A.N. - Thanks to everyone and their amazing support with the follows, reviews etc. It's the Xmas chapter! It's another really long one, I know people have differing views on if this is a good thing or not, but for reference it's about the same length as the Thanksgiving chapter.
So I say this every time I know, but for real, this was almost completely written and proofread in a day (as in today) so I am really sorry about any errors.
Happy Holiday Reading!
Chapter 25
Thursday, December 14th & Monday, December 25th
"Je-sus. Chr-i-st."
Daryl held each breath longer than necessary before releasing it as slowly as he could. His fingers moved quickly and efficiently through the different empty boxes, closing each lid without much reason, considering he'd probably end up chucking them into the trash in the long run. Had to do something though, had to deal with his irritations in a healthy way. Partly because Auri was in the room, and partly because he doubted he could take his possible opponent on in a fight.
Dude had just gotten out of prison for fucks sake.
"Why in the good goddamn are we doin' all this?"
One more long breath in, hold it, let it go slowly.
He imagined that look Beth got on her face, the one he'd had directed at him way too recently, that one of shear disappointment. Helped chill him the hell out a little before turning his attention to the brother that he'd been so happy only days ago to pick up and bring home with him. That'd lasted about as long as it took Merle to eat all the leftovers Beth had tidily packed away in the fridge for Daryl's lunches, clog up the toilet, and bitch about his younger brother's unwillingness to get him booze or drugs of any kind.
So like, a whole six hours, and that was probably being generous.
Man was just lucky he'd paid Beth's food the proper amount of adoration before shoveling it into his fuckin' face. Turned out to be just about the only thing Merle could successfully be grateful for. Well that, and his niece, who he was an even bigger push over for than Daryl was when it came down to it. He'd barked about boredom when teased about his inability to put the babbling bundle down for hours at a time. That, and even though it was still a little too big for her, Auri hadn't been in anything other than the onesie that Merle had done the design for. Daryl could barely manage to sneak the damn thing off of her long enough to wash it while his brother slept.
All of this he needed to remember for moments like these when he wanted nothing more than to sock Merle right in his big ass mouth. As Beth would probably be quick to remind him, he'd done that plenty enough as of late - or some lightly admonishing remark like that anyway.
"Ain't payin' fer shit, least ya can do is pull yer damn weight," he grumbled, anger peeking through his heightened accent.
It wasn't exactly like he expected Merle to pay him for anything, ever, but the second part of his statement seemed reasonable enough. Not that reason tended to visit his brother for long periods of time.
"Lil' Meatball over there ain't gonna remember this kinda thing for at least the next couple'a years, dumbass." Merle's chide was followed by a string of funny faces made at Auri, who squealed at him obligingly from her place on the floor. Tummy Time wasn't such a problem anymore, and he took a moment to appreciate how easily she craned herself back to watch them, a rattle in one pudgy fist and a spit-wadded bunch of her blanket in the other. "Ya ask me, you should fuckin' enjoy not havin' ta' worry about all this 'til then."
Daryl restrained the urge to inform Merle that he hadn't asked for his opinion, or that their current task wasn't solely for the mumbling baby in the footsie pajamas next to them at the moment. He had faith that the pouting ass-hat with the string of Christmas lights sprawled around him would figure it out for himself. Merle was ignorant as fuck, but he wasn't stupid, and Daryl knew keeping silent would propel his brother down the right path.
Making sure they had actually used all of the many packages of lights he'd filled his cart with before leaving the super center this evening, he finally moved to relieve Merle of his unimaginable burden. Didn't need either one of his housemates having meltdowns right before his woman showed up. Bad enough his brother was going to be around on their date day, and with everything being a little on the tense side since Thanksgiving –
"Ohhh," Merle exclaimed, falsely shocked, making Daryl want to roll his eyes. "This ain't for your lil' lady, but yer ole' lady that it?"
"Not like m'the only one wantin' t' keep 'er happy you fuck," he groused, flexing his fingers against the stiff newness of the wires that strung the colorful bulbs together. "So fuckin' old ya already forget she's the only one cared enough to help yer ass stay sane while you was inside?"
Merle's expression darkened momentarily, and Daryl thought he might have gone too far, but it cleared just as quickly after a side glance at Aurie. "Shut the fuck up an' hand me that goddamn thing," he growled, pairing the command with a gesture toward the staple gun. As they finished fixing the final string around the window, the tool was clapped onto his chest and Daryl fumbled for it with a following glare that matched the grumpy convict's. "Should'a been you doin' what she done anyway."
"Bullshit," Daryl snapped, striding away to put the gun far out of the reach of curious pint-sized hands. "Told ya after the las' time I was done makin' that shit easier on ya."
Merle sniffed dismissively, turning like he was scrutinizing their work when in reality as Daryl knew, neither of them had ever hung up Christmas lights in their lives.
"Well I gotta tell ya baby bro," Merle began, and Daryl felt his muscles tense at the sardonic edge in his brother's tone. "Punchin' out her next a' kin ain't gonna get undone with some shitty bargain bin flashers."
