Chapter 26: Life After
[September 4, 2010]
--- --- ---
Dear Mum and Dad,
Let me just start by saying that whatever Professor McGoogles says is a filthy lie. The fire was not my fault, and Chloe and I were not playing with fireworks during the sorting feast.
That said, I'm in Gryffindor. So's cousins Chloe and Victoire. During the sorting, I could hear Kyle pleading to be put anywhere but Gryffindor, because he couldn't stand to be in the same House as me and Chloe for seven years. The Sorting Hat must have a cruel streak or something, because it placed him in Gryffindor anyway. He was being a drama queen, sobbing until dinner was served. You guys can tell me if he's adopted, I won't tell. I know you keep insisting that he's my brother and I shouldn't be so mean to him, but he needs to learn to take a joke. The itching powder in his underwear was FUNNY. We're going to try to loosen him up by shrinking his clothes a little bit each day. How do you do a shrinking charm like that, anyway? Until then, I suppose I'll just have to settle by waking him up by placing snakes in his bed. Chloe says that the Slytherin common room has a tank full of snakes. She conned some Slytherin firstie named Logan Montague into giving her the password by flashing her knickers at him and letting him touch her butt. She can be weird sometimes.
Please tell Grandmum to send us lots of cookies and cakes, because they don't feed us here. They lock us in cages they call 'dorms', and march us down the halls to execution chambers where they try to make us learn stuff. Chloe and I have a bet going on to see how long it takes to get a completely new staff. We think the Transfiguration professor had a minor mental breakdown when he realized he'd have to teach us in the same class. I don't think that it helped that we got bored after Transfiguring our feathers into needles and decided to start a sword fight with our wands. I don't see what the big deal was. Just because we might have made a few sparks fly and might have caused one of the other kids to sprout tentacles does not deserve a detention. Didn't Professor McGoogles used to teach Transfiguration? I'm sure she would have allowed it.
Mum, you can stop reading this now. Dad, make sure mum's not reading this. She's gone now, right? It's like this, dad. A lot of the secret passageways to Hogsmeade you told me about are closed off now. Chloe and me explored the castle a bit during Potions. We thought exploring was more important. Aside from getting another week of detention, we found that none of the passageways worked. Don't worry, though, we'll make a new one. We're demolition experts. Tell mum she can start reading again.
I think it's stupid that first years can't be on the Quidditch team. Uncle Harry was a first year when he got on the team. I haven't seen our team play, but I know they suck. They'd be so much better with us on the team. That's all right, though. I'm starting my own team. We're holding tryouts in the Great Hall during lunch tomorrow.
I suppose I should probably go to bed now. It's close to midnight, and some snotty prefect is telling me that first years shouldn't be roaming the halls at night. It's not my fault that I can't do everything I want to during daylight hours. Between classes and the month's worth of detention I've got, I have very little 'me' time.
Oh yeah, our House is currently in the negative points. But that's Kyle's fault for telling a professor that Chloe and me were the ones to turn the dungeons into a jungle. And despite what he thinks, I don't think that earning a month's worth of detentions during the first two days of school sets a new record at Hogwarts. I'm sure that dad and Uncle George earned twice as much on their first two days, right?
Is there a limit to the number of detentions one can get before they're expelled?
Love,
Jessica
--- --- ---
Hermione rubbed her temples as she set down the letter that had just arrived with the morning post. "You know she takes after you, right?"
Fred raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "We were never that bad. True, we could be rather nasty towards Percy at times, but not like that. I'll talk to her about bullying her brother later. And George and I certainly never flashed our underwear at anyone during our first year." He paused, making a pensive face. "I wonder if George should be worried about his daughter flashing her underwear at boys…" He shrugged it off as George's problem. "In any case, I hope for her sake that Jess has a lot more planned, because if she throws everything out the first two days--"
"Fred!" Hermione frowned. "Do not encourage her behavior! At this rate, she'll be expelled!"
"I want to go to Hogwarts," their seven-year-old daughter Emma said as she picked at her eggs. "I don't want to wait four more years. If Jess gets expelled, can I go?"
Hermione sighed. "We've gone over this before. You have to wait until you're eleven. And eat your eggs."
"Icky!" their three-year-old son Brandon said as he tossed a bit of his eggs off his plate.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to throw food at the table?" Hermione scolded. "If you don't like what you're served, you politely say 'no, thank you', not 'icky'."
Fred tried to put some eggs on his fork. He noticed that his scrambled eggs looked partially burnt and slightly runny. He set his fork down. "I've told you before, 'Mione. You can't cook eggs."
"Icky!" Brandon repeated.
