Chapter 25: Unfrozen

For a long moment, Jimmy stood rooted in the foyer, trying to make sense of the last few minutes, and how it connected to the scene before him now. The gunshot still echoed in his bones and the rest of him was a quivering mass.

When Danny had chased Lou, there had been madness in his eyes. Jimmy had not been able to see her but had heard the sounds of a desperate struggle as he had battled his restraints to go to her. Jimmy hadn't known if he would be in time to save her from whatever Danny intended. It had seemed to take him ages to cut himself free and rise from the chair, muscles stiff and unresponsive after his beating and hours of immobility.

He had rounded the corner at full-speed and seen Danny pinning her brutally on the staircase. He had ripped Danny off of her by the back of his neck one-handed, as if he weighed nothing, the knife Lou had entrusted him with clutched in the fist of his weak arm. He had seen her curl into herself as soon as Danny was off her, but had not been able to see if she was badly injured before Danny gained his bearings and turned on Jimmy.

Jimmy knew he was not at his best or strongest, but he hoped to give Lou time to hide. When Danny had been able to wrestle the knife from him, Jimmy had felt a flash of defeat, knew he had probably killed both Lou and himself by not holding onto the only weapon they had.

Then her shriek of rage had filled the house, and he had been shocked to see her standing there with her gun in hand and cold determination in her eyes as she had taken the shot.

Jimmy sorted through all this with his eyes on Lou. She had collapsed on her knees, gun held loosely in her limp arm across her lap. She was staring at the prone form of the man who had almost succeeded in choking her to death.

Jimmy started forward cautiously, aware she still had the gun and not sure where her head was. He paused to quickly kick the knife away from Danny's splayed fingers and to reach down to press his fingers into Danny's throat, feeling for any sign of life. There was none. Still, he took Danny's gun from the holster and tossed it across the room too.

Stepping over the body, he dropped to one knee in front of Lou, blocking her view of Danny. Her gaze shifted slightly in the low light, in the general direction of his face, but she did not meet his eyes squarely. He took her gun from unresisting fingers and tucked it in his empty holster.

"Lou, let's get you away from him," Jimmy whispered. "I'm gonna lift you up, all right?"

She didn't seem to hear him or process what he had said. Jimmy sighed, worried for her, and he kept murmuring nonsense like he might to a skittish horse. He gently put his arms around her back and under her knees, lifting her and carrying her back to the parlor, ignoring the protest of his bad arm. Her skin was cold as ice and she had begun to shiver; he was not sure if it was shock or cold that had taken hold of her.

His own limbs were trembling with the left-over fear that he would be too late to get to her and it was a battle of his will to keep them both upright.

He hesitated when he crossed the threshold into the sitting room. He would not ever sit in the chair he had been bound to while his worst nightmare played out again, but neither would he take Lou back to Danny's chair. If it had not been a blizzard, he would have carried her out of the house and ridden straight home. If he hadn't been worried about her body temperature, he would have at least picked a different room, a neutral room. But she needed the fire.

Not sure what else to do, he carried her to the worn rug before the fireplace and sat down upon it with her in his arms. He reached up toward the chair Danny had been in, grabbing the dusty blanket on the back of it and dragged it down. He tucked it around them as well as he could, hoping to trap his heat with her. He was more worried about her health than modesty, though she didn't seem to care either way.

Lou's eyes were open, her teeth chattering wildly as she stared at the fire.

"It's over Lou. You're safe," Jimmy whispered and that assurance seemed to snap some tense line in her. She sagged against him, head thumping against his chest, fingers curling over his forearm and holding tightly to him. She still shivered, and Jimmy desperately wanted to ask her if she was alright, if Danny had hurt her, but he stayed his tongue, held her tighter, and rested his cheek on top of her head. He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

They sat like that for a while. The room was quiet,

only interrupted by an occasional pop of flames finding sap. After a time, he realized there was also a clock somewhere in the room and Jimmy found that the slow, steady ticking lulled his heart to slow the frantic rhythm it had kept up for so long. Despite the measure of the passing seconds, Jimmy lost track of the time and just relished the feel of Lou alive and safe in his arms, the danger behind them.

Lou seemed to calm down too, and he wondered if the clock had the same effect on her. Her shivering seemed to be less violent as either the panic ebbed or her temperature rose from being trapped between the fire and his own body heat. He rocked her gently, thought she might have gone to sleep after a time, she was so still and quiet.

But, eventually her voice drifted to him. "Are you hurt, Jimmy? I thought I saw blood."

Her voice was raspy and thin, and he knew the words had to be forced past the swelling Danny's grip had wrought.

