Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War
A Naruto Fanfic
A humorous version of the future
Involving lots of pubic stuff
By Niko SiMamu
Rated M (ooh)
Chapter 26: The beginning of... Zed!
The four knights of the nights soared across the small houses of the local leaf village residents. Each house only grazed gently by the tip of their toe, except for the one with the scroll on his back.
The one with the scroll on his back was lagging behind a couple of houses, after every few houses having to stop to take a breather.
"Sasuke, wait up!" the one with the scroll on his back called out.
"Shuddup Suigetsu, it's your own fault" the leader cried back.
"But Sasuke!" the one called Suigetsu moaned.
While the others hair flew through the wing Suigetsu's, or Shin's, hair sagged on his head as he was never able to pick up enough speed for it to fly in the wind. His green locks seeming insolent compared to his compatriots' hair.
"Suigetsu what the f**k have I told you about mimicking South Park?" Sasuke cried.
"He was mimicking South Park?" Zee asked.
"The way his voice went all high while he was moaning is like Cartman moaning to his mother" Sasuke replied.
"Oh yeah" Zee replied.
"You know, Zee," Suigetsu began as he tried to change the subject, "your name should be 'Zed' not 'Zee'."
"What?" Zee replied.
"Well, like other known people from the land of lightning, your name is based off a letter. And in your case that letter is 'Z'. But 'Z' is said 'Zed' not 'Zee'. Only in America do they say 'Zee', all other English, and other languages, pronounce it 'Zed'. And it's supposed to be 'Zed'. So your name should be 'Zed', not 'Zee'" Suigetsu explained.
"My name is Zed" Zee replied.
"Then why do people call you Zee?" Suigetsu asked.
"My uncle Bee called me 'Zee' because he likes to say things the American way, being a rapper and all" Zed explained.
"So should we just call you Zed from now on?" Sasuke asked.
"Yeah, I think I'd prefer that. As, as you know, I have some problems with my uncle. He was the reason I joined Akatsuki" Zed answered.
"Yeah, you didn't like how he made you rap (was that the reason? I can't remember!)" Juugo said quietly.
"Lol" Suigetsu laughed. Out loud.
"Lol? Really?" Sasuke moaned.
"Yep, guess so," Suigetsu replied, "Lol."
"Why can't you just... I don't know... laugh. Like normal people do" Sasuke asked in his usual tone towards the show's resident idiot.
"Some people just say giggles or chuckles or 'most humorous'" Suigetsu replied.
"Yeah but that's some people. Only idiots like you, and maybe Naruto, say Lol" Sasuke scolded.
"Well I guess I'm an idiot then" Suigetsu said, proving Sasuke's point.
"Glad we agree!" Sasuke replied joyfully.
"Dammit!" Suigetsu cursed as he realised he'd set himself up for it.
During the time that the team had been verbally battling they'd reached a hill top where a low grumbling growl from behind them made their hearts do back flips and the hair on the back of their neck stick up as a shiver went down their spine.
"Get ready. Some of us may not see the end of this fight" Sasuke said as red eyes flickered from behind bushes. And they weren't sharingans.
"Wait, what? We might die? Well, I'm ou-... S**t!" Sugietsu complained as a giant rabid dog jumped on him, teeth bearing down, and saliva coating Suigetsu's face.
"Suigetsu!" Zed cried as he bit his thumb and stroked the tattoo on his arm that meant he could use his grandfather's lightning. Otherwise known as the Third Raikage's lightning.
Lightning startled to form from his fingertips and circle his body, his dreadlocks standing pu on ends like lightning bolts.
"I thought only Darui could do that?" Sasuke asked.
"Who do you think taught me?" Zed replied.
"Oh" Sasuke murmured.
"Could someone f**king help me!" Suigetsu shouted at his comrades.
"Oh, right. That's why I summoned the lightning!" Zed said as a light bulb popped up above his head.
Zed raced across at the dog but was met by two slightly smaller rabid dogs jumped out before him.
"S**t!" he muttered as he used his lightning to shock the two as he carried on running at Suigetsu and his new playmate.
Zed went shoulder first into the dog as the lightning connected with the dog and shocked his heartbeat into paralysation. Zed got up as the lightning surrounding his body dispersed and his dreadlocks fell back on the sides of his head.
Suigetsu got up slowly and clicked his shoulder into place while groaning.
"Stop acting like a baby" Sasuke said to Suigetsu.
"Shut up, man. It really hurts! Like, really!" Suigetsu replied with distaste.
"To be fair it probably does. That dog was big and wasn't exactly being gentle" Juugo said, speaking up for Suigetsu's right.
