Thank you to all of my Chapter 25 reviewers!- ceringosnowflake, Beauxbatons-Girl, The Marauders and Lily, aragog, aznphreak1218, teainamug, animeanigel, brona, The Next Marauder, Heather Gernenz, ridiculously riddukulus, xx-Lils, Shaurya, WhiteCamellia, and harry-an-ginny. Yall are absolutely the best! FOURTEEN reviews last chappie...I love yall!
I'm so sorry about the superlong wait between updates (once again, I know, I'm awful...) But I really hope this chapter makes up for it. I put a lot into it, and I hope you like it! So, enjoy!
Chapter 26- Lost and Found
"Friends, we are gathered here today to remember two extraordinary people who were taken from us much too soon."
Lily wasn't really listening as a minister that she had never met before droned on and on about people that he didn't even know-
Her parents.
Everyone had gathered around for a small graveside service three days after Lily's parents' deaths. There was a slight February chill to the air, but the weather, with its sunny, cloudless skies, was lying if it thought it was reflecting the mood of the mourners.
Inside, Lily felt cold, empty, and lost. She didn't remember much of what happened after McGonagall broke the news to her. She remembered that James caught her, that she cried her eyes out, that Rachel and Jez packed her bags for her, then Flooing home.
Only it didn't feel much like home anymore. Her relatives and Petunia were there, of course, but still- the homey feeling that her parents gave to the house was gone. She had helped her aunts and Petunia with the funeral planning and done a little school work. She had received dozens of owls from her friends, checking to see how she was. She hadn't responded, but knowing that her friends were worried about her was a slight comfort.
But the one thing that Lily had wanted the most had yet to happen. She wanted to sit down and talk things over with Petunia. She just wanted to fall into Petunia's arms and cry with her. She just wanted her sister to look her in the eye. She missed the special bond they had made before she returned to school that was strengthened over numerous letters. She missed hearing (or rather seeing, with it being letters and all) Petunia ramble on about bridesmaid dresses or what type of centerpieces they should have at the reception. Now she was afraid they had returned to the time where Lily was a freak. Lily knew it was her fault that her parents were gone. She knew it would be next to impossible for Petunia to ever forgive her, but she wanted to give it a shot. She wanted her sister back.
Glancing down the row of seats, Lily saw Petunia sitting beside her aunt. Petunia was the portrait of sadness. Her conservative black dress more than said her feelings, but her expression made Lily's heart break even more. Petunia's solemn gaze rested on their parents' caskets. Petunia was able to express with one look what Lily was feeling. Lily wished she could tell Petunia that as she returned her gaze to the minister.
The rest of the service passed slowly, and after it ended, mourners came by in a line to give their condolences to Lily, Petunia, and their family. Once the last person had walked by, Lily turned to her sister.
"'Tunia, we need to talk," she whispered.
"What about?" Petunia snapped.
"This. Why we're here," Lily said. "Petunia, it hurts so bad I don't know what to do."
"Well why don't you go back to your little freak friends and see if they can't help?" Petunia told her. "You know that's the reason we're here. YOU'RE the reason Mum and Dad are dead. YOU'RE the reason my father won't be able to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. YOU'RE the reason that we'll never get to see our parents again. I hope you feel guilty-"
"I do, I-" Lily began, but her sister continued.
"Because you should. It's all your fault, you and your little freak of a problem. I hate you, Lily. And frankly, I don't care if I ever see you again. No, I DON'T ever want to see you again. I wish it had been you instead of them."
Her words stung Lily as Petunia turned on her heel, walking off and leaving Lily standing alone with tear-filled eyes by her parents' tombs.
Taking a deep breath and willing herself not to cry, Lily tore her gaze away from the graves and turned to look at the diminishing crowd. Seeing a certain six people standing there made a tiny piece of her broken heart come back together.
