And that was how the month passed. I would wake up, he would make stay with him during the day, and at night I would sleep on the floor, praying that God would bring the rescue crew the next day. And one night, 32 days since my marriage, I woke with a start. There was someone else in my room. I could hear shallow breathing coming from the overly big bed standing solemnly in the center of the room. And it was so cold that my body shivered. It must have been that that had woken me from my sleep. But… still something felt wrong here. My breath caught in my throat as I saw a figure stalking across the room, a dagger in his hand. The strange person halted, hearing my intake of breath, and I saw the shadow's head tilt in my direction, obviously startled that there was someone else in the room. The figure stopped, and then it rushed over me, knife glinting maliciously silver. I could feel the cold blade against my neck, but there was no fear. It was as if I were just an observer to this madness. I blinked slowly, and wondered if I pinched myself I would wake up.
"Who are you. Now, before you die an unnecessary death." My heart thumped in my chest, and I wrapped my arms around the figure. The knife pulled back in shock, and I nearly laughed. Oh, how I had missed that voice!
"Caleb!" It was all that needed to be said before he wrapped his arms around me in a nearly crushing embrace. Oh, but I couldn't care less! He was here to save me! But, then reality sunk back in. My hands loosened from around him, and shook my head. No, he had to leave now before Evan could call the guards. I opened my mouth to say as much before his lips were crushed against mine with a bruising force. His arms wrapped around me even tighter till it really was almost hard to breath.
"No. I'm not doing it." He growled against my mouth, low enough not to be heard by anyone else but me.
"You don't…" I whispered back.
"No."
"Ca…"
"No."
"Will…"
"No."
"Ca…!"
"No!" We had gotten too loud, and we both froze as Evan's breath hitched. I heard a low groan, and then the bed shifted ever so slightly in night as he presumably rolled over. I tried to push away from him, but all I got was another low "no" for my troubles. He was not listening to me!
"I'm married!" I said with a quiet rush, and the selfish part inside of me cried out when his hands quickly loosened. "Now go, before Evan wakes up."
"What?" He breathed. I shook my head; he still wasn't listening to me. He had to get out of here! But, then he fell forward. Immediately I put my hand to his back to try and steady him, but all I could feel was cold, unrelenting steel, and warmth oozing between my fingers. I took my hand off his back, and held my hand in front of my face, as if I could see what the warm, sticky substance was that now covered my hand. Caleb fell into my lap, and now I could feel the same warmth covering my dress, soaking through the fabric. The world started to shake, and I glanced around seeing if I could find a source for the odd movement. But, there was nothing except Caleb, lying so oddly still on my lap, and the same strange liquid. Surely that wasn't right, but my brain couldn't seem to figure out what was wrong with the picture. In fact, it didn't seem to be working at all. Something warm touched my shoulder and I glanced up, shocked that there could be something so steady when the rest of the world was shaking so badly. A candle illuminated his face, and I knew it should look familiar, but I couldn't find the memories to tell how I recognized it.
"Come, dove. Let me help take off that dress. It seems it's been ruined." I looked down at my dress, curious as to what he could possibly mean. There, against the fabric, was a growing red stain seeping through everything. Caleb's stomach laid heavily across my knees, eyes open, looking into nothing but thin air. The shaking increased, and my heart pounded in my chest. No. Oh, God, no. Blood. So much blood that the air smelled of metal and… and… a wailing scream pierced everything.
It was that scream that woke me. It was dark once again, and I realized at once that it was me who was shaking so violently, not the world. It was only my personal world that had been crumbling to pieces. My eyes burned, and I could feel trails of cold liquid on my face. The ground my cheek lay on was wet. My lip was bleeding from where I had bit through the delicate skin in my terror. I didn't know if the scream had been real or just the by-product of my petrified mind. I didn't even know if it mattered, I was just thankful it had woken me from my nightmare. My heart fluttered against my chest and I took a shaky breath. The cold air filled my lungs and steadied me, if ever so slightly. It had been a dream.
Ah, but sometimes the truth does not soothe the fear and my hands quickly fluttered to my dress. Dry. No trace of… I sat up and clenched them together. They still shook. And suddenly I was filled with an anger so violent, I nearly gasped. How dare God do this to me! After I had decided to trust Him, and after I had done my best to be a good person! I didn't deserve any of this! And now, like some kind of sick joke, He had given me these dreams. Or, at the very least, He allowed me to have them. Why should I serve such a cruel god? I felt another cold gasp of air enter my lungs, and I could feel it cool the fire within. Sometimes, God and the devil both get blamed for something they didn't do. Sometimes, it's just us humans, making our choices. And while I hadn't chosen such an awful dream, how would it be fair to ask God to get rid of one bad thing because I didn't like it, but not remove the one bad thing that, perhaps, I didn't want Him to get rid of? I sighed, hating the thought at the same time that it gave me comfort. But, I thought, at least I am no longer shaking. Yet, now I had no idea what to do. I had no idea when Evan would wake, and I knew that nothing pleasant would come of leaving without him.
