AN: I thank everyone who is reading this loooong story! There's a plot twist in this chapter which was very difficult to write about (no kidding). So please keep reading and don't let my efforts be in vain!

Also, you should probably have watched Memories of Nobody, the Bleach movie, or at least read a summary of it. There are spoilers for that movie in this chapter.

Chapter 25

"Finally done!" I leaned back and stretched, yawning loudly. The clock struck 6 o'clock, which was when ranked officers were off-duty. From his desk, Izuru gave me a thumbs-up and turned back to his own stack of slowly dwindling paperwork with an expression of hopelessness. Noticing the bags under his eyes and the state of his normally neat hair, I rose and walked over to him. Close up, his skin was strangely white.

"Izuru, you look sick. Why don't you take the day off?"

As I expected, he refused outright. "No, I'm fine, captain. I've got to finish this today or Captain Kuchiki's gonna kill me."

I crossed my arms, exasperated. "Byakuya's not your captain. He doesn't have the right to kill you."

He grinned halfheartedly. "True, but I don't want to get in trouble with anyone. Besides, it's my duty as lieutenant."

"It's not your duty to work yourself to a pulp." We both turned our heads to look at Rangiku, who was carrying a rather tall stack of paper. Izuru and I looked at each other and groaned simultaneously.

"Rangiku, please don't tell me those are some kind of urgent reports that must be finished by tomorrow."

"How'd you guess?"

"Rangiku!"

She patted my arm. "No need to panic, I'll be helping out. I told Shuuhei to come over here when he's done with some stuff. Should be an hour or so." She folded her arms and stared at Izuru.

"As for you, Izuru, listen to your captain. You really do look sick, and it's six o'clock anyway. You're free now."

He adamantly shook his head. "Not with all the paperwork I've got left. You shouldn't have asked Shuuhei to help, I can handle it."

A plot formed in my head, and I winked at Rangiku before saying sweetly, "Then why don't you come with me? I'm bringing over reports to Captain Unohana. They're marked urgent and I've just completed them, but it's too nice outside for you to be staying indoors."

He wearily propped his head up on his hand and looked at me. "Only if you promise not to order me to go home."

I held up my right hand in mock solemness and intoned, "I promise not to order you to go back to your barracks if you come outside and walk with me to the 4th."

"Okay." He rose and I picked up the said reports, indicating to Rangiku that she should follow.

Outdoors, the air was slightly cool and fresh. Plum blossom trees were all in full bloom, the beautiful pink scented petals underfoot as we passed through the 6th division. I noted that Izuru walked slightly off-balance and thus did not use flash step.

At the 4th division, I greeted Captain Unohana (who was apparently still healing a few patients) and handed her the stack of reports. She took them and asked curiously, "Why are Lieutenants Kira and Matsumoto with you? If I'm not mistaken, it's past six o'clock."

I cleared my throat and tilted my head slightly towards Izuru, indicating that she look at him. She did and instantly locked her hand around his arm.

He blinked. "Captain?"

"Izuru, as captain of the fourth, I cannot allow you to continue working in such a state. Take a break for a week. I'm sure you understand, Sayuri?"

I was unable to restrain a grin as I replied, "Of course."

"Good. Izuru, please come with me." She gave her famous, poisonously sweet smile, and he reluctantly followed her but not without thinking towards me, You planned this, didn't you?

As they walked down the hallway, we could hear Retsu scolding Izuru gently. "I'm disappointed in you, Izuru. As a former member of my division, you should know that your health comes first. Just look at you!"

Rangiku gave me a high-five and giggled. "He totally fell for it! Izuru can be so gullible sometimes."

Back at the division, Shuuhei hadn't arrived yet, so we piled all the paperwork onto my desk. We stared at it for a while.

"I swear, these things reproduce."

"Yeah."

Rangiku was actually quite a good worker when she wasn't sleeping or drinking. While hunched over a report on Mayuri's new soul phone prototypes, she spoke without looking at me.

"Captain?"

"Mm?"

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have asked you something like that."

I put down my quill. "Rangiku, I'm sorry for asking you all that in the first place."

She raised her head but did not meet my eyes. "You had a right to know. But when the time comes, we must do whatever we must. I was a fool for expecting anything otherwise."

"If he doesn't hurt anyone I personally know, I won't kill him. But if he does hurt you guys-" My voice trembled slightly (to my embarrassment), and I cleared my throat. "If he does, I'll kill him. Literally."

