Chapter 26
Each clink of metal made Rey gnash her teeth. Poe Dameron was deconstructing the navicomputer, only to put it back together for a hundredth time.
He treated every wire and screw like a holy relic. He studied each part with the dexterity of a skilled droid; not a human. Perhaps this distraction allowed her to sneak in unnoticed last night from her meeting with Ren. Rey was sitting in the corner with one knee tugged under her chin, wearing white tank top and white knee-length pants. Her hair was swept to one side, the one which faced towards her friend.
She feared that if he looked at her, he would see her plotting right away. Maybe she could hide her thoughts behind the chestnut curtain. She was thinking of how much she wanted their mission to succeed; and at the same time, she dreaded nothing more. She wouldn't mind to save the slaves and blow up Korriban – if only Kylo Ren wasn't on it. If she had the guarantee he would flee on his shuttle, somewhere far to the outer rim; she would be the first to clean her blaster.
Now, the uncertainty paralyzed her.
"This is it," Poe shoved a green transparent foil away. "I can get to the secondary circuit, but every time I try to configure the motherboard to the default setting, it backfires. I can't get there, I just can't." He sighed.
Then, he waved his palm in front of Rey's eyes. "Hello, are you listening?"
"Sorry," his question pulled her out of her daydream. "Yes, of course." She said in a voice too enthusiastic for her.
"What was I talking about?"
She bit her lip. "Hmmm… motherload?"
Poe got up and fetched them both two cups of hot broth. The Resistance should really start investing in getting some real food into the ships. Rey endured the constant hunger and lack of sleep better than any of them, being used to these conditions her whole life.
"You know, when I was still in training, I would put off my final test so long I actually passed with the class below me. I was still the best," he flashed a bright smile," but I couldn't do it with my own class."
"Why not?" She sipped the hot liquid.
"Because each time I thought how difficult the exams are, and how well I've been doing up to that point, I got nervous. I panicked. I felt like I can't succeed in everything; that perhaps I had the skill, but I feared to actually use it. I nailed the test, but oh boy, the dashboard almost short-circuited under my sweaty hands."
Rey spun her mug around, praying this odd monologue had something to do with her temper, not the late night sneak out. "Uhm… thanks, Poe for subtly letting me know I should practice my Jedi skills more. You're lucky you're so smooth, otherwise I might get offended." She pretended to wipe imaginary tears.
He threw his hands in the air. "All right, all right. I didn't mean to lecture you, and no - it's not about that. But I can't pretend not to see that something's going on with you. You're buried in your own head half the time, with a look of utter misery. And when you're not, you're angry or thrown into a situation where you have to fight for your life. If I had to bet my credits on anything, I'd guess someone is responsible for that."
Poe raised his eyebrow and nodded towards their only spare cabin; currently occupied by sleeping Finn.
Rey didn't know whether to laugh or trick him to get him off her chest. "No," she decided to tell the truth. "That's not it. We're good friends - best friends, actually. You and Finn are like the brothers I never had; and the best ones I could ever wish for."
Poe covered Rey's hand with his own. It felt warm and comforting. Maybe for a moment she could pretend to share her burdens with someone else. It was so different from Ren's touch, which burnt. She loved that fire, even if it was brief and intense.
"I got it," Finn hopped in the main room on one foot. He came with bulging eyes and pillow imprint on one side of his face. Rey almost burst laughing; he even had one half-tugged sock hanging from his belt.
"I got it," he walked on strings. "I had a dream."
"Not that crazy one with Phasma and capacitor rods again…" Poe clutched his heaving stomach.
"Yeah, that one too. But first, I dreamed I was still in the Academy and we had to decrypt a code…nevermind, you won't get it. Just give me a pen, quickly!" he wiggled his fingers.
Rey passed him a stylus and a flat screen. Finn scribbled like a madman for good ten minutes. Then, he handed the screen to Poe. Rey didn't understand what he solved, but even BeeBee rolled the head around its globular body.
"BeeBee, come here." Poe enclosed the screen towards a bright blue beam. The droid scanned one page after another. "Send it to the Resistance base, quickly. Finn cracked it. We need a tractor beam to laser off the last two memory slots. If we leave the default one intact, the disc should reboot and pre-set the original set of coordinates, and then hop – we're in."
"In – as in…" Rey asked with bated breath.
