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Chapter 26

Week 7 Post Accident

EPOV

Things still weren't right between Bella and I. We talked a little on Sunday, but I had to go to the hospital for the interviews, so we didn't go into the depth that our conversation needed. When I got home to change clothes and go back to the hospital she wasn't home, so I figured she was either with Emmett or my mom.

I was glad that she was keeping busy.

There was more to it than Bella just being distant, and if I really am truthful, she was moody. Part of me wanted to blame it on the huge change that our lives went through and honestly, her life didn't have a single element that was the same as three months ago. I knew a lot of it was because I was working so much.

She kept making comments about me not returning her calls, but I rarely got any messages and each time I checked my phone there weren't any missed calls.

Maybe she was going stir crazy or was having some sort of withdrawal from not flying. Shit. I didn't know what was wrong and as much as I tried, I didn't know how to fix it. I didn't like the distance between us, and it was getting bigger by the day.

Until the practice was open and I could get onto a regular schedule, there wasn't anything that I could do about not spending enough time together. I tried to explain this to her and even asked for a little bit more time to get everything finished up at the hospital.

It was around dinnertime when I walked into the house after another long shift at the hospital.

"Bell?" I shouted as I closed the door, scanning the area to see if she was downstairs. Not seeing or hearing her downstairs, I went up the steps to our bedroom. "Bell?"

Where is she?

I ran back down the steps to see if there was a note on the counter.

Nope. No note.

I tried her cell phone and it went directly to voice mail.

That really had me confused because her cell phone was never turned off. I tried my mother's phone.

On the second ring she answered, "Hello."

"Hey, Mom. When are you two coming home? I didn't know if I should start something for dinner or not."

"Edward? Your dad and I just finished dinner. Was I supposed to be at your place today?"

"You mean Bella isn't with you?" I was starting to panic.

"No, I haven't seen her since Saturday when we were over for dinner. Edward, what is going on?" I could hear the concern in her voice.

"Saturday? It's Thursday, isn't it? Who has been helping her during the day or night when I am at work?"

"What do you mean who has been helping her? Where have you been? She left me under the impression that you were going to be there with her and that was why I wasn't needed."

My mom was starting to panic and now I was just about to have an anxiety attack. Had she left me?

"Maybe she is over at Emmett's. I'll give him a call and call you back."

"Make sure you call me right away."

"I will, bye Mom."

As soon as I hung up the phone, I ran up the stairs to see if her stuff was still there. Checking the drawers, it seemed as though everything was still in its place.

Instead of calling Emmett I decided to just go next door to see if she was there.

Within minutes I was knocking on his door. It seemed to take forever for him to answer.

"Hey, Em. Is Bella over here?"

"No. I was just getting ready for work. I have an 8:30 departure tonight and won't be back until Saturday morning. What's up?"

"Well, I just got home and can't find Bella. I called my mom and she hasn't seen her since last Saturday. The only other place that I thought of was over here with you. I mean, with her foot and leg, she can't go that far, can she?" I stood there running my hands through my hair, becoming more and more distraught.

"Only a couple thousand miles." Emmett muttered.

My head snapped up to look at his face. "What does that mean?"

"When was the last time that you saw your wife, or even talked to her?" he said with an edge to his voice.

"I just talked to her . . . shit, Em, where is she?"

"No can do. Best friend, remember." He finished tying his tie and tucked in his shirt. "Look, man, she is one of the most important people in my life and I won't sell her out. Let me just remind you that it isn't good for a husband not to know when he saw his wife last. . . but I will give you a hint . . . it's been days since you have seen her."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and shifted from foot to foot and I thought about what he was saying. "Shit. I've talked to her on the phone, but you're right. I haven't seen her. Come on, Em, where is she?"

"Sorry. Wish I could, but you'll have to figure that out yourself. It will be better for you in the long run if you do." He turned to close the door. "Oh, and Edward, don't take too long in finding her."

"Thanks for nothing."

I turned and walked back to our place, already pulling out my phone and dialing Bella's number again.

Once again, I got her voice mail and this time left a message. "B, please call me. I'm worried about you. I miss you and love you." I closed my phone and sat down at the kitchen counter.

The phone ringing startled me and I leapt for it.

"Bell?"

"No. Sorry, honey. Just mom. Did you find her?"

