The Quidditch match is over. It's three minutes to eleven in the morning and it's over. I can't believe it. Well, I can believe it but I can't quite believe that it was that fast. I can see Tony gathering his team, poor Billy's on the ground already being seen by Madam Bones who's always ready on the sidelines, but he looks alright. I feel a nudge in my ribs and turn to see Eva clapping with everyone else, Beth has already abandoned her to go running onto the pitch with the other girlfriends and boyfriends as soon as the Gryffindor team land, so it's clear Eva wants attention from me. On my other side Emery is clapping politely, engaging in Quidditch talk with another fourth year boy I don't know. I begin to clap as well and feign interest as I watch the Slytherin team disappear into their changing room, but I've just come to a clear decision and it's time to act, if I don't now I never will.
"I can't believe that chase!" Eva chatters away, her cheeks are flushed by a combination of excitement and the wind that's whistling through the stands, "you know I'm not usually one for sport, but you have to admit that was exciting! I think we'll have to watch that James Potter, he's clearly his father's son."
"Yes, but it was an unfair advantage." I say quietly. She shrugs with a grimace.
"Not one they'll have over Ravenclaw, Leta Beckett will have her work cut out against them." Leta Beckett was Chaser until last year, but she's been made Captain of the team and has been taking her role very seriously ever since. Funny because until her Captaincy she'd always tried to avoid practices, especially when the weather was bad. We're making our way down the nearest stairway, being shuffled along by the crowd.
"Are you suddenly becoming interested in Quidditch?"
She shrugs, "why not? Everyone else is. I suppose you are, now you and Tony are a thing."
I turn around and glare at her. She said that loud enough for people to hear and Emery's not far behind her. "Stop it. Though I think I'll hang around for a minute and see him."
"Not you as well! At this rate the only way I'll ever have anyone to talk to is if I get myself a Quidditch playing boyfriend too!"
I role my eyes. It's not as if Eva would have any trouble in that department, she gets enough attention but she seems oblivious to it. Come to think of it I've never been able to work out what her type is, if she has one. "I'll see you back at the castle." She waves as she walks off and I see her drift towards Emery who's also walking alone. Keen not to be seen I head into the shadow of the stands and skirt around the edge towards the Slytherin changing rooms. There are clumps of trees between the stadium and the lake and I make it over to them before any of the team emerge and hide myself, I don't need any serious rumours breaking out especially now i've made up my mind.
The day really is beautiful, I stand with my back to a large tree watching the lake ripple in the Autumn sunshine. A mallard paddles around the edge of some reeds keeping close into the shallows. Water birds tend not to venture into deeper water for fear of the Squid, but they do live here quite happily. I don't suppose protective enchantments bother them much. I wonder briefly about the Grindylows and the other magical creatures that might fancy poaching a duck, but then there are Grindylows in freshwater up and down the country so ducks must just be used to them. Ten minutes pass and I hear voices as a door opens and closes. Marisa Zalvidar, Skye Michaels, Lamar Digby, Zigal Alte, and Brandon Gill are walking back in a group. They seem dispirited but resigned and by the sound of their voices they're discussing something. The only ones left are Tony and Billy. I wait. Nothing. Reasoning that Billy might have been forced to go up to the Hospital Wing with Madam Bones, I square my shoulders and come out from behind my tree.
The changing rooms are quite dark and I squint through the hooks and benches while my eyes adjust to the gloom. I close the door behind me and Tony says, "So you're here. Why?" He's sitting against the opposite wall and I can see he's frowning.
"I need to talk to you." My voice sounds small all of a sudden and I cringe at myself.
"Naturally." He nods.
I feel bad for getting straight to business, especially when he's already upset. "I'm sorry about the match." He shrugs and sighs deeply.
"We knew the score. An old Nimbus2001 against a 2100? It doesn't matter how good a Seeker you have if the odds are that stacked." I walk over and sit next to him. I know, we both do.
"I was cheering for you." He laughs.
"Everyone in the Great Hall this morning knows that." I smile awkwardly. He turns his head and we look at one another. The look lingers and I don't want to give him the wrong idea, I have to get this out before we take my visit too far.
"I have to talk to you." I say again.
"So you said."
"It's about Christmas." He frowns at me through the gloom.
"What about Christmas?"
"I'm going away for the Holidays and I need you to manage our team while I'm gone." I emphasise the word hoping that he'll follow my thinking. I need him to not take this badly.