"Thank you. That means a lot to me, Captain."

I ducked my head to hide behind my hair. "It's not much. Now do your paperwork."

From the tone of her voice, I could tell she was grinning. "I will. But can I show you something first?"

"What?"

"I know you know about the incidents from when Aizen betrayed the Soul Society, but you haven't actually seen them, have you?"

Intrigued, I looked up. "Can I?"

"Of course." I stared into her eyes and delved deep into her memories. It wasn't as private as entering her inner world, but I avoided looking at anything more than necessary. It was like watching a video in fast-forward, but somehow all the information was transferred to me. One detail stood out brightly in the last scene she was showing me. It was Ichimaru's face just before he left.

He was wearing a sad and wistful smile; I saw small wrinkles between his eyes and nose. His voice didn't have a sarcastic or mocking undertone like usual, but instead sounded genuinely apologetic and regretful. I was pulled out of the memory with a jerk when Rangiku looked away to blink hard.

Still disoriented, I laid my face in my hands. Several seconds later, Shuuhei's voice made me start.

"Sorry I'm late, guys!"

"That's okay. Just sit over there." I pointed at the chair we had moved next to my desk.

"This much, huh?"

I nodded. "Izuru's so overworked that Unohana is making him take a week off."

He asked incredulously, "A week off? I wouldn't be surprised if he died from boredom during the time. I don't think I've ever seen Izuru take a break, even on his own birthday. We had to drag him to the party."

There were about two more hours of scratching quills, sighs, yawns, and munching as we helped ourselves to the dried persimmons I had stocked in the office. There was a literal storehouse of them behind the main barracks.

Then, Shuuhei slapped his papers. "I'm done with mine!"

I carefully slid my stack over to his. "Me too."

"So am I!"

"Really?" Shuuhei and I asked at the same time. Rangiku glared at us.

"Why so surprised?" We rolled our eyes and I was about to retort when my pain stabbed through my hand. I winced.

"What's wrong?"

"I—I don't know." I looked at my ink-stained hand and grimaced. Shuuhei ran an eye over it.

"Hand cramp. Happens all the time."

"How do I get rid of it?"

"I just massage it and stretch the fingers. Usually goes away in a few hours."

I sighed. "Ink, paper cuts, a cramp...my hands are a mess right now."

Rangiku had long since returned to normal, and she took the opportunity to tease me. "Ooh, since when did you care about what your hands look like? Do you have a crush on someone?"

Shuuhei quickly joined in, grinning. "Maybe a certain captain is falling in love with her...ahem...lieutenant."

I glared at the duo. "Both of you, shut up."

"Yes ma'am!" Unable to stay angry, I relaxed and gave a small smile. They already knew Izuru and I didn't have feelings for each other, but that didn't stop them from teasing me.

When Shuuhei had left, I began straightening up the office a bit. While waiting for me, Rangiku began a conversation. Her voice was dead serious.

"Captain, don't you ever get tired?"

"What do you mean? Of course I get tired-"

"Of your facade. Of acting happy all the time." My heart froze and I spun around to face her.

"Rangiku!"

"Don't try to lie to me, Sayuri. You've graduated earliest in history from the Academy, are a genius, can do pretty much anything, achieved Bankai, and are the youngest captain in history. But I liked you better as just a student. It's like you have a mask on lately and I don't know what you're thinking. What is it?"

I forced a smile. "Nothing, Rangiku. You're just imagining that."

"Shut up!" She yelled, and I blinked. I'd never seen Rangiku mad and it was disconcerting.

"I don't care that you're a captain. All that matters is that you're my friend and you're not acting right. Do you think Izuru hasn't already noticed? Tell me!"

At that, something inside of me snapped and I yelled back at her, not caring about that the doors were wide open and that my reiatsu was getting out of control. I knew I would be attracting a massive amount of attention but my emotions had gone too far.

"Do you think I enjoy acting like this? I'm not telling you guys—my best friends—the truth because I don't want to lose everyone! I don't even know if it was a wise decision to become close to anyone!"

"WHY?"

"Because—damn it all, Rangiku, I think I'm the Shinenju!" My voice trembled and cracked.

Her mouth dropped and she backed up. "It can't be..."

