This one is way later than normal- sorry for that! I was having a bad case of the 'I don't want to's' and just couldn't get myself to write. Anyhow- here it is, and on Friday, so at least I'm not like a day late or anything!

Thank you to everyone who is giving the story a chance, reviewing and adding me to their alerts- you all just make my day!

Disclaimer: Bella, Jasper, Edward and all things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer. She's just nice enough to let us play with them!

And I just can't look its killing me,
And taking control,
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea,
Swimming through sick lullabies,
Choking on your alibis,
But it's just the price I pay,
Destiny is calling me,
Open up my eager eyes,
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside.

-Mr. Brightside, The Killers

When I make it to bed that night, I contemplate giving Tanya or Angela a key to my apartment—so they can sneak it to Edward and maybe he'll come snuggle in my sheets for me. My bed is cold and it smells like me, not Edward. I know that I won't sleep well, at all…and I just know it's because Edward or his smell aren't in bed with me. Of course, I'd prefer Edward to his smell, but…

I lie down and try to close my eyes, thinking about my texts to him earlier. He'd been overly excited about the thought of me between his sheets, and the thought makes me smile. His bed was so comfortable, and my nap felt like a full night's sleep. I wanted more than anything to feel his body next to mine, and when I was in his bed, surrounded by his smell…it almost felt like he was there with me. His voice had filled my head—the sound was soothing, and I remember feeling shocked at how easy it had come to me.

My phone chirps on the night stand and I turn to grab it. My smile is already firmly in place as I open the new text message.

My pillow misses you.

I giggle as I respond:

I miss your pillow, too. It was so soft…

I close my eyes and try to imagine I'm back in Edward's bed. It's not any harder than it was to conjure his voice in my head, earlier. Except, the sheets don't feel right and the pillow is too firm. I frown and sigh, admitting defeat. My phone chirps again, and the frown is wiped clean from my face as Edward's smile takes its place.

Is it completely ridiculous that I'm jealous of my pillow?

I giggle, again. Gah—such a girl. Then I respond:

You should be jealous. I'm thinking of asking your pillow out on a date.

I only wait thirty seconds for him to reply this time.

Date? I thought you were sworn off relationships ATM?

I roll my eyes; leave it to Edward to take that out of my text.

I might make an exception for your pillow. Seriously? You're going to ask me that?

I sigh and move my head around on the pillow, trying to make myself more comfortable. My phone chirps again.

Sorry. Not pushing, swear. Just can't get you out of my head.

The smile on my face threatens to become embarrassing again.

You're not the only one. Sorry, too. Didn't mean to snap.

I close my eyes and settle on my pillow, once again. It's not nearly comfortable enough now that I've lay upon Edward's. Huffing, I snatch the pillow to the right of me, and prop it on top of the one I'm laying on. That makes it a little more comfortable, at least. I open my eyes as my phone chirps at me again.

How's Jacksonville?

My brow furrows. Huh? Quickly, I scroll back out to see who the message is from. I gasp as I read the name: Jasper Whitlock. My heart starts to pound—I didn't think he'd be getting in touch with me this quick! I scramble to come up with a reply and settle for:

Hot—much different than Washington. How's Forks?

There—that wasn't so hard. Right? My phone chirps again almost instantly after I send the message to Jasper. This time, I look at the name before opening it, and breathe a sigh of relief when it's Edward's name that appears.

You didn't snap, angel. So…how's your bed treating you?

A devious grin forms on my face. I text:

Too hard. Lonely. I like your bed better. How's your bed treating you?

A blush rises to my face as I consider Edward in his bed, right now, texting me. Another chirp sounds from my phone. Jasper, this time.

Eh—the same. It doesn't change here. You know that. How're you?

I sigh and close my eyes; my body is switching gears on me too fast. The response it gives to Edward is wholly different from the one Jasper receives. It's confusing.

I'm alright—happy to hear from you. :) I wondered if I would.

My phone chimes again, just as I'm hitting send. I take a deep breath and open the new message.

My bed smells good…but it's too empty. Come over?

I can feel my face flush. Is he serious? Before I can respond, another text comes in.

You seem surprised. What'd you expect?

My brow furrows and I type my reply:

Sorry, I guess I am a little surprised. I just…thought I wouldn't hear from you for awhile.

