Author's Notes: I warned you, the phone is gone now. Maybe forever. That's ok. I need to post my ghost one soon. You'll understand when it's posted. Until then, back to procrastinating.
The Last of the Calls
"Ok, if this doesn't work I'm gunna give up and have lunch," Duxi admitted as he tried connecting more wires to Dib. He was in a room behind the stage trying to revive Red, Dib, and Prisoner 777 while Dwicky was forced to watch.
The former school councillor was peeking through his fingers. "So uh… why am I here again?" he asked.
"Moral support," Duxi replied just as he shocked himself with one of the wires and flew into the wall.
"Ouch, watch it," the wall said unhappily.
"Ok…" Dwicky spoke, sounding unsure.
"I'm not really good at reviving people without the reversal remote thing," Duxi explained as he pulled himself from the indent he made. "Miyuki had a whole bunch of supplies and she studied surgery for these kinds of things. I thought it was boring so I watched Youtube videos instead."
"So how is my son?" Professor Membrane asked, poking his head into the room. "Is he alive yet?"
"Nope, he's still dead," Duxi answered him honestly. He hadn't even started working on Red or Prisoner 777 yet. They were both lying sprawled out on the floor.
Attempting reactivation… ZAP!
"Gah!" Red bolted up and held his aching head as his vision slowly returned.
"Oh wow," Duxi dropped the wires he was going to start attaching to Red's face. "Why didn't you do that before?"
Red's antennae fell back. "Because my Pak needed to repair my damaged brain first…" he replied.
Before he had a chance to fully regain his senses, Duxi floated behind him and took his Pak with little effort. "I'm just going to borrow this for a quick sec."
"What are you doing?" Red questioned squinting an eye at the Vortian poser.
"I'm going to use this to revive the other two guys," Duxi answered.
Red dragged his hand down his face and muttered to himself before speaking up, "it doesn't work like that."
"I'm going to try it anyway."
"Are you sure you wouldn't like me to construct a life support machine?" Professor Membrane asked rubbing his chin through the fabric of his lab coat. "It would only take me an hour or two."
"Nope, we're good," Duxi replied. "I'm too impatient to wait that long," he added happily.
"But you've already been doing this for two hours, and they're still dead," Dwicky pointed out.
"Duxi… the phone has been ringing for hours already," Spork informed the energy being who was trying to attach Red's Pak to Dib's face. "It's driving the audience insane."
"Wait," the Vortian poser blinked. "You're in here too?"
"I'm the entire floor… so yes," Spork answered. "You should know. You were also the floor once."
"I forgot already."
"Ok, so about the phone?"
"Oh… um… well I guess you can get one of the alive contestants to answer the phone. Like Lard Nar or Purple or someone."
Spork let out a sigh. "Fine. I'll do that."
RIIING! RIIIIING!
Shloonktapooxis stared at the phone which was nearly ringing right off its hook. "I think it's getting louder." He commented.
"Duxi says one of you guys can answer it," Spork told the contestants who were hanging out on the stage.
Gir was playing leap frog with his new "friend" who had been dragged out of the audience to play. Zim was holding a blow-torch which he was using to set some things on fire; mostly audience members and chairs for now. No one was really sure where the device had come from. Lard Nar was passed out in Prisoner 777's seat. He hadn't moved after the contest ended and until the other Vortian was revived he wouldn't have to.
Purple was clutching his antennae trying to drown out the noise of the annoying phone.
"Please just answer it already…" a blob creature in the audience said.
"I uh… don't have hands," Shloonktapooxis remarked as he looked around for someone nearby who did.
"I'll answer it," Tak stated. She got up from her seat and walked over to the pedestal where the phone was ringing loudly. She grabbed it and held it up so everyone could hear.
"Hey, everyone! Just your friendly neighborhood fan calling -well, okay, so maybe I'm not SO friendly...especially after that last one..." the voice on the phone said.
"Yay! A friend!" Gir cheered as he bounced over to the phone and tried to grab it out of Tak's hand. Tak used her other hand to hold the robot at bay.
"BUT!" the voice shouted loudly, startling Lard Nar awake. "I think that you guys have been doing so well and these contests are hard, so... EVERYBODY, WATCH THE MUPPET SHOW!"
"I LOVE THAT SHOW!" Gir shrieked.