Evan was a constant paradox. There would be times when he could almost be described as tender, but then he would snap at… Every muscle in my body froze stiff as a horrible thought entered my mind. Surely he hadn't always been this way. Drayton himself had said so. But if he had hid it so well in the camp, then who was to say that no one had simply noticed before? In the camp, he had been a different person, a person whom I could see a woman easily falling in love with. And, once she had fallen in love with him, perhaps she would stay. Perhaps she would stay, even when she saw the worst of his temper, and he hit her. She would stay with him because she would want to fix him, and he would always say such nice words afterwards. He would apologize, and perhaps even cry, telling her how much she needed him. Perhaps she would see two different people, and while she hated the one, she would stay for the other. Perhaps, one day, he lost the one man, and in his rage, he had killed his dear princess.
My back hit against something solid, and an involuntary squeak escaped my lips. I would have given anything, in that moment, to be able to grasp that single sound and pull it back into my chest, but it was too late. There was a noise as something hit the floor, and I only had time to think of a cougar jumping to the ground, before a dagger was to my throat, and a warm breath was in my face. I tried to flinch back, but I was solidly caught against what I now recognized as the closest wall. During my thoughts, I had subconsciously been moving backwards, trying to escape, and now I had none.
"Oh, it's you." The knife pulled back from my neck instantly and I took in a shaky breath.
"I thought you were some assassin trying to kill me in the night. I suppose I'm not used to someone else sleeping in my room." I clenched my hands in the carpet, not willing to make a noise. He leaned down in front of me, his hand landed lightly against my cheek. My lips burned as I bit once again into them.
"Go back to bed, dove." He whispered. His lips brushed my cheek and I clenched my eyes shut.
"Why did you call me dove?"
There was a soft chuckle and another kiss on my nose. "I've told you this story. You were holding a dove with a broken wing and you smiled up at me, and it was then I knew I loved you. You remember?" He kissed my forehead and I shook my head.
"You don't remember?" I shook my head again. My throat swelled and I tried to speak, but words would not come.
"My silly little bird. You must be tired, go to bed." He got up to walk away, and I shifted away form the wall.
"I can't sleep," I whispered, hoping he wouldn't hear it. But he stopped and I could hear his footsteps coming back my direction. I grasped my legs harder as he put a casual arm around my shoulders.
"Why not?"
A thought, almost as terrifying as the previous, flashed across my mind, terrifying in the hope that it stirred in my heart.
"I guess I'm just not tired." I sighed, forcibly loosening the grip on my legs.
"Oh? But, the sun won't rise for another hour."
"Maybe, I could go for a walk around the castle? It would tire me out with how big the castle is." His arm around me tightened and I had to stop myself from flinching.
"That would be fine. I will accompany you. For safety." He stood, pulling me up roughly by the shoulder. "Come." He dragged me to the door, and roughly pulled out a key from a chain around his neck. He shoved it into the lock, and nearly dragged me out of the room.
"You're hurting me." His grip loosened instantly, and he stopped mid step.
"I'm sorry. I suppose I was anxious." He turned the corner, and started tugging me, gentler this time, in a seemingly random direction.
"I want to show you something." It was so dark, I couldn't see him, but I pictured him smiling. And then he turned the corner, and there, between two glowing lamps, was a portrait of Evan, and a girl I had only seen in polished metal. She smiled, ever so gently, and Evan's arm was wrapped tightly around her figure. He smiled down at her, but she looked straight at the painter. And in her eyes, I noticed some sort of quiet pain. It was then I noticed other things. Her sleeves hung down past her wrists, even though the background was depicted to be summer. Her hair hung loosely, hiding part of her face. Her hair was darker than mine, though, and her eyes were as blue as water. And I knew who it was immediately.
"Why did you kill her?" I whispered.
He turned to face me, a smile on his lips.
"What, dove?"
"Why did you kill her?"
"Kill who, dove?" His eyes glinted dangerously, but I no longer cared. I would not surrender anymore. I would not run. I would fight if it came to that. I would no longer stand this as she had before. I was tired of sitting back and waiting.