His intestines got tangled around his shins, hanging all loose and wriggling like they were, and Daryl all but blacked out trying to even out his breathing. From the floor Aurie began to make uncertain whining noises - his next inhale was deeper and easier. Hit for hit, that was the Dixon way. Somehow, being around all of Beth's people had made him a little rusty when it came to dealing with assholes like himself. It was his own damn fault for telling Merle in the first place, couldn't go and rage at the son-of-a-bastard just because he'd used the ammo that'd so freely been given to him.
Never doin' this shit with Kit...
Beth had gotten it into her head that if he and Shawn were to just spend time together, maybe while doing something they both liked, that they would be sure to get along. She'd suggested the arcade, and while Daryl knew it was dumb, he'd felt a jagged kind of resentment that she'd wanted him to take her pissy brother to the place of their first real date. Of course, then he'd wasted no time telling himself to shut the hell up. If Beth wanted him to try and get along with her brother then that's what he'd do.
Didn't bring it up, didn't even really admit it to himself, but he wanted to be like Jimmy in some ways. Only as far as being someone that'd one day find themselves huddled around a small campfire making s'mores and laughing with them all. Though, in Daryl's case, maybe he could just be allowed to be around all the giddiness enough to get a contact high.
Anyway.
They'd neither one of them stood a chance against her pleadings or arguments, and had shown up at the agreed upon place, somewhat commiserating with each other's beleaguered states. Few people knew what it was like to both be loved and constantly pestered by Beth Greene to such extremes – and to most of the time like it too. Daryl had thought they'd had a pretty decent unspoken agreement. They'd stay the hell away from one another. Play their respective games for a while and part ways, tell Beth things had gone alright or whatever.
It had gone that way,
For a blessed half hour.
Daryl realized later, sometime around when they were both sitting in the parking lot bleeding, Rick on the phone to Beth and his head throbbing like a motherfucker - his first mistake was agreeing to play against Shawn on one of the fighting games. He'd never liked them growing up. Didn't see the goddamn appeal to playing something that he, to some capacity, dealt with every day of his life. But when asked, he'd wanted to be able to tell his girl honestly that he'd tried his best. And everything probably would have worked out fine still, if Daryl had been willing to lose, but it hadn't went down that way.
Reflexes and experience being what they were, he'd felt Shawn get more and more agitated with each round that went by. Which led to the shit talking about the game, on both sides, and then to the shit talking about Daryl dating Beth which had managed to hit every single one of his buttons. And had done so better than any combo attack he could ever hope to lob back at either Shawn or the character he was playing. After that, a silver lining had been that they'd agreed to take it outside so he hadn't gotten himself banned from going back to the arcade. He'd have hated to add that onto the things he had to talk to Beth about when she'd showed up.
It would have been better maybe, if whoever had seen them laying into one another hadn't decided to call the cops. But he'd gotten lucky again that it was Rick who'd been closest when the information had come over from dispatch. And that luck just kept on going, because he hadn't really been trying to beat the shit out of Beth's brother, and thankfully, Shawn didn't have shit for follow through with his punches.
When they were both seated on the tailgate of Hershel's old truck that Shawn had driven to the arcade, and heard Beth's dismayed responses to what Rick was quietly telling her, they'd exchanged twin looks of grudging remorse.
"You were holdin' back," his purpling opponent had accused, eye working its swollen way closed.
"Yeah," Daryl spat, literally, spat blood off to one side of the truck. "Like you weren't doin' the goddamn same." Shawn's face had twisted uncomfortably and Daryl had kept going, for some reason not wanting the man that had split his face open to feel emasculated for not doing a better job of it. "You cross like a fuckin' freight train," he'd said, and gestured to the cut along his cheek bone that was actually pretty superficial. "But then you were pullin' yer jabs, so don' fuckin' act like I's the only one."
Rick had finally flicked his phone closed and looked at them like they were dumb as hell.
"Not that I'm plannin' to do the paperwork that'd be necessary to report this moment of idiocy, but for my own curiosity, who the hell started the altercation?"
"I did," they'd both chorused, turning to look at each other in exasperation before Rick's barking laugh had dispelled most of the tension.
The three of them had been smiling and talking when Beth pulled up, looking an interesting mixture of disappointed, confused, and maybe hopeful.
His unabashed ass kissing had started at right about that moment, and hadn't let up since.
Beth said he'd been spoiling her out of guilt.
Thing was, that he hadn't wanted to talk to her about then and still didn't, was that that had been the whole cause of the fist fighting in the first place. Shawn picking at all his raw and inflamed patches, the ones that he'd been trying his best to tend to since him and Beth had first gotten together.
It had made him snap in a way he'd been carefully avoiding.
He didn't know if Beth's brother knew just how well he'd pegged all the things that'd had Daryl up in knots, but the last one in particular had been playing for him on a loop.
"She's what? Gonna be with you during the best years of her life, when she should be out having fun? What the hell's gonna happen when you two break up huh? You gonna be able to give her back all that time she lost out on?"
Daryl cracked the knuckles on each hand; his eyes traced the strings of lights around his windows, doing little unnecessary things to distract himself. To sidestep the pressing guilt that had never quite left him. He had all the reasons why his relationship with Beth was ok, more than ok, to keep the crushing weight at bay. Not least of which, was that Beth herself had said he was what she wanted, and he didn't feel like it was his fuckin' place to tell her what he thought was best for her.
