmly, "I want many more stink pots with you, many more. Gods, one a year, two if we are both able. I want a whole village of our offspring all strong, powerful and as bloody minded as we are. Gods. I want a footy team."
Ianto smiled softly as he saw the honesty in the words, nodding as he tried to understand.
"Does it really seem like I favour Rose?" Jack asked.
"Even Dean has noticed and you know he is usually happy with Bella and Frank. He watches for you and won't eat until you are at the table. Do you even notice his insecurities?" Ianto whispered as he pulled his hands from Jack's and plucked at the table cloth, "He fears you have left him behind too. You are never without her. She is so yours it is like she is a limb. I have not spent more than an hour with her on my own at a time. Did you realise that?"
Jack stared at Ianto.
"She is mine too" Ianto huffed, "Did I keep my pups from you? Ever? Did I claim them as mine and snarl at you, snap at you and refuse you a turn? Why must I fight for each little hold?"
"You don't" Jack said, trying to remember the last time he had handed the baby over and finding himself struggling.
"Look, I am happy that you are so happy, honest I am. I of all know the glory of life" Ianto rose and pushed the chair in, "But I will not play favourites. You should not either. It is obvious to both children that they are no longer the apple of your eye. You need to adjust your thinking and act like their father."
"I will, I do" Jack said as he rose to follow, his hurt now thrumming as he felt more than slightly attacked. Ianto caught the feeling from him and stifled the urge to snarl, Jack's child-like ability to see things as some sort of failure chaffing.
Jack watched Ianto slip into the bed and then slipped in as well, careful to pull Hope into his arms so when she woke it would be to his love.
He looked over as Ianto checked the baby in the wee papoose, his face softening as it does when he looks on one of their children and he tried again to remember when Ianto last had the baby for the day.
Gods.
Never. Jack found himself with the clarity of knowledge. He has never handed his baby to Ianto and simply let him be. He stayed, he hovered, he took her back if she snuffled leaving Ianto sitting there with empty arms.
One of the worst feelings is self-disappointment.