Fred chuckled and stood up. "Why don't I fix something up real quick?"
"Does that mean I can stop pretending to like mum's cooking?" Emma asked, brightening up a bit.
Hermione frowned. "You guys are horrible. Besides, we're leaving to go to Caitlin's second birthday party in an hour, so there isn't time to fix something else."
But Fred had already fixed up a few omelettes before she was done talking. That was one of the benefits of cooking with magic. Hermione preferred to do things the old-fashioned Muggle way, but Fred had perfected the art of magical cooking in fifteen seconds or less. There were times when Hermione had a break from her job at the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures that she wanted to try to be domestic and cook, even though Fred was much better at it. Unfortunately, this was one of those mornings.
"One omelette with chunks of peanut butter and M&Ms," he said, placing an omelette on his youngest child's plate, "and one with anchovies." He placed another omelette on Emma's plate. He knew what his children liked, even if he thought their tastes in food were a bit odd. He turned to Hermione. "Do you want an omelette?"
Hermione scowled. "There is nothing wrong with my cooking, Fred."
Fred raised an eyebrow and took his plate of eggs over to Moonshine, who was sitting in a corner of the kitchen. His spirit beast was in its 'flying cat' form once more, for which Fred was grateful. A dragon was far too conspicuous to have lingering about the house.
Before Jessica and Kyle were born, they had purchased the house that Tracy and Janice used to live in after George and Tracy got a bigger house. Fred had been skeptical over their need for a bigger house at first, but George told him that they would need one. Looking back, Fred had to agree. George and Tracy already had seven kids, and Tracy was pregnant and due to deliver at any time. Granted, three of their seven kids were triplets, but that was still a lot of kids. Fred once overheard her saying something to George that sounded like she planned to get her 'tubes tied', but wasn't sure what that meant and didn't think to ask.
Moonshine glanced to the plate of burnt and runny eggs that Fred brought it, sniffed it tentatively, and then promptly turned its nose away from it. Fred shot Hermione an amused look.
"Fine!" Hermione growled. "I'll leave the cooking to you."
"Thank Merlin," Emma mumbled. At the look Hermione gave her, she smiled weakly, "No offense, mum, but leave the cooking to dad. Moonshine will eat his own vomit. I've seen him do it once."
"Icky eggs go to hell," Brandon said in agreement as he grabbed a handful of omelette and shoved it into his mouth.
Hermione turned to her three-year-old in shock. "Where did you learn such language?!"
"Uncle Won," he said innocently.
Hermione frowned. "Yes, well, I'll be having a talk with Ron later."
Fred chuckled as he made a couple more omelettes. He knew Hermione would want one as soon as she tried to eat her own cooking.
--- --- ---
George and Tracy's house was usually chaotic, no matter what time of the day it was. Fred was somewhat relieved that his oldest children and George's oldest daughter were off at Hogwarts. Fred doubted that he and George had been as troublesome as Jessica and Chloe were when they were together. His son Kyle was often a target of Jessica and Chloe's mischief, as was George's nine-year-old daughter Paige. He felt a bit bad for George, as his triplet sons -- who were turning five in October -- weren't much better than Jessica and Chloe were. But at least they weren't as brutal as the girls could be.
As chaotic as George's house was, it was a tiny bit quieter than usual, probably because Jessica and Chloe weren't trying to find something to blow up. It was by no means quiet, though. No sooner had Fred and his family arrived on the doorstep than the door opened.
"Ahoy me matey!" one of the triplets said, grinning as he held open the door.
"We've got a flock of landlubbers here!" another of the triplets chimed in, his mouth covered in chocolate.
"Shall we keelhaul them, or make them walk the plank?" the third triplet chimed in, causing the first two to turn to him.
"What does 'keelhaul' mean?" the triplet holding the door asked.
The third one shrugged. "I don't know, but it sounds neat."
"Arr," the chocolate covered triplet agreed.
Fred chuckled. "Hello there, Adam, Luke, and Dylan. I don't think you're supposed to be answering the door before people even knock."
"Avast! We're off to find a ship!" the chocolate covered triplet said.
Fred chuckled, trying to quickly figure out which triplet was which. He was pretty sure that the one holding the door was Adam, who usually served as their 'leader', and the one in chocolate was Dylan, who was slightly pudgier than the other two. That meant that the third one was Luke, as he usually let the others lead him, and would often use words or terms that he didn't understand and confused his brothers.
"Where do you think you're going to find a ship?" Emma asked.
By the door, Adam gave her a strange look. "At the docks. Arr!"
"Arr!" chimed in the other two.