"I think I'm deaf now," Tak informed everyone impassively.
"That person is crazy loud," Purple remarked as he edged further away from the phone. "And the robot really really isn't helping."
"What kind of show is that?" a Meekrob in the audience asked.
"It's stupid," Gaz answered as she continued to focus on her game. "Now be quiet. I'm trying to reach the next level."
"It's a frog and a pig and they're in love and they hold hands and then she gets mad and more things come and everyone sings songs!" Gir explained. "Sometimes they're pirates!"
"It's a puppet show…" the Letter A said, providing a more clear answer.
"Yup, that's right!" the voice on the phone agreed. "Put it up on the big screen right now, or whenever you can in-between the contests! Because I'm sure that's something that'll make everyone happy! Because they're awesome! Especially the Tallest, 'cause the Muppets are like, the ULTIMATE PUPPETS! ...Yes, they are. They just are!"
"We can't do that right now because Duxi and Miyuki are the only ones who know how to work the large monitor," Lard Nar spoke, having finally regained his bearings. "And not everyone likes puppets."
"I could figure it out probably," one of the Vortian prisoners remarked. "But I don't want to."
"You know some of us have horrible nightmares of laughing maniacal flesh-eating puppets," a grey alien with squiggle-eyes commented from his seat. "Er… not that… it always happens…"
"I like puppets," Purple said. "I like them more than most people, but Red is dead right now and at any moment the screen could collapse on us and crush us all, or explode, or more water could rush in and flood the place and get us electrocuted." He breathed a sigh and let his hands fall to his sides. "But yeah. Puppets are awesome. It's the dying that's a bummer. It makes it kinda hard to relax and enjoy a good show."
"Besides, the contest is probably going to start again soon," Shloonktapooxis remarked sticking out his tongue.
"Thanks for reminding me of that," Purple responded sarcastically.
"You're welcome," Shloonktapooxis said without recognizing the sarcasm.
"DIEEE foolish meat-slugs!" Zim shouted as he continued shooting fire some of the audience members. "MWAH HAAA HAA!"
Gir jumped in front of one of the flames. "Yayy!" he shrieked. "I'm on fire!" he threw up his arms and started running in circles. "Watch me buurn! I burn so good! Whee!"
Gaz ducked under one of the streams of fire without batting an eye and continued to play her game. "BE. QUIET. ZIM." She growled in warning. "And make your stupid robot be quiet too or you'll both pay!"
"Where did he even get that…?" one of the frightened audience members asked as it cowered behind its seat.
"It's Zim, so it's better not to ask," Purple replied running a hand down his face.
"Oh, and for the next contest?" the voice started again. Purple, Shloonktapooxis, Lard Nar, and Tak were the only ones really paying attention to the phone since everyone else was being distracted by Zim's little rampage. "I suggest a DANCE-OFF!"
"What…?" Lard Nar said from where he was still enjoying a few more moments of getting to sit at the judge's table instead of being forced to do ridiculous and painful things. "Why would you want us to do that?"
"Cause that hasn't been done yet!" the voice over the phone replied. Then the person added, "that, and I just imagined the Almighty Tallest singing that song, "Razzle Dazzle" that so-and-so sang on The Muppet Show and it's awesome!"
Lard Nar glared at Purple. "If we end up dancing, it's going to be your fault."
Purple scowled at the Vortian. "My fault?" he repeated in disbelief. "How is it my fault that the person or whatever has a weird and scary imagination?"
"Because she's picturing you doing it," Lard Nar responded dismissively.
"Well it's not like I go dancing around places in my spare time," Purple retorted, but all that did was make everyone who was still alive and didn't have 3rd degree burns picture the lavender-eyed Tallest dancing.
"Anyways, I'm off to draw that~!" the voice concluded.
"Please don't draw that…" Purple mumbled knowing full well it wouldn't matter. Then the dial-tone happened.
Tak hung up the phone and returned to her chair.
Shloonktapooxis' eyes widened when he noticed Gir was now melted into the floor. "Oh gosh… is he ok?" he questioned.
"Well… this is awkward…" the floor, who was still Spork, commented.
Gir who was pretty much a puddle now still managed to make a garbled cheering noise.
"It can't be much more awkward than getting stepped on all the time," Tak concluded irritably and she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Oh, it is," Spork assured her. "He's starting to fuse to me. If I revert back to my normal shape now, the robot will be sticking out of my chest like some kind of crazy mutation."
