Title: Until We Reach Valinor
Chapter 26: Song of Despair
NOTE: This story is sequel to "A Teacher's Duty" and you'll have to read that one first to understand this. Also, this story does not contain slash, and it is not a romance, despite what the first chapter might suggest.
SPECIAL THANKS to Cassie, for beta-reading previous chapters, though she seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. And to Kellen for helping me to name Alannna.
WARNING: From this point on, the story is going to take a turn for the dark and depressing. There will be periods of fluff and happiness, but most of it is going to be pretty sad, right up to the end. If you don't like this type of angst, then I suggest you stay away.
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"Alanna, have you seen Elano anywhere?"
"No," Alanna answered, her brows furrowing, "I haven't seen him since lunch, yesterday. But it's not all that unusual for him to miss a meal these days."
"He didn't just miss a meal," Legolas replied, unable to keep the worry from his voice, "No one, including Celin, has seen him since yesterday. I checked with the librarian; she hasn't seen him either. And I just went to his room and found that his bed hasn't been slept in. Breakfast is in half an hour, and I don't want him missing that after he missed dinner last night. As it is, he pecks at his meals."
"He'll be around somewhere, Legolas," Alanna said vaguely, choosing to be optimistic even though she, also, was worried at hearing this. When he did not look reassured, she added, "Why don't you send for someone to go and check the grounds? Perhaps he's-" Celin burst into the room before she could finish.
"Sir!" He gasped, "You have to come at once! It's Elano- something's wrong with him- he's just sitting in the middle of the archery field with his eyes closed. He didn't respond even when I shouted his name directly into his ears! Oh, sir for a second I actually thought he was dead, but he's breathing. You have to come at once."
With that, he took off at a run again, knowing Legolas would follow soon, only thinking of heading back to where he had left his friend. Alarmed though he was at this news, as he quickly slipped his feet into his boots, Legolas spared a thought to Alanna. She was in her eighth month now, and he didn't like to leave her alone more than he absolutely had to, because the midwife had warned him that she could go into labour at any time, if the brightness of her aura was anything to go by. Alanna frowned for a moment, and then looked exasperated when she realized why he was pausing. "Don't be absurd, Legolas!" She cried, "I'll be perfectly alright. I can easily ring for Calianna if something happens. You needn't worry about me; go to Elano at once."
That was all he needed to turn and sprint after Celin as fast as his legs could carry him. Being both taller and fitter than the Elfling, he outstripped him within seconds and reached the archery fields in less than a minute, his heart pounding for reasons that had nothing to do with the exertion of his run. He very quickly spotted Elano, and forced himself to slow down as he approached. Elano was sitting exactly as Celin had described him; cross-legged on the grass, straight-backed and staring into space. Legolas also noted with dismay that the Elf was completely drenched from head to foot in dew. He realized with dawning horror that the younger Elf had probably been sitting there since the previous night, and moreover, that he probabhadn't moved one inch in that time, because there was a butterfly nestled on his shoulder, completely unheeded.
"Elano?" He said gently, crouching next to him. Elf didn't respond. "Elano?" Legolas said again, this time more sharply, placing a hand on the younger Elf's shoulder. He was startled as Elano flinched violently at the touch, and snapped his face towards him. He was breathing hard. The pain in his glazed, vacant, but thankfully open eyes was enough to stop Legolas in his tracks. It was a terrible, burning mixture of agony, heartbreak, and something he had never seen in Elano's eyes ever before, something he never thought he'd ever see- rage.
"Elano?" Legolas whispered, although he wasn't at all sure that the Elf was aware of his presence. "What is wrong? Please speak to me, ion nin."
The endearment had come to him instinctively, and in his frantic concern for Elano, he had said it without thinking. But he kicked himself for it instantly, because this had to be about Elano's mother, and addressing Elano as 'my son' when something terrible had probably happened to her was the worst thing he could ever have done. Elano inhaled sharply, and blinked as if coming out of a trance. His eyes met Legolas's, and then his face crumplrd, and he unclasped his hands and pushed the letter they had been clutching at Legolas with shaking fingers. The latter reached for it with a deep sense of foreboding.
To Elano Timani,
It is my deepest regret to inform you that on October 23d, 3027, your mother passed from this world and into Mandos' walls. I realize that this day was not expected to come some years into the futur.It is my terrible duty to inform you that she did not fade, but died because of a careless error.