I let out a long, low breath as I prepare to respond to Edward. I scroll back through my text messages to find Edward's last to me, but when I open it, I see that I've already replied. I gasp as I realize that while I thought I responded to Jasper's text…somehow I mixed them up and the last reply was sent to Edward. My phone chimes again—twice, fast. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to prepare myself.

Edward's says: Huh? Are you text-cheating on me?

Then there's Jasper's text: Sorry—that looked bad after I sent it…I didn't mean to sound…short?

Hurriedly, I respond to Edward—after making sure that it was actually Edward this time:

Sorry—Jasper sent me a text. So…no, I'm not text-cheating on you. Is that even a real phrase? And…are you serious? You really shouldn't be offering your bed to me…

Then I quickly respond to Jasper:

You didn't sound short—honestly, I just didn't think I would hear from you for awhile. That's all. How've you been?

There—problem solved. I close my eyes again as I wait for their replies to reach me, and realize that I told Edward that Jasper was texting me. A sweat breaks out on my brow as I wonder what Edward is thinking right now. Oh God! A chime rings from my cell phone and I scramble to open it. A disappointed sigh leaves me when I see that it's from Jasper.

I'm good. And I told you that I wanted to talk to you, from time to time. You shouldn't be surprised. So…what are you doing?

My reply comes quickly to me:

Just getting ready to go to sleep—it's late here. So…can I pick up this conversation tomorrow maybe?

The chime sounds again, and I open the new text. It's from Edward this time:

Jasper, huh? How's that going? Why can't I offer my bed to you?

My breath leaves my body fast—I hadn't realized that I was holding it while awaiting Edward's answering text. I respond:

Yes, Jasper. It's…sufficiently awkward. I feel kinda bad—I just told him I'm about to go to sleep, but I don't think I'll be able to. And…because I'll be tempted to drive over there and burrow in your sheets again. That's why.

Another chime—Jasper, again:

Shit, Bell, I'm sorry. Of course tomorrow—is there a better time to text or call you? I really didn't think about the time difference.

I smile in response, at least in words he sounds as thoughtful as he's always been. I would venture a guess that the real test of whether we can maintain a friendship will fall to voice to voice—if he can handle that…if I can handle that. I text:

Hmm…your time—around 8? I go to bed around 11 usually. So unless you want to talk for a long time—8 or a little before would be good.

Edward hasn't texted me back, I furrow my brow as I check through my texts, making sure I didn't miss one from him. I haven't, so I gear up to send him another, but my phone chimes before I can. Jasper, again:

That sounds great. I'll be talking to you tomorrow then. Night, Bell.

Quickly, I respond:

Okay, then—talk to you tomorrow. Night, Jasper. :)

Immediately after sending Jasper's reply, I pull up Edward's number, preparing to send him another text. I'm interrupted by a different chime this time—my phone is ringing. I look at the caller and my face breaks into a smile, Edward's smile; he's calling me.

I'm breathless when I answer, "Hello?"

A sexy chuckle sounds from his end of the phone. "Hello there, angel. Forgive me—I just…couldn't figure out why the hell we were texting each other. I'd much rather hear your voice."

We talk forever; the alarm clock reads two-thirty before we say our goodnights. There is no phone sex…there is no jealousy from his end about my texts to Jasper…there is no more talk of joining the other in their bed…there is only Edward and me, telling each other about our lives and what we want to do with them. This conversation is different than any other before it; there is no build-up to something more, no talk of the future of our relationship—it's only us, talking about mundane things that, for the most part, we've skimmed over thus far. It's amazing.

I fall asleep on my uncomfortable bed, more relaxed than I can ever remember being. Edward's smile stays on my face for the rest of the night, sleeping and all.

~*~

I'm tired at work the next day, but its Friday so I don't complain. I'm tired from staying up with Edward talking most of the night, so I really don't want to complain. Angela comes to visit before lunch and asks if I want to join her, which I do. She asks me if Tanya might want to join us as well, and I smile as I call to ask. Tanya is flustered—I can tell, but she accepts the invitation. We decide to meet up with her at a bistro that is almost directly in between our offices. I tease Angela about her new best friend, to which she rolls her eyes and huffs before blushing and almost running back to her office.

The private line rings shortly after. This is a more regular occurrence these days, but I still don't know exactly how to answer it. So, I give my formal greeting.

Esme's gentle voice sounds in my ear. "Bella, dear. I haven't gotten a chance to sit and visit with you since we returned from Washington. Are you free for lunch?"

