And I'll burn this lonely house down
-Goo Goo Dolls, "Stay With You"
Sunday, February 15, 1998
A second scream echoed through the house as Dalton, Spike and I converged on the open front door. My mom was on her knees with a hand over her mouth. Spike nearly took the door off its hinges as he yanked it wide open. He was in full gameface and growling loudly. Dalton had vamped out too, though he'd dropped to crouch next to my mom. I had my fists raised, ready to take on anything. Only there was nothing there but the sun sparkling off the early morning dew.
With a shaking hand, Mom pointed and our eyes followed her finger to the spot she was indicating on the doormat.
There was a heart.
A human heart. Not that I had a lot of experience, but some things you don't need to be told. It also didn't take a genius to figure out who'd left it sitting there. I looked over at Spike just in time to see him draw his leg back. I barely had time to move in front of him while frantically shaking my head. I understood his desire to get the thing away from my mom, but treating a human organ like a soccer ball wasn't going to make things less traumatic for her.
"Who would do such a thing?" she whispered. She turned to look around at us and frowned. "Boys: faces." She gestured to her own. To my surprise both Spike and Dalton's human masks dropped back into place.
"Angelus," Spike said blandly. "That's who'd leave such a sodding lovely Valentine's Day gift."
My mom blanched.
"There's a note." Dalton gingerly reached out and picked up the folded piece of off-white paper. He opened it and scanned the lines.
"What's it say?" I asked impatiently.
Dalton hesitated. "I'm not sure you need to hear this, Joyce."
"Read it." Mom's voice was flat.
"Uh, okay. It, um, says: 'Dear Drusilla, I found this for you in a quaint little shop girl. She was just your type: blonde and compact. Give the boy a kiss for me. Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Daddy.' Uh…that's it."
We were all silent for a minute.
"He killed someone and left their heart on our porch." My mom was staring at the lump of flesh. "I don't know what to do." She collapsed against Dalton. "I just wanted to get the paper."
My insides lurched. I was the one that knew what to do. This was my show. I sighed and swept a hand through my hair. "Dalton, take my mom to the kitchen and get some coffee and breakfast in her. Spike, bring me yesterday's paper. I'm going to wrap up this thing and give it and the note to Giles."
"You going to take it to him?" My vampire crossed his leather clad arms.
I yawned. "No, he can come and get it. I'm nearly dead on my feet."
Spike nodded, satisfied. We wrapped the heart in yesterday's sports pages and left it right inside the door along with Angelus' note. I felt a little wrong for just being matter of fact about finding a girl's heart on my doorstep. I didn't gag when I wrapped the paper around it, or feel funny holding it in my hands. Some innocent girl had died because she looked like me. I was spitting mad, but it wasn't my fault.
Spike had gone down to the basement to inform Drusilla about what had happened since she was chained to the wall and was probably worried sick. I was very happy she was in her own body. The no soul having would lessen her guilt over the girl's death, at least until tonight.
With bleary eyes I stumbled to the phone and picked it up, trying to remember my Watcher's number. I jumped and my eyes blinked open as Dalton's hand took the receiver out of my slack one. "I'll call, you go get some shut eye." I nodded mutely.
Spike came trudging out of the basement, his face troubled. His eyes met mine and he shook his head. "C'mere, pet, Spike's got you." I didn't protest as he swept me up into his arms. I nestled my face against his shoulder as he carried me upstairs and set me on my bed. He started to leave but I stopped him with a hand.
"I don't want to be alone."
He nodded and lay down next to me. Curling around my back he whispered against the nape of my neck: "Never alone, luv. Never."
I was dreaming about fire again. It was everywhere and I couldn't find Spike. There was smoke and I could barely see. I had to find my vampire. A beam, bright with flames, broke and fell right in front of me. I jumped back to avoid it and found myself brought up short against a solid chest.
Whipping around I prepared for a fight, but Spike caught my hand and the stake I hadn't realized I'd been holding clattered to the floor.