"As in we can hijack their main system with that default blueprint and order their computers to lower the planetary shields. They won't even know! Perhaps, if we're lucky we can hack into the individual ships they operate under that system. It's a game changer for us; and we're talking hours here."
The arid afternoon passed in a very strained atmosphere. Poe snapped at anyone who would distract him from his job; that being squatting next to BeeBee and waiting for the reply from the Resistance. Finn drank his fifth cup of strong coffee and pranced around the ship. Rey was glad when the night fell and they had to fly up to hide in the asteroid belt. She still couldn't believe that the First Order didn't figure out their pattern and picked their frequency yet.
"Maybe he had something to do with it." She sighed inwardly. Rey desperately wanted to believe that Kylo was a dark horse in disguise, secretly on her side, even if he had insisted he wouldn't help her. "Stop fooling yourself," she ordered her mind. She had been doing just that for fifteen years on Jakku.
"When did you know your parents abandoned you for good?" Luke Skywalker asked her back on Ach-To; when she alluded to the topic hoping to get some information from him.
"On the day my rope snapped and I fell from the generator room in the junk freighter. I grazed my knees and sprained my wrist. I have worked for Plutt maybe two, three years, and a child in me couldn't comprehend how come no one cared that I got hurt. That's when I knew no one was coming back."
Rey knew, but she found her days more bearable living in a lie than facing the truth. Now, she started rolling in the web of hopes, ifs, and maybes in regards to Kylo Ren.
He ordered her not to do anything – but did he mean it? Perhaps he just toyed with her head to defeat the Resistance. He told her he would leave with her – but would he? She immediately saw his crooked teeth curved in a vicious grin, as he fastened handcuffs over her bleeding wrists. She cared for him so deeply and so genuinely, that perhaps she missed something as obvious as his true allegiance. Her caustic thoughts were interrupted by a transmission.
"Master," Rey crouched next to a hologram of Luke Skywalker played by BeeBee.
"Rey, it's good to see you. Are you well?"
Rey's shoulders dropped. The first thing he asked was about her, even if they balanced on the brink of greatest chance Resistance got in the last decade. She smiled. "I'm fine, Master. I still practice daily," her cheeks reddened. It wasn't entirely a lie – she did test her mind trick and Force push on Hux.
"Skywalker," Finn not-so gently pushed his body into frame. "Did you get our plans? Do you understand what we need to do?"
"Yes, I did. R2-D2 showed me everything. I'm not with General Organa at the moment. We need to regroup at the place where you first found it, Rey and then follow you."
Rey nodded in understanding. Luke planned to go back on Takodana, the place where she first found his lightsaber and rejoin Leia's faction.
Finn shook his head. "No, we need to get the memory slots lasered off before you arrive; we need to hack into their system and lower the planetary shields for your fleet. We asked you to fetch us a new tractor beam. We've had ours, but we…eh…uhm…"
He glanced at Rey.
She would have rather had the earth open and swallow her on the spot. Her outburst damaged the console of this old ship and with it, the tractor beam.
"We've encountered a bit of an incident which disabled our tractor beam." Finn said a bit loudly. If Luke had been there, he would have sensed the white lie.
"I am sorry, but I won't risk it. One old man and a droid won't be of much help to you. I need to consult Leia, first. Besides, perhaps other will be inclined to join us," Luke said with a hint of mystery.
"Don't worry, Master," Rey shoved Finn for a change,"we'll manage. Just keep in touch and don't forget to be careful. Please, give my greetings to General Organa. Tell her…" Rey stopped, debating whether to go there or not. Then, she took a deep breath. "Tell her that the orbit of Korriban is full of wonders. Just last night, I spotted an aphelion. It only lasts as long as the moon resists the gravity."
Luke Skywalker tilted his head. The power of her message made all the difference in the world. He couldn't feel what she felt, but with that reference to an astronomical event, so common in their Galaxy, she revealed more than he could hope for.
"May the Force be with you, Rey." The words echoed even when the hologram faded.
Aphelion, an event in which space object floats in the furthest point from the sun characterized Ren's turmoil well. She was the sun which would pull him to the light. She didn't presume that role; but the Force orchestrated their destiny long before they were born. It intertwined, crashed and burnt them until they finally embraced each other. Rey fought it. Ren did too, but once they realized that the fire cannot kill them, the Sun eclipsed the Moon in celestial harmony.