Standing in a line looking at her were Peter, Remus, Jez, Sirius, Rachel, and James, all waiting to see her reaction. Everyone seemed to have been there the whole time. They all work black (even Sirius was wearing a suit and didn't wear his normal expression of humor.) For once, Peter's expression wasn't blank and lost. Remus had his arm around Jez, who was wiping at her eyes with a handkerchief. Rachel's bright blue eyes were rimmed in dark liner and James's hair seemed to lie a little bit flatter. The tears she had willed to go away returned, and she started to shake with sobs. All six of her friends ran to her at the same time, offering hugs and comforts.
"What are you guys doing here?" she asked with a shaky voice.
"Dumbledore said we could come, and you know we couldn't pass up a chance to skip classes," Remus said with a slight joking tone to his voice.
"Someone had to make sure you made it back to school alright," Jez told her in a soothing voice.
"And we couldn't exactly leave you alone for this," Rachel added.
Lily nodded through the tears. She looked up at James, whose arms she had fallen into. His expression was one of sympathy and understanding, comfort and solace. He tightened his arms around her, making her feel a little bit better. She glanced back toward the graves and felt her breath catch in her throat. Everyone seemed to understand.
"Come on," Sirius said, jerking his head toward the backyard, a safe Apparition point. "Let's go back to school."
"This isn't where you need to be right now," Peter told her.
Lily nodded. She willed her feet to move, but found herself unable. She couldn't move.
"Come on," James whispered in her ear. "I'm here." He moved his arms from around her and took her hand in his. His warm hazel eyes met her bright green ones and suddenly, she was able to move her feet.
-------
"I'm a little worried about her," James said to Sirius. It was a few days after they had returned Lily to school, and the readjustment period was proving difficult. She had walked around in a sort of daze, refusing to talk to anyone and only concentrating on catching back up on her schoolwork. When she wasn't studying or scribbling away at an essay, James had caught her staring off into space blankly, that sparkle that he loved about her eyes absent.
"Of course you are. We all are. For Merlin's sake, her parents were murdered by that idiot's minions," Sirius said, tossing away a dog-eared copy of the Daily Prophet that told of yet another attack by Voldemort. "You can't exactly expect her to be flowers and butterflies a week after that, Prongs."
"Yeah, I know," James said, looking away from his best friend. "I'm just trying my best to help. I don't know what to do- we've never had to deal with something like this before. What if I'm doing it wrong?"
"Will you stop worrying?" Sirius said. "You're doing fine. You're there with the tissues and the warm embrace when she needs you to be. You're doing far better than I ever could."
"That's not very encouraging," James said.
"Hey!"
"You know I was just joking. Like I said, I'm really worried. Where is she right now, anyway?" James began looking around the Gryffindor common room anxiously.
"Up in the girls' dormitory," Sirius explained. "Jez came and stole her and Rachel from me. We were talking and all the sudden Jez comes from nowhere and takes them upstairs."
"They're just trying to cheer her up," James told him, wishing he could be a part of it.
"Yeah, well she could use it right now," Sirius said in a low voice. "I'm not trying to be too morbid here or anything, but don't you think we should keep an eye on her just in case..." Sirius looked around nervously, not finishing his sentence.
"Just in case of what, Sirius?" James asked.
"I mean, the girl's parents were just murdered, and her sister practically disowned her in front of their graves. She walks around with a blank expression 24/7. You don't think she might be having sort of self-morbid thoughts, do you?"
"What, you mean, like...suicide?" James asked, shocked that Sirius would even bring that up. But, Sirius nodded. "That's not like Lily. She'd never do that. She knows she has us to turn to, no matter what."
"I know, and I'd be the first- sorry, second person in line if she ever needed someone to talk to, but... I'm worried about her, just like you, and I'm just trying to think of what's best for her. And James, it's not like you haven't seen it, too; I know you have."
James cast a quick glance at his friend. He was unwilling to say it aloud, but the look (or lack, thereof) in Lily's eyes lately had scared him. He didn't think she was the type to do something like that, but her parents had just been murdered by the followers of the most evil wizard of their time. He had to do something...