"Sorry!" I cried. I'd been about to dust him. "No!" I looked in horror at the stake that was by my feet.
"Hush now, pet. I'm going to get you out of here." He tugged at my arm and it seemed like we'd barely taken a step before we were outside. The building was burning like a torch in the night, but we were safe. I gulped in the fresh, cold air.
I took a deep breath and found my eyelids fluttering open in my bedroom. Spike's arm was heavy around my middle. I blinked again. My mom was standing in my doorway, a frown on her face as she stared at us. She didn't seem to realize I was awake. I wanted to turn over to face Spike. My dream was still making me feel strange and I knew seeing his face would help me relax, but I didn't want to make my mom think I was turning away from her.
She just kept staring. Both Spike and I were fully clothed and on top of the blanket so it's not like her imagination could be running away with her.
"Joyce." Dalton put his hand on my mom's shoulder. He smiled slightly in my direction. He'd be able to hear my heartbeat and would know that I was awake. My mom didn't move. "Is something wrong?" he asked her in a low voice.
She crossed her arms over her stomach. "That's my baby."
"So she is." Dalton tilted his head to the side. "I think you better elaborate as I don't have children. You might want to use small words, too." Mom gave him a funny look. "Male," he said with a smile.
Mom laughed silently for a second before she turned to look at me again. "I can remember when she couldn't hold a spoon, or talk, or ride a bike. And now she goes out and saves the world and…I'm really not the most important person in her life any more, am I?"
Dalton smiled sadly. "You'll always be her mother, Joyce. And while it might occasionally not seem like it, your girl could do a lot worse than Spike. He knows her world, can fight at her side, would dust before he'd ever let anything hurt her. Do you think some kid she met at the drive-in would be able to keep her safe? That some football player in a letter jacket would know how to fight the kind of monster that rips hearts out and leaves them as presents?" My mom shuddered. "Your daughter's the Slayer. Most don't make it to eighteen." I think my mom stopped breathing and she turned her stricken gaze to Dalton's face. He shrugged unapologetically. "If you want her to live her best chance is lying in that bed with her right now. He's far from perfect, but he's all hers."
Dalton squeezed my mom's shoulder one more time and left. I couldn't stand it any longer. With a sigh I rolled over to face my vampire. He was sound asleep, his face soft with it. Dalton was a little bit wrong. Yeah, Spike wasn't perfect and I still worried that he'd do something that'd really be hard for me to deal with, because I knew how murky trying to navigate things with no set moral compass was. But Spike tried and I knew he would keep trying. So what if he wasn't perfect? For me he was just right.
It was late afternoon before I drug my sorry carcass out of bed. I had to pee and my stomach was growling. My back was also stiff from being curled up so tight. Spike had rolled onto his stomach and sprawled in his sleep with his arms and legs spread over most of the bed. It made me miffed that for whatever reason I'd subconsciously smushed myself into a little, uncomfortable ball to accommodate him. And with his stupid leather coat on I couldn't even see anything that might make me feel less grumpy about the whole thing.
I kind of wanted to push his bed-hogging butt onto the floor. Only my stomach picked that second to growl and really, he looked so peaceful. If we were going to be sleeping together we were going to need a bigger bed. I giggled at my own joke, though it trailed off as I thought about other things we could do in a big, soft, bouncy bed. All kinds of things. The butterflies came to life and started holding up signs with ideas on them as they flittered back and forth.
Spike probably wouldn't object to me waking him up to try one…some…all of those ideas. It was tempting. I just needed to shut the door. My bladder spasmed, reminding me why I'd gotten up in the first place.
Fine, body, I'll take care of you. I really didn't miss the pesky bodily function stuff at night. I used the restroom and tromped down to the kitchen. My mom was there and already putting something together for dinner. I picked an apple up out of the bowl of fruit on the counter. I frowned at its red, glossy surface and put it back. It looked too fake. I snagged a banana instead.
"You doing okay?" I asked my mom. The pots and dishes were getting banged around a lot more than normal.