"No. Emmett knows where she is, but won't tell me. He said that it is a best friend thing and that he can't tell me where she is. She isn't answering her phone. Mom, I'm worried about her."

"Oh, Edward, it's only been a couple of hours since you saw her. I'm sure nothing has happened."

I ran my hands through my hair, delaying my confession to my mother. "Well, that isn't entirely the truth. I really haven't seen her since I don't know when. The days are all blending into each other."

"WHAT? You haven't seen your injured wife in how long and you don't know where she is? Where have you been this whole week?"

"At the hospital."

"Oh, Edward, no wonder Emmett won't tell you. You don't deserve to know. How could you do this to Bella? I knew something was wrong when I was over last. . . You put her right back into the same type of relationship that she just got out of. You made so many promises to her that you haven't kept. . . Oh, sweetheart . . ."

"I haven't done anything wrong, Mom. I made a commitment to the hospital. I've talked to Bella on the phone every day. She never told me where she was going. I thought everything was fine."

"Honey, you made a commitment to Bella, too. What did you talk about when you talked on the phone?"

"Just the normal stuff, what I did at work, how she was feeling. Stuff like that. I don't know what is going on." I had sat down on the bar stool at the counter and rested my forehead on my hand.

"Edward, I don't know what else to tell you, other than it doesn't seem like you have really talked to Bella . . . Let me know when you find her."

After I hung up with my mom, I ate the sandwich that I made for myself and went upstairs to take a shower.

When I returned to the kitchen a little while later, my phone chimed that I had a text.

Emotionally can't call you back. You never answer my calls. We've barely talked all week. You were supposed to work on this with me. Heart can't take it anymore ~ B

Automatically I dialed her number and the phone rang three times before it was picked up.

"Hello?"

"B, where are you?"

"Who's this?"

"Bella, what do you mean 'who's this'?" Anger was sweeping through my body.

"Exactly what it sounds like. . . So, what can I do for you?" Bella whispered.

"What's going on? Where are you? Why aren't you at home?" I snapped.

"It took you this long to realize that I wasn't there?" she whispered again.

"I guess so. Why are you whispering and when are you coming home?"

"I am whispering so that I don't start screaming. . . Seriously, how long have I been gone, Edward? When was the last time that you saw me?"

"Bella, I'm not in the mood to play games. What is going on?" I was ready to snap. I was exhausted and didn't have any patience for this. What the fuck was she doing?

"Don't give me an attitude. I'm the one that has been forgotten in this situation. Before I answer anymore of your questions, you need to answer mine." I heard a muffled sniffle come over the phone.

"Baby, please tell me where you are so that I can pick you up and get you home."

"Why would I want to be at home alone?"

"I'm here. You wouldn't be alone."

"That would be the first time since, when? And then what? You will grace me with your presence for all of 30 minutes then rush back to your precious hospital to leave me alone again, just like you did on Saturday and Sunday."

"I'll call my mom to come down to stay with you."

"Edward, I don't want to be with your mother. I want the person I married. I haven't seen him in such a long time and until he comes back, I . . . I . . . Look, I can't do this. I can't. I just . . ."

"I am under a lot of pressure at work and it isn't fair that you are doing this to me when I get home. That's enough of the shit, Bella. Where are you and when are you coming home?" I spit the last question out through gritted teeth.

"If you can answer my question, then I will answer one of yours." She took a deep breath before she started again. "When was I at my house last?"

"What kind of question is that? How the hell am I supposed to know? I was at work, remember?" I was shouting now. I knew I was getting out of control, but I was tired and pissed. I just wanted to curl up in bed and hold Bella.

"Exactly," she whispered. "Why did my relationship with Carlisle dissolve? Think about it and call me when you have an answer and can discuss it without shouting at me." And with that, she disconnected the call.

I was so mad that I wanted to throw something.

So I did.

I grabbed the first thing that I saw in front of me and hurled it against the refrigerator. After seeing the mushy contents, of what used to be a banana, sludge down the front of the fridge, I finally realized that Bella really hadn't been here in days.

Days.

How the hell did that happen? How did I not even notice that my wife, my heart, hadn't been around in days?

The banana that had felt my wrath was mostly brown. Bella only liked ones that still had just a slight bit of green on them.

