The next afternoon around lunch Beckett went into Castle's office to call Lanie. She felt bad she hadn't talked to her yesterday, but the day just kind of got away from her. She was surprised Lanie didn't call her, but she must have just assumed no news was good news.

"Hey girl," Lanie answered cheerfully .

"Hey, how are you?"

"Good, how was your appointment?"

"Dr. Kovacs said everything is healing really well. All the tests came back fine."

"Did he mention any concerns?" Lanie asked.

"No, he said I looked better than he expected. I have to wait one more week and then I can start physical therapy."

"Moving quick. That's fantastic news."

"It doesn't feel like it," Beckett sighed.

"I know, but it should."

"Yeah, yeah."

"We'll I'm happy about it at least."

"Castle was too. He made me dinner, and we had a psuedo-date last night."

"Cozy night in?" Lanie chuckled.

"He was really sweet. He made me dinner, lit candles, put music on. It was actually romantic."

"That man loves you."

"I know," Beckett smiled. "I love him too."

"So what happened after dinner? Remember you're not cleared for the fun stuff."

"Lanie!"

"Come on, girl. Give me something."

"I'll just say he's a fantastic kisser."

"It's about time!"

"Hold on, Lanie. I'm getting another call," Beckett said pulling her phone away from her face to look at the screen. "Can I talk to you later? It's Evelyn Montgomery."

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be over tonight."

"Ok, thanks."

"What's wrong? What did Lanie say?" Castle asked as she walked into the living room where he was sitting. It was all over her face that the conversation hadn't gone well.

"I wasn't talking to Lanie that whole time."

"What?" He questioned standing up and taking a step towards her.

"Evelyn Montgomery called me. I switched over and talked to her."

"What did she say?"

"Their older daughter, Becca, She's 15…" Beckett trailed off.

"I remember. And Mary's 10, right?"Castle asked coming up in front of her.

"Yeah…"

"Kate?" He pressed. She was not ok.

"Becca has questions about her dad's death. She wants to know what happened that night in more detail."

"She wants to talk to you about it," Castle inferred.

Beckett nodded. "Evelyn has questions too, but she said Becca's been really struggling. She thinks everyone is lying to her cause she's a kid. "

"We were pretty vague when we told Evelyn, and she probably left even more out when she told the kids."

"She deserves to know the truth, Castle. They all do," she answered finally meeting his eye.

"We can't tell her the truth."

"How the hell I am supposed to lie to her? How can I look at someone's, a close friend and mentor's, teenage daughter and lie to her about the murder of her parent? I can't. I will not do to her what Raglan did to me."

"It's not the same, Kate."

"Of course it is!" She yelled and then hunched over one hand pressed to her chest.

"Ok, Ok." He reached out and stabilized her on her feet. "Come on, let's sit down," putting both hands on her shoulders he guided her to the couch as she struggled to take a full breath. "Just relax for a few minutes. We will figure this all out. I promise. Just breathe, Kate," he said calmly, forcing her to sit up straight and lean back against the couch. He soothingly rubbed her leg until she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. "You're ok."

"I can't yell. It hurts," she choked out.

"I know, Sweetheart. Just breathe, it will pass."

It was few minutes before Beckett had settled down enough to actually talk. It had felt like someone punched square in the chest. "I don't know what to do. I guess I could tell Evelyn the truth, but I don't want Becca to remember her dad that way. He was so much more than that one mistake. He was a good man."

"He really was. You can be as honest as possible without telling her about his role. You're not doing it to hurt her or to get away with a crime. You are protecting her. Even though she wants to be treated like an adult, she is just a kid. This is nothing like what Raglan did to you. You are not letting a murderer go free. You are sparing a child the traumatic details of her father's death."

"Should I tell Evelyn?"

"I honestly don't know. I want to say no. Let her memory of him be untainted and don't make her worry about someone finding out and stopping their benefits from NYPD. But these things have a way of coming out eventually. When we catch the guy behind your mother's murder, it will probably come out then. I don't know what it will be like for her to find out we kept it from her."

"You really think we are going to catch him?" Beckett asked quietly.

"Absolutely. It might take a while, but eventually he will mess up, and we will be ready," he said firmly and squeezed her hand that he was still holding.

"So we wait until he gives us a window?"