But still...
Things with Beth kept getting more...everything. Serious. Incredible. And with that came more guilt. Guilt for depending on her. Guilt for taking solace in her. Guilt for being her first. Guilt for fucking loving the fact that he had been her first. Guilt that she loved him. Guilt that he loved her too, but couldn't bring himself to tell her.
Like if he didn't admit it, he'd be left with some options if he needed them.
Because if he did tell her, that'd be it.
His phone rang and it took a few blinks for him to figure out what the sound was. Digging it out of his pocket, he flicked it open quickly when he saw Beth's name on the screen.
"Hey," he answered, feeling oddly embarrassed for how nervous and excited he was at having her close by. She usually always called when she was a few minutes away, mostly so he'd know when to run out and back in the Santa Fe for her. "You close?"
"How upset would ya be if I said I wasn't coming?"
His jaw opened in an attempt to let some kind of answer out, but nothing really volunteered itself as the silence continued. It didn't mean anything. Hell, he'd been the one that messed up, and she'd had to reassure him about once a day since the Saturday after Thanksgiving, when the fight with Shawn had happened, that everything was ok and she really wasn't mad at him. Fuck, he'd even made her tell him she loved him more often than just after or during sex.
And the sex.
She'd tried to keep her word about having them go slow, but he'd been rather dedicated to doing things just the way she liked - often - and until she couldn't breathe or move afterwards. Rarely was he so right as when it came to what Beth Greene liked, especially in bed, and his girl liked it on top, and she liked it rough.
He still hadn't said anything.
"S'alright," he said, sounding half-choked. "You ok?"
"Pussy."
Daryl flipped off Merle without looking at him, focusing entirely on Beth's answer.
"Yeah, just wanted to see if ya missed me, I'm a minute or so away." If she didn't sound so pleased with herself, and with his reaction, Daryl might think about having something snarky to say back to her little joke.
Might.
"Merle'll be excited to see you," he grumbled good-naturedly, earning him a little Beth giggle and a Merle grunt. Walking over to the wall, Daryl snapped his fingers at his brother and motioned to Auri, telling him wordlessly to watch the baby's reaction.
He flicked a couple of switches while watching his daughter and grinned at the wide-eyed slack-jawed look she gave the bright lights. Kit made everything better, all the things that had felt so routine or boring before, were new and wondrous through her perspective. That, coupled with Beth's eternal optimism, made this year the best he'd ever had by a staggering degree. Switching his gaze to Merle, he didn't think that the old hell raiser was immune to this occurrence.
"Way ta' make me an asshole, Meatball," Merle scoffed, eyes fixed on the baby who almost seemed to shake with excitement.
This lasted until she forgot the necessity to hold herself up, and in an attempt to smack the floor in pure delight, rolled forward straight onto her face. Before Daryl could even take a step, his brother was already scooping her up, murmuring to her in a calming grate just as Beth apparently got close enough to see the cabin. A loud gasp distracted him slightly from Merle's soothing words.
"Yer alrigh' Lil' Angel, c'mon now, look at them shiny bits there huh?"
"Daryl, oh my gosh! You got so many Christmas lights, it's beautiful."
Relief passed through him as Auri got distracted from the idea of crying, and Beth continued gushing about how wonderful the decorations that had taken him a couple of hours to put up looked. Both his girls were happy with his work, and the tension and guilt lifted considerably. He even felt a small smile as he opened the front door. Merle followed him out, cuddling the kit close to him against the slight chill, pointing to all the different strings of lights as Auri made bird-like coos of approval.
Beth was just standing from her car when Daryl leaned down and kissed her quickly before Merle could see anything. Ducking away shyly like a schmuck when she hit him full blast with one of her biggest smiles, he wondered if this is how normal people felt during the holidays.
"I thought you said you didn't care that much about all of that," she whispered, nose ticking in the direction of the gleaming bulbs, her hands landed on his stomach making everything from there down twitch.
"Said you liked 'em," he replied, shoulders shrugging with a quick jerk, as he covered her hands momentarily with his own, pushed them a little harder into his abdomen. "Kit's a big fan, s'a good idea."
Only Beth could manage to look so thrilled over something as small as a big bunch of Christmas lights, then again, a full blown bubbling laugh was coming from where Uncle Merle was letting Auri slap uncoordinatedly at a branch of the colored trickling icicle lights. Peas in a pod his girls, peas in a pod. Holiday spirit, or what the fuck ever, overtook him and Daryl didn't stop the impulse to cradle Beth's head in his hands and kiss her again more soundly - liking the surprised little trill that vibrated in her throat.
"Y'all are gonna get hit by a' fuckin' car," Merle drawled, sounding more bored than irritated with the delay. "So unless ya want me raisin' Lil' Miss Meatball over here, I'd get a' move on."
"Save m'kid please," he deadpanned against her lips, smiling slightly at the puff of a laugh that tickled along his scruff and whiskers.
After he'd gotten the car reversed into place, he became aware of the smell of slightly warmed plastic and the barely there aroma of food underneath the first scent. Hopping from the driver's seat, he cut Beth an expectant look as he hooked around to the backside of the car and opened it up. He was met with one of his favorite sights, bags of Greene tupperware with the hodgepodge of styles and lid colors. Along with those was a bag or two of groceries, probably what she planned on making while they were all together tomorrow.