"Yes, no. I don't know." She glared at me. "Why are you so calm?"
I shrugged. "I've been dealing with this sort of stuff a lot longer than you have." I took a bite of banana. "It's terrible," I said as I chewed. "But I didn't make Angelus kill that girl. All I can do now is try and figure out a way to stop him. Spike's nearly back at his full strength and I think the two of us together would really stand a chance. We need to stop the whole switching thing first, though."
My mom filled up a pan with water while I ate. Finally, she sighed and turned to look directly at me. "I don't like any of this. I don't like that I can't keep you safe, or make things better for you. I don't like that you're dating someone that's technically dead, and I really don't like that he might be the only hope I have of seeing you graduate high school." She clanged the pan down on the stove.
I didn't know what to say. She went to the table and pulled a chair out, sitting down with her head in her hands. "Mom?" I sat beside her and rested a hand on her back.
"Oh, Buffy." She brushed a few tears off her cheeks and pulled me into a hug. "I'm just feeling sorry for myself. My little girl is all grown up and I don't know what to do." I hugged her back. "I miss ice skating." She mumbled into my shoulder.
"Yeah, me too."
When Mom went back to making dinner the banging noises were a little less angry sounding.
"You know," she said once the water was boiling. "Your friend Dalton has been a big help around here." I continued examining my cuticles. Fighting Angelus had not been good for my nails. "I'd really like to do something for him to show how much I appreciate his help. Can you think of anything?"
My head shot up. Boy howdy could I ever. "I know exactly what to do." I moved closer and whispered my idea to her, just in case he was awake downstairs and listening. I wanted this to be a surprise.
When I was done my mom nodded. "It might take a little while."
"Trust me, it'll be worth it. And don't tell Spike. I love the guy but he can't keep his mouth closed about anything."
"So I've noticed," my mom said dryly.
"Thank you! This will be amazing!" Dalton was going to be in for a heck of a surprise.
Monday, February 16, 1998
I'd updated Willow briefly on the phone about the whole heart thing, but we weren't able to have any girl talk until Monday afternoon. Giles had been drug to a faculty meeting so we took the opportunity to sit outside in the afternoon sunshine.
She was nearly quivering with anticipation as we found a place to lie on the grass that didn't look too gross. I lounged with my hand behind my head and tried not to grin. After fussing with her overalls and changing how she was sitting three times, Willow gave up pretending she was going to do anything except beg for details.
"I know I should be worried about, like, a million other world end-y type things, but I so want to ask: did you guys finally do it?" She was leaning towards me, eyes bright.
I couldn't help the huge smile that overtook my face. "I'm officially off the Virgin Scale. Way, way off it. I'm over on that part of the map where it says 'here be dragons'."
Willow squealed. "Are they good, yummy dragons?"
"Uh-uh, you first. What have you and Oz been up to?" I pushed my sunglasses up onto my forehead.
She smiled shyly. "Well, no dragon type stuff, but there was lots of kissing and even some over the clothes type…touching of…things."
"Things?" I raised an eyebrow. She was going to have to do better than 'things'. "And how much touching are we talking about?"
"Just a little groping. I might have, erm-" Willow flushed bright red.
"Spill it!" I nearly shouted and had to slap a hand over my mouth. Willow looked frantically around, but no one was paying any attention to us. I cleared my throat and dropped my voice to a whisper. "Willow, did you touch a boy's penis?"
Her face was neon red. "Just through his clothes." Her fingers twitched, but then her eyes narrowed and she shot me a glare. "Not like some who've had a boy's penis inside them."
It was my turn to blush. "Willow!"
"It's true!" She ducked her head, but eyed me from behind the sweep of her long hair.
I couldn't deny that. "It was really good. Like, ice cream with chocolate syrup and sprinkles good, and I'm kind of mad all this other crazy, crummy stuff is happening because I just want to think about how amazing he made me feel and plan for when we can do it again." I sat up and hugged my arms around my knees. "God, Willow, some innocent girl died because she kind of looked like me and my mind and body are still on a high from Valentine's Day. I'm such a bad person!" Tears were threatening.
