Chapter 26:

The first thing that you need to know about me, is that I am dead.

Or I should be.

You probably know this. I did tell the Hokage in almost as many words.

I am not blind. I know that the two of you have a close relationship.

The nature of it is frankly none of my business unless you choose to make it so.

And I suppose if you end up killing me the point is going to be moot.

In any case…

My last memory of my previous life is dying in front of Sasuke.

Sasuke promised to use his hatred to turn fantasy into reality.

He promised me that my reality was death.

He was right about that.

I died.

I died in front of him, just like he said, though he wasn't the one who killed me… that honour goes to whoever it was who coughed on me on a mission in River Country and gave me the lung disease.

Funny thing, it might not have killed me if I hadn't ignored the cough for so long, but then, I honestly wanted to die then, be it by Sasuke's hand to give him some closure, or by someone else's.

It was all over.

I could finally rest…

I've been tired.

So very, very tired…

I just wanted to sleep.

But then I woke up in the Sound dungeon.

That was not part of the plan.

What was my plan?

To take my rightful place in hell.

Everything, I did, I did for the village.

For my Hokage.

For Konoha.

For the Will of Fire.

For Sasuke.

For Konoha, I kept its secrets, of why the Uchiha Clan had to die.

The village does have its dark side and its inconsistencies, but I'm still Konoha's.

No matter what world I'm in.

So when commanded, for Konoha, I killed every Uchiha I could.

I killed you, and Tou-san.

It was strange.

The two of you knew that I was coming.

Both of you kneeling on the tatami.

Father said that he was proud of me. Called me a gentle child.

You merely said that you understood.

I made sure that it was quick. Efficient.

I was used to killing for Konoha by then.

I was an ANBU captain. I had been for only a few months when I got the order.

I had been in ANBU since I was eleven.

Are you surprised?

Maybe your Itachi wasn't a genius like me then.

If that is true, and even if it isn't, I think I might…

Envy him. Yes.

I think I might envy him.

Serving Konoha is not a thing I regret.

Even though Konoha made Shisui commit suicide.

Even though Konoha ordered me to kill my Clan.

My family.

For Konoha, I covered the tatami mats of our home in the arterial spray of my parents.

I did it to preserve peace.

I saw what war looked like, and any order I was given to prevent it, I always knew I would carry out wholeheartedly, no matter what.

Or so I thought.

I betrayed my order.

Father's last request was that I took care of Sasuke.

He did not need to make the request. I could never have killed my little brother.

Not even for peace.

I betrayed my vow to Konoha for Sasuke.

He alone of all the Uchiha was left alive.

Well, him and Madara, but I was only ever half convinced that he was alive after all.

There are some kinjutsu that should never see the light of day. Orochimaru was not the first to seek immortality through jumping from body to body.

Necromancy is disgusting.

…Where was I?

Oh.

I killed for Konoha.

I would have died for Konoha.

For Sasuke, I lived a long and unsightly life.

For Konoha, I acknowledged that I was a traitor, and lived as a missing-nin.

Oh yes. After I betrayed the last order I was given, I left Sasuke alive, and then left.

I was an S-ranked missing nin. Even had a flee on sight order.

Are you proud?

I wonder if my real mother was proud.

She said she understood, but I wonder if she really did.

Tou-san said he was proud of me, but I never understood why.

I suspect that I would have hated the answer. We never did see eye to eye about what was important.

I wonder if they knew just how many of the Clan would die that day.

Not even the children were left alive, except for Sasuke.

Madara's doing, but nonetheless, I bear full responsibility.

Sasuke was called the Last Uchiha.

I suppose that's actually true now, back there.

I hope that makes him happy.

I ran away, clinging to my pitiful life, so that he might find closure, so that I might find absolution.

I hoped that one day, when he had the same eyes that I did, he would come before me and kill me.

He didn't quite manage it.

He came to me, told me that he saw me dead at his feet.

I told him to make it happen.

I died.

But, my goal vanished like a dream upon waking.

Each of us lives dependent and bound by our individual knowledge and our awareness.