He didn't want that to happen to Lily.
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"Come on, Lil, you have to eat something," Jez urged Lily. They were at breakfast the next morning, and Lily was stirring her bowl full of soggy cereal absent-mindedly.
"I'm not that hungry," Lily said softly. The truth was, Lily hadn't eaten much of anything in over a week. She was beginning to look pale, and her robes were hanging around her even more loosely than usual.
"Well just have some toast. You can't keep this up, Lil, you'll waste away to nothing," Rachel told her.
"Mail's here," Sirius interrupted, gesturing toward the owls that were flying around the Hall. They all watched as two large barn owls came and brought two large parcels to Lily, a note attached.
"Who could this be from?" Lily asked, taking the note off the box as Jez and Rachel untied the packages from the owls.
James watched as Lily's emerald green eyes scanned the paper, her blank expression melting and tears springing to her eyes as she read.
"Lil, what is it?" he asked quietly.
"Oh, nothing," she said, stuffing the letter back in the envelope and brushing away the tears with the back of her hand. "I have to go see Dumbledore, I'll meet you guys in class, okay?" she said, taking the boxes from Jez and Rachel and walking out of the hall.
"Don't follow her," Rachel warned.
"Why?" James asked with an exasperated expression.
"She needs to be alone right now, whatever it is," Rachel told him.
"But I can't let her be alone," James said.
"You have to. You'll see her in class," Rachel said, closing the subject.
But they didn't see Lily in class. Professor McGonagall was very upset that Lily was absent- she wanted her to demonstrate her Human-Animal spell that had earned her an O on the last test. Worried even more, James rushed up to their dorm as soon as class ended. He found her collapsed in the middle of her bed, shaking with sobs.
"Lil? Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked, rushing over to her.
Lily just shook her head.
"Does it have something to do with those packages that came for you today?" James asked softly, stroking her soft red hair.
Lily nodded. "Stupid...Petunia...sent stuff from... Mum and Dad's things...she said..." She was unable to finish the sentence.
"What did she say, Lil?" James asked gently.
"That I didn't even deserve this! That it was all my fault," Lily sobbed.
"Lil, it's not your fault," James told her.
"Yes it is. If I wasn't a witch, they'd still be here!"
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do! It's all my fault! My parents are dead and my sister's disowned me! I just..." her gaze drifted to the window. "I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to disappear...go to sleep and dream that it never happened..."
"Lily, don't talk like that," James said. "You didn'-"
"James, if you don't mind I just really need to be alone right now," Lily said softly, not looking him in the eye.
James looked hurt. She didn't want him around...what was so bad about him? He wanted to be there for her, but she didn't want him there. Nevertheless, he had to respect her wishes.
"Fine then. Let me know when you want to talk," James said, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before standing and leaving, stealing one last glance at her weeping form before closing the door behind him.
He didn't know that was the last time he'd see Lily that day.
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"I can't believe she'd skip classes the entire day," Rachel said as the group walked out of Defense class. "I mean, I can understand why, but even given the circumstances, she's acting very un-Lily."
"Especially after telling Prongs to go away," Sirius added. "I mean, who tells their significant other who is trying to comfort them that they don't want them around?"
"Apparently someone whose parents were just killed," Remus said. "Maybe we should go check on her."
"James already went," Peter said. "Didn't you see him dash out of class the second the bell rang?"
"Well let's go anyway," Jez offered as they came to the portrait of the Fat Lady. "I'm sure she'd be happy to see us all."
Once inside, they were barely to Gryffindor's portrait before James came out.
"She's not there," he said breathlessly.
"What?" Rachel asked, confused.
"She's not in her room or anywhere in there, I checked," James told them worriedly.
"Well she might just be in the library or somewhere," Sirius said, trying to calm James down.
"No, she's not here. She's not in the school, I know, I can just feel it," said James.
"You don't know that, James, maybe we should just split up and look for her," Jez suggested.
"We have plenty of time before supper," Remus told them. "Let's go. Jez and I'll take the first two floors."