Willow laid a hand on my back. "Buffy! No! Wanting to have sex with the boyfriend you love very much does not make you a bad person."
"Even if he's a vampire?" I sniffed. It was tempting to ditch the rest of the school day and go home. I wanted to see that little smirk of Spike's that he got just before he did something particularly toe-curling to me. Only the unexcused absence call my mom would get was keeping me from making a run for it.
Willow snorted. "Even if he's a vampire. It's not like I have a leg to stand on. I mean, hello! I'm dating a werewolf. It was scary seeing him all wolfy. He wasn't Oz at all." She tilted her head to the side with a frown. "Spike at least has some control, right? It's not like you're going to get a paper cut and he's going to make with the fangs and drain you, is he?" Her concern was genuine and I couldn't even imagine seeing someone I love buried so deep as Oz had been in his wolf.
"No…" I hedged.
"Is there a but there?" Willow chewed on her lip, looking worried.
"He wouldn't hurt me." I smiled shyly.
"What's the 'but' then?"
"Well…this is probably T.M.I."
She crossed her arms. "There's no way I'm letting you get away with that! You don't get to weasel out of telling you best friend something after a statement like that. I might die of curiosity."
"Oh. Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you."
Willow glared at me.
"So, um." I picked at a bit on lint on my jeans. "Slayer blood is like a vampire aphrodisiac. If I get a paper cut it's much more likely to give him a boner than uncontrollable blood lust." Willow's eyebrows shot up. "Not that he needs much help in that department."
"Buffy!" She giggled.
"What?" I pretended to be all snooty. "You don't think he wears that stupid coat around the house all the time just because he likes the way it looks, do you?"
"Oh my god," she snickered. "The poor guy."
"Yeah, Spike's got it real rough." I sighed. "I used to be scared of him, before I knew what was under all that big bad attitude. I guess maybe I should still be a little worried. He did want to kill me, but that just feels like it was so long ago now." The frightening, ugly monster that'd attacked the school on Parent-Teacher Night and nearly ended me didn't seem like the same guy that kissed me breathless and had wanted to read me poetry on Valentine's Day before making love.
Willow was playing with the ends of her hair, sliding it through her fingers. "I'm scared of Oz," she said in a small voice. "Not all the time, or anything. But I have to lock my boyfriend up three days a month so he won't murder me, everyone I know, and complete strangers."
"It's not like he has a choice about it."
"I know. It's just…I'm responsible for it now, too. I have to pay attention to the calendar and make sure he's where he needs to be and that there's chains and a cage and people to watch over him."
"I understand." I really, really did. "I kind of feel the same way. Like I have to watch Spike and make sure he knows what people on our side of the fence do, because without the soul, it can be really hard for him to tell. If, or I guess when, he messes up it's going to feel like my fault too."
We sat in silence, plucking at blades of newly grown grass.
"Stupid hellmouth," Willow said with a sigh.
"What about it?"
With a groan she flopped backwards. "No normal boys for us."
"Nope…not that I'm very normal or anything myself. If I hugged Xander too tightly I'd break him. With Spike that's not going to happen." I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. "Actually, I totally know I can squeeze all kinds of Spike's parts however hard I want to and it's not going to hurt him."
"Buffy!" She giggled and threw the blades of grass in her hand at me. "Oz can smell if I'm happy or sad or whatever. He's like a werewolf mood ring. It's really convenient."
"Have you had your period around him yet?" I smirked as she made a face.
"I hadn't thought about that."
"I couldn't get rid of Spike last week. Every time I turned around I was bumping into him."
Willow did the whole fake finger down the throat gagging routine. "Ewww, Buffy, gross!"