"Why did you kill her? Why? Was it because she wasn't perfect? Was it because just once she didn't do as you said? That gives you no right! She was a human! We aren't perfect, in fact in many ways we let people down. We die, we make mistakes, but that gives you no right. No excuse. Why did you kill her?"
"Why? You know why! You were going to leave me! You told me you were going to leave! You told me you loved me, but it was a lie! How could I? How could you!" He lunged for me, drawing his dagger. And I waited till he was almost too close, and then ducked, grabbing his legs as I went. He fell behind me and the dagger fell from his grasp. I jumped for it but he had recovered more quickly than I thought. He threw a solid punch to my face and my vision went black, just for a second. But it was a second too long, and the dagger was to my neck again. Blood trickled down my neck, and I tried to push it away, but he grabbed my hands easily. He was too strong, and driven by madness.
"I win, Dove. You won't leave me. Not again." And the cold steel pressed against my neck. More blood poured, and I wished I could do something. Anything. But everything was shaking again, getting dark around the edges. And a piercing yell filled every cell in my body.
I was somewhere in between. There may have been a light. My life may have flashed before my eyes. I may have finally understood all the mysteries the world had kept so closely guarded. I don't remember. I remember warmth. I remember… but the words alluded me. Some part of my brain wondered if, perhaps, someone passed out enough times, if they would just get used to it. I surely had had plenty of experience, but still, this floating nothing called me. Called me away from the pain I knew would be coming.
It was the voice, though, that called me. You are still needed, it said. Wake. And so, I did. My eyes opened. And there was Caleb, sleeping on a chair next to my bed. I couldn't believe it. It had to be a dream, and I lifted my hand to pinch myself. I hadn't expected it to hurt, so when I felt a solid pain in my arm a cry left my lips, and Caleb jumped with a start, glancing around as If he didn't know where he was.
"You're awake. You're alive." I couldn't say anything. My heart was trying to understand what was happening to it. So many emotions, so many thoughts I was afraid to process. He raised his hand and I flinched back, waiting for the hit, but of course that was silly. I hoped he hadn't noticed, but his hand froze in the air, and I registered the shock in his eyes.
"I'm sorry." It came out a whisper that I wasn't sure he had heard. I reached for his hand, and clasped it in mine. He smiled then, faintly, and squeezed back. I tried to smile back, but I think it probably came out as more of a wince.
His eyes widened and he jumped from his seat, loosening his grip on my hand. "Are you hurt? I'll go get…" I stopped grabbed his arm, stopping him.
"No, I don't hur…" I stopped and my hand flew to my neck. Had all that been a dream? No, there was no way. It had hurt too much. Felt too real. There was no way it could've been a dream, but then how was my neck better?
He truly smiled then, and leaned close like he was whispering a secret. "Remember, we have a girl who can freakishly heal people?" His eyes grew serious, "but, she couldn't heal it all the way; she said the scar won't go away." He looked away then, and I knew he was thinking the same thing as I. She had meant more than just the physical scar. There wasn't a way for any human to heal the scars I now had on my heart. "I'm glad you're alive."
"What happened?"
He sighed then, and his eyes tightened. "It took longer than was expected to get people to believe Olivia. And then, when we got to the castle, we found you lying on the…" he stopped and I could hear him swallow. "Evan was nowhere to be found, but another team found him later. He's in the dungeons, now."
"What are they going to do to him?"
"I don't know. He has a lot of crimes to pay for. He said… he wanted his wife. Was he talking about you?" I nodded, and his fists clenched. "What did he make you do?"
"He… forced me to marry him… he was going to kill…"
"My granddaughter," a voice interrupted. A man, the priest I remembered, walked in, his head low. "I apologize for interrupting, but I heard the noise from outside. I need to talk to this one. Perhaps it would be better for you to go, son."
"No, I will not leave."
The priest stared at Caleb, but then nodded his head. His eyes turned back to me, and I could see the sorrow that lay in them. An anger rose inside me, but I quickly pushed it down. He had had as much choice as I.
"My dear, thank you for saving my granddaughters' life. I owe you more than I can say. And now I need to ask you… did he force you to consummate the marriage?" I gasped, and deliberately forced myself to look away from Caleb. "Did he?" He asked his hand covering my own.
"No."
The old man sighed, and I saw him nod his head.
"Then it never happened."
My head shot up, and the priest must have understood the question in his eyes, because for the first time I saw him smile.
"The marriage, under the eyes of the law, never happened. It was not consummated within the 30 days of your marriage."
"What?"
"You're not married. By law, you never were. You are free to marry whomever you want." I glanced at Caleb, and for the first time in ages, I felt myself truly smile.