"Exactly!" Suigetsu whined.
"Shut up ya dirty dog chowder!" Sasuke shouted at Suigetsu unsympathetically.
"F**k you" Suigetsu mumbled to himself.
"What?" Sasuke shouted, slapping Suigetsu round the head.
"I said: F**k... you" Suigetsu replied, Sasuke replying with a sympathetic kick up the behind.
"Owe! Bitch!" Suigetsu whined.
"Now, what did you say?" Sasuke growled into his ear as he held him by his green locks.
"I said: 'Sasuke is the best looking guy ever but also the kindest and strongest ninja ever. And I'm a stupid little gay twat who's totally jealous of his lord Sasuke, who he really has a man crush on'" Suigetsu replied as tears welled up in his eyes.
"Um... yeah... though I don't think the whole man crush thing was needed. M'kay?" Sasuke told him.
"Yeah... okay... I thought so too but did it just to be sure... now, please... can you let go of my hair? It really hurts!" Suigetsu replied in a whisper.
"A lot of things apparently hurt according to you, ya pussy" Sasuke said let go of Suigetsu's hair.
"Thank you" Suigetsu whispered as he started to cry.
"Dude, I think you were a bit over the top there" Zed told Sasuke.
"Yeah, I think I did" Sasuke replied.
"Maybe you should sorry?" Zed told him.
"Maybe I should."
"But will you?"
"Probably not, but I'm sure he'll get over it" Sasuke answered but was interrupted by a claw scraping down his back, cutting his sentence off with a yelp of pain.
"Sasuke..." Zed partially cried.
"Dude, a little help over here!" Sasuke shouted.
"Yeah, I don't know. I think the world will be a safer place if you're not around and, like, dead" Zed replied.
"If you have those views upon me why did you join the Akatsuki?" Sasuke cried.
"I thought I already told you. My relationship with my uncle" Zed answered.
"Ah, f**k you! Juugo!" Sasuke shouted.
"Coming, lord Uchiha!" Juugo replied as evolved...
Di Di Di Di Di Di Digimon Digital Monsters Change into Digital Champions to save the Digital World
Digimon Digimon
Digimon Digital Monsters
Digimon are the Champions
Digimon are the Champions
"What the f**k?" They all shouted in unison as their eyes bulged out of their eye sockets in surprise.
"Oh blast, that's my ringtone!" Juugo said as he answered his phone.
"What the f**k?" The three of them cried once more in unison but without their eyes jumping out of their heads. After all, their eyes were already on the floor now.
"Oh hey Sakura, how are you... good? I'm glad... oh me? Well, I guess I'm good t-, no I can talk. Sure, tell me anything you want. So... hmm... oh... you poor thing... no, I totally understand. And yes, if I see him I'll tell him that you're sick of these meaningless flings and that you now want something serious. No more threesomes. Okay? Good. Okay, see you, darling... bye!" Juugo said into his phone and hung up and put it back in his pocket.
"Dude, I knew you were gay!" Suigetsu called.
"What gives you that impression?" Zed asked.
"Well he's clearly the girls' gay best friend. Just like I used to be but not faking and not very good at it... wait, are you using my plan to get with my ex, Lea?" Suigetsu suddenly cried.
"No! Oh god, no! And I'm not gay. Just a gentleman friend who's there to help and hear his friends' problems and try to help them solve them" Juugo told Suigetsu.
"Yeah, definitely gay" Zed murmured to Suigetsu.
"See, I told you" Suigetsu replied, "can't go against my gay-dar" Suigetsu said, suddenly pulling out a strange mechanical device.
"You carry around a gay-dar?" Zed asked.
"Helps me know who to make sure never to go to the toilet with or go anywhere where you need to go in a changing room" Sugietsu replied.
"Ah, I see" Zed said.
"Hey, I'm not gay!" Juugo cried.
"Sure, sure" Suigetsu laughed.
Juugo growled at him but turned to Sasuke, "Now, before I help you I need to tell you something."
"Glad you've finally got your priorities straight. Helping me" Sasuke replied with distaste.
"Yeah, yeah, " Juugo said, "but anyway, Sakura says she wants something serious rather than flings and threesomes and that if you don't co-operate then it's over between the two of you."
"What's over? Since when did we have anything? And that's only to Yuri right? So Sasuke still has a chance" Sasuke replied.
"Yeah, to Yuri" Juugo said.
"One of the signs of madness is referring to yourself in the third person" Zed told Sasuke.
"Yes, well, not many people currently go by two names" Sasuke replied.
"True" Zed said.
"Now, let's help Sasuke-san!" Juugo said and clenched his fists together.