"We wait, and until our day comes, we get justice for other families. That's what you're great at, Kate. Think of all the families you have given closure to. We keep doing that until it's time to get it for you."

"I love you."

"I love you too. I can't lose you. We will do this, but we will stay safe," he said looking her straight in the eye.

"Is that even possible?"

"We'll find a way. We always do."

Beckett turned into him slowly. Her movements stiffer than they had been in days. "I got you," Castle murmured quietly as he turned further to her as well. She put her head on his chest right above his heart and clenched his t-shirt in her hands at his waist. He wrapped his arms around her back and held her close. It was all Beckett could do not to start crying. She didn't want to lose it completely. After about 10 minutes she managed to compose herself and pulled back. She looked at him with desperate eyes.

"Why don't we talk out what you want to say? I'll help you," he suggested.

"We need to be on the same page any way," she nodded slightly.

"Ok, so let's think about what they already know."

"We told Evelyn that he was shot in a shoot out. That he took out 4 men before he has killed, and that he … he saved my life."

"That's all true, Kate. You didn't lie."

"I didn't mention that I was hiding behind the building while he took them on alone. His family thinks that I was fighting by his side. That I was helping him."

"There was nothing that you could have done," Castle said resolutely. He didn't like the guilt that was clear in voice.

"Really? I could have tried."

"No, Kate. You think I didn't want to run back in there too? I did, but I knew all that would happen is we would be killed. I had to hope that Montgomery knew what he was doing and pray he would be ok." His own voice was now showing his emotions.

"We left him to die."

"We did what he asked of us. It's what he wanted, Kate. He wanted to face his sins alone and protect you."

"He didn't have to."

"He did it because he cared about you. He loved you like a daughter."

"He felt bad for me. He felt guilty because his actions lead to my mother's death."

"And if he wasn't a good man, he wouldn't have cared enough to help you at all," Castle tried to justify.

"My whole career, he has been looking out for me and giving me special treatment. Did I earn anything? Youngest female detective in NYPD history, does it even mean anything now? He just wanted to make things up to me." She was quiet and a traitorous tear escaped as she looked down at her lap.

"No. Don't you for a second doubt that you have earned everything you have. You're a great cop, Beckett. You are the best in the city because you worked for it. Nothing was handed to you." He understood she was upset, but now way was she allowed to question herself like that. He gently reached out and tilted her head up. She needed to look at him when he said this, "I'm serious. Think of all the cases you have closed. YOU. Look at how far you have gotten on your mother's case, especially with your Captain hiding things from you and working against you."

"I know I said I forgave him, but I'm not sure I really have."

"That's ok, you don't have to. He was a good man and your mentor, but he is still responsible for the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Even if it was indirectly, your mom is dead because of his actions. You don't have to forgive him now or ever."

"He did so much good for me too. I'm a good cop because of him. He took me under his wing and taught me practically everything I know."

"There's a reason people are only remembered for the bad that they do. It's what sticks out. It's what we dwell on. I think the best way you can honor him and the way to forgive him is to try to remember him, and help others remember him, for the good that he did not that bad."

"I can try," she said softly.

"You already doing it, Kate. You and the boys took a risk lying in the official reports about what happened. The world sees him as hero. You could have told IA and everyone else why he was killed and about his past, but you didn't. You are protecting him and his family. They are still getting benefits and his pension because of you."

"It's not Evelyn and the girl's fault. They need that money."

"Think about what you just said, Kate. You can't honestly tell me that you are not doing exactly what Roy would have wanted."

"I guess."

"It's true," Castle said firmly.

"I think I should let his family remember him for the good. They don't need to know the whole truth now. If it comes out later, I will explain. It will keep them safe too. If I tell them and they tell the rest of the family, then the people behind all this could catch wind of it."

"I agree with you. We do have their safety to think about as well."

"So I tell them that we went back to a crime scene to look for evidence, and when we were there, guys showed up and shots started flying."

"No connection to Roy or your mother?"

"No, we leave that much out."

"Ok," Castle nodded.

"No names either. We tell them it's an open investigation, and it's too dangerous."

"I got it. We leave out as much detail as we can."

"Evelyn acted like Becca has specific questions. I don't know how much I can dance around answers. She's a good kid. I don't want to hurt her anymore."

"Just be genuine, Kate. Explain what you can and talk to her like an adult."

