When Lucius graduates, his parents make Narcissa and I sit with them. I hate being with his parents- I always feel so judged. I am not enough, I am not worthy of being included in their gathering, I am stupid, I am ugly, I am a failure, I am I am I am
His parents ask me a lot of questions about my studies. I try really hard to not stutter and to speak confidently because I don't want to let Lucius down. When she can tell that I am anxious, Narcissa squeezes my hand beneath the taffeta of her dress hanging over the side of the chair. After questioning me, they move to Narcissa. While she is much better at socializing than I am, I can tell that she, too, is anxious about making a good impression.
After the ceremony, we wait for Lucius in the Entrance Hall. Narcissa and I wait nervously, slightly apart from the Malfoys.
"You did really well, Severus! You barely stuttered once!" she says kindly.
"Thanks, I feel like I can never be good in their eyes, though. I'm not like you- they really like you!"
"Well, I do try to keep up appearances" she says, haughtily. I drop it.
When we see Lucius coming towards us, Narcissa and I stay back to let him talk with his parents before approaching. When he's finished, he strides over to us and pulls us both into a bear hug. As he lets go of us, he gives Narcissa a long kiss- I turn red and look away- then whispers to me, "Meet me down in the common room. Wait by my bed. I have some things I would like to discuss with you" I nod my understanding, and slip away without being noticed. Seeing Potter out of the corner of my eye, I stick to the shadows as I make my way back to the common room. When I get there, I wait nervously for what feels like hours until Lucius finally arrives.
"Congratulations" I mumble, looking at my feet. He tilts my jaw up so he can look me in the face.
"What's troubling you, Severus?"
"As soon as you're gone, you're gonna forget about me then I'll be alone and I'll never see you again 'cause you won't need me to make you cool potions anymore" it all comes out in one long breath- all the fears I've been holding in since he befriended me when I was a First Year.
"You insult me, Severus. Do you really think I only like you because you make me potions? That's like me asking you if you only liked me because I give you chocolate! And you have friends! Why are you so worried?" he exclaims, gently brushing the hair out of my face, and sitting down with me on the side of his bed, "Come, talk to me! I command you to explain yourself" he says gently, smiling at my nervous face.
"You're always here for me at school, and now that you're gonna be gone, you'll forget about me and I'll lose you" I whisper.
"Severus, I could never forget about you. You are very special- not just for your incredible talent at potions- you have such an endearing personality, once you let people in. Not only this, but you are incredibly resistant! I very much admire your strength and bravery in the face of danger"
"I'm not brave, and I'm not strong. I'm weak, and stupid, and I'm a failure. Nobody likes me" I sniffle, tears starting to appear in my eyes like the droplets of vodka that splash on the coffee table when my dad slams his bottles down before coming for me. Drying my tears, Lucius pulls me into a tight hug.
"When will you stop listening to the voice of your father in your head and start listening to those who truly care for you?" he whispers, "We are like brothers now, you and I. You are so loyal- I feel as if you would follow me anywhere I lead you. Yes?" Without hesitating, I nod into his chest, "That means a lot to me, Severus" he says, smoothing my hair.
"Where will you go now?" I ask, wiggling out of his arms and turning to look inquisitively at him. He laughs, and smoothes down my rumpled hair before answering.
"I will be traveling around the world for a while, making new contacts and working for my family, as well as for the group I am joining"
"What group?"
"You'll know soon enough, but not now," pouting, I look up at him with my best puppy dog eyes, "Now, Severus," he laughs, "that might work on the professors, but not on me! I promise, you will know when you're older"
"Okay," I sniff, "will you send me pictures and letters when you travel? I wanna see the world, too!"
"Of course! But you don't get off the hook so easily- I seem to recall somebody, age 14, quite skinny, black hair and dark eyes saying that I would forget about him after leaving Hogwarts! That warrants punishment! You won't get your pictures OR presents till you visit me over break this summer and in the coming years!" he exclaims, beginning to tickle me mercilessly.
"Stop!" I giggle, unable to hold it together. Writhing around on his bed, I can't escape. Finally, after pinning my hands behind my back and pushing me into the mattress, he asks the final question.
"Surrender?"
"Surrender!" I whine. When he lets me up, I pounce on him from behind, grabbing him in a loose choke-hold. As easily as if I was a doll, he flips me around and pins me to the bed again on my back. I giggle nervously, "gotcha!"
"Hmm, now that I look at it, it appears that I got you!" he smiles, and cuffs me playfully over the head before letting me up, "I will pick you up from your house on July 1st"
"Okay!
"I charmed this parchment for us. We can keep in touch through it. When you write on it, it will show up on my parchment, and vice versa. I will still write you letters, but you'll get them when I pick you up"
"Cool! You're so good at charms! How come I can't be good like you?"
"Don't start with me, you attention-seeking brat," he says jokingly, "you know you're a little potions prodigy! Oh, and by the way, you will of course have my seat at the fire from now on. I have let the other Slytherins know. They should respect my word, and if not, they should respect you from now on," at his words, I positively glow with pride, unable to contain my smile, "Now, want to come down with me to say goodbye to my parents?"
"Yeah!" and, with one last look at the dormitory we set off for the future.