"What? Vampire plus blood. You do the math." Okay, so I thought it was a little on the weird and icky side too, but it was part of who he was. I'd even caught him under the sink examining my tampon box, the notebook with the instructions I'd written out for Dru in his hand. The fact that I bled once a month for a couple of days seemed to endlessly fascinate him. Especially because of where the blood was coming from.
"Are you telling me Spike's not going to have a problem getting his red wings?"
Oh, geeze. "Uh, probably not." It was good I had most of a month to wrap my head around that one because there was no way in hell he would be content now with just following me around and breathing deeply.
I was saved from having to say anything by Oz strolling over to us. He handed Willow a chocolate bar with a kiss before sitting down beside her.
"Nice afternoon," he said.
I glanced at the chocolate bar and Willow's expression that was somewhere between ticked off and extremely grateful. PMS was such a wonderful thing.
"Better eat it or you'll be cranky during history and nobody likes that." I pushed my hair behind my ears.
With a glare, she unwrapped the foil and took a bite.
I lay back and watched the puffy clouds sailing by. They all looked like joyful bunnies, puppies, and pretty castles to me. I was shocked to realize I was happy. I probably shouldn't be, not with Angelus still running around, but for the moment I was safe. And I knew I was loved. For a few minutes it was okay for my heart to be light.
Tuesday, February 24, 1998
I had finally had put my foot down about me and Spike being stuck inside all the time. Angelus knew where we were if he wanted to try something and I'd been going stir crazy. Spike had been even worse off than I was. So while Giles and my mom both had a lot of reservations, though for vastly different reasons, I had Spike training me every night and we were even taking on part of patrol.
The training aspect was weird because while I was super used to being in Dru's body, it didn't have the capability to move anything like my usual one did. More than once I tried a kick or throw that as the Slayer I would have found easy-peasy, only to end up overbalanced and on my behind. Spike had no trouble laughing at me, the jerk. Progress was slow, but it was fun. Willow and Xander even joined in sometimes and to my surprise Spike wasn't above teaching them some self-defense moves as well.
I nearly dusted I laughed so hard at Spike's shocked face when Xander got the hang of using an opponent's momentum against them and managed to throw my boyfriend onto his back.
Angelus had been laying low since we'd taken out The Judge, but none of us believed for a second that he'd given up. Neither Spike nor I mentioned it to the others, but one night at the Bronze I'd been sitting there with Spike sipping a cherry vodka sour when that whole ooky sire-call feeling slithered over me. I'd turned my head at the same time as Spike and Angelus had been there, hiding in the shadow on the other side of the club. Spike had gripped my arm painfully tight, but Angelus had just grinned when he saw us looking at him and disappeared into the crowd, taking that awful feeling with him. The others had been dancing and never noticed. I'd downed my drink, which my mom totally didn't know about, and curled up on Spikes lap while he ran his fingers through my hair. And there I stayed, ignoring the strange looks Xander and Dru kept shooting us, until we all went home.
Now it was late Tuesday night, nearly midnight, and I was sitting on the couch watching Knight Rider reruns with the sound way down while Spike massaged my feet. Dalton was sitting in a chair with his nose stuck in Doctor Zhivago while he completely ignored us. Dru and my mom were already asleep. I could hear their steady heartbeats.
Spike's hands felt marvelous on my feet and he worked every tiny muscle. I had to fight not to groan. I didn't want to make things any more weird than they already were. There hadn't been a chance for us, while I was in my Buffy-body, to get horizontal again and it was driving me to distraction. God, Giles kept saying he thought he'd figured the spell or the curse or whatever was making me and Dru switch and every time it'd be a dead end. I was starting to worry that either Spike's demon or mine would get fed up and decide to try and force the issue. I could feel mine, right that second, prowling around the periphery of my mind and whispering all kinds of very naughty things I could be doing. That I wanted to be doing. That it would feel so good to be doing.
