Mondler: Familiar Faces Trilogy 1 Chapter 26, a friends fanfic

A/N: Hey guys, this is just me reminding you guys for the reviews and suggestions for any improvements I could make to keep coming and to read all the chapters leading up to this one and the other books. Please also keep in mind that strong themes of bereavement will feature from now on for quite a while across all three books, and so if you are sensitive towards that topic, I ask you to keep that in mind before continuing to read on with the trilogy. Thank you so much for your continued support, and I hope you have a good day whenever and wherever you're reading this!

Chapter 26 – Monica

{A/N: I thought it would be my responsibility as the author here to say that although I'm unsure whether the content of this chapter would fit better under a trigger warning of just grief related behaviour or mental health issues, it seem the best decision to put a trigger warning for both so if you are uncomfortable reading either, I suggest that you either leave this book now or read ahead if you feel that's best for you but please take caution either way.}

I glanced over at the alarm clock on my side of the bed, and saw that it was still pretty early in the morning. I hadn't been able to sleep all evening, with having to check on Ross's kids and make sure that things were going well with Carol and then when I finally did want to settle down, it seemed impossible no matter how hard I tried.

Instead, I'd laid in bed, replaying everything that had happened in the last few weeks and wishing that I could've somehow changed the course of events so nothing bad had happened to Rachel or Mom. Thoughts like this only seemed to cloud my mind when I had nothing else to do, but for some reason the sinking feeling and the numbness that came along with them never left.

Rolling back over to see Chandler still fast asleep, I decided that I had had enough of just sitting here in bed, doing nothing but feel sorry for myself. Even though it was half past six in the morning, I figured that getting ready for the day a couple of hours early couldn't hurt, and it would also give me something to pass the time.

Getting out of bed carefully so that I wouldn't wake Chandler, I grabbed my dressing gown off of the dressing table that I had left it on, and crept over to the en-suite bathroom. Deciding that it was probably taking too much of a risk to use it, I crept out of our room and started making my way to the family bathroom.

Turning the shower on and undressing, I got in and my eyes darted over to the collection of bottles of shampoo and conditioner. I decided that it wouldn't matter which ones I used, and if it did, I could apologise when it was needed.

I tried to follow my routine as much as I could, probably spurred on by the fact that productivity would make me feel better. After mistaking the conditioner for shampoo twice, I dropped the bottle in the bathroom sink and felt a wave of relief hit me as I stood, stopped trying and faced the bathroom tiles on the wall in front of me.

Mom shouldn't have died and Rachel shouldn't be dying - it should be me.

Already weighed down by the impossibility of figuring out how to live without Mom, and the bitter taste of yearning for all the wasted time that I could've tried to reconcile everything between us, trying to figure out how to live without Rachel was too much.

Far, far, far too much.

The carousel never stops turning, they say. I, however, am yet to live to see this phenomenon.

I jumped when I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Mom? Are you in there? Or Jack?" I heard Erica yell.

Hastily grabbing a towel as I went, I turned off the shower and went to open the door, once certain that I was as appropriately dressed as I could be in the given moment.

Though I wasn't awfully sure why, Erica seemed to be eyeing me with concern when she saw me. "What's the time?" I asked her, hoping that not only would small talk perhaps lighten the atmosphere but also because I had realised that I had no idea what the time was myself and it would obviously be good to know.

"7.34," Erica said, the concern that had initially shocked me leaving neither her tone nor her expression. "Why do you ask?" she added, as I tried to hide the fact that she had just caught me off guard.

"Wouldn't want to be late for work," I said, with a satisfied smile, attempting to replicate the usual joy that I got from being organized in my tone and expression.

Another wave of relief hit me as Erica seemed to buy it, and so I made my way back to the bedroom, walking past Erica on her way further into the bathroom as I left.

It was difficult to tell from the low light in our bedroom as to whether Chandler was awake or not, so I took advantage of this and headed straight into the en-suite after choosing my clothes to wear for the day. As I stared into the mirror, I was almost shocked by normal I looked, but greatly relieved as this was the power of dressing up, I guess.

Adding a touch of make-up to the look, I left the bathroom after dragging a brush through my hair and settling on a messy topknot.

Walking back out of the en-suite, I jumped when I heard Chandler's voice.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concern laced through his voice, which sent me into a tailspin as I tried to puzzle out how the hell I would answer him.

In the end, I went with the standard, "Yeah," as I was all out of creative answers. Again, Chandler seemed to readily buy it. Maybe I don't have to try so hard to lie, after all.

Side note: I also feel like this chapter was massively going out of my comfort zone, and so I would appreciate all honest comments, and whether you think this chapter was a genuine success for what I did end up writing.