"You're a ghost," Lard Nar stated rubbing his temples. "You don't have a body. Just disappear or something."
"Ouch. Way to hit a guy when he's down."
"But you are a ghost," Shloonktapooxis said.
"Really? Is it because I made you guys live-out your most horrible nightmares?"
"No, it's because you died!" Lard Nar told him strongly.
"Now either fix your own stupid problem or stop complaining," Tak remarked.
"Good news guys!" Duxi exclaimed as he drifted onto the stage with Red following behind. "One of them revived on his own… and then I accidently let him die again. I forgot how fast Irkens die without their Paks. I thought you had at least a half an hour," he turned to look at Red who was still looking a bit pale. "You'd think with all of the technology you stole from the Vortians you guys would have found a way to fix that by now."
"Well, when your main solution to most problems is to blow it up…" Red started. Then he let out a sigh. "Who am I kidding? Our Paks are like that on purpose. Let's just leave it at that."
"Why?" Duxi asked, bumping foreheads with the groggy Tallest.
Red shoved the Vortian poser away from his face. "Because they just are."
"Whyyyyy?" Duxi questioned in a really loud and obnoxiously whiny voice that made a few people cringe.
"Because it's easy to get rid of a problem that way!" Red snapped. "Now shut up and let me recover. You made me follow you out here the second I opened my eyes. I mean what if I die again? You didn't even wait long enough to see if that would happen."
Purple walked over to Red, not so he could help because he didn't know how. Instead he just stood beside the other Tallest just to offer some support by standing there.
"So are you feeling ok now?" the lavender eyed Tallest asked.
Red scowled. "Do I look ok?"
"You look like one of those white cave dwelling Zoggermits actually."
"What about the countdown to death?" Duxi pressed.
"It just keeps us from running wild and free apart from the Empire," Spork-floor answered. "Of course if you die and come back as a ghost that limitation is completely gone."
"I don't think I really understand what you mean…" a Vortian in the audience spoke. "Which is a pretty big deal for me."
"Oh? So you guys are looking for a lengthy in-depth explanation?" Spork asked. Then before anyone could respond he began… "Well let's see… how should I put it? When Irkens are made, manufactured, whatever you want to call it because it's a cloning system that involves something kind of like a production line I guess, but a bit different. I mean machines do all of the work and I've only really been in there once when I was activated and one other time when I went in on a dare. Yes I was caught and I got locked underground for a while with the younger ones because well, apparently I didn't have permission to access to the room, which I did know about but I thought feigning stupidity would work to my advantage. It didn't, but oh well, live and learn."
"What does that have to do with anything?" Lard Nar questioned.
"Right right, back on topic," Spork continued. "So anyway, one of the key components to our society is the ability to control the masses without extending any effort at all. I mean you don't see Irken guards violently zapping Irken civilians like they do to the slaves am I right?"
"Do you really think it's smart to tell a whole room of alien outsiders all about our civilization?" Red questioned Spork sourly. "Don't you think that might just wreck everything we've been trying to do up until this point?"
"Nah," Spork responded. "Besides, why would I care? I'm already dead."
"Well you don't need to make more problems for us," Red stated unhappily.
"I'm dead. There's only so many things I can do to keep myself from becoming bored," Spork explained. "And spilling all of the Empire's secrets is one of them."
"Ok, before you keep spilling the secrets of Irken society," Duxi spoke up. "Did I miss anything? What did the caller say? Are there any new suggestions for contests that someone can add to the hat?"
"You didn't miss anything," Tak was the first one to speak.
"Yup, they just called to say hi," Purple agreed.
Duxi raised an invisible brow and pursed his lips. "Hm… really? So if I was recording the line and I played it back that's what I'd hear?"
"Were you recording?" Lard Nar asked.
"Nope," Duxi responded with a grin.
"Then yes," Lard Nar lied.
"Oh, ok," Duxi said. "You can keep talking for a bit Spork. Professor Membrane is helping me revive Dib since the Pak thingy didn't work on him and Prisoner 777. All it did was reanimate their bodies long enough for them to kill each other. It was… yeah. Not very good to watch unless you like watching fights to death. Then it was awesome."
As soon as he left, the phone started ringing again.
Rriiing! Rriiing!