"Gah!" I snatched my feet out of Spike's hands and stood up. "I'm hungry. Anyone else want a mug while I'm up?" They both shook their heads and I nearly ran to the relative safety of the kitchen. I pulled one of the Styrofoam cups with blood out of the fridge and stuck it in the microwave. I punched in the numbers and turned around only to nearly jump out of my skin because Spike was standing inches away from me.
He was frowning. It was almost a pout and my eyes locked on the curve of his lower lip.
"What's wrong, pet?" he rumbled. His stupid black t-shirt was tight across his chest and the button down he'd been wearing was gone. My eyes followed the way the muscles in his arm stretched and bulged as he raised one hand and ran it through his hair. "Buffy?"
"I…I…" I snapped. My face rippled and shifted to that of the demon. I snarled as something broke loose inside me. I slammed Spike up against the wall, my hand on his neck. I sniffed up his chest before moving my hand to his chin and twisting his head to the side. My whole body was pressed against his and I could tell that he liked me being rough with him. I ran my tongue up and down the column of his throat.
"Buffy, we're not supp…" I growled and ground my hips against him. We weren't supposed to what? Be ourselves? Take what belonged to us? My fangs were nearly in his skin as my fingers worked the buckle of his belt.
With a roar Spike pushed me away from him. But his own demon had come out to play. Wild yellow eyes met mine and his tongue ran over the glistening points of his sharp teeth. He lunged for me and I jumped back, quickly putting the kitchen island between us. He wanted me badly, that much was obvious. It was just a matter of time and we'd be writhing together on the top of the surface that was currently separating us
"What are you two doing?" Dalton was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, his arms over his chest. We ignored him and continued to circle. Spike growled at me and I hissed back. The phone rang. Who the hell would be calling at this hour? I made a grab for Spike's throat but he dodged, nabbing my elbow at the same time. "Oh, I'll get it, for pity's sake," Dalton said as the phone continued to ring.
Spike tossed me against the island and used his body to pin me there. My spine arced as he pushed me backwards with a hand around my neck. He had his other hand in the waistband of my pants, ready to yank them down. I was whimpering and pushing my hips up towards him. I needed him so badly, wanted him even more. My beautiful dark prince…
"Stop!" Dalton's voice was loud and distraught. It knocked both Spike and I out of our lust-fueled fog and we sprang apart. I shook off my demon and Spike did the same. There were tears on Dalton's face. Mom and Dru came hurtling into the kitchen. Dru had a stake in her hand and her eyes were scanning quickly back and forth.
"Dalton!" My mom put her arm around him and he laid his head on her shoulder. "What happened?"
Dalton had to heave a couple of huge breaths before he could talk. "Jenny…it's Jenny."
"What about Jenny?" Dru's blonde hair was mussed and she was wearing a simple sleep shirt and shorts. I could hear her heart racing in panic.
"Giles call…at his place…Angelus." Dalton's words were interrupted by fresh tears.
"What's going on?" my mom asked, fear in her eyes.
"Angelus killed Jenny Calendar and left her body at the Watcher's." Spike's voice was terse as he interpreted Dalton's sobs.
"Oh, oh no." My mom let go of Dalton and sat down hard in a chair. He kneeled beside her, and cried silently at her feet while she rested a hand on his head.
Dru looked sick.
We couldn't just stand there. I guessed it was up to me to be the Slayer in this situation. "Dru, go upstairs and get dressed. You, me and Spike are going to go check on Giles. Dalton, stay with my mom. Spike, get your coat and raid the downstairs weapons cache. We're going to need stakes."
Even with Spike red lining the DeSoto's engine we didn't get there in time. Giles had already left. Xander and Willow were inside the apartment, fear on their faces. Dru had gone upstairs to stare at the bed where Jenny's body had been and I realized she was going to be useless.
I grabbed Xander and sent him to comfort her. Willow made a quick report on what weapons were missing. Giles had gone loaded for bear.
"What do you think he's going to do?" she asked.
"Something stupid," Spike spat. "He loved the girl and it's going to make him reckless."
I sighed. "Factory."
"Right. Let's go."