I sigh, as quietly as possible. "Unfortunately, no. I'd love to have lunch with you though. I just made plans with Angela and Tanya for today—but I'll be at the barbeque tomorrow! Maybe…I could come early? We would have time to talk?"

"That sounds lovely! You remember the way?"

I smile. "I can find it."

We say our goodbyes and Angela comes stomping up to my desk—precisely fifteen minutes after I've hung up the phone with her mother.

"What the hell!? You aren't riding with us?"

My brow furrows and my lips form a pout. What? "Huh?"

She rolls her eyes at me. "Mom said you're going to the barbeque early! Does that mean you aren't riding with us?"

Oh! "Oh! Uh…she wanted to visit with me—she wanted to go to lunch with me today, but I'd made plans with you and Tanya."

"Oh," Angela responds in a small, dejected voice. "She didn't tell me that. Just that you were going early. I figured you would ride with Edward if you were going early. I guess…"

"Angela…are you jealous?" Amusement is evident in my tone.

She huffs again, and rolls her eyes. Her response sounds like that of a petulant child. "No! God! Ugh! I just—"

Laughter bursts from me. "You are jealous!"

She actually stomps her foot. "I am not!"

My smile is big and toothy. "That's okay. I won't give you too hard of a time about it…in public."

She rolls her eyes and turns to stomp off, but not before I see the trace of a grin on her lips. I smile—the big, toothy kind is still on my face—as I watch her walk away from me. An image of Alice and me enters my head.

"Do you think Charlie will let us go?" Alice is staying over tonight. It used to be a regular occurrence, but since Jasper has moved to town…she's stayed less and less. Right now, we're sitting in the living room, pigging out on Cheeto's and watching The Gilmore Girls. "I mean, we have to go! It's supposed to be the biggest bonfire ever!"

Charlie has been called out to work, something that is unusual in our house. I'm used to Charlie being home at six every evening, and the two of us sitting down to dinner before Charlie takes up residence in his recliner for the night and I retreat to my room. Tonight though, there's been an accident. It sounds as if it's a bad accident—Charlie's voice was stressed and thin while he was on the phone with the station. They've called all units to the scene, which further concretes my conclusion that it's bad. I know that Charlie won't let us go to a bonfire—not tonight…not after something bad has happened. He'll want us to stay here, where he can keep an eye on us and make sure we're okay.

"I don't think so," I tell her and stuff another Cheeto in my mouth. "I'm pretty sure he'll want us home—the accident sounded bad."

Alice huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. Her bottom lip pulls out, and just like that—she's in full-on pout mode. "That's not fair!"

I chuckle, trying to lighten her mood. "It's a marathon tonight. It's not like we'll be bored."

"Uh…speak for yourself," she spits at me.

I turn to her, catching her look before she clears her face and turns away. There's pure contempt there; Alice looks like she hates me right then. "Hey," I say gently, "we can try to sneak out if you want. I just don't think Charlie will let us go with his permission."

I don't really want to do this; I hate lying and sneaking around behind my father's back. Alice and I haven't spent much time together lately though, and I miss her. I want to try to make her happy again, and I don't want her to look at me like she did just a moment ago. She squeals at my last statement and jumps from the couch, shutting the television off and dragging me behind her up the stairs. She's pulling clothes from my dresser and closet, crinkling her nose at almost my entire wardrobe. She finally settles on a pair of jeans that don't look quite as worn as the rest, and a shirt that's too tight—I think the last time I wore the shirt, I was in middle school.

She insists on flat-ironing my hair until it is pin-straight, and I admit to liking it. I draw the line with make-up, and Alice doesn't kick up too much of a fuss. We hear Charlie come in downstairs and change clothes quickly. I pull my hair up as Alice complains that I'll have a crease, but I convince her that Charlie will notice. She relents and we go back downstairs.

My father is sitting in his recliner, sprawled back—he looks asleep. He raises his head when he hears us though, and I gasp at his face. His eyes are red, blood-shot, and his whole face looks aged beyond his years. His clothes are wrinkled and stained, I realize the dark brown smudges are blood. I gasp again, and Charlie tries to smile at the two of us; the smile looks more like a grimace.