"Huh… it's weird how it did that just now," Shloonktapooxis commented.
"It's been ringing ever since Duxi came in actually," Spork told him. "I just cut the sound for a little while."
"You can do that?" Purple asked.
"Sure I can. I can do a lot of things," Spork remarked. "Out of all of the parts of a building, the floor is the most superior."
"Except for the fact everyone walks on it," Tak reminded him dryly.
Riiiing!
"I'm not answering it this time," Tak informed everyone as she leaned back in her chair.
"I still can't answer it," Shloonktapooxis remarked sadly.
"I will…" Red spoke as he forced himself forward. "Maybe it will get my mind off of being dead twice."
He picked it up.
"Heyy everyone, how are you all today, my name is Xen and I have come to offer moral support to SOME of you and maybe torture the rest of you," the new voice explained.
"OHHH MY FACE! IT'S ON FIRE!" someone in the audience screamed, and this interrupted Gaz' concentration. Her grip on her Gameslave tightened and her eyes cracked open.
"That's it…" the small girl grumbled as she slid out of her chair and marched over to the torch wielding Zim. She kicked him from behind which caused him to lose his grip on the flamethrower. As he was trying to regain control of it, the device set him on fire, and then blew up.
Once that was finished she returned to her seat.
"Oh great…" Spork said, sounding a bit annoyed. "Now there's an Irken melted to me."
"I think this place already has the torture part covered…" Lard Nar commented with a sigh.
"Zim: Good luck and I hope you win...I guess," the voice continued.
"Yeah… you couldn't see… but that exploding you heard was Zim… so um…" Shloonktapooxis tried, but he wasn't too sure what to say. "Maybe I can tell him what you said when he gets fixed up?" he offered.
"Dib: as much as I don't like you, good luck too...i guess," the voice said.
"If he was alive right now I'm sure he'd appreciate you saying that," Lard Nar remarked.
"We're also open to help, and getting us out of here," a blob creature hiding under his chair commented. "If possible."
"Miyuki: OMG UR R A FAB HOST AND I LUV U AND…" Arguing started happening in the background, and then the phone went silent for a bit until someone else picked it up. A demonic voice began to speak, "Spork: I hate you, I hate you so much, I hope you die."
"Well good for you then," Spork responded, not sounding like he cared in the slightest. "I'm already dead. That's why I'm a floor. Remember?"
"People don't always equate death with becoming a floor…" Red informed Spork wryly. "Just so you know."
"I'm back!" Duxi informs everyone as he flies onto the stage. "What did I miss this time?"
"Duxi: I…" more fighting is heard and SOMEONE else picks up. They sound much cooler and a little bored.
"I am sorry for them two, they are being imbeciles…"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The phone cuts out, and Red sets it back down on the receiver.
"Aw… I got an apology?" Duxi questioned looking a bit disappointed at first. Then his expression brightened. "I got an apology! Usually I'm the one that has to apologize all the time! But finally someone apologized to me!" He cleared his throat. "And I don't even know why, but don't worry random caller person! I forgive you!"
Then he turned and looked at the two separate puddles melting into the floor. "Wow… how am I supposed to fix that?"
Three hours and many trials and errors later….
"Why am I covered in ice!?" Zim questioned loudly as his arm snapped off and landed on the stage. He glared daggers at Duxi. "What did you do to me!?" He might have made a fist if he could curl his fingers. "Tell me… Tell Zim!"
"I was just trying to make you and Gir solids again!" Duxi remarked loudly before covering his face in his hands. "But I made you guys look like lumpy ice figures."
"Wheee!" Gir shouted as he used his body to slide across the stage. "I can skate real good! Watch me spin!" Then he spun and crashed into Professor Membrane who then crashed into Purple who then crashed into a wall.
"Ok guys, you only have to stay alive for another ten minutes ok?" Duxi said hurriedly as though he expected one of them to keel over at any minute. "So let's get started before someone dies!"
Prisoner 777 stumbled onto the stage and collapsed face down. "Everything hurts…" he whimpered.
Dib was also looking unsteady on his feet when he walked onto the stage, but he managed to keep his balance.
"Isn't having some of them frozen and some of them deathly ill going to give some of them an unfair advantage?" Dwicky questioned.