"Come on, Peter, we'll go look around the top floors," Rachel said. "Sirius, stay with James, keep him calm," she whispered as she and Peter left.
"She's gone, I know it," James repeated to Sirius.
"Prongs, just calm down, she's okay," Sirius tried to tell James.
"No she's not! Don't you get it? I know she's not in the school, she's somewhere else, and she's hurting," James exclaimed.
"Well, let's look around outside just to be safe. Let's check the Quidditch pitch and we'll go see if Hagrid's seen her, okay?" Sirius offered.
James nodded, but his eyebrows were still drawn together with worry.
"James, I promise we'll find her, okay?" Sirius told him. "Come on, we don't have any time to lose."
With that, the best friends left through the portrait hole, not wanting to rest until they found Lily.
------
"I told you she wasn't around here, I told you," James told everyone as they met back in the Great Hall, all having come up empty handed in their searches.
"Well it was good just to be on the safe side," Jez said. "Now, we take action."
"Meaning?" James asked, still driven crazy with worry. He hadn't seen Lily in over eight hours now...she could be anywhere, hurt, crying, even...no, he didn't want to think about that. If she was, he would know by now.
"We tell McGonagall and Dumbledore," Jez told him. "Anyone that can help us."
"Jez is right, let's go," Rachel said, leading the way to Dumbledore's office.
Everyone followed, but noticed their misfortune when they found themselves without the password to Dumbledore's stone gargoyle.
"We're screwed," Rachel said as soon as she realized this.
"No we're not," Remus said. "He usually uses some sort of sweet as his password...he likes Muggle stuff, too."
"Last time I was in here, it was Fizzing Whizbee," Sirius said. "But obviously, it's changed since then."
"Well let's just keep guessing candies," Jez suggested. "Licorice Snaps."
"Cockroach Clusters," tried Peter.
"Licorice Wand," guessed Rachel.
"Chocolate Frog," Sirius said. Suddenly, the stone gargoyle sprung to life and jumped aside.
"Nice one, Padfoot," James said as he moved to be the first one to go into the office, but found himself face to face with the person they were going to see.
"My, my, my- to what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from the six of you?" Dumbledore said. "There are usually seven- where, may I ask, is Miss Evans?"
"That's what we need to talk to you about, Professor," Rachel said.
"She's gone, sir," James told him.
"Gone?" Dumbledore asked.
James nodded. "She wasn't in Defense class so we went to see her after the bell rang and she wasn't in her room."
"Well we must search the castle, unless, of course, you have already done so."
All six teens nodded.
"I suspected as much. You children always try to do it on your own before you ask for help. Well, we must alert the teachers and ghosts of what has happened and begin a more extensive pursuit of our Head Girl. Miss Morgan, I'd like you to go and fetch Professor McGonagall from her office. Mr. Lupin, if you'd go retrieve Professor Slughorn, Mr. Pettigrew, Professor Flitwick, and Miss Rogers, Professor Merrythought. Mr. Black, I'd like you to go and tell Hagrid to begin a search of the grounds. Now off you go, we haven't a moment to lose."
As all six of his friends head of in their separate directions, James turned to the Headmaster. "What about me, Professor?" he asked, feeling left out. He had to do something to help find Lily.
"You, Mr. Potter, are going to come in here, sit down, and tell me everything and anything out of the ordinary that has been going on with Miss Evans lately," Professor Dumbledore said, ushering James into his office.
"You mean other than her parents being murdered by Death Eaters?" James asked as he and the headmaster walked into his office.
"Well that would be considered out of the ordinary, even with the way things are these days," Dumbledore said with a sad tone to his voice.
"I know it's going to take a while for things to get better for her, but she's just been so depressed lately," James explained. "She keeps blaming it on herself because her sister told her it was all her fault."
"Miss Evans cannot help the fact that Voldemort chose to attack her family," Dumbledore told James. "He singles out the families of Muggleborns that show promise or extreme talent. She should not place the blame on herself, no matter what her sister says."