"O-ho-ho," Merle crowed, coming with an Auri-carrying Beth and eyeing the food like a predator, one that Daryl was going to have to muzzle if he himself was hoping to get any of it. "Honey britches-" he cut off with a whoofing noise when Daryl smacked him in the gut, "fuckin' Christ, fine then, Beth-"
"Yes Merle," she laughed, taking a step back as the two Dixon men started picking up bags.
"You ever think about comin' to your senses and dumpin' this Debbie Downer," Merle began, dodging away easily from Daryl's ill-aimed kick. "You just know you're always considered as part a' the family by ole' Merle."
"Long as I come bearin' food, right Merle?"
"Well I mean-"
"Would you shut the hell up an' git the door?" Daryl asked, caught somewhere between growling and trying not to smile. "What's all this?"
Everything got piled onto the kitchen island (still to be properly Christened) and Daryl began piling the containers and groceries out on the counter's surface.
"Mama and Daddy are gonna stay with Maggie up in Atlanta until Christmas," she explained, passing the baby back to Merle before swatting Daryl's hands away. "They've been meaning to, since she moved up there, and now that she's planning to move back..."
She finished with a shrug and a grin.
He was about to ask her why she hadn't chose to go too, if only to hear what he already knew, but she fixed him with a look that promised a decent ribbing if he did. Considering Merle was still very much in attendance, Daryl decided to offer her a bobbing nod instead, gathering up the plastic bags as a way to hide his twitching mouth.
If her folks were out of town, then there was next to no reason why she couldn't be staying with him until they got back. Sure, his loud, smelly, jackass of a brother was around too now, but still…All the prospective sleepovers made him toasty from cheeks to toes, and he spent an extra second or two while shoving the bags underneath the sink, to use later, before straightening and getting back into the conversation.
"So mama wanted to make sure that we all didn't starve without her of course," she said, tossing him another knowing look, understanding that he'd appreciate this show of goodwill on Annette's behalf. He'd caught a fair amount of flak from both her parents, about his run in with Shawn, but apparently the guy had stepped up and done what he could to take most of the blame.
Decent little asshole Shawn Greene was shaping up to be.
"And the rest?" Merle asked, eyeing the ingredients that were being meticulously put away in fridge and cupboard.
"I figured tomorrow we," Beth encompassed all of them with a wave of her hand, "could make a couple'a batches of cookies and take it easy ya know? Get some down time."
If it had been the two of them, he would have been nodding already. As it was though, Daryl chewed on his bottom lip for the quarter of a second it took Merle to start snickering.
"Bakin' cookies?" he scoffed, stocky frame leaning for support with one hand on the island while he guffawed once more to himself. Auri still tucked in close to his chest. "Angel, Dixon's don't bake or cook nothin' we can't get five t' ten for, ya gettin' me?" His laughing eyes landed on Daryl, who felt his hackles rise minutely. "Ya been goin' all Martha Stuart over here Darlina?"
Before he could bite back a reply, Beth was already speaking – hands on her hips and everything.
"You listen here Merle Dixon," she started, and Daryl watched as Auri went from seeming moments away from sleep to wide awake at Beth's unhappy tone. "If you don't help bake cookies with us, then not only will you not get any of 'em, but you aren't touchin' not one a' them containers of food I brought. And you won't be eatin' any of the stuffed shells I'm plannin' to make for tomorrow's dinner."
Just the mention of them flooded Daryl's mouth with saliva, and it took everything in him not to chuckle at Merle's stormy expression. On one hand, he really wanted the two of them to get along, on the other, one less mouth eating his shells was never a bad thing. His brother looked at him for either support or explanation as to what had suddenly happened to the sweet, eager to please, woman they'd had in front of them moments ago.
To Daryl that just said his big brother had been getting off easy with those care packages, and dues were about to be paid.
"Nah man," Daryl answered the unspoken question, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest with a shake of his head. "Don' take that shit from her. Girl's half your size an' almost a' quarter yer age." His exaggerated goading earned him a steady glare from Merle, and a pinch to his side from Beth.
"Ain't bakin' shit," Merle stated flatly, earning himself a plaintive whine from Auri, who patted his chest restlessly with one hand, the beginnings of angry bubbles vibrating her pouting lips.
"Suit yourself," Beth replied, just as directly, and for some odd reason Daryl found it hard to ignore how good she looked – all no nonsense and sure of herself like she was.
The kit started crying more and in earnest, and without missing a beat Beth took her from Merle, the two trading irritated looks as the baby was willingly handed over. The brothers watched as the two girls disappeared down the hallway. Daryl couldn't quite quit the curve of his mouth at the other man's heavy browed scowl.
Shit sakes, Merle had been in every kind of fight imaginable and won most of them too, but he was looking pretty beat at the moment. Forget the fact he could easily take what he wanted, Daryl could see the same kind of internal struggle he himself had gone through on multiple occasions when it came to Beth.
"Git that fuckin' shit eatin' grin off yer face you prick," Merle growled, stomping over to the fridge, only to growl again when the strongest drink he found inside was Coca-Cola.