"Boys! What did I tell you about staying inside or in the backyard?" Tracy said as she entered the foyer.
"We're pirates, not boys. Arr!" Dylan said.
"We need a proper sea-faring vessel," Luke said solemnly, nodding.
Tracy rolled her eyes. "Maybe your dad has a pirate ship for you in the backyard."
"Arr!" the boys said as they raced away from the front door and ran through the living room to the door leading to the back of the house.
Tracy sighed and turned to Fred and Hermione. "For your sakes, don't have any more kids," she said, rubbing her swollen belly and letting them inside.
"I know it's none of my business, but why do let George keep getting you pregnant?" Hermione asked as they followed Tracy into the living room. The house was surprisingly empty so far, but that was because most everyone was gathered in the backyard, setting up decorations or playing with the kids. After promising to behave themselves, Emma and Brandon went towards the door leading to the fenced backyard to join the other kids.
"Spirit energy only works until the first child is born," Tracy said as she sat down. "We learned that the hard way with Paige. Jack was actually planned, as George wanted a son. The triplets were proof that the potion has no effect on me, Caitlin proof that the Muggle birth control pill has no effect on me, and this one is proof that taking both the potion and the pill at the same time doesn't work, either."
Fred quirked an eyebrow. He knew that Tracy had been a demon in a past life, but he thought that she chose to remain human. There was no reason why such preventative measures would fail when her body was mostly human.
Hermione winced. "What will you do after this one is born? When are you due, anyway?"
"A couple of days ago," Tracy said. "The Healer's going to induce labor on Monday if I don't go into labor before then. I told George that if he ever wants to have sex with me again, I want to make certain that I won't get pregnant again. I'll probably get my tubes tied. He's not too keen on the idea of a vasectomy."
Fred tilted his head. "You mentioned getting your 'tubes tied' before. What does that mean?"
"It's a surgical procedure that permanently sterilizes a female," Tracy explained. "A vasectomy permanently sterilizes a male. He doesn't want either of us to undergo such drastic measures, but he's such a horny bastard that one of us has to. I haven't even found out whether we're having a boy or girl because I don't want to know how many children I might be carrying now. I'm just as big as I was when I was carrying the triplets, and I don't want to go through that again. If there is any god or goddess above, I pray that it's only one child I'm carrying." She took in a sharp breath and rubbed her belly. "Never again."
"You're not having contractions, are you?" Hermione asked.
Tracy nodded. "They're probably just Braxton-Hicks contractions. I'll be fine. Ginny's keeping an eye on things." Ginny had become a Healer after finishing Hogwarts and going through a grueling training regimen. "She's helping Molly in the kitchen, and Harry's out back helping with the decorations and watching the kids."
"Who else is here?" Fred asked.
Tracy started counting on her fingers. "Well, obviously Harry, Ginny, and their kids are here, as are your parents. Arthur's outside with the kids. I think Paige is showing him her PSP. Bill and Fleur are here with their kids. Charlie is setting up in the backyard, and Percy has his kids for the weekend, so they're here too."
Fred nodded. "I'm surprised his shrew of an ex let him take them here. She hates our family."
Hermione shot him a look. "Fred, that's rude."
"What?" He turned to her. "It's true. You remember the way she was trying to isolate him from the rest of us. That's one of the many reasons why he divorced her."
Hermione sighed and turned to Tracy. "Is any help needed in the kitchen?"
Tracy paused and shook her head. Fred had warned her about Hermione's cooking skills, or lack thereof. While Hermione could occasionally cook food that was edible, that did not mean she was any good at it. "I think they have a handle on things in there," Tracy said. "I'm sure they'd appreciate the help in the backyard, though. George already came in covered with syrup and feathers before heading back out. I'm also pretty sure I heard Jack making monkey noises earlier, as well."
Fred chuckled. "Did he get into the Circus Cookies?"
Tracy nodded. "George was passing them around earlier."
Fred glanced to Hermione. "Shall we head back there and make sure that nobody's breathing fire?"
"That might be a good idea," Hermione said, standing up. "It sounds like a zoo out there."
"A circus, actually," Tracy said. "Somebody Transfigured Harry's clothes into a clown costume early on and gave him rainbow colored hair." The doorbell rang, and she slowly stood up. "Coming!" she called, waddling towards the door.
Fred shot his sister-in-law a sympathetic look before heading to the backyard with Hermione. Even though the house was rather large, the party was being held outside due to the sheer amount of people that would be present.