"I know, I told her that, Professor, but she just told me to leave," James said. "I was trying to help. Why would she do that?"
"James, Miss Evans is going through a very difficult time. I understand that you want to help her, and I can assure you that she appreciates it, but sometimes we can only do so much. It will be a long time before she is herself again."
"Then what am I supposed to do?" James asked exasperatedly.
"Wait," Dumbledore said simply. "Give it time. Let her know that you are there for her. For now, that's all you can do."
"Why does he do it, Professor? Why does Voldemort tear people's lives apart like this?"
"I wish I could give you a good explanation for that, Mr. Potter, but I cannot tell you exactly why. I can tell you that he has led a troubled life that should not have turned this way. He feels powerful for getting rid of people's loved ones because he's never experienced love. It's a force that he can barely tolerate in his body, and feels that everyone should be the same way."
"Professor, what do you mean by-" James began to ask, but this was when Rachel came in with Professor McGonagall.
"Albus, I've already ordered the prefects to begin another thorough search of the school with the assistance of the ghosts, and Hagrid and Professor Kettleburn are searching the grounds," she said. "When did you last see her, Potter?"
"This morning, between your class and lunch," James told her.
"And she was absent from her room when you returned after your last class?" Professor McGonagall asked.
"We looked everywhere, Professor, but there's no sign of her," Rachel explained.
"What's this about Lily Evans being gone from the school?" Professor Slughorn said as he and Remus came in.
"That's what we're trying to figure out, Horace," Dumbledore said. "Now once everyone gets here, we will sit down and come up with a plan to find the young lady-"
"But Professor, she could be anywhere, hurt, sick, even-" James began, but found himself unable to finish his statement.
"I know, Mr. Potter. I promise you, we will find Lily, and we won't rest until we do," Dumbledore told him, his blue eyes telling James that he meant every word of it.
------
"I can't believe it," James complained. "A whole night of searching, and they still haven't found her. This is insane." It was the next afternoon, a Saturday. The group had set up a base in Professor Dumbledore's office because that's where all the action was happening. Peter had fallen asleep, and Jez's eyelids were getting heavy. Remus had been assisting the prefects with their search of the school, while Rachel and Sirius had been trying to keep James from going insane.
But they had been fairly unlucky with this. James was going crazy. He was becoming even more and more worried about Lily. The feeling in his stomach was getting worse and worse. Just knowing that Lily was in danger was making him shake with worry. He could barely think straight. Just the thought of what could've happened to her, where she could be...he couldn't go on if something happened to her. He just couldn't. He had to find her, and he had to make her better.
"James, they've alerted the Ministry and have told the centaurs to be on the lookout for her," Rachel told him.
"And if she's in the forest, those centaurs will find her," Sirius said. "Remember last year when we lost Peter during our last full moon? We told them and they found him, no problem."
"I know, I just feel so useless, sitting here. We should be out helping them," James said.
"You know we're not allowed in the Forbidden Forest, Prongs," Remus said as he came back in. "No matter how much time we spend there, it's against the rules."
"Any luck?" James asked.
"Nope. Nobody's seen her, not even the portraits," Remus said sadly, shaking his head. "Any word from anyone else yet?"
James shook his head. "Dumbledore should be back soon- he went to talk to the centaurs."
"Who are, as we speak, searching for Miss Evans," McGonagall said as she entered the office. "Professor Dumbledore has left to speak with Ministry officials."
"Professor, isn't there anything else we can do?" James asked. "I don't want to just sit here. I have to find her."
"Mr. Potter, I understand your concern for Miss Evans' well being. I know how much you care for her. We are trying our best to locate her and make sure that she is fine."
"It doesn't look like that's been good enough, now has it, Professor?" James told her. "Look, just let us help look, we'll be-"
"Mr. Potter, I can NOT let you into the Forbidden Forest!" Professor McGonagall said in a firm tone. "It's against the rules for students to enter it, no matter how urgent the situation may be."