Although I was not actually responsible for that error, I still consider myself partly responsible for it. The truth is that I wished to take a day off from caring for your mother, who has required constant attention from me every day, for many months. You had allowed me a day off every few months, provided that I find a qualified substitute to take care of your mother while I was gone. It had been many months since I had spent time with my family, and so I asked my friend Aaliyah, who is a trained and qualified healer, to take care of her for the day while I visited my husband and son. But Aaliyah has never been as careful or meticulous as she should be, and in a moment of distraction, your mother got away from her and tripped down the stairs and broke her leg in her inebriation. You, a fellow healer, know as well as I that Elves are not good at dealing with injury, however mild. Your mother was in a great deal of pain, and in her haste to relieve it, Aaliyah did not look at what she was doing. She mistook a vial of concentrated poppy juice for diluted poppy juice, and gave your mother an overdose which proved fatal.
Needless to say, Aaliyah is completely guilt-stricken and overwrought over her carelessness, but the damage has been done. As we know that you cannot possibly reach here for the next ten days at least, I have arranged for the funeral tomorrow, that is, the 24th. Aaliyah and her husband, and I, are setting out for the palace immediately after. I wish to apologize for my part in this affair, for I cannot but feel responsible for my poor judgement in selecting a substitute. Aaliyah is willing to accept whatever punishment the King chooses to give her. She knows that there is no way she can atone for her mistake, but she wishes to try all the same.
We should arrive soon after this letter.
I once again express my condolences for this terrible tragedy.
Yours respectfully,
Terena Vallani.
For a few moments, Legolas could not speak. Everything he had feared for so many months had come to pass, and he was deeply affected. "Elano," He said when he finally found his voice, in a tone that conveyed the depth of his compassion for his Elven friend.
A dry sob wracked Elano's shoulders. "Sir..." He said imploringly, in a voice that begged for the comfort of a parent. Legolas's eyes stung as he realized that he was the closest thing Elano had to that, now. He was his only family.
The words that had felt so wrong didn't, anymore. "Ion nin," He said in a choked voice. "I'm right here. I'm never going to leave you. I swear it."
Elano let out a harsh sob, and his tears finally began to fall. He wrapped his arms around himself and rocked back and forth, his eyes squeezed shut and his entire body wracked with powerful tremors. Furiously blinking back his own tears, Legolas drew the shuddering Elf into his arms and rocked him as though he was a small child, whispering to him soothingly. Elano continued to sob, and then began to mutter in broken, disjointed words.
"Naneth...no...Miriel, Miriel; please..."
"Hush, Elano, hush; I'm right here. I'm never going to leave you. I promise."
"She didn't leave me," The Elf replied, "It was Aaliyah-" And he could not finish, as rage swept through him, mingling with his grief. "I hate her- I could kill her-" He half snarled, half sobbed; and Legolas rocked him faster, his arms tightening around him.
"Hush," He said again, "Hush."
"Sir?" A voice interrupted them. "What's going on?"
Legolas looked up and cringed inwardly. Of all the inopportune moments for Celin to decide to show up! And with Aragorn in toe, no less; which would, come to think of it, explain why he'd taken so long to get here- he'd probably made a detour to find the Man. "Celin, not now," He said repressively.
"But sir-"
"You heard sir, Celin," Aragorn interjected. He looked questioningly at Legolas, who shook his head imperceptibly. Aragorn nodded in unerstanding. "Come away," He said to Celin.
"But My Lord-!"
"Come away, Celin."
The two withdrew in spite of Celin's continuing protests. Legolas turned his attention back to Elano. "Elano? We have to get you to your bedchamber; get you changed. You're soaked through already. You can't keep sitting here like this." He tried to rise, but Elano clutched at him in sudden fear.
"No- don't leave me-" He gasped, almost hyperventilating; and Legolas saw with alarm that his face, which had been flushed red from weeping a moment ago, had suddenly drained of all colour. He seemed to be going into shock. Legolas sat down hurriedly, and tightened his grip around him.
"I'm right here," He said comfortingly. "I'm not going to leave you."
Elano groaned softly and slumped against him, mortification mixing with his grief. "I'm sorry, sir," He whispered. "I didn't-" He broke off, closing his eyes, even as more tears spilled down his cheeks.
"Don't apologize, Elano," He said. "Now...are you up to making the trip to your room? You know you can't stay here all day."
Elano nodded without opening his eyes, but made no move to get up. Legolas gave him a few moments, and then gently disentangled himself fromhim. "Come on, Elano," He said, gently grasping his arm, "You have to get up."
