No, I did not die…
Writer's block is a b****... Wish I had a muse like Kate Beckett.
You may need to read the last chapter to refresh your memory.
He needs to get up. He needs to get up and take his family home; tuck his daughters in and put his wife to bed.
But he can't.
It's just been too good.
All of it; the whole long holiday weekend they've had together.
Family breakfasts with Kate in her pajamas instead of dressed and rushing off to a crime scene. Mornings spent writing in his study while listening to her voice through the baby monitor as she talked to his babies; as they laughed at their mommy. Afternoons filled with Kate's stories of a whole day spent with her girls - She took them for walks in the Central Park, baby swimming lessons at the club, story-time at the New York Public Library, and out to West Chester to have lunch with their Grandpa Jim.
And even this moment; with Kate heavy and warm in his lap, her arm draped across his shoulders, her fingers absentmindedly playing with his hair, caressing his ear, his neck, his cheek.
It's all just been so good. He doesn't want it to end. Selfish of him, maybe, but it's what he wants; Kate with him, with his children, happy, safe. Always.
"Castle?"
He startles a little when she calls his name, tweaks his ear. She's smirking at him; one eyebrow raised and her lips in a tight line but still curled up at the edges. She caught him daydreaming, but he doesn't care. Because she's the stuff his dreams are made of; waking or sleeping. So hell yeah, he was dreaming?
"Ryan asked you a question."
He looks across the Ryan's living room. Both Jenny and Kevin look expectant. He inwardly chuckles at his own word choice, because that's why they're here after all; to celebrate the good news. Jenny's expecting and thrilled about it. Ryan is just as excited but also a little bit freaked out by the whole prospect. So Jenny invited them over to help ease his mind.
And of course there's nothing better than spending the day with two wild, squirmy, loud, adorable almost six-month olds to do just that.
He thinks Jenny may just be a masochist.
"Sorry, what?"
"What was it like?" Ryan looks sheepish as he asks. "You know? It..?"
Castle follows the anxious man's eyes to the baby in Jenny's arms. Elena's head is thrown back with her mouth hanging open, totally oblivious to the goings-on around her as she sleeps with abandon. The girl is passed out at seven o'clock on a Sunday evening; completely worn out, off her schedule.
Her younger sister is in the same predicament; one minute Erin was riding the horsy, and the next she's on her belly, stretched out along Kate's thigh, sound asleep with her cheek at her mother's knee, arms and legs dangling like a cat asleep up a tree.
Their hands are filthy, the knees on their little baby jeans look almost worn through; both side-effects of their most recently developed skill – crawling. They're still sloppy at it, and it sometimes looks more like bodysurfing than crawling, but they sure do get around.
They both spent most of the day creeping around after Ryan's dog.
Erin would follow the beagle just so she could sit and watch it. Amazed by this mysterious furry creature that didn't tower over her like her parents, and that walked on all fours just like her.
Elena however, was right in the thick of it. She tumbled into the dog bed and tried to take a nap with the pup, she pulled the poor dog's tail more times than he can count, and Castle even caught her trying to drink out of the dog bowl.
He gagged a little. Kate thought it was hilarious.
He may have to get them a dog now too. Anything that makes Kate laugh like that would be well worth the trouble.
"Yeah Castle? What was it like?"
Kate's voice sounds teasing, but he can still see it. The way she really wants to know. And he finds that interesting, because hasn't he ever said? Hasn't he ever told her just how magnificent the whole experience was? Haven't they decided to do it again?
Huh? If not he really needs to get this right then. He reaches out, runs his fingers through Erin's downy-soft hair while he searches for the words to describe what it was like to watch his little ones make their way into this world.
"It was the most spectacular thing I've ever witnessed."
He feels Kate's hand tighten at his neck, her nose nuzzling against his temple, and suddenly he can't go there. He can't even begin to articulate the miracle of it, the almost spiritual-like connection he felt with his wife as she brought life into the world.