"Professor, please, I have to find her!" James said desperately. "She's hurting, I can feel it. I can't let that go on and just sit here and do nothing!"
"Prongs, stop yelling at the teacher," Sirius said in an urgent whisper. But Professor McGonagall's expression softened at James' last statement. He saw something click in the transfiguration teacher's eyes.
"All right, Mr. Potter. You and your friends may go look. But do not remain in the forest for long, and if you get into trouble, let us know somehow. And please, Potter, be careful."
James barely heard the last part- he was already out the door.
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"Come on, Prongs, slow down!" Sirius called after James. As bright as the day was, the forest was still dark and damp, a light mist setting on the air.
"I can't, I have to find her," James said to Sirius. "I know she's here somewhere."
"You know how this'll go faster, right?" Sirius asked. James gave him a curious expression, but understood as soon as Sirius transformed into his shaggy black dog form right before his eyes.
"Wormtail, do the same, and run ahead of us," James said, nodding at Peter, who did as told.
"Wait, what about us?" Remus asked, gesturing to himself, Rachel, and Jez.
"You'll just have to continue on as you are. But don't split up, it's not safe," James said as he changed into his Animagus form and left the girls.
As he roamed the forest, he felt a little bit more at ease- this was much simpler than running around as a human. His stag senses were more acute and exact. He knew where he was going, he knew he was going to find her this way. He was getting closer...he could feel it. He began to gallop faster.
Then he saw- a glimpse of dark red hair shining from the forest floor. Changing back into a human, he saw her, collapsed in a clearing. Her clothes were torn, her hair tangled, her deathly pale skin covered in scratches and bruises. She was lying in a peculiar way, her right leg twisted up under her body. There was a gash in her right arm, the blood seeping through her shirt. She appeared unconscious.
"Lily," James said as he ran toward her. "Lily, wake up. Lily, please," he said, shaking her lightly. Her head moved a little bit, but her eyes stayed shut.
James winced as he looked at her arm. The wound must have been fairly fresh- the blood was still pouring from it. James unbuttoned his top shirt and slipped it off, tying it around the gash. Knowing that he had to get her to the hospital as quickly as possible, he picked her up off the ground and began to make his way back out of the forest, focused on getting Lily back to safety.
He wasn't worried about why she had run away. He wasn't thinking about how she had told him to go away. He wasn't even concerned with how she had gotten hurt. All he knew was that he had found her, that she was semi-okay, and that he was going to help her get better.
So yes, another semi-cliffie. But atleast you know she's okay. The next chapter will be making her better and finding out what happened. So once again, I apologize for the super long time between updates. I've just had a lot of stuff going on with my friends and this guy (I like him, but I set him up with one of my best friends, and know they're all happy and once again, that leaves me sad, lonely, and depressed, which turns out was lovely inspiration to draw on when writing the sad parts of this chapter) and my semi-new social life (gotta love going to the movies with seven people and ending up in the Chinese restaurant with fifteen). Plus, to make everything better, I got my learner's permit today! The law here in VA is fifteen andsix months, so Iend up getting it on April Fool's day (just my luck)soI was so scared that I was going to fail the test- my hands were shaking the entire time! But I passed, and I took an awesome picture (I look great in it, not awful like most lisence and permit pictures) and then my daddy took me driving all over the county and then my mom and I went to see Ice Age 2 (I drove again, and the movie was hilarious! Laughed my butt off at Scrat and his acorns) and then rushed home to finish this chapter for you amazing people.
Which brings me to my last rambling- I love you guys who review so much! I'm so close to 200 reviews now- should hit it with the next chapter, but possibly this one (If I can get seventeen of yall to review out of the 40-something that read this regularly, which I'm hoping I can). If I do get seventeen reviews (a longshot, I know) the next chapter will be super long and especially well written, no matter how long it takes (which with reviews, also known as encouragement, shouldn't be so long). So thanks to you all! Please review! Until next time, lots of love and pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream- Emma.