CHAPTER 24: Troublemaker

"Right. I go in there, you get behind the door and let off the horn blower, yeah?"

"That's what you call this thing?" Ria asked, staring at the object in her hand. It was spherical at the base, tapering off to a narrow neck that opened at the end.

She had no idea what it was supposed to do, as Sera had given no explanation- a really vague one, maybe.

"Quick, she's coming!" The elf giggled and opened the door. Ria groaned when she saw it was Morrigan.

"Actually, I'd rather not-"

Sera pulled her into the room, and Ria had no choice but to crouch down and plant it there. The elf took the other end of the long string and tied it to the desk leg. Ria stood up and examined it- the string was virtually invisible. Then the elf was gone. The surgeon was left to deal with the consequences. Alone.

"Ser Ria. Might I ask what you are doing in my room?"

The witch of the wilds stood in the doorway, crossing her arms.

"Just… looking around," she said lamely.

"That is interesting, because I distinctly remember locking the door."

Woops. Forgot about that.

"Well, I actually… came to… ask you a favour."

"A favour, did you say?" asked Morrigan, eyes still narrowed in suspicion. "Go on."

"I was planning on taking a rest from work- seeing patients and all that. Would you be able to…?"

"See an endless line of whinging and moaning humans and elves?"

"…"

Morrigan sighed. "Well, I suppose you have done this most of your life. If it is but for a while, I can see why not."

Ria relaxed, relieved. "Thank you. The healers would benefit from your knowledge."

"'Tis for the Inquisition… and for a friend."

The surgeon smiled, nodding. She hadn't expected this to be so brief and easy. But even Morrigan had to change over the years.

"It wouldn't go unrewarded."

The witch looked at her with stern golden eyes. "I should hope so. Knowledge of your world would be of great interest to me."

What she would want with that, Ria had no idea. But she shrugged. "Alright. I'll tell you what I know."

"Brilliant," said the witch with a smile. "Now, if that is all-"

She didn't get very far. Ria held out her hand but the woman's leg met tension. There was a large 'pop' as the cork flew out and Ria heard the most deafening fart sound ever. It was like the blast of a horn, but more gaseous. The horn blower deflated, letting off the remainder of the gas and finishing off with a pitiful squeak.

There was an evil cackle in the distant corridor. Ria bit her fingernails, looking away from the witch's glare. She was unimpressed.

Crossing her arms again, she regarded the surgeon with a disgusted expression. "I never imagined that you of all people would take part in such a childish past time. Least of all, with that elf."

Ria ran a hand through her hair. "Um… sorry. If I knew it would be you we were doing it on…"

The witch waved an airy hand of dismissal. "Be gone! I have much to do without you making a mess." She gestured at the yellow gas floating around. "Bear in mind that if you hadn't held out your hand, I would be reconsidering that favour of yours."

The surgeon nodded and fled. She caught up with Sera, who was doubled over in laughter in the garden.

"What the hell, girl?"

The elf wiped the tears from her eyes. "Did you see the witch's face? All twisted and frozen looking?"

"I had a very nice close up, thanks to you. I needed to ask her a favour, you know. She might have refused if I hadn't tried to help her."

"But she accepted, yeah?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then it's all good. I've seen witches, here and there. Magic scares me, it's scary shit. But they don't like my tricks. Weird, right?"

"Uh… and what does this have to do with-?"

"I'm saying, you and her are friends. That's what friends do."

"I guess…"

"Admit it, it was loads of fun. I can't wait to try it again," the elf said with glee.

Ria couldn't help it. She laughed. "Well, who's the next victim?"

"Oh, you'll love this one. Let's get blondie."

"Blondie?"

"You know, Mr serious-what's-his-tits. I bet he could use a laugh."

"Oh, you mean Cullen." Ria rubbed her chin. "You know… I think you're right."

Sera told her the plan: it was simple. The Commander would be overseeing the courtyard upgrade. They would plant the horn blower near the quarry, make it look like he was farting. It was so cruel, but the elf reassured her that she would reveal the prank to her audience.

"Alright," said Ria after a few minute's pause.

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When they saw the Commander in the distance, he was pacing around the quarry.

"Perfect," said Sera, smiling mischievously.

There were so many soldiers around that Ria was already regretting it.