Elano lurched to his feet with none of his usual grace. Fine tremors wracked his body, and he was blind because of his tears. Legolas had to wrap a supporting arm around his shoulders and guide him as they walked, a situation not made any easier by the fact that they were met along the way by a number of gawking students on their way to breakfast. Realizing that it would take entirely too long to walk all the way to Elano's room, he stopped and propelled him into his own bedchamber. Elano complied blindly, completely unaware of what was happening to him. Alanna looked up, startled, and then stared in alarm as she saw the state Elano was in. Her eyes jerked to Legolas's, asking a dozen questions, and he tried to answer them with his own eyes, infinitely grateful that she hadn't asked them aloud. A moment of silent understanding passed between them, and then, wordlessly, she got up and left the room.
Legolas helped Elano into some of his own clothes, and made him lie down on the bed, instinctively covering him up with blankets to try and make him feel warm and safe. The younger Elf continued to cry quietly for some time, but it wasn't long before he became spent, and slipped into a deep, exhausted sleep. Having spent enough nights by his side to be familiar with his sleeping patterns, Legolas knew he wouldn't stir for quite some time. He left the room, though he would far rather have stayed by Elano's side; but there were things that needed attending to first. He met Alanna on the way out, and wordlessly handed her the letter. He waited while she read it, and when she had, she handed it back to him with moist eyes, briefly pressed a hand to his shoulder in silent commiseration, and then walked back into the room, not even needing him to say aloud that he wanted her to stay with Elano while he was gone.
He then went to the dining hall where all the children were assembled, eating breakfast and chattering excitedly. He called for silence and announced quietly that school was shutting down for the rest of the week, because Elano had just received the news that Elano was no more. A stunned silence met this announcement, immediately followed by shocked cries and a buzz of concerned questions, and Celin leaping out of his seat and striding towards Legolas like a man on a mission. Legolas held up his hand and forestalled them all by asking them to maintain as much silence as possible for the next few days. He did not ask them to wear mourning colours, but he was fairly sure that some of them, the second year students especially, would do so anyway.
He left the room, followed closely by Celin, who began to ask questions immediately. "But sir, she was his last living family! His sister, his father, and now his mother too? It isn't fair!"
"I know Celin," Legolas said, sighing, because the thought had crossed his own mind countless times that morning, and would again. "I know."
"But what is he going to do now, sir? Where is he going to go?"
"I don't know, Celin," Legolas answered sombrely, "Things are too fresh for any of that to be certain as of now."
"Sir, is that why he's been so depressed all of this year? Was his mother fading all this time?" Legolas nodded. "But why?" Celin asked.
"She was overwhelmed by grief after her husband's passing."
"But...why didn't he tell me that? I've been so worried about him all year! Or did he think I was too young to understand?" The resentment in Celin's voice irritated Legolas a little, but he knew it wouldn't last long- it was part of Celin's nature to be feel first, and asks questions later.
"Perhaps he didn't want you to burden you with what he was going through," He said in a pointedly neutral tone.
Celin was a silent for a moment while he absorbed that. Then the questions began again. "But sir, if he knew she was going to die, why wasn't he with her?" He asked. "Wouldn't he have wanted to spend time with her in her last days?"
"Her condition was not expected to become critical for a few years yet, Celin," Legolas replied, knowing there was no point in keeping it a secret, as Celin would find out anyway- along with the better part of Greenwood. "He had employed a healer to care for her, and he needed to work in order to pay her wages." He did not mention the other reason Elano had needed to work- because it was the only means he had to quench his mother's interminable thirst for alcohol. Legolas would gladly have covered any and all expenses that Elano had, but the Elf was too proud to even have entertained the thought.
"You mean she did not pass away naturally?" Celin asked, horrified.
"No, she didn't. The healer Elano had hired wanted a day off to see her family, so she asked her friend, who is a qualified healer, to step in for her. But her friend was careless, and when Elano's mother hurt herself, she gave her an overdose of poppy juice without looking at what she was doing."
There was an outraged silence. Then; "She what?!" Celin exclaimed angrily, "But...how could she have been so careless!"
"I do not know, Celin," Legolas said grimly, "But rest assured, she will have to pay for her mistake. She and her husband are coming here tomorrow to here what judgement I pass on them." His voice hardened. "And they will accept that judgement, or live to regret it deeply." All the same, even as he said the words, he couldn't help but pity the woman. One moment of neglect, of carelessness, and it had cost a life. For a healer, it would be even worse- her job was to give life and she had taken it away instead. He wondered briefly at the guilt and horror she would be feeling at that moment, and shuddered.
Celin, however, had no such qualms, "That's as it should be," He said vehemently. Then his face changed abruptly to concern for his friend. "Where is Elano? When can I see him?"
"He's asleep now," Legolas said, "When he wakes up, I'll ask you if he's up to seeing you. But until then, please don't pester anyone about it. We all have enough to worry about as it is. Alright, Celin?"