"Hmm…" Duxi tapped his chin. "You're right." He spoke after a while. "Maybe I'll do a non-moving one then, because then it won't matter. I mean everyone can still talk."
He pointed at Gir. "You're the podium guy! Go ask the hat for your character. Purple, Zim, and Membrane will try to guess what it is."
"Oh boy! I hope I'm a munkey!" Gir squealed as he ran off of the stage in order to find the illusive hat while Purple and Professor Membrane recovered.
"The other three are members of the media who will be asking Gir questions. Once you think you know who he is, just say it out-loud. If you're right, the contest stops and everyone is happy. Yay." He smiled. "But if you're wrong…" his expression darkened as he summoned a big red button to his hand. "I'll push this button and something terrible will happen!" He beamed at the three contestants. "Understand?"
"Um… yes," Shloonktapooxis answered with a nod.
"Sure," Purple responded.
"Whatever! Let's just do this so I can get back to destroying those slimy goo things!" Zim pointed at a few charred members of the audience. "You will be crushed by my fire of pain and doom!"
"Why are you doing that…?" Shloonktapooxis asked Zim who shrugged.
"Eh… I dunno."
"I will do my best!" Professor Membrane remarked in his usual overly dramatic voice.
Gir rushed back onto the stage before leaping onto the podium that appeared out of the judge's table. Dwicky picked Prisoner 777 up off the ground and brought him over to an empty seat next to Gaz. Lard Nar and Tak also decided to move due to the podium and the loudness and not wanting to be in the middle of whatever chaos was probably going to happen.
Tak went behind the stage while Lard Nar joined the Vortians in the audience.
Dib decided to go backstage and probably faint. Red stood near the stage's curtains and crossed his arms, waiting for whatever was next to be over.
-Dr. Who admitting he has an eating disorder-
"Hii!" Gir waved happily. "What am I!?"
Purple and Professor Membrane looked at each other in confusion while Zim crossed his arms.
"Try harder Gir!" Zim insisted.
"I dunno what I am!" Gir admitted giggling. "Oh no wait." He started flapping his arms. "WHoo! Whoo!"
"A kind of Strigiformes?" Professor Membrane guessed.
Duxi pressed the button and Professor Membrane was launched into the air. He landed in a cobra pit which had been dug somewhere behind the audience when no one was looking and/or paying attention.
"He's not really supposed to say what he is," Duxi remarked shrugging. "But oh well."
"How is that helpful Gir!?" Zim demanded strongly. "I know thinking isn't your strongest ability but try thinking of something else!"
Gir paused before tapping his chin thoughtfully. He grinned and raised his index finger. "I know!" The little robot ran behind the stage. There was the sound of hammering and drilling and cutting.
Purple's antennae fell. "What is he doing…?"
"He should be doing something else my Tallest," Zim replied.
Gir ran onto the stage carrying an almost exact replica of the Tartarus. He placed it beside the podium and stared up at it. "This is my bestest friend! It goes whoosh wooooosh!" He made motions with his hands.
"Nonsense!" Zim crossed his arms over his chest. "That is just a smelly human telephone-booth!"
Gir deflated a bit, and then he pulled a hammer out of the storage in his head and ate it. "I just wanted to tell you guys I love eating… everything!" He beamed before he began chewing on the podium. It collapsed and he started munching on the Tartarus replica.
Purple took an uneasy step back as a dust cloud appeared as things fell and broke and were devoured.
"No Gir! It will take me eons to get your body back to normal if you stretch it out with junk again!" Zim insisted, but Gir was no longer listening.
"Take me to your leader!" the robot laughed as he emerged from the dust cloud and tried to bite Zim.
"He's right here," Zim spoke shoving Gir into Purple before taking off. "Sorry my Tallest! Nothing personal!"
"Zim you can't just…"Purple began just as Gir took a bite. "Stop it you crazy SIR unit! I need that hand! Gahh!"
"Well… there goes Zim killing one of his leaders again," Duxi commented. "The answer was "Dr. Who announcing he had an eating disorder" by the way."
"I don't care, just get it off!" Purple shouted as he continued to struggle with the crazy robot.
A few minutes later…
"Well it looks like some Irkens in the audience managed to subdue Gir and haul him off somewhere," Duxi noted, nodding. "And then the freeze kinda wore off on Zim so…" the Vortian poser glanced at the green puddle lying in the center of the stage. "Yeaahh…"
"Not again…" Spork sighed.