The flames were visible a few blocks away. I gasped, my hand on my breast.
"Buffy?" Spike's hand grabbed mine for a quick squeeze before he had to shift again as we flew around a corner.
"It was home." I said, lamely. It was where everything had changed. Where I learned what love was. Where I'd met Spike and Dalton. Where I figured out that good and evil aren't black and white.
Spike shrugged. "It's just a place." He glanced over at me. "Home is wherever you are, Buffy." I looked down at my pale hands, which were clenched on my knees. "Tell me again." The words were nearly a whisper.
I shuddered. "I love you, Spike."
"I love you, too." The car jerked to a halt in front of the factory, one front tire on the curb. Spike pulled the parking brake and grabbed my arm as I started to open my door. He hauled me across the seat so he could smash his lips into mine for a few seconds. "Now, and I can't bloody believe I'm going to say this, let's go save your Watcher."
I scrabbled out of the car and bit my lip. My demon was going nuts over the fact I was about to walk into a burning building. I was flammable. But it wasn't like the whole building was on fire, just parts of it, and truthfully I was way more worried about Spike being in there than me.
My resolve wavered as a beam cracked and dropped from the ceiling. Sparks shot everywhere as it hit the floor. I took a step back and bumped into Spike, which made my mind skitter sideways. Hadn't I been dreaming about this? How had that ended? There'd been the dream where he'd died…but no, that'd been much earlier. The most recent one had been okay, right? Think!
A yell from my Watcher broke through my fugue and I was running through the door before I had time to realize what I was doing. My eyes burned from the smoke. I vamped out, hoping that would help me see in the dim light. Behind me Spike coughed. "Quit breathing," I snapped.
"Bloody hell," he grumbled. "I was just trying to scent them."
"In the burning building?"
There was another shout and we both took off running in the direction it'd come from. Spike hurtled over assembly line pieces and old boxes, arriving where Giles was facing off against Angelus well before I did.
My Watcher was swinging a baseball bat that was lit up like a torch, but I could see it was only a matter of time before Angelus got the upper hand.
Neither Giles nor Angelus had even noticed our arrival. With a grunt Spike ducked under Giles' backswing and tackled him. The bat fell from my Watcher's grip just as I rounded the last obstacle and put myself between them and Angelus.
My…I mean Dru's Sire went livid. "What kind of spell are you two under?" he yowled.
I calmly pulled a stake from my waistband and gripped it tightly. From the corner of my eye I could see Giles struggling against Spike's hold, but the vampire was far too strong for my Watcher to get away.
"This isn't your fight, Spike!" Giles said.
"Old man's right, boy." Angelus kept an eye on my stake as he attempted to circle closer to my Watcher and boyfriend. "Let him die if he wants."
"Your Slayer needs you!" Spike hissed in Giles' ear. "Are you such a pathetic wanker you're going to leave her in this mess so you can go out in a bloody blaze of glory?" My Watcher suddenly sagged, Spike's words getting through to him.
"Where is the Slayer, anyway? All I see are her two little lapdogs."
Spike growled and I took a step forward. "You'll dust the same no matter who's wielding the stake," I snarled.
"Did you know, Watcher." Angelus' eyes were darting between Spike and me, calculating his odds. "That after me your goody-goody Slayer has an addiction to dead flesh? I could smell the runt on her when we fought, and I'm not talking about a few kisses. And this one." He jerked his head in my direction. "Said she knew all about it because she was there."
Giles wheezed a laugh between his dry lips. We really had to get him out of here before the smoke killed him.
Angelus narrowed his gaze as my Watcher's laugh turned into a cough. I pulled my arm back and hoped my vampiric strength would be enough to force the stake through his breast bone.
"Ponce," Spike said amicably. "You're just jealous because both birds figured out where they needed to go to get a proper shag."
Angelus growled at Spike, his upper lip curling back as he braced his feet and prepared to pounce. I let my stake fly, but at the last second Angelus realized he'd been had. He dodged and the wood pierced his shoulder instead of his heart. Howling in pain he turned and fled.
