A/N: You know you want it…
Rei's Revelation (Part V)
Shinji was sitting in the school cafeteria, eating his lunch. It was a delightful morning, and the clocks were just striking thirteen. He was sitting with Touji… Toji… however you spell his name… and Kensuke, when Rei walked up to them. Sitting next to them, belly inflated, she looked neutral as always. Inside, though, she felt compelled to punch a few people.
"So that's it," said Kensuke, wisely.
"What?" asked Shinji, wearily.
"You knocked up Rei!"
Shinji gagged. His life, and the future of humanity, would have ended right there, had Rei not performed a well-timed Heimlich maneuver.
Further, you have not lived until you've seen pregnant Rei perform a Heimlich maneuver. "I… didn't… get… Rei… pregnant," he coughed out.
"Then who? You're closest to Rei, Gendo is evil, but not that evil…"
Shinji had no response. "I didn't… uh… ah, crap…"
"Ah ha! So it was you!" said Kensuke, who ran off to tell the school. The rumors, not unlike the flu virus, evolved into increasingly dangerous forms. There were such immortal tales of 'they did it right in the entry plug!' and 'it was a threesome!' (draw your own conclusions). Ultimately, Shinji resolved to kill himself. But Rei convinced him otherwise. By threatening to have Gendo fire Misato, that is. Hey, if you were pregnant, you'd be pissed that your one and only friend is going to commit suicide too.