"What are you two up to?" he asks. Alice goes into a spiel of lies, and I let her. I sit there and stare at the faraway look in my father's eyes. The normal twinkle that is present when Alice talks to him is gone, and I know that he's haunted by what he's seen tonight. After a good fifteen minutes of Alice's relentless parade of untruths, she stops and makes an excuse to leave the room. I tell her to go ahead and I'll be there in a moment, and then I kneel in front of Charlie.

"You okay?"

He startles, unaware of my closeness. "Oh, uh…yeah. Sure, you go on ahead and hang out with Alice. She's not over too much these days."

I sigh, he's not gonna tell me what happened. "We were going to sneak out tonight. I don't know why I'm telling you that…"

I do know why, though. I know that Charlie won't sleep tonight, and he'll be checking my room constantly. I don't want him to worry about us. Alice will just have to deal because I'm not going to do that to my father, not tonight.

Charlie chuckles, but it sounds forced. "Thanks for telling me. I'll let you girls try to climb out of your window—don't let Alice see me watching. It'll take all the fun out of it for her."

My brow furrows. "You're going to let us?"

He nods. "Telling you not to go would defeat the purpose—you'd go anyway. I'm glad you told me. You girls going to the bonfire?"

I tell him yes and he tells me to have fun, but not too much fun. He tells me he'll see me tomorrow and then pulls me in for a hug—something Charlie rarely does. He whispers into my hair to be careful and I leave the room in a daze. Alice is sitting on my bed when I return, polishing her toenails. She asks what time he'll go to bed so we can leave, and I tell her we can go whenever—Charlie is probably passed out in his chair. It's a lie, but Alice doesn't care. She squeals quietly and calls Jasper, telling him to pick us up down the street in thirty minutes. Then she makes a fuss about my hair again, her toes now forgotten in her quest to 'pretty me up.' I roll my eyes but let her have her way, and then we're sneaking out the window. I look back as we make it to the ground, in time to see the curtain flutter, indicating that Charlie has seen us leave. I feel guilty, leaving him there by himself after what he's been through tonight…but I know that this is just Charlie's way.

We meet Jasper down the street, and I avert my eyes as they give their customary 'greet and make-out' to each other. The drive to First Beach goes by quickly, and Leah finds me immediately upon our arrival. She shoves a red, plastic cup in my hand, and tells me to drink it fast—I do. Another cup is in my hands as soon as I'm done and an hour later, I'm thoroughly drunk. Alice and Jasper have disappeared, but I don't care—Embry Call is flirting with me and I'm flirting back. I never really noticed how nice-looking he was.

Leah laughs and Jacob scowls as Embry leans in to whisper in my ear, "Want to go somewhere private?"

His voice is sloppy and slurred, but I nod anyway. He leads me down the beach, away from the bonfire and its colder here. The alcohol in my system warms me though, as do Embry's hands under my shirt. My jeans are off and I'm laying back on the sand, eyes closed and a smile on my lips. I feel him enter me; a pain startles me out of my daze. I realize I'm no longer a virgin, and Embry Call is my first. Sex is painful and I don't like it, I wish he would hurry up and finish. He does—remarkably fast and I stumble as I try to re-dress myself. He laughs at me as he holds me steady so I can put one leg, then the other back in my jeans. I don't bother to put my shoes back on—I just hold them in one hand as Embry takes the other, and we walk back down the beach together.

Leah calls me a hooker and I laugh at her. She eyes Jacob, chatting up another young girl who I've never seen before. I tell her to buck up, and go talk to him. She rolls her eyes at me, and drags me back to the liquor barrel. We get sloppy drunk together, and by the time that Alice and Jasper return…I'm beyond help. Leah laughs as she tells the two that I'm no longer a virgin, and I blush as she tells them that Embry Call 'got my cherry.' I want to crawl in a hole and die—I don't care that Alice knows, but for Jasper to know…how embarrassing. Alice squeals and plops beside me, eyeing me as she asks how I feel. I shrug and watch as Jasper sits down, much more gracefully than Alice did. He looks lost, somehow, and he asks us, quietly, if we're ready to go home.

Alice rolls her eyes at him, and when she turns back to me…the look of contempt is on her face again. Alice hops up and bends over, whispering something in Jasper's ear before turning away from all of us and stomping off.

I shake my head, trying to clear that particular memory from it. I wonder how I didn't realize what that look meant before. Alice knew for much longer than I'd realized that I loved Jasper, and she apparently had some inkling of his feelings for me—however undefined they were at the time. The jealousy and hatred on her face that night was obvious; I wonder how long she felt that way toward me. I can't recall a time before that night, noticing looks like that from her…but quickly realize I've just now realized what the look was, and why she was giving it to me. I want to think further on this, but Angela is coming back—it's time for lunch.