"Yeah," she said quietly.

"If you have to, look at her just like any other victim's daughter. You can do this."

"I remember the first time I met Montgomery's girls, it was my first year as a homicide detective. I had only been working with him directly like 6 months. It was Thanksgiving. He asked me a few days before what my plans were," she tried to give Castle a small smile, but it immediately disappeared and she continued, "I was in a really bad place then. When I made detective, I jumped completely into my mom's case. No more just poking around in files, I was all in. When I told him, I was spending time with my family, he saw right through my lie. After he called me out, I admitted I had no plans. At that time, my dad was so far in the bottle I doubt he had any idea it was even Thanksgiving. We were barely speaking. My aunt had invited me to her house, but I just couldn't do it, so I told her I had to work. I wasn't at the point where I could handle holidays without my mom. I'm still not good at it."

"I'm so sorry, Kate."

"Montgomery invited me to his house. He insisted. Practically ordered me, so I went. I actually had a good time. The girls were still little and so full of life. I played with them for like 2 hours after dinner. They didn't care that I clearly wasn't family or want to know why I was there."

"Kids are amazing like that."

"I hate that all of this is going to take that away from them."

"Maybe not. They aren't going to have to go through it alone, Kate. You are already stepping up to help them. I know you will not let them, especially Becca, suffer alone."

"I don't know how much I can do. I don't know her well."

"But you are someone who understands that she can come to. She obviously already feels that way."

"It would have been nice to have someone when I was in her shoes. I felt so alone."

"Just be there, Kate. That's all she needs."

"I don't know if I can. I'm a mess too," Kate admitted.

"You don't have to be perfect to make a difference. She doesn't need that. It will help her to see that everyone has emotions and what she is feeling is ok."

"How the hell did you get so smart?"

"Some people are just gifted," he smirked.

"Seriously?" Beckett let out a small laugh.

"I've done my fair share of research in dealing with grief and trauma."

"Books?"

"Yeah, thankfully none of it is first hand."

"Until now?"

"Until now," he nodded. "God, Kate, less than a month ago everything was so calm. I barely even remember what that was like."

"I know. It seems like a lifetime ago."

"We're going to be ok," Castle said firmly looking her in the eye.

"Yeah, we are." Beckett put her head back on his chest, and he wrapped her into his embrace.

"Come on in," Castle said opening the door the next day when the Montgomerys arrived.

"You look great," Evelyn greeted Beckett.

"Thanks," she smiled. "Hey girls."

Becca gave her a small smile. Mary stepped up and looked like she was about to give her hug, but shied away.

"It's ok, Sweetie," Beckett bent down a bit and lightly hugged the young girl.

"Did that hurt?" Mary asked.

"No, not at all," Kate smiled. "Becca?" She held her arms open slightly for other girl. The teenager was hesitant, but she gave her a gentle hug.

"Why don't we sit down?" Castle asked the group and lead everyone to the living room. "Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"That would be great. Thank you, Rick," Evelyn answered.

"How are you guys holding up?" Kate asked.

"We're doing the best we can. Some days are harder than others," Evelyn replied.

"They're all hard," Becca said bitterly.

"I grabbed ice tea and water. Help yourself, everyone," Castle said friendly setting a tray full of drinks on the coffee table.

"Hey Becca, why don't we go talk just us?" Kate suggested as she stood up.

"Um," Becca said looking at her mom.

"We'll just go in Castle's office," Beckett pointed behind her to show they weren't going far.

"Go head, we'll be fine," Evelyn nodded.

The two got up and left the room. Beckett had feeling she was going to need to talk to the girl away from her family. Teenagers aren't exactly known for opening up in front of a parent. Beckett wanted her to feel like she could ask her anything.

"Your mom told me you have some questions for me," Beckett said jumping to the point. She was expecting the teen to be angry and eager to ask, but she just looked scared.

"Yeah, I guess. Nobody will tell me much about my dad."

"I will answer anything you ask the best I can, but it is still an open case so I can't give you any names and all the details. It really is for your own safety. I don't have to tell you how dangerous this man is."

"I understand," Becca said the tears already forming in her eyes.

"I have a good idea of what you're going through. I was 19 when my mom was murdered. The police wouldn't tell me anything. They didn't know anything. I became a cop, so I get details for myself."

The teen just nodded.