"Fuck off," he replied easily. "Ain't my fault you always gotta make things harder than they gotta be."
"M'not fuckin' losin' my sack over some bi-" Merle quickly cut himself off, making a frustrated noise at Daryl's grunt of warning. "It's not happenin' an' that's it."
He thought about leaving it there. Meant more food for him and more quality time with his woman which was right up his alley, but then it'd also cause awkward friction between the two of them and he didn't want to put Auri or himself through that bullshit.
"Look," he began, dropping his volume considerably. "All she really wants ya t'do is stand in the fuckin' kitchen while she does all the damn work and talk to her a bit ok?"
Merle's brows pinched in confusion. "But she-"
"Don' matter jus' shut the fuck up an' listen," Daryl muttered, hearing Beth's lullaby of Bruno Mars' songs dip in volume as the kit drifted off. "Ain't m'first rodeo with her an' bakin' alrigh'? Last time she had me dump in the chocolate chips, time before that I shook some shit over a sugar cookie - I said fuckin' shut it – an' that's it. S'not worth gettin' yer back up about an' it's worth it."
"Them shells real good huh?" his brother asked after a moment's consideration. Daryl exhaled sharply through his nose, nodding a quick confirmation. "She let ya eat the leftover batter?" This time it was Daryl's turn to give his brother a disbelieving look that made the older man distinctly uncomfortable. "Mama used t'do that." Daryl opened his mouth, something twisting hard in his ribcage. He had zero memory of their mother ever taking the time to bake or cook much of anything. It was one of the many things their old man beat the fuck out of her for – not that the bastard needed a reason. Merle shook his head hard, bringing Daryl up short. "She'd stopped, time you was born."
Darkness and pain swirled just out of reach, and he watched his brother take a hard swig of Coke, clearly wishing it was something with a harder edge. The kitchen turned a type quiet that made him think of winter nights shivering on damp couch cushions, praying the beast asleep in the broke-down recliner didn't wake up and whoop him for the too loud chattering of his teeth. A long ethereal note broke the silence and the two men took unsteady breaths as the note drifted lower and faded.
He cleared his throat, a foul taste in his mouth withering like the quiet had.
"Yeah, yeah she does," he answered at last, crossing the space to the fridge in a jerking stride to get his own drink. "An' if ya don' piss her off too much she might bake ya cake or somethin' for Christmas too."
"We're a couple'a fuckin' chumps, ya know that right?" Merle asked, officially sounding sulky with his defeat.
"Well fed ones though," Daryl muttered back, just as Beth came back down the hallway. "Merle's gonna help."
She paused momentarily, blinking at each of them in surprise.
"Long as I get the extra batter," Merle informed them, tone brooking no argument. Daryl snorted at his brother's look of surprise when Beth was suddenly attached to his torso, skinny arms bear hugging around his barrel chest. Once she'd released him, Merle took all of a second to get back to being himself, winking at her and gesturing vaguely to her and the kitchen. "Happy to help honey britches, willin' t'lick your spoon anytime."
He then chortled right through Beth walloping him in the side and Daryl's humorless glare.
Maybe Beth's outlook on familial violence would change by the time tomorrow was over.
After all, her brother clearly wasn't the only one that deserved a good ass kicking.
Monday, December 25th
Daryl woke slowly to something trying to burrow discreetly into his spine. Chilly little pinpricks of contact highlighting where different parts of Beth met his back. Her nose between his shoulder blades, her hands clenched and wedged between her stomach and his lower back, feet wiggling themselves between his legs.
Getting cold wasn't really something he'd had to deal with in any serious capacity for a while.
He'd finally stopped leaving his bedroom window open though, when he realized that even his body heat coupled with the blanket on his bed wasn't keeping her warm enough. Of course, he'd also told her stubborn ass to wake him up if she got too cold, that he'd wrap himself around her or get another quilt or something.
His next breath out caught against the sides of his throat, and her furtive movements stilled immediately. He waited, for some strange reason getting a kick out of feeling her unbearably slow actions, each one adhering her a little more to him. And just because he was, in fact an asshole, once it felt like she was almost completely flush against him he sighed and curled into more of a fetal position – all but undoing all her hard-won progress.
The last week and a half had been something out of a dream, one he hadn't even thought of himself as capable of having, let alone living. The four of them made a good little unit, and things might be a little cramped, what with Merle being himself, but all in all things had been good. Real good. And he knew it wouldn't last, but Daryl figured if he could just hold onto the memories they'd made, he'd have something to remember when it all went to shit.
A trembling in the mattress brought him back, made him huff out a breath at her unwillingness to disturb him. Made him wonder too. If she wasn't about to risk a little thing, like waking him up when she was clearly uncomfortable…Would she have what it would take to break up with him? If what Shawn had said held any kind of water, which Daryl knew it did. Did that mean it'd be up to him to do what needed done?
Christmas morning ain't the time to be thinkin' this shit.
Forcing it from his mind, Daryl turned over, careful not to elbow the shivering woman beside him in the face as he did so. It was almost pitch black in the room. He could barely make out a pair of surprised blues in the dark before he was rolling up over the top of her. Taking a necessary moment to nuzzle along his favorite place on her neck, he began sucking there idly while rocking his hips. Between her lethargy and shock, Beth was slow to react at first, but then he felt her wrap around him – kind of like he should have been allowed to do to her before she ever started shivering behind him.
