HOPE'S CALLING- CHAPTER 26- PROTECT HER
Once again, the periodic disclaimer: The characters from M*A*S*H are not my own, only Hope Jones and the people from her hometown are creations of mine.
Hope sighed and answered, "I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did, what I let happen. It may take a life time."
"Hope you can't undo the past, but you have to try to forgive yourself to have a future worth living. You owe that to yourself and to…"
"God, you mean Francis?" she finished his sentence.
"Yes, he's given you this life as a gift. Don't waste it living in regret over things you can change."
She reached over and lightly touched his cheek. "Dear Francis, how did you get to be so wise? This may sound crazy, but what you told me just now sounds so much like my dad that I suddenly felt he was here with me. I've told you things that I don't think I'll ever be able to tell him."
His face flushed at her words and her touch on his face. "I'm so thankful I was here for you Hope."
Hope sensed that she had made him uncomfortable with the simple gesture of touching his cheek. She grabbed her crutches and stood up to leave. "Dearest Francis, I am so thankful I can call you "Friend". Thank you so much for listening to me. You've helped to give me some heart's ease and I'll always be grateful for it."
By this time, he was standing as well. She put her arms around him and hugged him. He wouldn't avoid her touch this time; so without hesitation, he returned the embrace. "Hope, I'm always here to help you. Don't forget that."
She let go and looked up at him, her eyes still wet with tears. "I won't Francis, I won't."
Hope moved to leave his tent. He watched her walk away until the door closed behind her. How his heart ached to be more than just her friend.
Lunch was long over. Hope's stomach growled in protest at being so empty. She had only eaten those three bites at breakfast and couldn't remember what she had before that. It was really too early for the O club to be open for business, but she was hoping that Igor was there setting up the bar. Maybe there would be pretzels or some other stale delight she could nibble on.
Before she could make it half way to the O club, Hawkeye intercepted her. "Hope, where have you been?"
"Talking to a friend."
"A friend? What am I then?" he asked her. He turned her to face him. His eyes searched hers. It was then he saw how red they were. "What kind of friend would cause you to cry like this?"
Hope shook her head. "They didn't. It was me. Something I did that I'll regret for the rest of my life. And Hawkeye, please don't ask me what it is. Not now."
He reached out to put his arm around her, but then he saw her body stiffen and let his arm flop down by his side. "Well, can I ask you something else? It has absolutely nothing to do with whatever it was that had you so upset."
"Alright Hawkeye, what is it?"
He grinned at her. "Where are you headed to now?"
"To find something, anything to eat." She held up her hand. "I know what you're going to say. I should have eaten breakfast. Feel free to say "I told you so"."
"O.k., I told you so. Now let's find you something to eat." He put his hand on her back and steered her towards the Swamp.
"What in the world is there in the Swamp to eat?"
He got closer to her and whispered in her ear. "I know where BJ is hiding the latest stash of goodies that Peg sent him."
"Hawkeye, that's sneaky and it's also stealing," she whispered back.
"Yes, it is. But desperate times call for desperate measures."
"Hawkeye, I won't waste away before supper. I'll just have to wait." Just then her stomach growled loudly
He laughed, "Wanna bet?"
She patted her stomach and smiled. "O.k., lead me into a life of crime and food thievery."
Hawkeye's heart did a flip when he saw that smile. His sun had come out again, if only for a little while.
BJ caught them in the act. The tin containing Peg's sinfully, gooey chocolate brownies lay open on Hawkeye's bed. The evidence was on both Hawkeye's and Hope's faces. Hawkeye had chocolate on his nose and chin. Hope had it on her upper lip like a mustache.
He knew he should be angry with Hawkeye for getting into the brownies without asking first, but the two of them looked like little kids caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar. He couldn't help but laugh.
"Why didn't you ask me first, Hawkeye? You know I would have shared them with you."
When Hawkeye answered BJ, he looked and sounded like a five year old boy. "Because Hope was hungry. You know she hardly touched breakfast."
"Yes, I know. I was there, sitting at the table with you and Hope." He reached over and grabbed the tin off of Hawkeye's bed and took a brownie for himself. As he ate it, there was an expression of pure bliss on his face. Once he was finished, he sighed, "These things are so good. It's a taste of home I can't get enough of." He pointed at Hawkeye. "But you have had your limit Buster!" Then he looked at Hope and said in mock seriousness, "And you'll spoil your supper, young lady!"
"Oh and wipe the chocolate off your faces," he added.