The backyard was utter pandemonium. Some of the older kids were enjoying turning into different types of animals and making loud animal noises. Harry and Percy were chasing around some of the younger kids, trying to herd them into the same general area of the backyard to make sure everyone was there. Bill and Charlie were trying to set up decorations while being decorated themselves by two of the triplets, who had somehow gotten hold of rolls of streamers and were running circles around their uncles. George was sitting at one of the picnic tables with the remaining triplet and his youngest daughter, looking thoroughly exhausted and having feathers stuck in his hair.
It wasn't the least bit surprising to see George looking exhausted these days. In addition to having seven kids, George managed the Hogsmeade branch of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. They had half a dozen locations throughout the world, like the Diagon Alley branch that Fred managed. There were also shops located in Dublin, Paris, New York, and a small one in the MagiMall of Portland, Oregon.
"You do not bite your brother!" George was chiding his two-year-old daughter Caitlin as his son howled and cried.
"Is mine!" Caitlin said in protest, trying to grab a pirate hat on her brother's head.
George transfigured a napkin into a slightly smaller, identical pirate hat that he handed to her. "No, this can be yours," he said, handing her the hat.
Caitlin shook her head. "Is mine!" she yelled, still reaching for her brother's hat.
George sighed. "Do you want to go upstairs and miss your own party?"
Caitlin shook her head emphatically. "No!"
"Then apologize to your brother and behave," George said sternly. "There is no biting allowed. It hurts, and I don't think you'd like it if someone were to bite you."
Caitlin pouted, glaring at her brother as best as a two-year-old could. "Sowwy." She turned to George. "Pway?" She pointed towards the group of younger children who had decided to form a dog pile on top of Harry.
George nodded wearily. "Yes, go play." He looked over to Fred and Hermione as his daughter ran off to join the other kids. "I wonder if there's any chance that Tracy's having a gas bubble instead of a kid."
Fred chuckled. "Having second thoughts?"
George smiled as he examined his son's arm. "Not really. I love my kids, and there's something incredibly sexy about seeing her pregnant with my child."
"You said a bad word!" his son admonished him as he suddenly stopped crying. "I'm telling mum!"
George rolled his eyes. "Your arm's fine, Adam. I can't even see where she bit you. Now why don't you go play with your brothers?"
"Aye aye, captain!" Adam beamed as he ran off to join his brothers in wrapping Bill and Charlie up in streamers.
"Yet only a couple of them were planned," Fred said, smirking.
George rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Er…"
Hermione glanced between them. "Am I missing something?"
Fred chuckled. "Using spirit energy can work both ways, can't it, George? It can be used to prevent pregnancy… or it can be used to cause it. Am I right?"
George looked away from him. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, perhaps a bit too quickly.
Hermione frowned. "Honestly, George! If you're deliberately getting her pregnant without telling her that's what you're doing--"
"Oi! George!" Janice called to him as she approached. It looked like there were globs of purple slime stuck in her hair. She pulled a glob out of her hair and handed it to George. "Long time no see. I noticed you knocked my sister up again."
George looked at his hand. "What is this?"
"Entrails of a muscari demon," she said, smiling as George made a disgusted face and tried to fling the slime off his hand. "Nasty buggers." She glanced behind her toward the door. "Are you coming or what?"
Fred raised an eyebrow as Ryou stood by the doorway, refusing to budge. The ice demon still hadn't found a cure for the curse on him, but not for lack of trying. Fred had done research into the curse, discovering that while it did require the use of magic, it also required the use of several elements from the demon plane, some of which were extinct. After a number of attempts to devise a cure that all ended in failure, Ryou told him not to waste his time any longer. That didn't mean that Fred wasn't still trying in his spare time, though.
Hermione turned to Fred. "I'm going to see if they need any help over there," she said, gesturing to where some of the kids were using Harry as a trampoline while Percy was being used as a tree of sorts.
Fred laughed. "For someone who faced countless people trying to kill him, Harry sure is having a lot of problems with a few toddlers, isn't he?"
Janice chuckled as she cast a cleaning charm on herself. Most of the purple slime vanished. "That's where most bad guys fail. Don't recruit adults to become your unholy army. Recruit a bunch of toddlers."
George nodded. "Isn't that what that one ulare demon did?"
"No, those were just midgets," Janice replied. She glanced back to Ryou. "Get over here!"
Ryou shook his head. "I'm fine where I am."
Janice sighed and stood up. "Stubborn…" she muttered as she walked over to him.
Fred chuckled. "I'm going to mingle and see how everyone's doing."
Fred approached Bill and Charlie, who were now looking like mummies wrapped up in streamers. "I'll bet you're glad your kids are well behaved," he said to Bill, smirking as the triplets laughed and went off to find more adults to torment. He took mercy on his older brothers and waved his wand to let the streamers loosen so they could step out of them.