But, I've talked to her, haven't I? Yes, I know that I have, but when. I grabbed my phone from the counter and looked up the recent calls.

Shit.

I talked to her on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for right around five minutes each day. I also saw that there were either one or two text messages each day, but that was it.

Fuck! Fuck, fuck!

She was right. I was giving her the same time per day that Carlisle had. Shit.

After some thought, I went over to get some paper towels to clean up the mess I had made, and when I sprayed the front of the fridge with the disinfectant cleaner I noticed the calendar. She left on Sunday night on a 6:15 flight. There isn't anything written as to where, but Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are listed for training.

There isn't anything listed for a return, but this coming Monday is marked with '8 am class'.

Where have I been all week and how could I have not noticed that my wife hadn't been home?

Truth of the matter is that I haven't been home myself. I've slept for a couple of hours each day in our bed, but have been working every night, so I really didn't notice that she wasn't here during the day. I just assumed that she was with my mother.

I looked again at the calendar and saw that I was scheduled to go to L.A. tomorrow night and wouldn't be back until next Thursday.

Things couldn't be any worse. Depending on when Bella comes home from wherever she is, I might not see her for another whole week.

That just wouldn't do. I needed to fix the problems that I created before they got any worse and the only way to do that was to go to wherever she was.

I picked up my phone, scrolled through the contacts and pressed send.

"Em. I just talked to Bella and she wouldn't tell me where she is until I figured out when I saw her last. I know that it was Sunday morning before the interviews at the hospital. I want to go to see her now so that we can fix this. Please tell me where she is?" I tried using my most sincere groveling voice.

"Ed. You can't go there. You'll be a distraction to her right now and she needs to stay focused. She'll be home tomorrow. She is taking her simulator check ride tonight after midnight, catching a couple of hours sleep, then flying home."

"Where is she?" I asked, not knowing if he would really tell me or not.

"St. Louis. Flight Safety has an extensive simulator training center and she has been there all week. She passed her oral and written examinations earlier today and just needs to do the flight portion tonight in the sim."

"Shit. She did all of that without telling me?"

"She tried telling you, many times, both last week and this week, but either you didn't answer her calls, reply to her messages, or there wasn't time in the five minutes you allotted her. I was around last week to witness it. Honestly, man, what were you thinking?" He took a deep breath. "You have one hell of a mess to clean up. You know that, right?"

"I know that, now. Why didn't she say that she felt left out or something?"

"She has been, but you haven't been listening . . . I have to ask . . . and I want an honest answer. Do you still want Bella?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I do. I love her." I was getting defensive again. But, seriously, what kind of question was that?

"Hey, don't get all pissy with me and you better lose the attitude before you talk to Bella again, or you will swiftly find yourself in a place I don't think you want to be. . . I'm just sayin', take a few minutes and look at it from Bella's point of view. The two of you had a whirlwind courtship and ended up married before most couples even sleep together. Then you both are in a helicopter crash that could have ended your lives, but instead drastically changed her career path. Not to mention her outlook on life. Your lives have been a rollercoaster for the last two months. She's still on that rollercoaster, except now she is in the front car all by herself. You got swept up in all of the hours and drama at the hospital and left her 24/7 with your mother instead of following through with all of the promises that you made to her. You promised her that you wouldn't work as much as Carlisle had."

"I thought Bella liked my mom." I know I focused on only one part of his speech.

"She does, but not full time and not in place of you. You haven't even spent an hour with her in the last week." There was noise over the PA system in the background. "Hey. I gotta go. They're boarding for my flight to New York."

"Thanks, Emmett. I'll talk to you later."

"Later."

I disconnected the call and quickly called Bella's phone, again getting the voice mail.

"I saw the calendar. I'm sorry that I haven't been here for you. Friday, tomorrow, is my last day at the hospital. Please call me when you get this. Bella . . . I love you so much."

My tears came quickly, taking me by surprise. There was no way that I could go to L.A. tomorrow without seeing Bella before I left, and hopefully fixing the mess that I created.

Calling my surgical coordinator in L.A. I asked her to reschedule all of my Saturday and Monday appointments for Tuesday, not giving her a reason. She could make up whatever she wanted to the patients. I also asked her to talk to my secretary to reschedule my flight for late Monday night.