"I know we don't know each other well, but I want you to know that I'm here if you need anything. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I will make sure you have my number before you leave," Beckett said in a soft voice.

"My dad used to always tell Mary and I about you. He was really proud of you."

"He taught me everything I know about my job. He was a great teacher."

"Why did the guy that shot him come after you?" Becca asked nervously.

"Actually, your dad shot and killed the man that shot him. He was killed as well."

"Yeah, um, I knew the guy was dead," she said uneasily. "Who shot you and why? It has to do with my dad , right?"

"The man was hired by someone. Someone very rich and powerful. He feels your dad and I got too close to figuring out his identity. He wanted us both dead, so he hired another person to come after me," Beckett explained doing her best to balance the amount of detail she put in and keep the story truthful.

" So you and my dad were working on the case together?"

"Yes, we were working very hard."

"But you don't know who he is?"

"No, we don't. Detectives Ryan and Esposito are still working on it."

"Do you think he is going to come back after you again or one of them?"

"I sure hope not, but I can't guarantee it. Castle has hired a security team to help keep us safe until we have a better idea of the ongoing risks."

"We saw the guys outside," Becca nodded.

"We don't think there is going to be problem, but we are playing it safe."

"Why did they break into our houses?"

"We believe they were looking for evidence your dad and I had against them. That's why they stole files and computers from both of us."

"My mom said my dad killed people before he was hit? That he fought hard to stay alive?" The girl asked timidly.

"He did. He was severely out numbered. There were 4 guys, and they were professional hit-men. Your dad tried so hard. He saved my life because he was very good at his job. His skills and commitment got me out of there," Beckett answered starting to tear up herself. Montgomery's daughter had been softly crying almost the whole time. Beckett chose not to mention it. There was no need to make the girl even more uncomfortable.

"I knew my dad was working on a stressful case that week. He was getting home really late. I know he usually stays out of the field cause he's the captain. Why did he go out there that night? Why didn't you guys have like a swat team or something? Shouldn't more cops been there?"

"Your dad really wanted to catch the boss behind this, the rich and powerful man we were investigating. He has ordered the deaths of many people and committed many other crimes. Your dad was a great captain, when cases got hard he was always willing to help his detectives. He was investigating in the field with us. Your dad, Castle , and I returned to a previous crime scene in the case to look for more evidence and that's when the men showed up. There was no time to get back up."

"Can I ask you a question?" Becca asked and her voice cracked.

"Of course."

"How long did it take before you stopped missing your mom?"

"Oh honey, you'll never completely stop. It gets easier and life creates a new normal, but you will miss him forever."

"I wasn't really close to him. I'm a teenage girl, you know? We didn't have that much in common, but he was a really good dad." Becca started crying much harder, so Kate slowly leaned over and ignored the pain in her chest to hand her a box of tissues from Castle's desk.

"He knew you loved him, and he loved you very much. You said he told you stories about me, I wish you could hear the stories he told about you. He used to show us all pictures and tell us about your basketball games and all the other stuff you were into. Your dad was incredibly proud of you. Mary too."

She just nodded.

Beckett realized in that moment that Becca wasn't out for justice and blood like she had been, she was just a scared girl who missed her dad. She was heartbroken and wanted to understand.

"I promise it will get easier," Beckett said.

"When?"

"I can't tell you. It's different for everyone. But I can tell you this, don't try to handle things alone. It will only make it harder. Try to open up to your mom and sister. Help each other and work together. You are all grieving. Share good memories, laugh, and cry together. I tried to mourn my mom alone, and it didn't work. It made my life even harder. Trust me."

"I don't want to put more on my mom. She is dealing with too much already. She lost her husband, and she has insurance and legal stuff to do too," Becca shook her head.

"I know it feels like you are helping her. I know it does, but, Becca, it will end up just worrying her. She needs to know how you are handling things and that you are ok. Moms want to help when we are sad even if their sad too."

"She already suggested I go to a shrink."

"I went. It took me years to realize I needed help, and I don't want you to struggle the way I did. I took my mom's death really hard and in response, I did some pretty bad things. I'm lucky I didn't end up seriously hurt."

"What do you mean?" The girl asked making eye contact for the first time in a long time.