Bill chuckled. "Last I checked, Louis was trying to use Harry as a trampoline," he said. Sure enough, his young son was bouncing on top of a green looking Harry's stomach. "And I just got the oddest owl this morning about Victoire having earned herself a week of detention for taking part of an impromptu Quidditch match in the Great Hall yesterday."
Fred snickered. "Yeah, Jess wrote to me about that. I thought Victoire hated Quidditch."
"So did I," Bill said, shrugging. He turned to Charlie. "I guess you're lucky not to have any kids, huh?"
Charlie nodded. "None that I know of, at least." He had moved closer to the family after transferring to a dragon reserve located in Wales. He never had settled down with anyone, which was often a point of contention between him and his mother. Charlie insisted that he was happy celebrating the life of bachelordom, and that everyone else had plenty of kids to go around, so it wasn't as if he needed to contribute to the next generation of Weasleys.
Charlie glanced toward the back door, where Janice was trying to drag Ryou out to socialize. "Who's the pretty brunette over there?"
Fred glanced in their direction. "Er, that's Tracy's kid sister."
Charlie raised an eyebrow. "That's Janice?" he asked in disbelief as he gave her an appreciative look. "She's grown up quite nicely. How old is she now?"
Fred's eye twitched. "Too young for you," he said.
"I'm not that old," Charlie protested. "She is legal, right?"
Fred refused to dignify that with an answer, turning from them to walk away as Bill laughed and said something to Charlie. Even though Janice was a 'legal' twenty-three year old woman, over the years Fred had grown a bit protective of her, like an older brother would. He had helped train her to fight demons when she became his successor as the Underworld detective. Fred had settled into a life of semi-retirement from fighting demons, but would occasionally go on assignments with her and her 'partner' Ryou if the need arose.
The Underworld had gone through a change of leadership since Fred was first recruited as an Underworld detective. Koenma had built a case against King Enma's crimes against demons, wresting control of the Underworld from him. There were still demons out there needing to be dealt with by an Underworld detective, which was why Janice was out there fighting. There was an actual prison in place for demons who simply needed to be arrested, but many of the demons Janice dealt with were hostile. Then again, she travelled far more broadly than Fred and George had during their time as detectives. She'd recently come back from a mission in Peru, for instance.
Even though he knew she was an adult, Fred still thought of Janice as a child in many ways. He remembered how excited she was to become a witch and get her Hogwarts letter when she was eleven, and how she had initially been resentful of George for taking up so much of her sister's attention. He remembered how there had been times when she stayed with him and Hermione, like the time between her first and second year when she 'ran away' for a few nights after she accidentally set off some fireworks inside George and Tracy's house. She was afraid that they'd be angry at her because it caused a small fire on the living room couch, and they had just gotten Chloe to fall asleep. There were other times when she would go to him and Hermione to confide in them about things she was afraid George or Tracy might not understand.
So Fred would refuse to dignify Charlie's question with an answer on whether Janice was of legal age or not. As strong as Janice might seem at times, Fred still saw her as that insecure little girl. He wouldn't stand in their way, as they were both adults, but he wouldn't help Charlie in any way.
Ron had arrived at some point of time, so Fred went over to see how his little brother was doing. After being a reserve for several years, Ron had realized his dream and played keeper for the Chudley Cannons. Whether his addition helped the team or not was up to debate, but they had won a game during the most recent season, which was one more victory than they could claim from the previous season. That victory didn't necessarily reflect upon Ron's skills, though, as the Snitch had flown down the front of their seeker's robes early on in the game when they'd been knocked off their broom by a Bludger.
"How're things going there?" Fred greeted. He glanced around. "Where's the missus?"
Fred thought that Ron's wife was rather obnoxious and far too fond of ultimatums, although Fred tried to act neutral to prevent unnecessary strife. He wasn't quite sure just why Ron had married her, but suspected that there had been some deception involved. She was constantly whining to Ron that she wanted to have a child, and if he didn't want to give her one then they might as well get divorced so she could find someone who would. As far as Fred knew, neither had happened yet. He just hoped that if his baby brother did finally cave in to her ultimatum, that Ron would choose the route of divorce rather than having a child to save a floundering relationship.
Ron shook his head. "She said she had work. I'm rather glad she's not here, though. She's really been getting on my nerves lately. I'll be glad when the new season starts and I'm on the road again," he said. "I see Hermione's got her hands full there," he said, gesturing to where Hermione was trying to get some of the kids to stop jumping on Harry, who was looking rather ill.
Fred chuckled. "I think she wants to talk to you about teaching Brandon to say her cooking can go to hell."