"A scratch. And I ripped the stitches in my arm. Doc's gonna be mighty displeased about that." Jimmy said lightly, then hesitated before asking. "Lou, are you alright? Did he...hurt you before I got there?"

The fingers resting against his forearm suddenly tightened. She knew what he meant. "He...couldn't."

"Thank God for that." Jimmy murmured in relief. "Your throat? Neck?"

"Hurts," she croaked out honestly.

"How 'bout your head? He hit you so hard, Lou. I couldn't believe you got up after that blow."

"I feel like my brain is rattling around loose, but it will be fine. Cheek hurts some where I hit the stair."

Jimmy glanced down, "Yeah, you're gonna have a big bruise there, it's already coming up. Throat is gonna be black and blue too."

"We'll be a colorful pair then. Your face is black and purple," Lou mumbled, meeting his eyes squarely for the first time since she had killed Danny. Jimmy held her gaze, searched it, trying to read how she was really doing.

She started to say something, hesitated, then said almost timidly, "I...I wish I had a bath. I still feel him on me...It makes me feel...dirty."

"I'm so sorry Lou. So sorry you had to go through that and I couldn't help you sooner."

"I'm so ashamed...Jimmy. So ashamed you saw…"

He saw the blush come to her pale cheeks, felt agony for her. He didn't know what to say to ease her. He couldn't even be sure what she was ashamed for, that he'd seen her body, what Danny had done to it, or that she had killed him.

"Lou, the shame is his alone...all of it. You...God, Lou, you tonight...it was the rawest display of courage I ever seen."

She met his eyes uncertainly, as if to gauge his sincerity.

"Jesus, Lou, this ain't just me talking. I had pretty well accepted I was gonna die in that chair. I hated that I was such a coward, but I just prayed he would kill me first, before he made you suffer too much. If you hadn't had the wits and the guts to get me that knife…"

She studied him, didn't look entirely convinced.

"I owe you my life several times over tonight, Lou."

"You saved me," Lou protested.

He laughed, incredulous. "We'd be dead without that knife and dead again without you getting your hands on that gun, Lou. You saved us both," he repeated. "You rode through a blizzard, for God's sake, to trade yourself for my safety. I'd like to yell at you and tell you all the reasons it was foolhardy to do that, tell you how seeing you come in that door took ten years off my life, ask you how in the world you gave the boys the slip, but I am just too damn tired to care right now."

"Don't scold me," she pleaded quietly. "Not today."

"Not a chance," he promised.

"Is it past midnight?"

"Well past," Jimmy guessed, finding the clock in the room. It said half-past three, but he had no idea if it was right. "Why?"

She paused for a long moment. Then said almost reluctantly, "today is my birthday."

Jimmy half-laughed although he felt more like crying when he contemplated what she had endured, how it might have been her last day because he was fool enough to get caught by Danny and she was loyal enough to come for him.

"You don't say?" he tried to keep his voice light.

They had all wondered when her birthday was, but she had always been guarded when anyone asked about it, muttering that it was not a day worth celebrating for her.

She nodded, and he could see her expression was troubled as she stared into the flames.

"Hey Lou?" He said softly to get her attention.

"Yeah Jimmy?"

"Happy Damn Birthday," he said and kissed the top of her head.

My thoughts were muddled and I was drowsy, but I knew I couldn't fall asleep. I was too scared of the dreams that might haunt me.

I took so much comfort in Jimmy's nearness and quiet strength, that I felt alarm when he murmured, "Hey Lou? Would you be alright here by yourself for a bit? I need to see to a few things."

I figured his legs had to be numb from my weight after all this time, but I found myself reluctant to let him leave my side, though the rational part of my brain knew there was no longer any danger in the house.

I agreed and he lifted me down from his lap to sit on the rug, bringing the blanket all the way around me and wrapping me up tight, stoking up the fire, and promising to be back soon.

I shivered, swallowed painfully. I imagined the thing he needed to see to was Danny's body.

I heard thumping and soft cursing and Jimmy breathing heavily with exertion. I flinched and felt sick to my stomach. I should have helped Jimmy, especially given the state of Jimmy's arm. But I found myself unable to contemplate what I had done to Danny, knew I was too fragile to face it.

Taking the blanket with me, I eased down onto my side before the fire, curling myself into a tight ball, and placing my hand over my exposed ear to shut out the sounds of the body being dragged out the door. I looked straight into the flames, letting them mesmerize me.

I must have dozed there for a time without realizing it, because I was startled awake from a dream about snow filling up the bunkhouse like flooding water when Jimmy's hand came down upon my shoulder.

"Come on," he said quietly, and without waiting for a response, he scooped me up, blanket and all. As he lifted me, I noticed my white slip laying by Danny's chair. He saw it too, and I saw a flush of anger come over his face beneath his bruises, just as a flush of embarrassment flared across my cheeks.