"Daryl-"
"Merry Christmas," he interrupted, breathing in that light earthy smell of her. One arm kept him propped up while the other hand went over her leg and hip, rubbing little heat eliciting motions there that only managed to make her shake harder.
"Merry Christmas."
"You excited?" he asked, shifting his weight to begin the same warming scrubbing process on her other side. Beth's breath caught and Daryl grinned against her neck. "Mean about your presents, 'less ya had somethin' else in mind."
"Wonder why I might'a got that idea?" she grumbled, nipping at him through his shirt.
"Been a' really good couple weeks yeah?"
Her skin finally felt like it was at a normal temperature against his, but now he was feeling a few degrees over normal. Beth pulled at his hair, nibbling this time at his bottom lip until he opened up to her and kissed her with a surprised hum. Girl was always so self-conscious about things like morning breath that they kept it strictly to necks and pecks when they did stuff in the morning.
She tightened her hold all the way down the length of his body, and the hand that had been dutifully trying to warm her suddenly clenched into her thigh. Getting no feedback that she was opposed to the change, Daryl shifted his grasp to her ass, pressing them together while she wriggled looking for more friction.
"Is this a new holiday tradition?" The joke was gasped out as he half picked her up off the bed, getting his knees into the mattress and pulling her up with him when he straightened a little.
Ideas of what the position might feel like without so many clothes in the way piqued his curiosity to say the least, and Daryl lifted her hips easily to ride up his thighs. He was half curled into her, both hands moving to support her lower back so she could keep her center pressed hard against his, Beth's arm wrapped around his neck on one side while she leaned on the other to help him keep her up.
"Lookin' t' make it more of a' daily practice," he answered, words panting and jagged as he grinded them together.
"Think we could do it like this? Slow?"
Her question made him groan, her lips against his temple and his forehead resting just above her chest. He didn't know if they could, but he was sure as fuck willing to give it one hell of a try. The clothes thing was still an issue, there was too much of it to just slide to the side.
If she wasn't so goddamn susceptible he'd make sleeping naked a thing for future exchanges like this one was shaping up to be.
He was about to lower her down long enough to strip them both, when some warning whimpers came from the baby monitor. They both waited, not quite freezing but slowing their frantic movements, waiting to see if things went full blown wakeup time. Beth let out a laugh as shaky as her legs against his ribs, as the whimper did indeed become a disgruntled series of grunts.
"I can get her," she said, dropping away from him, making quite the sight laid out before him and arching back into the mattress.
"Nah, I got it." All he could think about, as he released her and took a few moments to get his body under control, was that maybe he'd be able to get the kit back to sleep and be able to pick up where he left off.
His luck had apparently run thin though, because his daughter greeted him with a jabbering string of syllables that was then punctuated with a squeaking yawn. The kid didn't look anywhere close to tired, eyes tracking him easily as he grabbed what he'd need to change her. Her vocalizations were running the gambit these days of every combination she could think of or get out. Beth kept telling him she was days away from saying "dada" but Daryl found himself not being overly concerned with the idea. Auri knew him, had known him before she could even keep her eyes open. Talking wasn't something he'd ever put a whole lot of stock in, so as long as she kept smiling and reaching spasmodic little arms at him – that's what mattered.
"Merry Christmas, Kit," he said quietly, getting her settled on the floor on top of one of her thicker baby blankets. Auri hummed back in general agreement and he smiled slightly while getting her wiped clean. "Little early t' be startin' the day don't'cha think?"
"Hmm mma," she disagreed, and gnawed on her fingers, grunting each time he pulled them free.
"Beth says we spoiled ya too much this year, more presents under that damn tree for ya than you'll know what to do with."
"Mhmmm," Auri answered again, sounding unconcerned by the idea.
"Ya think she'll like all we got her?"
"Ehhh huh?"
He laughed soundlessly at her quirked brows, knowing there was no way she had any idea what he was talking about. But they'd done this kind of thing since she was born, and he'd gotten attached to it, having their little conversations.
"Beth, that's who, ya goof. Who the hell else I'd be talkin' about?"
Auri kept looking at him with a humorous amount of confusion.
"Beth," he repeated, leaning down now that she was all good to go and kissing her on the cheek to watch her face scrunch. "You gonna be able t'say it yerself soon righ'?"
"Ain't gonna be callin' 'er that dipshit," a voice muttered sleepily from behind him, and Daryl turned to see Merle leaning heavily against the doorjamb. Before he even got a chance to ask, his brother continued the conversation with Auri. "Big dummy's talkin' 'bout yer mama baby girl. Ya know yer mama don't'cha?"
Daryl felt the air leave his lungs like Merle had walked over his chest in steel toe boots.
His eyes snapped to the baby monitor by reflex.
"Merle-"
"Ma-ma?"
They both jerked their attention to Auri who was blinking up at Daryl in question.
Don' freak the fuck out.
Didn't mean anything.