We meet Tanya at the bistro as planned, and Angela immediately launches into questions about how Tanya is so good at the business. Tanya shrugs it all off, blushing as she tells Angela that Edward taught her all that she knows. I feel a flash of jealousy at her statement, realizing that she knows him better than I probably ever will. Taken aback by my reaction, I lean down to study the menu, as it affords me the comfort of my veil of hair.

I can only recall being jealous of Tanya before I met her. I realize that I haven't given much thought to how much time she and Edward spend together, and it makes me even more jealous. I don't like feeling this way, but I can't get the thought out of my head—Tanya and Edward have slept together. I realize that I'm being absolutely ridiculous…Edward has told me that he didn't and doesn't feel anything like that for Tanya. Still, they know each other in a way Edward and I don't.

"So, Bella, Esme says that you're going to the barbeque early? Does that mean you won't be riding with Edward and me?" Tanya's voice is just as gentle as always, and I feel guilty for being jealous of her. Then I realize what she's said. She and Edward are riding together? Why? They aren't playing a role anymore…must they spend all this time together?

"Oh…no. I guess I won't. I didn't know that you were riding together—Edward must've forgotten to tell me." I know I sound short, but I can't help it. I'm ridiculously jealous of her now, and I can't get the thought of Tanya bent over Edward's desk as he pounds into her from behind out of my head.

Bella…you don't even know if that's how they were positioned. You're being absurd.

I know that I'm being absurd, but I can't help it. Tanya's voice is confused as she tells me, "I think…he just assumed that you would know? That I was coming? He said–"

"Like I said, he must've forgotten to mention it. I didn't know, but that's great!" Forced cheerfulness and me are something that never went together well. The lie is clear in my voice, and I'm once again shocked at myself.

"Oh, well since Bella is taking her car and going early…maybe me and Ben could ride with you two? It would be nice to spend more time with you." Angela sounds happy about that, and now I'm pissed at myself for encouraging Tanya to tell her the truth. Now it's like a double date—how nice. "I mean, if you and Edward don't mind."

Tanya and Edward—not Bella and Edward. Angela is even talking about them like they're a freaking couple!

I don't participate in the conversation past that. I can't; Angela is treating Tanya like she's the fucking queen of the castle or something. It's really pissing me off, and I just know if I say anything…they'll hear the disdain and sarcastic tone of my voice. They don't even notice I'm sitting there for the rest of lunch—just chat with each other like they're the best of fucking friends.

I wonder why I ever liked Tanya in the first place.

~*~

For the first time since he and I have started talking to each other, I don't answer the phone when Edward calls. I'm being ridiculous, still, and I know it. I can't help but feel mad at him though, for not telling me that he had planned to take Tanya with him to the barbeque. I haven't talked to him since talking to Esme and making plans with her to go early, so I opt to text him.

Going to bed early. Esme asked if I would come early to the barbeque, so don't bother to pick me up. Night.

It's only nine o'clock, and I know he'll question me going to bed early…but I'm hoping that he won't call again. Tomorrow, I can chalk it up to being tired from staying up late talking to him the night before. My phone rings, it's Edward and I don't want to talk to him. I silence the call and promptly pout. Like I said, I know I'm being ridiculous…but for the life of me, I still can't get the image of him and Tanya out of my head. My phone chimes, signaling a voice mail. I huff and roll my eyes—pissed that he didn't call again, and angry at myself for my mixed emotions. I pull the phone to my ear and listen to his voicemail.

"Hey, angel. I just wanted to tell you I got your text—I'm sorry for keeping you up so late last night. I'll be more careful about watching the time from now on, I don't want you wearing out. Mom called me earlier to tell me that she'd asked you out to lunch, but that you were going out with Tanya and Angela, and that you were going earlier to the barbeque tomorrow to visit with her. She's ecstatic, angel—she really loves you. So…if you want…I can come and pick you up and drop you off early, that way you can visit with her. I was going to bring Tanya, too—I think I forgot to tell you that. I'm sorry—Tanya said that you seemed a little short at lunch, and I know it's my fault. Anyway, my offer stands. I wanted you and me to go do something afterward, but if you're too tired, I understand. Just call me tomorrow to let me know. I miss you. Goodnight, Bella."