I kept on yelling myself hoarse, as if expelling the poisonous feelings welling up inside me. "All the memories of things I've never been through. All the feelings, the sadness, the regret, everything else. I'm just a thing, a block of memories forced onto one being. If I told you, would you still be my friends? Would you want to be friends with a mere object, like the Hogyoku or Oin? I've never even showed the faintest hint of all that because I didn't want to worry anybody."

"Do you indeed think we were so ignorant as to not know you are the Shinenju?"

I swallowed and slowly turned my head. "Head Captain?"

"How foolish of you! From the minute you took the Academy entrance test, the teachers all knew you were the Shinenju. This was reported to me and we had Captain Kurotsuchi confirm that suspicion. The reason you were able to so quickly graduate from the Academy and become a captain is that you were once a soul reaper long before you ever passed into the World of the Living as a human. With the combined memories you hold, you have absorbed both abilities and skills. However, the fact that you are the Shinenju does not change anything. You are still a great benefit to the Soul Society and as long as you do not disrupt the natural balance between the two worlds, no action is needed. Do you understand?"

I grinned sarcastically, even as tears welled up in my eyes. "Basically, what you're telling me is that I'm a thing. A thing that happens to have powers and is useful for the Soul Society. Is that it?"

He remained silent, and I kept my sardonic smile even as tears started to run down my face.

"Do you know the pain of holding so many other people's lifeless, dead memories and guilt? This has already happened before in the Soul Society. You do not remember because the former holder of the Shinenju sacrificed herself to save the two worlds. And yet, all you care about is that I can help combat Aizen and his followers." Turning to Rangiku, I said coldly, "I can see why Gin left." Without any further words, I glared at the stunned observers that had gathered and flash stepped off to my barracks. I put a large Kido barrier on the doors, threw myself on the futon, and stared at the ceiling while absentmindedly flexing my now more-relaxed hand.

Until four in the morning, I did not budge from my room. When I deemed it time, I masked my presence entirely—both reiatsu and my physical self. In those long hours, I made the most crucial decision of my life.

I tore off my haori, folded it, and placed it on the desk. Opening the secret compartment in the wall under my desk, I took out the box and placed it in my Shihakusho. Silently, I took down the Kido barrier and slid the doors shut behind me. I stopped by Rangiku's barracks and left the box outside her door before going to visit my family. As I stared at their sleeping faces, it hurt so much to think I was leaving everybody behind that I fled quickly before I lost all my resolve.

In succession, I visited Shuuhei, Renji, and finally Izuru. In his sleep, he was frowning slightly, and I wondered what he could be dreaming about. Unwilling to leave him, I slowly reached out and stroked his hair gently. He did not move and I spoke in the absolute faintest of whispers.

"Izuru...I'm so sorry. You're my best friend...you ought to just become captain yourself so you don't have to deal with lousy ones like me."

Suddenly, my eyes started watering and before I could stop them, tears fell and landed on his face. I hastily wiped my eyes and hoped he hadn't noticed, and quickly crept out of the room.

As I walked silently on the empty, dark roads, my heart literally felt like it weighed a ton. My feet unwillingly led the way to the central Senkaimon, which I slowly unlocked and stepped through. After focusing on my destination, I found myself in front of Kisuke's shop. It was dark inside and I wondered if I was being foolish.

Then, I nearly jumped out of my skin when someone landed in front of me.

"Who is it?" As soon as the words left my mouth, I recognized who it was and my stomach tightened.

"Izuru? What are you doing here?"

We were faintly illuminated by a street lamp nearby. His blue eyes were colder than I had ever seen them, and though his clothes were orderly, his hair was a complete mess.

"Where are you going, Captain?" I flinched slightly at the tone in his voice, but mustered a reply.

"That's none of your business."

"Why did you leave this behind?" He lifted his hand, which was clenching my haori. I stared at it and then him, my throat constricted.

"Why are you going to Urahara's shop in the middle of the night? Where are you going? Tell me the truth!" His voice was steadily increasing, and he drew his sword. "I'm not letting you pass until you tell me, Captain."

"Izuru!"

"Please, Captain...tell me. Or do you not trust me enough?" His whitened knuckles shook slightly, a pleading tone in his voice.

I decided to tell him the truth. He deserved at least that much.

"Izuru...you can't tell anybody. I'm going to Hueco Mundo."

"What? Hueco Mundo? Alone? Why?"

"I'm going to investigate Aizen."

His eyes widened. "Alone? You idiot, are you crazy?"