"And where exactly are you going? Discovered a relative somewhere?" Now it's my turn to laugh, but it comes out hollow and cold. I shake my head.
"James has asked me to stay with him for the holidays." There's a pause. Tony leans his head back against the wall.
"James?"
"Yes, James."
"You're going to stay with him?"
"Yer, well, it's been ages since we've seen each other and he probably wants to go over some stuff about the business, you know." My voice trails off as he turns his head back in my direction, one of his eyebrows raised. I saw James on the last day of the summer holidays, everyone knows that, so it wasn't really ages ago. I can taste the b*llsh*t in my mouth and I blush through the darkness.
"You think he wants to talk business over the holidays?"
"Well, probably." I mumble.
"And he couldn't have met you in Hogsmeade to get it said?" I shrug. "What about becoming a Healer?"
"What about it?"
"If you get to know the business outside Hogwarts, then he'll get you involved in the business outside Hogwarts."
"Not necessarily." Now it's his turn for a hollow laugh.
"So you want me to run things while you're gone?" I nod, "why me?"
"Because I trust you." I say this so naturally that it takes me by surprise, and it's true, I do trust Tony. He looks hard at me for a moment.
"Ok."
"Ok?"
Sighing, he nods, "ok." There's nothing left to say. Something's shifted between us and I finally feel like i've regained my footing. I get to my feet and head towards the door. Just as I'm about to open it he says, "whatever he wants with you this Christmas, you can bet it's not just talk." He almost spits the last word and I flinch. I can still think of nothing to say so I pull the door open and walk out into the chill sunshine. He may be right, he may be wrong, but whatever James does have in mind I have to know, so I direct my feet towards the Owlery. It takes about ten minutes to get there walking steadily uphill against a cold headwind, and by the time I reach the winding stairway I know what I'm going to write. The words come easily to mind as I scribble them onto a folded piece of parchment I find in my pocket.
Dear James After careful consideration I've decided to re-assign Alexis Graham to Baruffio's Brain Elixir and I'm giving Vincent a shot at the Draught of Peace. You told me to challenge him, and while we knew Alexis was an addict, she's starting to look like one, so there's no time like the present. I've also spoken to Tony about managing things while I'm away and he's ok to do that, so I can come for Christmas. It will be nice to have a break. Looking forward to seeing you, A.LI re-read this a couple of times and I think it sounds casual enough. James doesn't have to be party to my neurosis. I tie it in a tight roll and address the edge before attaching it to the leg of one of the school owls. As I watch it fly out of sight I see Tony walking alone towards the castle, broom-stick over his shoulder, and I feel a stab of guilt somewhere in the pit of my stomach. Whatever he wants from me, I can't give it to him, not until I know for certain what might happen with James. And then I feel guilty about getting involved with Tony at all when I knew that James wanted me to go and stay. Resigning myself to feeling terrible for at least twenty-four hours I head back to the castle, Professor Augustin's essay awaits and I have to claw my way to Outstanding level before I can even think of proving him wrong and becoming a Healer, which, I think savagely as I push open the heavy oak door and march inside, is still definitely my dream no matter what anybody might think.
Struck by a sudden idea I head back down the North Tower staircase, avoid a couple of Hufflepuff sixth years kissing a little bit too forcibly on the stairs, and turn towards the West Wing. It is possible that Professor Pucey will be in the Staff Room and I should make an appointment with him if we're to have a proper consultation. I speed off. I'm in a mood to get things done and nothing and nobody will get in my way. I skid to a halt in front of the Staff Room door, knock three times, and wait. Nothing happens. Of course it is possible that they're all in their offices or out entirely. Come to think of it I'm not sure where the teachers go at the weekend and I suddenly get an amusing vision of Professor Augustin and Professor Vector at an Opera in Covent Garden. Grinning to myself I knock again and the door opens almost immediately to reveal Professor Augustin himself, minus the opera glasses but plus a very irritated look.
"Yes Miss Langstrom, what is it?"
"Is Professor Pucey in there?" I ask brightly.
"Non." He says shortly and begins to close the door on me, so I persist.
"Do you know where he is?" The door opens again as Augustin rolls his eyes to the heavens.
"I expect ee is in 'is office, t'ough I can only 'ope your question is about Animagus Transformations, your essay is due first t'ing Monday morning, do not forget." With this he closes the door, leaving me feeling mildly amused on the other side of it.