Red, Purple, Dib, Lard Nar, and Shloonktapooxis had returned to the stage since Duxi insisted they needed to do that. Purple was just finishing wrapping his maimed hand in bandages.
You have a phone call from nightmaster000 master of the night. Would like to accept the charges? The phone droned.
"Err…" Dib stepped away from the universal phone after giving it an odd look. "Is it supposed to talk…?"
"I have no idea," Duxi admitted. "But I'm going to say yes and answer it because I know where Miyuki keeps all of her monies!" He floated over to the phone and picked it up. "Hello! This is Duxi! How can I help you?"
"Ah Tak you really amuse me," the voice began, and Duxi sighed.
"Tak! The phone is for you!"
The Irken judge was sitting in what was left of her seat at the judge's table looking unamused. "I'm not going over there to answer it," she remarked, so Duxi held it up so everyone could hear.
"You think you can take me on HA please I could trap you in your own mind to experience your worst fears and memories till the end of time. If you still want to take me down go ahead and try. Nar's time in his nightmare will look like the best time he ever had compared to your suffering once I'm done."
"That's some pretty big talk coming from a ridiculous voice from a decrepit old phone," Tak said.
"I'm trying to forget that ever happened…" Lard Nar muttered from where he was standing.
"Red and Purple why are you so offended by everyone including myself calling you two and you're race evil?" the voice asked. "Take it from me being evil is a blast."
"Fine, we're evil," Red relented. "I don't care one way or another. If blowing up planets, and people, and enslaving inferior aliens is evil then that's us."
"It is evil," Lard Nar remarked. "How could you not understand something like that?"
"Empathy really isn't our thing," Red informed him. "If you haven't noticed."
"If it's good for us, then who cares?" Purple remarked with a shrug.
"Well Hitler didn't go around calling himself evil either, it was kinda happened after the fact by billions of other people," Duxi commented with a shrug. "He never said "I'm evil now follow me bwah ha ha." The Vortian poser grinned. "I know this because I read history books!"
"Yeah, whatever that means, but I mean there's no doubt that the Tallest are evil," one of the Meekrob in the audience stated.
"But don't they have those control things?" A Plookesian asked.
"Those are machines," a Vortian responded. "Machines can't be evil."
"Maybe whoever programmed them was evil," a random human suggested.
"Hey Tallest, who programmed your race's super computers?" a blob thing asked.
Red blinked, and Purple glanced off to the side.
"No idea," Purple admitted.
"Not a clue," Red replied.
"So is the system its self evil?" Dwicky asked rubbing the back of his head. "I mean if you ask me the whole "Irken Machine" sounds messed up."
"Hey… that's my former society you're talking about," Spork said although he didn't really sound that offended.
Meanwhile with the Control Brains on planet Judgementia…
"Yo dawg, ya ever think people might not be diggin' us?" one of them questioned the other two.
"'S cool man. They just don't get our fly style," another responded.
"Ya thinkin' what I'm thinkin' dawgs?" the third asked.
"OPERATION DESTROY ALL LIFE!" the three of them droned at once.
Duxi flicked off the screen when Red shot him a glare.
"You know what… I'm suddenly ok with the whole being dead thing," Spork admitted. "You guys can have that mess," he told the current Tallest.
"Well, they're still messed up," Purple commented.
"They weren't being serious… were they?" Dib asked.
"I think they're still insane," Purple answered. He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess we'll know for sure when we leave this place."
"So… you're saying if the Control Brains told you to kill everything… you would?" Prisoner 777 questioned from his seat in the audience.
"Yeah," Purple responded with no hesitation.
"Hopefully they weren't being serious though, because there's no way we'd be able to do that," Red responded, running a hand through his antennae. "I mean by the time we finished destroying everything on one side of the universe, more things would appear on the other side." He let out a sigh. "And that's just inside the known universe too. Who knows what's outside our conquest maps?"
"Why isn't the person on the phone talking anymore?" Shloonktapooxis suddenly asked.
"Woops, sorry," Duxi responded as he picked the phone up off the floor. "I dropped it."
"I mean look at Zim." The voice spoke.
Everyone turned to look at the small Irken's liquid remains.
"He embraces his darkness and is pretty happy with the results. And because he embraced the darkness within himself he's become the most feared Irken ever to live."