Kit had just heard Merle say it. Was probably the only word from all of that that she could mimic easily. That was all. Not like she actually tied the term to Beth, knew what she was saying or what the hell it meant. But Beth, she was on the other side of the monitor and Daryl hated the goddamn idea that she might be getting tore up by hearing it somehow. He couldn't even dive into all the why, there was too much and his brain refused to run through it all while staring down in shock at Auri's dark blues.
"C'mon Kit," he rasped, briefly losing control of his vocal cords as he picked her up and stood.
"Ma-ma?" she repeated, and Daryl had to hard swallow the ass-load of curse words he felt like peppering his piece of shit brother with. "Ma-ma, ma-ma, ma-ma."
His feet locked to the floor when he glanced up and saw blonde to the one side of Merle's bare arm. Beth was watching him and the baby, and if he felt anxiety then his woman looked down right panic stricken. Their eyes met, and Daryl realized he was trying to prepare himself for some form of rejection. One that'd be so much worse than anything he'd ever experienced before because it wasn't just his heart involved in it.
Distant angry prickles were dancing down the muscles in his back, and he wasn't sure who they were for exactly. Beth, for maybe being moments away from saying something she had all the right in the world to say – that she wasn't Auri's mama – even if they all knew that she was the only one the baby had ever known. Merle, for opening his big motherfucking mouth when he shouldn't, like always. Himself, for getting them all into this situation to begin with…Yeah that was probably his best bet.
"I didn't teach her that," Beth said urgently, expression pleading for some reason. "I swear I didn't Daryl."
"Forget it," he muttered, feeling hurt, for nothing he could pin down long enough in order to understand. "S'fine."
"Ma-ma!" Auri's yell made him jump, and her tiny feet pummeled his ribs in excitement.
Merle rolled his eyes and slid off the doorjamb, taking Aurora from Daryl, he walked back out toward the living room. "I'm definitely gonna need some goddamn booze t'be dealin' with your folks Lil' Angel, ya know what I'm sayin'?"
"M-er-mer?" Auri questioned brokenly, before repeating those syllables again and again.
"She doesn't even know what she's sayin'," Beth echoed his earlier thoughts, but instead of agreeing, he felt his agitation rise.
"Yeah I know," he said stiffly. "Might as well get goin' on the presents, all of us awake now anyway." He went to slide past her, but she stopped him with a careful hand.
"I know it's not my place to have her call me that Daryl, I promise."
"Didn' say nothin' about it either way," he responded evenly, shifting away from her touch.
The guilty pressure that had been making itself more and more known was trying to smash the top of his spine through his nasal cavity, and he didn't have anyone other than his dumbass self to blame for it. He loved Beth. Loved Aurora too. Wanted and craved their little family dynamic to never change because it felt like everything he never had when he was a kid. But either his childhood or whatever made up the murky core of him had made it so he hadn't gone about getting a family for himself the right way. Had done just about everything back-assward and now it was trying to torture him. Every month brought a new wave of complications and consequences, ones that were someday going to drown him.
"Then why are you mad?" she asked, obstinately sticking to the topic, refusing to let him stop talking about it like he desperately wanted to.
Because I want ya t'be her mama.
The thought had him biting harshly into his tongue, and he winced away from her gaze. The throb was a good enough distraction. He badly wanted to reverse this morning back to when they'd been in bed together, wanted the truck-like weight to get off his chest, wanted her warm and sweet below him. Or fuck, over him was fine too, anything other than what was happening now. This crushing pain and his inability to hide from it, or hide it from her, was a shitty alternative in comparison. He had to get them back on track to how the day was supposed to have gone – maybe not the bedroom part – back to presents and all that holiday cheer shit.
"S'jus me alrigh'?" he tried, keeping his voice low. "All that stuff with Auri's…"
He couldn't even say it. It, or any of its variations. The woman he'd had his kid with deserved better, no one should be forgotten like she had been, but there was still a part of him that hated her fucking guts for not getting clean once she knew she was pregnant. Not that he had a leg to stand on, not that that was a fucking point to be getting hung up on at the moment.
"Oh, the," Beth tried, seemingly having as hard a time as he had. "Must be harder to think about during the holidays huh?"
It really wasn't.
There was hardly any memory to go along with the person, and he'd achieved the peak of self-loathing he was able to reach over the entire situation. Which made him a worthless asshole. Instead of sharing all this, he remained silent, which thankfully Beth took as an answer of some kind and let it drop. The next time she reached for him, Daryl tugged her closer and hugged her tight.
"Hey can we cut the fuckin' dramatics and get goin' on these presents?"
They broke apart at Merle's complaining, and went to join him in the living room.
Things were a little unsteady at first, or at least Daryl felt off balance for the first bit of the unwrapping. As always it came back to the kit, who took to tearing off the strips of paper offered to her like a pro. Daryl began to relax around the time Beth had Auri open a teddy bear from Nana and Papaw that was the same size she was. Everyone chuckled when she face planted into it, mauling it slightly in her attempt to give it "loves".
When Beth got through opening all the presents he'd gotten her, Daryl was fixed with a look that was between dismay and love. Even though she told him it was too much, he didn't see it that way. Layaway was a godsend, and he'd gotten an account at the store up and going the first day that the place had begun offering it as an option for the holiday season. Had put, a small but far newer television, the cheapest bluray player, a handful of bin movies, CDs, an assortment of toys and things for Auri, and a couple of things for Merle on his order.