It's not for him to share, not with anyone but Kate anyway.
So he does what he does best...
"Don't get me wrong. It was also disgusting. At times - horrifying even."
"Hey!" Kate digs her nails into his neck.
"But…" He shrugs his shoulders in defense, rubs soothing circles across Erin's back, which also seems to sooth Kate. "In that moment… My forever changed."
He'd been writing when she came down from putting the babies to bed. Inspiration must have hit him pretty quickly; he'd been dressed, his shoes still on, his wet sleeves - from giving the girls their baths - bunched up messily around his elbows.
Not wanting to disturb him, she'd just tugged the shoes off of his feet, slipped into bed, and said a silent goodnight with a kiss to his shoulder.
His fingers never faltered as they flew across the keyboard and the familiar rhythm lulled her right to sleep.
He was still at it when she'd roused around midnight and then again an hour later with an upset stomach. He'd not so much as lifted his head either time.
So it surprises her that he's not in the bed when she comes back from her second trip to the bathroom. His laptop is haphazardly tossed near the foot of the bed, his bedside lamp still on.
Kate can hear Elena's babbling from the monitor on Castle's nightstand. The baby isn't fussing per se, but it's not her regular happy-go-lucky chattering either. Her husband must have recognized the signs and decided to thwart a potential meltdown.
She hears his voice, soft and low. Unlike her sister, Erin must be asleep and he's trying not to wake her.
"Oh no Baby Girl, that's not gonna fly."
Elena must be standing up in the bed; something she and Erin both mastered recently, forcing Castle to lower the mattresses so they don't fall out.
The crib mattress crinkles and the sheets rustle beneath her daughter's body. He's making her lay down, patting her on the back. There's no holding or cuddling allowed after bedtime anymore. It's Kate's rule and he hates it, and it breaks her heart that it breaks his, but…
They already have a routine that takes up so much time in the evening; a bath then a book with Daddy followed by nursing and rocking with Mommy - done one at a time so the twins both get individual time with each parent. If they were to then pick each girl up to cuddle her or rock her every time she fussed a little, then Mommy and Daddy would never get any individual time with each other.
And Daddy really likes his individual time with Mommy. So he follows her rule.
"I know, but you got me instead. Mommy has a tummy ache. Now hush."
Kate slides into his side of the bed and listens as he continues to shush their whiny daughter. He cracks a couple jokes that have her chuckling into his pillow, the smell of him filling her senses. When he sings Elena some lyrics about two drifters and Huckleberry friends, the timbre of his voice sets Kate's body alight, and when finally she hears him whisper.
"Goodnight My Love."
The arousal hits her so fast and sharp, that she shivers with it.
Suddenly Mommy really wants some of that individual Daddy time, too.
He doesn't say anything when he comes back to the room. He picks up the computer, tosses it on a nearby chair. The lights go next. Then he's in the bed; a hard wall at her back. His hand splayed low across her stomach, the warmth and slight pressure soothes away any residual ache she may have had. Kate's back arches involuntarily as he slips his leg between her thighs.
"Feeling better?"
"Didn't think you'd noticed."
"Notice everything about you, Kate. You know that." He flicks his thumb over her belly button, and her insides swirl in response.
"Like what?"
"Like how happy you've been lately."
Of course she's happy. He makes her happy. Their daughters make her happy. This life they've carved out together makes her happy.
"Nothing new here, Castle."
"If you say so, Love."
The comment surprises her. She lifts her head, sees he's got his propped up on his elbow. He's watching her, and damn, it's like he can read her mind. Like he already knows what she just realized herself. That when she thinks about all the things she really needs to make her happy, her job barely makes list anymore.
She slides her hand over his, lets her fingers fill the spaces between his, and urges them lower.
"Why don't you shut up and do something to earn that smug look on your face?"
Don't worry, I know where this is going and now I know how it's getting there...