"Yes, sir."
He nodded, and then turned and hurried towards his bedchamber, intent on getting back to Elano. He stopped short when he entered, his chest constricting suddenly at the sight before him. Alanna was sitting on the bed, tenderly stroking Elano's hair gently as he slept. They made such a picture together- Elano looked so young, and Alanna so maternal in the glow of her pregnancy- that for a moment he was at a loss for words.
"How is he?" He asked when he'd recovered himself.
"He hasn't stirred at all since you left," She replied, "I don't know what he'll be like when he wakes up, though. And I can't even imagine what he'll say when that... woman arrives. Aaliyah."
Legolas shuddered slightly at the unwanted reminder. He wasn't looking forward to that either.
"He's really going to need you now, isn't he?" She asked. "He's really going to need us."
We're all he has.
"Yes," He said sombrely, looking away, "I know."
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"Celin, I wish you'd stop fussing ." Elano gave a faint smile, one that did not reach his eyes, it was true; but Legolas was still heartened to see it at all.
"How can I?" Celin exclaimed, "This whole situation- it's terrible!"
Elano's smile vanished, and he looked away, but not before Legolas caught the sheen of tears in his eyes. It had been like this since Elano had awoken that afternoon and asked Legolas if he had dreamt his mother's death. Legolas hadn't been able to reply, but the look on his face ensured that he didn't need to. After that, Elano had been alternating between monosyllables and tears.
Celin, in the meantime, looked as though he could have kicked himself. "I'm sorry," He said abruptly.
Elano looked at him, attempting to smile again, but it came out as a grimace. "Don't be. "
Legolas cleared his throat, seeing that Celin was becoming rather too much for Elano at the moment. "I think you should rest now, Elano," He said, "You're still exhausted. Celin-"
But at that moment, Calianna curtseyed her way into the room. "Your Majesty," She said, "There are three people who have just arrived who wish to see you and Elano."
Elano's face made clear the tumult of emotions raging inside him. His heart clenched for the younger Elf, as it was wont to do quite often since that morning. Celin, too, had fallen silent as he comprehended what was going on. "Is it-?" He began.
"Celin, stay here," Legolas interrupted, taking charge before the teenager could continue in this vein. "Calianna, please stay with him, and make sure he does not try to follow us." He added, at Celin's rebellious look. "Come on, Elano," He said in a more gentle tone as he turned to the Elf, who was sitting as still as a statue.
The Elf rose dazedly and hurried out of the room; Legolas losing no time in following. He kept a close watch on Elano as they neared the main parlour, where the three Elves had naturally been seated while they waited. When they stepped into the room, and he caught sight of the three visitors, he stopped short. No, it can't be. The fates would never be so cruel. But there was no deceiving his eyes, nor his memory for faces. This was going to break Elano, shatter him as nothing else ever had. For a moment, he considered the possibility of concealing the truth from him, but realized with despair that it was impossible.
As they approached the three, they rose and bowed and curtsied. Terena Vallani walked forward and took Elano's hands in her own. The two had come to know each other quite well through the countless letters they had exchanged over the past month. "I'm sorry," She said, in a voice that shook slightly with emotion.
Elano shook his head, his own eyes glistening slightly. "You have nothing to be sorry for," He said. "It was not your fault."
Aaliyah, standing beside her husband, shuddered. Her eyes were red with weeping and her face lined with exhaustion. Her husband placed a protective arm over her shoulders. The gesture drew Elano's notice. His eyes landed on Aaliyah, who quailed under the look he was giving her. He opened his mouth to speak, to rage at her- she cringed- the door burst open. Celin tumbled into the room, followed closely by Calianna.
"You wicked child! His Majesty ordered me not to-"
"Elano! Are you-?" Celin stopped abruptly. His eyes were fixed on the two people standing across from Elano."Naneth?" He asked, disbelievingly. "Ada? What in all of arda are you doing here?" Aaliyah gave an anguished sob, and buried her face in her husband's shoulder. Celin's face flooded with comprehension- and horror. "No, it can't be; nana, please tell me it isn't so."
Legolas's eyes flew to Elano's face and he watched with bated breath as he looked from Aaliyah, to Celin, to Aaliyah again. And then Elano's eyes dulled and all his anger seemed to diminish, giving way to a deep, resigned anguish.
"Elano-" Celin's voice was small, helpless.
Elano flinched at the voice of his once best friend, and then turned on his heel and strode out of the room.
Outside, the trees began to wail...a song of despair.
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TBC...
I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been extremely busy with college and a theatre work shop that just got over on Friday. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Toodles!