I huff as I delete the message. Tanya just couldn't keep her big mouth closed, could she? Now Edward thinks I'm mad at him, which I am, but it wasn't her place to go telling my business. Just like—

Don't you dare, Bella Swan! She is nothing like Alice, and you're being ridiculous.

I roll my eyes at myself and huff again. I know that she's nothing like Alice, but the jealousy I experienced toward her earlier is clouding my judgment. Add to that, the memory of the bonfire I'd had earlier; and…well I feel justified in my thoughts. That's what matters. My phone rings again, pissing me off more.

"I told you I'm going to bed," I snap. Really, I told him I was going to bed—I think a little snippiness should be allowed.

"Uh…you told me you go to bed around eleven. Did I misread? Or get the times mixed up?" Jasper asks from the other end of the phone.

I sigh, embarrassed at myself. "No, sorry. I didn't realize the time. You didn't misread."

He chuckles. "Who were you snapping at then?"

Uh…

I don't know what to say. Honesty would be best, just in case Jasper is still angling for anything more than friendship. I don't think that's the case, but best to stick with what I feel is best. "Edward. I thought you were Edward, I didn't look at the number."

"Oh," he says quietly, and I know that I've hurt him. Again. "Trouble in paradise?"

"No," I huff. "He just…I just…I don't think I can talk to you about this. Change the subject, please."

Jasper sighs, "Bell, you can talk to me about him. I want us to be friends again. If you're constantly tip-toeing around the subject of Edward…then what kind of friendship will we have?"

I sigh; he's right. "Okay…"

"Tell me," he urges. "Maybe I can help."

I take a deep breath and then spill everything. The feelings I had at lunch, how new they were to me. Of course I admitted to being jealous of Alice, but couldn't recall feeling this way about Tanya, save once. I told him how I avoided Edward's calls tonight, and how childish I realized I was being. I couldn't help it though—I told him about Tanya and Edward and office sex and not being able to banish the image from my head. He listened, quietly throughout my rant, asking what spawned the feeling. I told him of the recollection of the bonfire I'd experienced earlier, and he sighed.

"You can't let the past affect you like that. It's unfair to Edward and it's unfair to you, too. Alice was a jealous bitch, she's jaded from the way she acted and hung on to what wasn't there. She knew before the two of us caught on and look what it's made her."

"But maybe…Edward hasn't realized that he cares for Tanya like that. Maybe he will and then—"

"You gotta stop. You can't keep thinking like that. You'll ruin your relationship with him before it even starts," Jasper interrupts. He carries on, "You love him, Bell. You know that. You're gonna have to let go of that shit and give Tanya another chance. And he loves you too—he flew across the country for you because you asked him to. You can't do this…you'll lose him if you do."

The line goes quiet as I absorb Jasper's words. He's talking from experience, I know this. His hushed tone and wise advice reek of his relationship with Alice. "What did she say to you that night?"

His voice is confused as he asks, "Who?"

I roll my eyes. "Alice. The night of the bonfire—before she stomped off, she said something to you. What did she say?"

"Oh, uh…I don't remember."

He's lying, he always stumbles on his words when he lies. "It was something bad about me, and you don't want to tell me. Wasn't it?"

"No," he sighs. He hesitates before he says, "She asked me why I didn't just do it myself. She said I looked so sad about you losing your virginity that I might as well as done it myself. She was being a bitch."

Huh, so I was right about the look. I was also right about Alice knowing for as long as she did—about both myself and Jasper's feelings. Bitch. I wonder how we ever were friends. Jasper and I talk for awhile longer, it's just idle chit-chat—we're trying to feel out our friendship. It's all around not a bad conversation, and I'm happy that he called. It feels like the old days for a bit, and I realize that I needed that…that link to my past. I'm grateful to him for being as big of a person as he is—I'm unsure if I could have acted the way that he is if it was he that ended the relationship and not me. We say goodnight after about an hour, and I'm left staring at my phone, contemplating calling Edward back. In the end, I decide to go ahead—it's not so late, he might still be up and then we could maybe talk.

His phone rings three times before he picks up, and there is so much noise that I wonder if I'll be able to hear him. It sounds as if he's at a restaurant or a bar, so many voices talking at once. I only hear one clear voice though.

Tanya has answered Edward's phone.