"Perhaps, but there's a reason I'm doing this. I'm—I'm the Shinenju. I don't want to be in the Gotei 13 any longer. It's been made clear to me by the Head Captain that I'm only being used. So I'm leaving, but I will fight against Aizen and his followers without holding an obligation to kill people I don't want to kill. There must be a reason Aizen is doing all of this, and I want to find that out before murdering anyone. I am no longer a captain of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. I am, in short, a traitor."

Izuru's skin went about three shades paler, and I would have sworn that he had turned into a ghost if tears weren't leaving a trail down his face. "I don't care. Why did you act like nothing was wrong? Don't you consider us your friends?"

Helplessly, I gestured. "Izuru, did you really think I had enough courage to just tell my family and friends that I'm an object? I had no idea how you would react."

"An object? That's not completely true. Hello there, Izuru. Why don't you both come in? It looks like you've got something to say, Sayuri." Kisuke appeared behind Izuru and opened his fan with a flourish.

When we were seated, I began. "Kisuke, you knew I was the Shinenju, didn't you?"

He soberly nodded. "Of course. I do apologize for not telling you earlier, but I wanted to let you enjoy your life without the knowledge."

"Kisuke, drop the apologies and just explain everything. I want the whole truth."

"As you say. First, you're not exactly an 'object'. My records indicate this has happened once before with a soul reaper named Senna; I don't recall her but it is apparently because she gave her life—and with it, all memories of her very existence—to protect the two worlds from colliding. However, she was different." He sighed. "It's very difficult to explain, but I'll try. Senna was a soul reaper who lost her Zanpakuto—and her life—while in the Dangai Precipice World.

When souls die in the Soul Society, they normally travel to the World of the Living and are thus reincarnated. However, some souls get lost and wander around. After a long period of time, they will eventually gather in one place, which will cause a new dimension to open. This is called the Valley of Screams. When the souls enter the Valley, they are separated into two parts: memories and pure energy. All those lost memories combine and return to the World of the Living as part of a new being. This is the Shinenju; in other words, you. A particularly strong soul's memories, such as one of a ranked officer's, will predominate over the rest. However, the rest of the memories will faintly persist."

"I understand. So Kisuke, I'm not just a thing, right? I'm a—well-separate existence, a real being, correct?"

"That is correct. However, you're not exactly a soul; I would describe you more as a kind of hybrid. You've already gone through a full cycle of reincarnation or more, so some of the memories have faded nearly to nonexistence. However, I am afraid your soul is forever attached to them."

"Is there any way to at least make the memories less prominent? I don't want to remember other people's pain."

"I'll definitely research for you. Any other questions?"

"If it's only memories I've got, then why did the Head Captain tell me I'd absorbed skills and abilities as well?"

"Well now, how would you define memories? In the case of souls, memories are the very material that make up their true existence. Otherwise, they are simply meaningless, empty beings called Blanks. Memories hold much, and they have been reduced to pure knowledge in your case."

I nodded and heaved a deep sigh. I felt slightly better knowing exactly what I was, but Kisuke wasn't done.

"I've got a question for you now, Sayuri. Why have you come to me in the middle of the night without your haori and with Izuru?"

Before I could reply, Izuru cut across me and said, "We're going to Hueco Mundo. Sayuri wants to find the reasons behind Aizen's actions before fighting anyone, and without being under order of the Gotei 13."

"Izuru!"

Kisuke grinned. "Sayuri, I think you'll need all the help you can. Best let Izuru go along with you. Besides, don't desert the poor guy again. I don't think he can handle it."

"Yes, but he'll be giving up his rank of lieutenant just to come with me. If I wasn't the Shinenju, I probably would never be as strong as him, even with years of hard work."

"I'm willing to give it up to follow you. I promised to stay loyal to you, and I will, even if you aren't my captain any longer." He pulled off his badge and dropped it on the table.

"See?"

I finally smiled a little. "Thank you, Izuru. But before you follow me..."

"Yes?"

"You might want to sort your hair out first."

He paused a minute before grinning. "Okay, Sayuri." Kisuke was about to rummage for a comb when the sudden presence of a very strong spiritual presence appeared. We all stood up in alarm and I dashed outside while drawing my Zanpakuto, followed by Izuru and Kisuke. I gasped and staggered backwards at what I saw, my heart beating frantically in-no, it couldn't be-fear.

"It can't be..."