Ron raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? I told him never to insult her cooking, no matter how bad it is. It's a matter of self-preservation."
Fred laughed. "I think it was the whole 'go to hell' part that got to her."
Ron shrugged. "I'll talk to her when I'm in the mood to be lectured for half an hour." He gestured to George, who was trying to get somebody's wand from his son Jack, who was conspiring with Harry's oldest son to no doubt cause mischief. "I'm going to say hi and help him out."
Fred nodded. He figured that he might as well help Hermione with Harry and Percy. The triplets were doing their best to distract Hermione while Caitlin and Brandon were trying to see which of them could make Harry vomit first. Even Harry's two-year-old daughter Lily seemed to be enjoying the game. Bill's son Louis had wandered off to join his older sister Dominique in a game of 'annoy Ryou' by the door. Percy's daughters Molly and Lucy and Harry's youngest son Albus were climbing Percy like a tree.
Percy was the reason why Fred hoped that Ron opted to go the route of divorce rather than having a child if he absolutely had to do one or the other. Percy was living proof of why having a child could not save a failing relationship. His ex-wife was a manipulative and controlling individual and for a brief period of time, Percy had been convinced that having kids would help 'change' her and mellow her out. It didn't. Percy was still recovering after going through a nasty divorce and countless custody hearings that were still ongoing.
"A little help here?" Percy asked as Fred approached. There was no doubt that the largest gathering of kids was gathered here.
Fred chuckled, helping to pry off the kids who decided to climb up on Percy, whose wand had been confiscated by Jack and Harry's oldest son James. Together, they got the younger kids to stop using Harry as a trampoline. No sooner had they done so than Harry made use of a bucket quickly conjured up in case of the need to vomit. Fred could not blame George at all for wanting Caitlin's birthday party to take place after their oldest kids were off at Hogwarts.
--- --- ---
Nobody was the least bit surprised that a food fight broke out amongst the kids once the food was brought out, nor was anyone surprised by the occasional fights and tantrums amongst the children. Midway through the cake and ice cream being served, Tracy realized that she was in full labor, and Ginny helped her back inside, thinking that there probably wasn't enough time to head to a hospital or St. Mungo's. The time it took to admit a patient was simply atrocious, and Ginny was a certified midwife.
Fred tried to explain to Caitlin that sharing a birthday with a brother or sister was nothing to get mad about, but the two-year-old still held a tantrum thinking that 'her' day would become less special somehow. Having dealt with his temperamental young niece many times before, Fred knew that it was better to let her wear herself down and then set her down for a nap. She was probably over stimulated from the sheer amount of people present. Including her, there were fifteen children present, and somewhere around the same number of adults.
The party pretty much broke up at that point. George went inside to be with Tracy as she went into labor, while the other adults broke up to watch over the kids in smaller groups. Some of the older kids were fine with minimal adult supervision. George's daughter Paige was fine by herself, as she had her PSP to keep herself entertained, and Fred's daughter Emma had brought a book and was reading under the shade of a tree. Bill and Fleur's daughter Dominique was sitting on the porch sketching something that was no doubt morbid.
After Fred and Harry went inside to settle the littlest ones down for naps -- as Fred's son Brandon and Harry's daughter Lily were getting fussy as well -- they checked with George on what the status was. Tracy was definitely in an advanced stage of labor, but hadn't given birth yet.
"Not yet," Fred said as a number of pairs of eyes turned to him as he went back outside. He went over to Hermione, who was telling their nephew Jack why using spirit energy to shoot at squirrels was not appropriate. "I wonder if I should start a betting pool on whether Tracy has a boy or girl, and how many kids she has this time."
Hermione rolled her eyes as Jack took an offered Circus Cookie and began making elephant noises. "I don't think she'd appreciate it that much."
Fred shrugged as he sat down in the grass next to her. "You're looking tired there, love."
Hermione nodded. "I'm suddenly reminded of why I'm glad that Jessica and Kyle are currently at Hogwarts."
Fred chuckled. "I thought that this party seemed strangely devoid of explosions."
Hermione smiled. "Do you want any more kids, Fred?"
He glanced to her. "I'm pretty happy with the ones we have right now. You haven't agreed to take any of them home with us, have you? I know that George was offering to let anyone who wanted one of his kids take them home for a night or two hundred."
Hermione laughed and shook her head. "They're welcome to stay for a night or two, but I haven't agreed to anything of the sort. I'm pregnant, Fred."
Fred blinked. "Bloody hell," he muttered, trying to process the information. "You're certain?"