"You mean he's the most annoying Irken to ever have lived," Red spoke, and he grinned as Purple snickered. "Because he's dead right now."
"Yeah… I'd be happier if he stayed dead," Purple said.
"What are you all doing?" Miyuki demanded as she materialized from a random transporter that appeared out of nowhere. She was holding a large ice-cream sundae and was staring irritably at the universal phone.
"We were just talking about how evil the Irken Empire is," Shloonktapooxis remarked.
Miyuki glared at Shloonktapooxis, and then the phone, and then the floor.
"What?" Spork asked.
"Why didn't you destroy that thing?" she questioned, pointing at the phone.
"… was I supposed to?"
"Duxi!" Miyuki hollered, and the energy helper poofed out of the room, and the phone landed unceremoniously on the floor again. "Darn it…" she growled. "I'll murder him later." She ate some of her ice-cream while everyone stared at her. "As for the whole evil thing, yes, the Empire does fit in that definition. I mean it destroys, maims, explodes, and slaughters all sorts of things." She smirked. "And since we are the ones leading such a powerful and destructive force, then yes, you could call us evil."
The host finished her sundae and made the plastic bowl and spoon vanish. Then she dusted off her hands.
"But do you think we think it's evil?" She questioned. "The Empire has been a powerful military force for centuries. It does what it does, we do what we do, and if we were physically able to sleep at night, we wouldn't lose any sleep over it. So we killed your parents, your partner, your pet beastie. Call us what you want, for us it's just business. It's the everyday. It's the normal."
"It's the psychotic," one of the Vortian prisoners whispered to a nearby screw-headed alien.
ZAP!
The Vortian disintegrated instantly, and Miyuki quickly made her high-powered laser gun vanish.
"You better not have killed him for real…" Lard Nar stated, pressing his hands into fists.
"Win the competition and he'll be fine," Miyuki told the leader of the Resisty.
"She says that, but she actually has to put everyone back alive from where ever she got them from after everything is finished," invisible Duxi explained.
"Good, because we still need them to build weapons and stuff," Red commented.
"Now deny it all you want despite how much you two and you're followers mock Zim we all know you two and every other Irken fears him," the voice from the phone continued. "After all remember two things; his insanity far exceeds his stupidity, and remember that Miyuki and Spork paid the price for underestimating him."
"We didn't even know Zim was the one who killed our former Tallests until recently," Red commented. "And believe me, his destructiveness and his stupidity aren't a big secret."
"Yeah," Purple agreed. "That's why we sent him away."
"We don't want him to mess up the Empire any more than he already has."
"So you sent him to Earth so he could run around and cause problems there!" Dib stated in exasperation.
"Better you than us," Purple said shrugging.
"In my defense, I didn't really know who Zim was until after I was eaten," Miyuki admitted with a shrug. "I guess I could have paid more attention to the destruction and the power outages, but I was trying to deal with supply shortages and Irken surpluses and space locusts and whatever else… and… wait, I don't want to talk to anyone on the stupid phone." She gestured at it. "Someone hang it up and throw it into the abyss."
"To Dib," the voice continued. "Remember if you lose you get to be my guest for a while. Don't worry I'll have lots of fun with you. The misery of others always makes me happy."
"When did that become a part of the deal?" Dib asked.
Miyuki's antennae flattened. "I think I have some idea…"she grumbled. "Duxi! What have I told you about making deals with people behind my back!?"
"If I did it, I don't remember!" the Vortian poser whined from his air hiding place.
"Now I have question before I hang up," the voice said.
Miyuki dragged a hand down her face. "Fine. I'm listening."
"Do you accept idea's for challenges?"
"No!" Miyuki answered instantly.
"Yes!" Duxi replied at the same time.
Miyuki's eye twitched.
"If you do I have a hard one for everyone. I call it Laugh or Die! The goal is to make Gaz laugh! Whoever makes her laugh wins. What do you think?" the voice questioned.
"Huh…" Dib turned to look at his sister in the audience. "You know… I don't think I've ever seen Gaz laugh before… I mean normally laugh. Like a normal person."
"I think it sounds like fun!" invisible Duxi remarked.
"Get out here so I can clobber you!" Miyuki insisted.
"No way," Duxi said.
"You can't hide forever Duxi."
"I can try!"