I was exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally, and decided to try to get some sleep. I wasn't doing myself or Bella any good with how tired I was, which made me more irritable.

Slowly I went up to our bedroom. My thoughts all over the place. My heart feeling like a lead weight.

I didn't even have the energy or desire to change into my sleep pants, so I simply dropped my clothes to the floor and slid into bed. I quickly snuggled into what was normally my sleeping position, tightly holding Bella's pillow. It still smelled of her shampoo and I quickly fell asleep.

I'm not sure what time it was, but I was startled awake by my cell phone chime.

There was a text message from Bella.

Can't talk now for many reasons. Need to stay focused. Just taking a 10 min break. Will be avail after 5am. Call if you want ~ B

I quickly typed out my reply.

Good Luck. I know you'll do great. Talk to you soon. Our bed is lonely without you. I miss you very much. Love you. ~ Always yours, E

I fell back to sleep with ease in hopes of time not dragging until I could talk to Bella again.

o ~ O ~ o

Prior to falling asleep after the text messages, I had set my alarm for 4:58 am so that I wouldn't miss the 5:00 am availability of Bella.

When it went off, I was instantly awake.

Just as the clock turned to the hour I dialed her number.

Please pick up, please pick up, I chanted as her phone rang a second time.

"Hello?" She asked timidly.

"Good morning, honey, how was your check ride?" I asked hesitantly.

"Fine. I passed."

"That's great. We'll have to go out to celebrate!" I was so proud of her.

"E . . . look, please don't make any promises that you won't keep. I couldn't handle being blown off again."

"Bell, I'm serious. Today is my last day of work at the hospital, in fact, I'll only be there long enough to clean out my office. . . When are you coming home?"

"My flight gets in at 6:10. I thought you had to go to L.A.?"

"I pushed back my appointments and surgeries until Tuesday morning, so now I won't have to leave until Monday night. . . Come with me to L.A.?" God, I wanted her to come with me. That would be a great way to start over.

She hesitated and I hoped she was considering it. "I can't. I start teaching a new class on Monday."

"Okay. I'll only be gone for a couple of days and will be back late evening on Thursday." I wasn't sure of what to say. Do I approach what has been going on, or wait to do it in person?

"Maybe this weekend we can go look at that property that you liked?"

"No point. Someone else bought it."

"Wow. That got picked up quick."

"No. . . It really didn't. I mentioned it to you a month ago." I heard her sigh.

"We'll find something else."

"You go right ahead. I'm not putting any more effort into it. If you want to build a house, you do it. I'm happy right where I'm at and it is plenty big enough for me."

"But I thought we were going to build our dream house?"

"Edward . . . Honestly, the dreams that I had faded away when you made the choices that you did. No more talk of the future. . . I can't see it anymore. . . I can't feel it anymore. . . I have to take one day at a time. I'm kind of living for today because I am afraid of what tomorrow will bring. I'm tired of hurting, both physically and emotionally. . . I am tired of being by myself in a marriage that only exists when it's convenient for you. Look . . . I can't do this right now. I've been up for a long time and haven't been sleeping well when I do get to go to bed. My brain is fried and I am just spent. I need to get some sleep."

"Bella . . . I love you. . . I don't want to lose you . . . I want to fix what is wrong. Please tell me you haven't made any decisions yet, that . . . that I have a chance to redeem myself."

"I can see that you are making an attempt, you took a big step by quitting the hospital, and I'm grateful for that." She took a deep breath and sighed. "You do what you need to do, what you want to do. I haven't made any permanent decisions yet."

"Bella, do you still love me?" I said so softly that I almost whispered it. I was afraid of her answer.

"That has never been a question. That is probably why the last six weeks have hurt so badly. From the moment I looked into your eyes, you've owned my heart. I love you so much, but I can't continue to have my heart trampled on and taken for granted."

"God, Bella, I am so sorry. I love you so much and wasn't aware of what I was doing to you, to us. I'm sorry. Please let me make it better."

I wanted to just go to her and hold her and love her and show her just how much she means to me.

There was a pause before she whispered. "I would like for you to try. Please don't hurt me anymore. . . Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you and I'll see you soon."

o ~ O ~ o

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I had to wait until this chapter was up on the other site before I posted over here. If you leave me reviews, I might have to start posting here first. (Oops, was that a bribe?)