He carried me toward the hallway where I had made my desperate attempt to flee Danny, and I felt everything in me tense, my nostrils flaring in panic, though I knew Danny's body would no longer be lying there.

Jimmy paused. "Lou, it's alright. Trust me?"

I nodded and bit my lip as he stepped into the foyer. Not only was the body gone, but he must have scrubbed the wooden floor free of the blood while I slept.

He went past the staircase, deeper into the house, and backed through a doorway.

"Happy Birthday," he said with a gentle smile down at me as he turned around.

My eyes filled with tears of gratitude. We stood in the kitchen of the house, and he had lit the wood stove and several candles and lanterns to give the dusty but tidy room warmth and light.

In the floor close to the stove was a large copper bathtub, filled to the brim with steaming water and a layer of fluffy bubbles.

"But how?" I asked, my voice strained with emotion as much as the swelling of my vocal chords.

"Ain't no shortage of snow outside for melting. Tub was upstairs. Soap for the bubbles too...guess they belonged to Bartlett's wife."

I gaped.

"I didn't have time to shop for you a gift, but you asked for a bath and it seemed a simple enough thing to give it to you."

My eyes burned with hot tears, and I felt on the verge of losing my control completely. It would have taken dozens of trips outside to get enough snow to fill this tub, not to mention enough wood to heat the water and room. He must have worked for over an hour to do it, with a bullet wound and ripped stitches in one arm. Simple was the last thing this gift would have been.

He jostled me gently when tears slipped down my cheeks. "Hey, it will hurt my feelings if you cry, so stop that. There's one more surprise."

"What?" I wondered as he sat me on my feet. I loosed a hand from the blanket to wipe my eyes as he hurried to the counter and returned with a glass full of dark liquid.

"It's wine." he said, beaming and his proud smile was contagious. "Found it in the cupboard. I was hoping for food...there ain't nothing really...The wine is not as good as Willow Springs, but it'll warm you too."

I felt close to tears again, so I took a big gulp to steady myself, let it warm a trail down to the pit of my stomach, which had been a ball of ice since Angel had told me Danny had Jimmy.

Jimmy searched my face almost eagerly. "Good surprise?"

The tears were close again. "Maybe the best I ever got," I said sincerely. I rose on my toes to kiss him gently on his bruised forehead and he blushed with pleasure.

"I found some clothes...men's clothes. They'll swallow you, but they are clean and warm. They are on the stool there."

He started to excuse himself, but my voice stopped him. "Would you...would you just sit with me? I don't think I can stand to be alone right now...I know it isn't...proper...and I shouldn't ask...but I feel better with you near." I tried to make my voice light but it trembled when I added, "And it ain't like you haven't seen all of me there is to see."

Jimmy sighed, "Lou, I swear I tried my best to give you the respect and dignity you deserve...but I gotta admit it crossed my mind that if you was one of the last sights I had in this world, well, I wouldn't be too sorry about it. Yeah, I'll sit with you. But a man can only take so much, so if it's alright, I'll sit over there at the table and keep an eye on the back door."

I blushed and nodded, some of the raw embarrassment I felt at having been stripped before him eased by his generous and honest admission.

The water was heaven, and I sighed in bliss. I felt like I was boiling alive, and it was wonderful pleasure that almost crossed to pain. Even with the fire and Jimmy's warmth, my skin had remained cold, my blood refusing to warm. There was a dark spot on one of my fingers that I thought might be frostbite, but I knew it could have been much much worse. For both of us.

We were lucky, I told myself as I picked up the ball of soap Jimmy had left on a chair within reach of the tub. Lucky, I repeated in my head as I scrubbed my skin hard. I lathered and rinsed my hair mercilessly, remembering how he had used it to control my head, to hold me immobile as he tried the first of what I imagined would have been many violations. Everywhere he had touched me, I scrubbed with vigorous effort, determined to get the feel of him off me. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky.

I focused on the task of getting clean with single-minded determination and clenched teeth, and it wasn't until a big hand came down to cover my own, stilling it's frenzied motion that I realized I was sobbing with the effort and had nearly rubbed my skin raw in places.

Jimmy was looking at me with heartbreak in his eyes, and I collapsed into the sobs I had held at bay until the hot water had unfrozen me. He lowered himself to the floor beside the tub, and simply held my hand over the rim. I leaned my head against his arm and cried. In a moment, he lay his head against the top of the tub, just beside mine, watching my face, pain on his own. The hot water soothed the aches of my body, but it was he who soothed the ache in my soul. Jimmy's fingers held mine gently, and the simple touch was like an absolution as he sat with me through the storm of weeping.