All that is what we call reality.

However, both, knowledge and awareness, are equivocal.

One's reality might be another's illusion.

We all live inside our own fantasies.

And yet, my dream, my fantasy… no, not just mine, Sasuke's fantasy… was for me to die.

But I apparently live to be an endless disappointment of an elder brother.

Because I woke up.

Pathetic, isn't it.

That I should be so disappointed.

I should be used to disappointments like this.

It happens when I try to bear everything alone.

It's something that the Sandaime once told me.

"However strong you become, never seek to bear everything alone. If you do, failure is certain."

He was correct. I do not think that he appreciated how I applied that advice.

Joining Akatsuki made my dirty hands filthy.

But at least I separated Orochimaru from their ranks. If his genius and spy network had been joined with Sasori's rather than infiltrated by it, then Konoha would have been in a far worse position than it was by the time they asked me to join the hunt for the jinchuriki.

I always liked Naruto. He was a good influence on Sasuke.

He was everything I hoped that Sasuke would become.

I tried to protect Sasuke, and give him a reason to become strong.

But I was thirteen, and stupid, and so I only barely understood myself how it was that strength worked, and I lacked the vocabulary to explain it.

Us Uchiha have never been all that fluent in conversing about our feelings.

I failed Sasuke.

I failed.

He became everything I never wanted him to be.

A loner.

An avenger.

A traitor to Konoha.

Completely and utterly miserable.

I thought as I died that it would be all right if he never forgave me.

I still loved him, broken as he was.

It was my fault.

Perhaps not all my fault.

But nonetheless, the fault was mine.

It has been so strange to get this second chance.

I wasn't sure I could believe it, before.

I thought it was a genjutsu, or a dream.

Or perhaps I had simply gone insane.

Now I've decided that I just don't care.

A second chance to make Sasuke strong.

A second chance to see my family alive, and beloved by Konoha rather than being sidelined and growing resentful.

A second chance to see the Konoha I have always loved intact and unravaged by war.

I don't deserve this second chance.

I don't deserve anything.

But know this: I would die again with a smile on my face to preserve what I have seen here.

Sasuke smiling.

Shisui still alive.

Friends, family, comrades, all happy and well.

Well, apart from Tou-san, but considering what could have happened with the coup, I believe you did the right thing there.

I understand.

To preserve the peace in Konoha, you arranged for your husband to be killed.

I have already told you how much I was willing to do to preserve that same peace.

What I would do if I was ordered to again.

Because I am nothing if not loyal to Konoha.

Only Sasuke has ever superseded that.

Does that make you proud?

Maybe I am wrong to ask that.

Please, don't cry.

Please.

Please?

I am sorry.

I am sorry I am not really your son.

I wish I was.

His life seems almost perfect.

He has everything I ever wanted.

Being able to borrow his life for a while has been… nice.

If you decide to kill me, I won't blame you, but I doubt it would bring your son back.

Maybe you should kill me.

Considering what I did to my mother, perhaps it would be justice.

I don't know what happened to your son Itachi.

I woke up in this body in Orochimaru's dungeon.

It would not be the first time I have heard of Orochimaru experimenting with souls.

Whatever his intention was, I am certain that transplanting me here was not it.

Maybe if you could interrogate him, you could find out something.

I am sorry for your loss, but I don't know how you can get your son back.

But I am so glad that I got this one last chance to see Sasuke smile.

Can you forgive me?

Sasuke couldn't.

I can't forgive myself.

Maybe if you hate me, I will feel better.

Maybe if you hate me, I will feel like less of a fraud.

I deserve nothing.

I deserve death.

But even that was taken away from me.

And that almost made me happy for a time.

Funny. I had almost forgotten what that felt like.

Happiness.

This has been such a nice dream.

I know I don't deserve it.

But it was almost starting to feel… real.

It's okay if you don't forgive me.

I don't deserve your forgiveness.

I don't deserve anything.

I am less than worthless.

But I am so very sorry that I made you cry.

I am sorry.

I am sorry.

I am sorry.

I am sorry.

...

A/N: Fuck.