"Ok then." I say to no one in particular and wheel off towards the Entrance Hall and the dungeons. On my way to Professor Pucey's office I see Vincent and the Malfoy kid scurrying away along another dark side-passage, but I don't have time to wonder what they're up to. I can't even remember what I did with myself at the weekends during my first year at Hogwarts, mostly because it wasn't much apart from working for the Organisation, which in those days was situated in a secret room much further down in the dungeons. In those days I was just a kid, James was just my mentor, and Tony was a quiet boy in the year above who I mostly ignored. That was before his gangly stage during third and fourth year, which was particularly pronounced for Tony because his hands and limbs grew much faster than the rest of him, so that for a while he looked like a stick figure wearing gloves. I chuckle to myself, well at least he's filled out now. With this thought I arrive in front of Professor Pucey's office and knock three times.
"Yes?" Says the voice from within and I open the door. I've been inside Professor Pucey's office more times than any other teacher's, and today I find it as I always do, lined with books and bottles, dark, windowless, but with a fire crackling in the hearth and plenty of candles lit. Professor Pucey himself is standing bent over his desk riffling through a pile of parchment and he glances in my direction as I come in. "Hello Astrid!" He straightens up immediately and smiles, "to what do I owe this pleasure?"
"I have a bit of a strange request."
"The stranger the better with you, normally." I laugh. No doubt he's referring to the time in my third year when I asked permission to invent a potion that would turn a person into an animal. This was a hugely ambitious task based on Polyjuice Potion and one I almost completely failed at, although I did manage to create a solution that gives the consumer the ears of an animal of their choosing. It became fashionable at Halloween in my fourth year for girls to give themselves actual cat ears, although it caused a bit of a problem when people tried it with their Owls and then spent the rest of the day in quiet rooms wincing at all sound. The exercise did earn me the Potions Cup and twenty galleons prize money for inventiveness, though, so it wasn't a complete waste.
"I need to to advise me on my career prospects." The jovial smile fades from his lips and he answers carefully.
"Hasn't Professor Augustin already spoken to you about that?"
"Yes, he has." I nod and wait.
"And you are unsatisfied with his suggestions?"
"I am." I say firmly.
"Can I ask what, no, actually I'd rather not know. Alright, Astrid, what is it you want to do?" He frowns as he says this and turns to lean against his book-laden mantle-piece, a crease between his eyebrows.
"I want to be a Healer." I say boldly and he looks at me with a smile.
"Of course you do. And Augustin said it would be impossible?" I nod. "Well, in all honesty it will be hard, there are stringent character tests that you must go through to qualify even if you do make the grade, and I can think of no Deathling who's managed it yet." He says the word so casually that I blink and feel myself blushing, it's normally my weapon to wield against bigots and I feel embarrassed having it thrown at me so easily. "But I don't believe it's impossible. Have you considered volunteering to gain experience?"
"This is a relatively new idea." I say, sinking into the chair by his desk, and he nods.
"Well proving yourself to be dedicated will be half the battle. Getting work experience in StMungo's requires the same character references, so I suggest you volunteer in a muggle hospital for the first few weeks of your summer holidays." I clench my fists but force myself to listen. "This will prove that you are interested in helping people, rather then merely helping yourself."
"I have a job that takes a lot of time over the summer, it pays for my school." I say somewhat stiffly.
"I had a feeling you did something of the kind. Is there no way you can get a job that will fit in with a few shifts a week in a hospital? I wouldn't suggest it if it wasn't important, I know that others don't have to go to such lengths to prove themselves, but having said that, you're not the first group of people to have been discriminated against, and I fear you won't be the last." As he says all this he's found the parchment he was looking for, rolls it up, and seals it in preparation for postage.
"Augustin said I should get a job in the muggle world, he said i'd have no history there." I mutter the words almost to myself and Professor Pucey smiles grimly.
"The difference being that my suggestion is a step towards a rewarding and sought-after career within the magical community, whereas his was probably a more permanent solution to the Deathling problem." I nod stiffly. "Think about what I've said. I know some people at StMungo's and I'll write to them for advice, in the mean time don't give up, that's what they want you to do." He crosses to the door, parchment in hand, "come on, it's lunchtime soon and I have to post this letter before I can even think about food."
I allow myself to be ushered out of his office and walk with him to the Entrance Hall, where he hurries off in the direction of the Owlery. I turn my footsteps towards the staircase and decide to mull things over in the vapours of the Chamber. Doing what I do has allowed me a portion of false-pride until now, but the reality remains that I am a Deathling, and my criminal activity sets me firmly at odds with the society in which I so desperately need to establish myself.