Rey let the words addressed to the Jedi Master linger in her mind. Before she became a Force User, she was just a simple scavenger. Some parts of her forever would be.
"I can salvage new tractor beam from the Order ships. I've dismantled one about a hundred times on Jakku. I recognized it on a star destroyer, or in a cargo ship, it doesn't matter. If I can get it, Poe can fix he navicomputer disc in time."
"And we'll be able lower the shields for the Resistance fleet. " Finn noted.
The cabin fell into silence. Poe looked at Rey who looked at Finn. Little BeeBee kept gyrating its head form one pensive face to another. Once the plane became more tangible, their confidence plummeted.
"This is kind of a big deal," Poe sighed. "Are we sure we're ready for this?"
Rey wasn't, but for different reasons than theirs.
"We're halfway there, I guess. But you're not going alone, Rey." Finn crossed his arms adamant.
"No Finn, you're right. I need someone to attract the attention of stormtroopers, or perhaps someone who drops a wrench right in the middle of a steel ship. I need someone like that to accompany me." She shook her head.
They still didn't get it. She thrived alone, in the conditions like these. She possessed the skill, the stealth and patience to scrape and salvage in complete silence. When they saw that defying her was futile, they armed her with a blaster and a three dimensional map of one sector of Korriban.
Poe put his hands tenderly on her shoulders. "We'll drop you off with a speeder. Don't forget – we have to leave at dusk and go hide into that bloody asteroid again. So, don't be late or we're most likely done. If you won't find it, don't panic, just wait and come back to us. No one expects you to succeed on your first try."
Once the ship dropped her off and disappeared again, Rey threw the cape of her brown Jedi cloak over her head, straddled the airspeeder and revved into the desert of Korriban. She had noticed a large fenced area in the south of the garrison when she was hiding before the stormtroopers. It contained several defunct ships the Order had no use for. The slaves would surely scrape something from it, just like she utilized an AT&T walker as a shelter on Jakku. They took what they needed. It wasn't much, but literally anything was better than empty hands with which they left the mines. Some components they used in barter trade, others made their lives a little easier.
Rey walked the last mile, to steer attention from her speeder. She jumped over the barbed fence, tearing her cloak in the process.
"Damn it," she swore when burning sensation spread across her palm. The cut wasn't deep, so she moved on.
Rey sneaked first into two reconnaissance vessels, called 'ferret' for their sleek and compact design. She found the beams, usually connected to the main dashboard, missing. Someone had ripped them off with brute force. Then, she crawled on her hands and knees to the other ship; a massive gray frigate. Its enormous construction offered more privacy for Rey's pursuit, but at the same time, caused more noise. Even slightest brush past its long hull echoed to the night.
Rey tied yarn rope around her waist and ankle and proceeded to crawl upwards. The frigate reclined in a steep angle. Her hands were sliding down, cutting on the sharp edges, leaving behind a faint blood smear. Her heart was beating so fast that she was certain she'd leave a pint of blood on the surface of this ship. She paid no heed to the growing pain. After few more feet, she felt a hatchet under her.
Tentatively, calculating each step, she slid down the lid. The freefall lasted less than five seconds and she swung her body to land on a high platform. The bridge rattled under her weight, so frail and rusty the ship was. Rey circled her stretched arms in the air to regain balance.
She let out a long, deep sigh. The silence felt deafening. Only her breathing resembled any form of life down here.
"All right. You need the tractor beam and this is a Vengeance class frigate equipped with mass drivers." Rey recited to herself. "They need plasma driven rounds form electrothermal cannon, so… "She paced the short length of the bridge.
Then, she growled. "Think, for Pete's sake, think!" She dug her palms into her forehead, unwittingly smearing some blood. She couldn't take a proper breath, no matter how hard she tried. She knew all parts of the ship by name, she memorized all there was to it long ago, and yet, it didn't come to her.
Her hands fell to her sides.
Was she subconsciously trying to sabotage their mission? What if she didn't want to find the tractor beam?
"No," she fell to her knees. He didn't have anything to do with it. Kylo chose his side. He knew what role both of them played. The value of his life didn't outweigh the value of thousand of slaves. In her mind, she could give a future to all these people, the future she had been given by Finn and Luke. She couldn't be so selfish, so stupid to throw it all away. She would follow Ren anywhere but where he headed.
Her head shot up.