"I had a motorcycle, I still have it actually, but I used to drive out of the city and race down roads as fast as I could. No helmet. No cares about my own safety. It was gravely stupid. If I would have wrecked, there is no doubt in my mind, I would have been seriously hurt or even killed," Beckett explained.

"Why did you do it?"

"It made me feel alive. I was numb, and it made me feel. Once I started working for the NYPD, I didn't have time anymore which was a good thing because it made me channel my energy into something more productive. Well, it started out as productive but it ended up becoming an obsession."

"What made you go see someone?"

"I didn't have a choice. One of my superior officers saw I was struggling, and reported me for a mandatory psych evaluation. It was obvious I was a mess. The guy had a point. I wasn't able to do my job. I wasn't sleeping or eating. I was a risk to the guys I worked with. I was so angry, but I went to the appointment. The doctor said I had to keep coming back and try to make improvements, or I was done. I would lose my badge."

"Did it really help?" The teen asked quietly.

"Not at first because I was against being there. After awhile, it got easier, and I finally started talking. It helped once I put effort in."

"I don't want to go yet. I don't think I need it."

"It's completely your choice. I can't tell you what to do and neither can your mom."

"I'll think about it," Becca nodded.

"It's a good thing to keep in mind, but it's not a magic wand."

"Thanks for telling me all that." She knew that the information the detective had just shared with her was personal and that she didn't have tell her.

"I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did."

"I can really call you to talk?"

"Absolutely. Anytime," Beckett said firmly and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. She wrote down her cell number and handed it to the girl.

"Thank you. I'm not completely comfortable talking to my mom, and Mary is too young. My friends are trying but…"

"They don't get it," Beckett finished for her. She completely understood what the was like. Her friends were great and wanted to help, but they just didn't know what to say. It usually ended up being awkward and all their pity just pissed her off.

A knock on the door interrupted them, "Everything ok in here?" Evelyn stuck her head in the door.

"Yeah, we're good," Becca said and wiped her face quickly.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I think we should go. Mary's not feeling too well."

"Ok," Becca answered standing up. She had figured out in the past weeks that Mary's not feeling well meant she's crying and wants to go home.

"I'm sorry we didn't really get to talk," Kate said to Evelyn as she stood up as well.

"It's fine. I'm sure whatever you said to Becca was much more important," she said quietly just after her daughter walked out.

The group said their goodbyes quickly and the Montgomerys headed out. "Sorry, I left you alone," Beckett said leaning on Castle as they still stood right inside the door after showing the captain's family out.

"We were fine. Poor Mary, we were just chatting, and she started crying and buried herself in her mom's side."

"Sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere. I can't imagine having to deal with all of that at only 10."

"She'll be ok," Castle said dropping a kiss to Beckett's hairline.

"Let's sit," she gave him a little push. He agreed and followed her over keeping his hand on the small of her back.

"Rough day," Castle sighed looking at his watch to see it is only 4 o'clock.

"Yeah," Beckett took a deep breath. "Um, when's my next pain pill?"

"You ok?" He asked quickly. His eyes instantly widening and taking in every inch of her.

"Fine. The new dose and schedule are going to take some getting used to."

"You have a little over an hour. Think you can wait?"

"Don't have a choice, do I?"

"You can have Advil, remember? I don't know how much it will really help, but we can try."

"No, it's fine. I'm tired and drained, so it just seems worse."

"Want to lay down until it's time? It will work out perfectly. You can have a pill, Alexis will be getting home, and I'll get moving on dinner."

"That sounds really good," Beckett gave him an appreciative smile.

A/N: Thoughts? I really wanted to explore more about how Beckett felt about Montgomery. It seems like that is left out of most post-knockouts. I think that has a lot to do with why she left to go to the cabin alone on the show. She had to deal with issues of betrayal and not knowing who she could trust. It seems like that is always skimmed over. I loved the idea of Montgomery's daughter looking to Beckett for information about what happened. I know we don't know much about his kids from the show, but I feel like they would know who Beckett is and Roy would have talked about her as a role model for his daughters. I got their names from the credits of Knockout and made up their ages the best I could. I know there is a mention of his son in season 2, but since he is not in Knockout I left him out. Oh continuity lol. I would love to hear what you guys think of this one. All of your reviews have been fantastic, and I love that this story has made such a strong comeback. Thanks! Next chapter will be like Tuesday or Wednesday.

Meagan