I breathed a sigh of relief and nearly choked on the smoke. Spike was already lifting Giles over his shoulder and running towards the exit. We burst out into the night and Spike gently laid my Watcher down on the pavement. I sat down cross-legged and drew Giles' head into my lap. He panted and coughed for a bit before recovering enough to sit upright.
Spike laid a hand on his shoulder. "Let's get you home, mate."
Giles covered Spike's hand with his own. "Thank you." Spike nodded and helped my Watcher to his feet. I opened the back door and sat down beside Giles, my arm around him, as Spike drove him back to our house instead of his apartment.
My mother and Dalton started fussing over Giles the moment he was through the front door. Willow, Xander and Dru were sitting in the living room and Dru had obviously been crying. Spike's shoulders slumped. He went to talk to her and I shoved any jealousy down hard. This wasn't the time or the place. I showered the soot off, dried my long hair, and headed down to the basement. Willow followed me down and wrapped her arms around me.
"It's okay, Buffy. You can be sad too." The tears finally came and I sobbed until I fell asleep on her shoulder.
Wednesday February 25, 1998
When morning came I blinked and found myself still in the living room. Spike was asleep in the easy chair, his head thrown back and his pale throat exposed. He looked so vulnerable. I was terrified of someone taking him away from me. When I stood he stirred and was on his feet a second later.
"C'mon, luv. Up to bed with you. Your lot's been excused from class for the day."
"What about Dru?" I asked, yawning.
"I'll go sit with her." Xander looked even more tired than I felt.
Spike raised an eyebrow. "You sure? She's not going to have a good day."
"Yeah. It'll be okay. I don't want to leave her alone and I'm getting pretty good at interpreting Dru-speak. I'll send Willow up to sleep on the couch."
Spike nodded and gave Xander a funny little smile. "She's a princess. Remember that."
Xander waved his hand in acknowledgement and disappeared into the kitchen. The house was quiet and I wondered where everyone else had got to. Only I was too tired to really care.
Spike picked me up. He was still covered with ash from the factory and smelled like smoke. I pressed my nose against the base of his throat and breathed him in while he carried me. His arms were tight around me and by the time we reached my room I was no longer tired. My whole body was alight with need.
He set me down, letting me slide against the planes of his chest and stomach as he did so. I wondered if he was mad at me for last night, for how far things had almost gone before Dalton had interrupted us. But, no, I knew better than that. Vampire. I hadn't even thought about it until this moment.
I looked up at his heavily lidded eyes. Lust moved hot and heavy through my belly. Was I sick to want him after the tragedy of last night?
"Spike…" I whispered.
"Yes, luv?" His hand was tracing infuriating little circles on my lower back.
"I…is…crud," I said lamely.
He chuckled. "Spit it out. I've got you, whatever it is."
I looked up at him shyly through my lashes. "I don't know if I'm being totally weird or whatever, but I kind of don't want to sleep right now."
"No?" His hand dipped lower on my spine.
"I, god, I'm going to sound like the worst person ever."
"Somehow I doubt that," he purred.
I gulped. "I want to, um, well… I want to have sex with you right now," I finally said, all in a rush.
"It's okay, Buffy. It's normal. You come out the other side of death and it makes you want life." He settled his hand on the curve of my behind and pulled me tight against him so I could feel how much he desired me. He eyed the pristine white sheets on my bed. "I'm going to get your bed all dirty."
"Don't care," I mumbled. I put my arms around his neck and tried to pull him into a kiss.
"And we're going to have to be really quiet, lots of people sleeping."
I pouted. "Are you going to talk or make love to me?"
Spike chuckled and then his lips were on mine. He shrugged off his duster and pushed me down onto the bed. Our mouths and hands were fevered. Clothing seemed to disappear and we clung tightly to each other as we stretched out on the mattress, trying to press as much of our skin together as possible.
I couldn't get enough. Not of him, or love, or life.