"I just don't want ya spendin' all your money on me," she said at last, while simultaneously reading the names and songs on the CDs with avid interest.
"Said the first woman ever," Merle muttered, he'd pulled on his new black hoodie, and was helping Aurie press the buttons on a toy that lit up and sang.
Ignoring his brother, Daryl did his best not to fidget while watching her read. "Ya said you were about through learnin' that guy's songs, thought this might give you an idea of who you wanted to listen to next."
"I haven't even heard of some of these oldies singers," she said excitedly, giving him a little spasm of happiness in his gut. The discs were Greatest Hits type compilations from each decade in a couple of different genres. He'd been sure to get a couple that included some crooners, since she always sounded so good on the slow songs. "But all this other-"
"Said I'd get ya stuff to keep you from dyin' a' boredom while you were here babysittin' months ago," he argued over her, referencing the other items. "Gonna get internet too, after the first of the year. Guy in electronics said that player thing can get Netflix, that's somethin' you got right?"
She nodded, looking as if she wanted to kiss him but holding herself back, which he was both grateful and disappointed about. Later, later he'd get her where he could kiss her, and show her all of the other ways he could, just how much he loved her. How little he cared about the amount of money he spent on her – long as it made her happy.
"Christ bro," Merle chuckled, still enthusiastically playing with his niece, "what rock you livin' under, you haven't got Netflix?"
"You have an account?" Beth asked, sounding floored.
"Got the passwords to a' couple," his brother corrected with a smirk. "Which is all I need."
Daryl snorted, scratching off a few candy canes from a scratch ticket he'd found in his stocking, which he hadn't even known was a fucking thing, but they'd all had one when he went into the living room. Apparently Annette had done Beth's for her before she and Hershel had taken off to Atlanta, but Beth had gotten ones for him, Merle, and Auri, and they were all stuffed full of goodies. She'd also gotten him some new clothes, a couple nicer shirts along with all the kinds of things he usually wore. New saddlebags for his bike since his old ones were falling apart, and more bolts for his bow.
"There's uh, this too." He looked up, from winning a whole three dollars, as she handed him a smallish sized box. "It's from all of us."
"'Cept me," Merle piped up again, snagging some candy while keeping Auri carefully balanced on his lap. "'Cause I ain't got no fucking money, an' if I did, I sure as shit wouldn't have wasted it buying ya that."
"It's from Merle too," Beth corrected sweetly. "Especially if he's wanting any of those cinnamon rolls I'm about to make."
There was a brief silence, Daryl had slid one questing finger under the gift wrap covered in frolicking reindeer, and watched in amusement as the two had a staring contest.
Merle broke first.
"Well you heard her, it's from all of us, get ta' rippin'."
Shaking his head, he did as he was told, gazing dumbly at the unwrapped parcel for too long a time. Time enough for his woman to start to worry anyway.
"We can take it back if ya don't like it, I know technology isn't something you're big on."
"S'a phone," he stated idiotically, receiving a derisive snort from Merle.
"It's got a much better camera and more memory for when you're taking pictures of Auri," she said quickly. "And I can teach you how ta' work it, got you the bigger model so texting won't be such a pain…"
He didn't quite know what to do. The phone was an expensive one, or at least it looked pricey as fuck. It'd been on his long list of things to do, getting a new one. The more people contacted him and sent him pictures or wanted pictures sent of Auri, the more he realized it might be time to upgrade. But he hadn't known where to start, didn't want to stand in the store looking like a moron either, so it kept getting put off. And while she was right, he wasn't much into anything technical in nature, there was still the kind of thrill in him that went back to his days spent in the old county store playing the arcade games. It was a new shiny puzzle to prod at.
Daryl flicked his gaze between Beth and Merle, not knowing which was worse, kissing her the way he wanted to in front of his brother, or chickening out and giving her some half-assed thank you. Knowing him like they both did, he felt his cheeks heat up when his brother rolled his eyes. Merle placed one censoring hand in front of Auri, effectively blocking the baby's view before doing the same to himself. Beth went up on her knees to cross the small distance between them, smiling at him joyfully before wrapping her arms around his neck.
"I better get a whole fuckin' pan a' them cinna rolls," Merle groused, as Auri leaned forward to slobber some "loves" on his partitioning hand.
"Merry Christmas," Beth whispered against his lips, before covering his mouth with hers.
She tasted like chocolate and peppermint, and he wanted to throw her over his shoulder and take her back to bed. Thank her properly, but settled for a few deep strokes and a promising nip as he pulled back. Felt like maybe he really did get what all that meant at last. It was this perfect bubble of joy that might burst at any time, but encircled him for now in a pearly glaze of sweetness and hope.
For now anyway.
Merry fuckin' Christmas you lucky fuck.
Couple of things, the whole Auri talking thing, I know she's borderline too young for that to be a thing but let's think of it as a fluffy holiday miracle, you know, like Merle agreeing to participate in baking in any kind of way, or Daryl willingly kissing Beth where his obnoxious brother can see. ^.^ Lots of fluff and holiday feel goods going on, aha aha not anything OOC here at all... :) Have a good one guys and I am optimistic about having another chap of FotW out before classes start. Thanks again!