Hermione nodded. "Pretty much. I haven't confirmed it with a Healer yet, but the home pregnancy tests now are pretty accurate."
Fred moved closer to her and placed an arm around her. They hadn't planned to have any more children, but they hadn't really taken any precautions, aside from the occasional contraceptive charm cast when one of them remembered. He smiled at her. "Do you know if it's a boy or girl yet?"
She rolled her eyes. "I haven't seen a Healer to even confirm it yet."
Fred waved her off. "We can always find out later. Do you know when you're due?"
"What part of 'I haven't seen a Healer yet' are you not quite getting?" Hermione asked.
Jack, who had gotten bored with making elephant noises and tormenting squirrels, turned to them. "So how does one get pregnant, anyway?" he asked, forcing Fred and Hermione to realize that they weren't alone. The seven-year-old continued. "I know that mum's pregnant, and dad had something to do with it, but how exactly?"
Fred and Hermione exchanged a look, neither one of them wanting to explain the facts of life to their young nephew. Fred had no idea what George and Tracy had told their kids, or when they planned to give them The Talk, but he did not want to be the one to do it.
Hermione cleared her throat. "Well, er, sometimes when two people…" She let her voice trail off.
Fred decided he'd try a different strategy. "Has your dad ever shown you any of his 'educational' videos?"
Jack shook his head. "Not really. I saw a few minutes of one when I snuck downstairs one night. There were lots of naked people in it doing gross things. Dad wasn't too happy when he found me watching it. Mum made him sleep on the couch that night for leaving it lying around, but it was really Chloe's fault. She and Jess nicked it out of dad's storage closet and were watching it and giggling over it."
Fred looked at him in alarm to hear that not only had Jessica been watching a porno, but she had been giggling over it. He would need to have a serious talk to George about leaving his videos around where his kids could find them. And in all fairness, Hermione would be the one to give Jessica The Talk, which would occur next time they saw her. He knew they should have done so before she left for Hogwarts, but Hermione had insisted on waiting until she was a bit older. He wondered if he could convince Hermione to give Kyle The Talk while she was at it.
Shaking his head, Fred answered, "Sometimes people like doing those gross things. I don't know why, because it is quite gross and you should really be asking your dad about this. But sometimes when people do gross things, one of them can get pregnant."
Jack nodded. "Oh." He made a face. "But mum and dad do gross things all the time. They did gross things last night after we were supposed to be sleeping. Either that or they were torturing one another. Does that mean one of them will be getting pregnant all the time?"
Fred refrained from making any comments about George and Tracy's sex life. There was so much he could say to Jack's question, and very little of it was appropriate for a seven-year-old to hear. Instead, he'd cop out on the question. "You'd have to ask your mum or dad about that one."
Mercifully, Jack changed the subject after that. Fred was grateful for his nephew's short attention span.
Half an hour or so later, Percy had to leave with his daughters after receiving a call from his solicitor about his ex-wife wanting to change part of the custody agreement. It seemed as though just when he thought it was over, something came up. Fred wished the best of luck to his brother, and offered his support.
A few minutes after Percy left, Fred glanced up as Ryou walked up to him, followed by George's nine-year-old daughter Paige. She had grown bored playing with her PSP so allowed her grandfather to play with it for a while.
"There's a midget following me," Ryou said. "Do something."
Fred chuckled. "She's not a midget, she's a child."
"You look just like the boss of the ice caves of Krenthol in the game I'm playing," Paige said to Ryou. "Do you carry around a sword twice your size that you hide in subspace when not in use?"
Ryou's eye twitched. "Do something about the midget."
Hermione sighed. "Paige? Would you care to join us in a game of 'let's see how large we can make that slug get before it explodes'?" she asked, referring to what Jack was currently wanting to do with a slug he had painstakingly searched for and delivered to Hermione to enlarge for him.
Paige made a face. "No, thank you." She turned back to Ryou. "Do you ever cosplay? I'm sure that you would make an excellent Sephiroth if you were to wear a wig."
Ryou's eye twitched again. "Can I encase the midget in ice to silence her?"
Paige's eyes widened. "You can do that? That is so cool!"
Fred chuckled. "I don't think George would appreciate you encasing any of his children in ice." He glanced around. "And I thought Janice was trying to get you to socialize. Why don't you have her rescue you?"
"I don't need 'rescuing'," Ryou said gruffly. "And she went off somewhere when you took the screaming midgets inside."
Fred shrugged and turned to Paige. "Why don't you stay here with us while Ryou acts like a grump somewhere else?"
Paige paused, and then nodded. "I suppose," she said, giving her younger brother a hesitant look as she sat down. "On the swamps of Deshor, there are slugs twice the size as one's character sprites."