"How do we get around them?"

The elf pointed to the merchant stands. "Sneak around that and then the rocks. Easy."

"You realize we're going to be linked by this string?"

"Well, do you want to be linked another way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look at you, all serious. How did you manage to squeeze up to Leliana?"

"Why does that sound… not like what I think it means?"

"You know, that knightly stuff you were doing."

Ria blinked.

"Here, I'll show you. I just need a peach. A ripe one."

"Oh God," said Ria, covering her eyes with a hand. "No thank you, Sera."

"Well I can't teach you bananas!"

"Let's just do the prank," said the surgeon, blushing furiously.

Ria sighed and they both reached the stands. The merchant there greeted her without any suspicion.

"Hero of Ferelden," he said with a smile.

"Er… Hello."

Trying not to meet his eyes, Ria paced around and took the chance when he was preoccupied by a customer. Sera joined her as she manoeuvred around to the quarry. Cullen was only a few inches in front. Carefully, she placed the object by his feet. Sera slipped into gap in the crowd with the string like an expert. The Commander never saw her as she tied it to a bush on the other side.

Ria started to walk back, to avoid being seen. It was then that Cullen spotted the elf. He frowned, instantly suspicious. She cackled and stuck out her tongue. The Commander shook his head and continued to pace, reading the list he had with him.

Unfortunately, he stepped right into the trap. Again, Ria's eardrums nearly burst from the loud noise. Everyone in the marketplace stared in the direction of the sound. Cullen's face went bright red.

He was speechless.

People tried to fight down smirks. Younger girls failed to smother giggles. The more sensible mothers hid their smiles politely behind their hands.

Sera cackled and pointed at him, stomping her feet on the ground hysterically. Ria felt a laugh bubbling up as well, and stepped back- only to bang into the logging stand. Even Sera stood gaping as the logs fell down, rolling at full speed to the market stands.

Oh, shit…

The surgeon was powerless to do anything as they crashed into the tables, toppling them. People gasped, some laughed and the merchants glared at her furiously. Ria covered her face with a hand and ran for her life. There were angry shouts all around, but Sera was laughing like a maniac now, following Ria.

"That was brilliant! I knew you had it in you!"

"That wasn't exactly planned."

"Who cares! You took out that whole row of stands!"

Ria groaned. "Don't remind me," she said, but felt a silly smile breaking out. She walked up the steps to the battlements.

"You, me. We should do this again sometime. Fun things happen when you're around."

"I don't think so," came a voice from the top of the steps.

Ria looked up to see her wife standing like a dark sith lord. Her hood was up and the material of her armour was flapping in the wind in a threatening way. She descended to them, eyes narrowed at Sera.

"Oops. You're going to get it now," cackled the elf.

With an iron grip, Leliana took Ria's arm and pulled her away.

"See you later, surgeon! I'll be at the tavern if you want to do it again."

Ria waved at her and quailed under the spymaster's glare.

"Alright, sorry. I got pushed into it by Iron Bull." But she couldn't stop the silly grin on her face. "It was a good laugh, though."

Leliana sighed, shaking her head. "I didn't know you had this side to you. Josie is going to be so mad when she hears about this." She gave Ria a severe look. "Thank you for all the complaint letters I will be reading tonight."

Ria kissed her lips, laughing at the look of surprise on her face. "You're welcome. I promise I'll make it up to you."

The spymaster raised an eyebrow but a small smile appeared. "You're very strange today. So reckless."

"Maybe I just want to have a little fun."

Ria swept her wife off her feet into her arms.

"What are you doing? Put me down!" Leliana hissed, looking around at the sentries. The soldiers coughed.

"Fine, if you don't want to be seen…" Ria headed for the small room at the top.

"You-"

Ria silenced her with another kiss. Opening the door with her foot, she finally let the woman down. Leliana smoothed out her clothes.

"You were saying you would make it up to me?" she asked, arms crossed.

Ria closed the door behind them, smirking at the expressions on the soldiers' faces.

"I did indeed."

Just thought Ria could use a bit of a laugh... and to show that she actually has a sort of mischievous side to her. Also, I've only ever mentioned Sera once in the story- there are just too many characters that I never had the chance to include her. Hope you enjoyed this mini chapter ;)