Hawkeye took the bottom of his t-shirt and wiped his face, then reached over to wipe off Hope's chocolate mustache. He really wanted to kiss it off, but he knew she didn't want him to touch her. Besides BJ was there and Hawkeye thought he had already had enough amusement at their expense. "Alright BJ, is that better?"
BJ chuckled. "Yep, much better. You two almost look like respectable Army officers, instead of kids that got caught with their hands in the cookie jar, or the brownie tin in this case."
After Hope had left his tent, Father Mulcahy went back to working on his sermon. The more he tried to concentrate on it, the more his mind wandered. He kept writing the same sentence over and over. When he looked down at the paper and saw it, he threw his pen down. "I give up! There's no point in trying to work on this right now."
As a distraction, he thought he'd put on his boxing gloves and give the punching bag a work out. He went after it like a man possessed. The thought of the way Anthony MacMillan had used and discarded Hope made his blood boil. He wanted to tear into a man he didn't know that was thousands of miles away. Francis Mulcahy had never felt such intense hatred for anyone in his life and it frightened him so much that he stopped hitting the punching bag. He removed the gloves and threw them on his bed, then walked out of his tent. He wanted to find Hope, to talk to her again about anything. He just wanted to be with her.
As Francis passed the Swamp, he heard Hope's laughter. He envied Hawkeye hearing her laugh. He wanted to share her joys as well as her sorrows. Given Hawkeye's reputation as a lady's man, he felt that he should protect her from any heartache the surgeon might cause her. It felt that he was responsible for protecting her. It would be his mission.
Hawkeye walked with Hope to the mess tent for supper. A couple of times she lost her balance and almost fell. He grabbed her both times, but let her go once she had righted herself. It was hard for him not to touch her.
"This time, Hawkeye, I am going to stand in the chow line with you. You carry my tray, I choose what I to eat. Sound like a fair division of labor?"
"Yes Hope, if you promise to eat this time. Doctor's orders."
"Alright, just remember Doctor Pierce, that we've had dessert already."
"Yeah, how could I forget? It was pretty memorable."
She laughed. "Hawkeye Pierce, brownie thief and his accomplice, Hope Jones! There'll be "wanted posters" in every post office back home. Wonder what the reward will be for our capture?"
The smile on Hawkeye's face faded. "Hope, how can you be in tears one minute and joke the next? I don't understand."
Hope sighed, "Look, this isn't the time or place to try to figure me out." She looked behind at the other people in the chow line and then back at him. "There are people behind us waiting to get their food. Come on, let's go sit down."
They joined BJ, Charles, Colonel Potter, Major Houlihan and Father Mulcahy at a table. Hope sat on the end next to Hawekye and directly across from Father Mulcahy. She remembered she still had Colonel Potter's magnifying glass in her shirt pocket and handed it to Hawkeye. "Please pass that down to Colonel Potter. Thanks, Colonel for loaning it to me. It did help me read the postcard from my sister."
"Why did you need a magnifying glass to read a postcard?" Hawkeye asked her.
"Because of this." She pulled the postcard out of the same pocket that had held the magnifying glass.
He took it from her and squinted at it, then handed it back to her. "I see why you needed it. Did you figure out what your sister wrote on the postcard?"
"Most of it. The most important thing I got out of it was the fact that my dad has been having chest pains. Why no one else in the family has told me about it, is beyond me. I guess Daddy wouldn't let them because he didn't want me to worry."
A thought occurred to her, "The family doesn't tell me about Daddy's chest pains, I didn't tell them I had an affair, got pregnant and had a miscarriage. Maybe I'm getting what I deserve."
Her eyes misted and she blinked hard to keep tears from rolling down her cheeks. She hoped no one else noticed it, but Francis did. He knew exactly what she was thinking about. Hope saw his face and it gave her comfort that there was someone who understood what was going on inside her heart and mind.
"Hope, hello, did you hear me?" It was Hawkeye. She hadn't heard a word of whatever he'd been saying to her.
She turned to face him." I'm sorry Hawkeye, I wasn't paying attention. My mind wandered off there for a minute." Hope started eating to keep from having to say anything else to him. Maybe he'd take the hint and leave her to eat in peace.
Hawkeye looked at her, and then happened to look at Father Mulcahy's face. The priest was glaring at him. It was plain that he wanted Hawkeye to leave Hope alone.
Now Francis wants to protect Hope from being hurt again. He feels that Hawkeye might be the one to hurt her. We may see a side of the good Father that we haven't seen before. Thanks for reading. More to come soon!