Laugh – soft, innocent laugh rose to the high ceilings of the ship. If she could put the sound of twinkling stars into words, this would be it. The string of pearls tore and the gems tinkled on the ground below her. Rey saw a flicker of white when she leaned over the railing.
"It can't be," she whispered. Her eyes widened at the sight of a small child squatting in the middle of the floor. Rey tugged the rope and started descending down, as quietly as possible. She jumped right into a somersault and landed behind the little girl like a cat.
Girl's head spun around. They were both just sizing each other up for a minute. Rey crouched instinctively, as to not intimidate her. She felt something in this child, something connecting them on a fundamental level. She wasn't afraid of Rey.
"Have you come to play too?" The girl stacked another small stone on the pile of rocks.
Rey blinked. "Do you come here often?"
"Yes. "The girl answered matter-of-factly. Presence of a complete stranger didn't worry her one bit. "I wonder if she can hear me. Maybe she has voices, too."
Rey drew her hand across her mouth. This child was Force sensitive. A stream of emotion hit her like a tidal wave. The girl had dark eyes which conveyed her life's story in one poignant look. Rey saw it all; the mines and the pain, her mother and then…
She jumped to her feet.
The image of Kylo Ren popped into her vision; the darkness among the sea of tattered gray. She witnessed girl's execution and the way he had saved her life. The feet were almost dangling from the noose, only to be swept gently into the breeze like a little bird. She saw Ren's eyes behind the mask. His heart took a mighty beat and decided to spare a life.
Rey's tears mingled with the dried up blood on her face.
"Why are you crying?" The girl abandoned her stones and walked to Rey. "Here, don't be sad," she offered an old rag to her.
Rey couldn't find words. "Thank you," she replied in a nasal voice. "I'm Rey. What's your name?"
"My name is Sirah." The girl shuffled her feet. She wasn't used to normal, human interaction. Stormtroopers barked orders and the women in their shelter wept rather than talked. If they did, no one bothered with her much.
"That's a beautiful name, Sirah. What are you doing here? Does anyone know where you are?" Rey crouched again to better look at her. It felt like gazing into a mirror.
Sirah narrowed her eyes. This was the first time she questioned whether to tell the truth or not. "I don't know if they know. I come here to play with my pebbles. Old mother forbade me to do in the shelter. Here, no one can see me. So, I come sometimes, but only when the moon is big. It has to be big, otherwise I can't find my way back in the streets." She explained with childlike innocence.
Rey suddenly felt fiercely protective of this small, sad creature. Now, she understood how mothers must feel about their children. She wanted to take her, to smuggle her out of Korriban. Yes, she would save all the slaves, but she wanted to take Sirah first. Strangely, she didn't remind Rey of herself – despite all the parallels. Rey always knew that life was dangerous and short, if she didn't fight back. She was aware of the Plutt and his scoundrels; she knew right away what they did to little girls who didn't know how to defend themselves. That's why she survived Jakku.
Sirah was different.
In spite of all that had happened to her, she saw the world through a different lens. Rey's world was stale bread and staff and the scratches on the wall. Sirah's included pebbles and sand castles; hope and dreams.
Rey wiped her tears with her sleeve. She knew she couldn't take her. She knew that, but even her heart couldn't contain so much sorrow. Her struggle with what was wrong and right came to an end, right there. She wrestled with insane notion of escape with Kylo, she spent last day and night convincing her conscience she was allowed. But now, she couldn't think of her and his happiness, if it meant sacrificing these people.
She wanted to - but she couldn't.
"Listen to me, Sirah." Rey gently shook her tiny shoulders. "I will come back for you, very soon. Do you understand? Big ships will come and people will fight on the ground. It will become very dangerous down in the garrison. When you wake up one day and you'll hear my voice in your head, you run to the barracks."
Sirah's gaze was too deep, too understanding for a child of her age.
"Run to the barracks and hide. Don't go out, don't go looking at the fireworks and stormtroopers. I want you to promise me." Rey pleaded with urgency in her voice.
"Not even to get my rocks back?" Sirah bargained.
"No, not even for that. I will get you new pebbles when we leave here. I will get you toys and tiny planets to play with. And dolls; you'll get many dolls. Or toy blasters, whichever you like more. Do you promise?"
Sirah nodded.
She didn't get the importance of those words, but she sensed Rey truly cared. Once gained, their trust went beyond the realm of mere words. One orphan understood the other; and that bond could save them both.