Jack's eyes widened. "Really?" He turned to Hermione. "Make that slug bigger than me!"
Hermione rolled her eyes as Ryou wandered away to sulk in silence. "I don't think I can make it quite that large," she said, trying to humor him but obviously not wanting to enlarge slugs to ridiculous sizes in the backyard.
Fred chuckled and looked around. He could see that his father was busy playing Paige's PSP while his mother was trying to get him to stop and socialize with their grandchildren. Bill and Fleur were keeping their son Louis entertained by putting on some bizarre puppet show. Ron was playing with the triplets, acting like a pirate captain and leading them around the backyard shouting 'arr' at random intervals. Harry was trying to keep his boys from fighting over who destroyed a sand castle in the sandbox. Emma was still quietly reading, and Dominique still quietly sketching. Ryou sulked by the door that led to the house. All the kids were accounted for, but not all the adults seemed to be.
If just Janice was missing, he might not think anything of it. She could have gone inside to check on how her sister was doing, or might have been called off on some assignment. But glancing around, Fred noticed that his brother Charlie seemed to be missing as well. Fred made an annoyed sound, causing Hermione to turn to him.
"What's wrong?" Hermione asked.
He shook his head. "Janice and Charlie aren't here," he said.
"So?" she asked.
He looked over to her. "He was ogling her before and asking if she was of legal age."
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "That's… weird."
"Make the slug blow up!" Jack said as the slug grew to a size twice as round as a person's head, and long as a person's arm. "I want to see its guts!"
"No! I don't want to see any slug guts!" Paige protested.
Another half an hour passed. By that time, Paige had wandered off to reclaim her PSP, while Jack decided that he had become Captain Jack, who ran a rival pirate crew to the triplets. Fred followed him around the backyard as he attempted to recruit members to his crew that so far only consisted of Fred, who supposedly was in charge of 'swabbing the poop deck' and making sure the crew had enough rum and booty.
While Jack was trying to convince Harry's sons James and Albus the benefits of why they should join his crew and wage war on the 'yellow-bellied cowards that didn't even have a proper pirate flag', the back door opened. Fred glanced over there, wondering if Tracy had given birth already. It was just Charlie, though, who looked around sheepishly as many eyes turned to him.
Fred glanced to Harry. "Can you watch Jack for a moment?" he asked, getting up to approach his brother after Harry agreed.
He folded his arms and blocked Charlie's path as he tried to rejoin the group. "What were you thinking?" Fred asked, noticing that Charlie's shirt was wrinkled and inside out when it hadn't been before. His hair was disheveled, and he had the appearance and slightly musky odor to him of someone who just had sex. "She's a child."
Charlie tilted his head. "What are you talking about?"
"Janice," Fred said. "You went off with her somewhere, didn't you?"
"Were we that obvious?" Charlie asked, running a hand through his messy hair. "And she's not a child. She's a beautiful young woman."
Fred shot him an odd look. "She happens to be fifteen years younger than you. And she's your sister-in-law. You really don't see anything wrong with that?"
Charlie shrugged. "If she doesn't have a problem with that, neither do I. Now if you'll excuse me." He brushed past Fred to join Ron and the triplets' pirate crew as they conspired against 'Captain Jack' and his crew of 'scurvy seadogs'.
Fred shook his head. He really hoped for both of their sakes that things did not get awkward between them. He went back to rejoin the pirate crew Jack was trying to build, hoping to minimize the damage that the 'pirate war' would bring.
After another fifteen minutes had passed, the back door opened again. This time, George was the one who exited.
All eyes turned to him as he smiled. "For those who've bet on the number," George said, "there's only one child this time, for which Tracy and I are extremely grateful for."
"You owe me five galleons, Ron!" Bill shouted from across the yard.
George chuckled. "And for those who've bet on gender, anyone who'd bet on it being a boy have just won. Little Riley thanks you all for sticking around, and will take a few visitors at a time after he's done feeding." He went back inside the house, closing the door behind him.
Fred smiled and shook his head. He knew he should have started a betting pool. As Hermione placed her hand in his, he turned to her and smiled. "Would it be wrong to start a betting pool about our child if we already knew what we were having?"
Hermione glanced to him, and then laughed, shaking her head. "Some thing never change, do they?"
Some things never did.
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End note: Thus concludes the story of 'Fred Weasley, Underworld Detective'. Things aren't over just yet, as the story of 'Charlie Weasley, Demon Hunter' begins next chapter. Picking up right after where this chapter left off, it tells the story of Charlie and how his life changes forever when he involves himself with the wrong woman. Stay tuned!