Chapter 26 Walking Away From You
Last Chapter: Hermione carefully thought through all that the healer had told her and she decided that it didn't matter if the timing was right or not. She would tell Draco about their baby girl the next time that they were alone together. When Ginny rushed into the room, the girl in the bed hugged her in happiness. The younger witch thought it was because Hermione had survived another dangerous situation. The older one knew it was because all her secrets would be out in the open.
"She likes to read just like you do, Mother. Funny thing is, I never realized how much like you she is," Draco told her and she smiled faintly at his gentle words and looks. Encouraged by this unexpected response he continued, "When you're better, I'll introduce you. I think you'd probably really like her once you got to know her."
Since she had been brought out of her coma, Draco had spent part of each day telling his mother what he had been doing with his life since the start of the school year. With the exception of a few quick minutes on the way through the Manor to Deatheater meetings and the night of her beating, which he never mentioned, he hadn't spent a good amount of time with her since the summer.
During his recitations, he glossed over the parts where he had been injured or been in danger, fearing to worry her. He also skipped the bad things that he had done and how he'd hurt others. That pretty much left talking about his new friendships. Tonight he positively waxed poetic about Hermione. She was on his mind because she had been released from the hospital this afternoon while he was on an assignment. He couldn't wait to get back to the house to see her.
Draco had never actually said who she was to his mother, just referring to her as "the girl I was telling you about" and the like. He only mentioned "Hermione Granger" as part of his new group of comrades, since he wasn't sure how his mother felt about muggleborns.
Narcissa had lain in an almost in a catatonic state for the first few days, except for the screaming episodes when her husband had shown up. Those panic attacks had gradually stopped so long as she had Draco in the room while Lucius was there. Now she lay in bed passively, eating what was fed to her and letting herself be manipulated like a large doll. She listened to everything that Draco had told her while keeping her wide serious eyes on him. However, she hadn't spoken to anyone yet. He wasn't sure how much she was actually taking in. The healers hoped that she would come out of her quiescent state, but were unsure when and if that would happen.
The door to the room opened, and he saw his mother's eyes shift behind him and stay riveted there. He felt the sudden tension in her hand and saw the fear in her eyes. He knew without looking that it was his father.
"Hello, Cissa," Lucius said in a voice one would use to talk to a wild animal. He walked over to the bed, and reached out to stroke his wife's hand. Narcissa flinched turning her eyes back to Draco. She clutched his hand desperately. Her husband noticed the flinch and handhold and his face tightened.
"Girl," whispered Narcissa to Draco hoarsely. Both men were shocked that she had finally spoken.
"What, Mother? What do you need?" Draco asked earnestly, wanting to hear her voice again. This was the first real sign that she was still in there.
"Tell more...girl,"she repeated. Draco understood that she wanted to hear more about the girl in his life. Conscious that his father was listening to every word, he told his mother what she wanted to hear about while trying to keep things ambiguous for his father.
"That's right, mother. She likes school and is really good at potions. She looks beautiful when she's all dressed up. She always looks great at dances. I bet that she'd love to go shopping with you since you have such good taste. You'd have a good time too, she's great to talk to."
"Love...her?" she whispered. Draco didn't dare look at his father, concentrating on his mother's face. She was looking at him hopefully and her hand had relaxed in his.
"Yes," he whispered back. Her eyes grew luminous and she smiled in contentment at him.
"I've already taken care of it, darling," Lucius' smooth voice cut into the touching moment between mother and son. A pair of gray and a pair of blue eyes swung to him startled.
"What did you do?" Draco asked him anxiously, though he tried to keep his voice even to not upset his mother.
"I've been a bit sneaky, I'm afraid. I've been aware of the gist of your conversations for weeks now."
Draco looked horrified at this bit of information. He racked his brain trying to remember what exactly he'd said to his mother, especially that first week and when she'd been mostly nonresponsive. Damn Father, he thought, I should have realized he'd put a listening charm on the room or pay someone here to spy on us.
"I'm so glad he told you what he did, dear. He's been in love with a young lady from Hogwarts for quite some time and didn't tell us, the naughty boy," he told his wife in a playful voice. "She's in his year and apparently quite sought after. This finally confirmed it for me. It's all going to be all right now."
"What did you do?" Draco demanded again. His mother watched them with her wide eyes.
Lucius smiled gently at his wife and she looked at him tentatively. He moved slowly forward, and sat in a chair on the other side of her bed from Draco. When she didn't rebuff him, Lucius placed his hand near her free one, but didn't quite touch it. He said the next words quite deliberately, "I spoke to her father yesterday and arranged a betrothal between the two of them."
"What?" Draco exclaimed, knowing full well Hermione's parents were dead. Even if they hadn't been, his father would never have deigned to go to them.
"Oh, Lucius," Narcissa whispered happily at the same time, a real smile gracing her lips. She put her hand on the back of her husband's hand. He flipped his over cupping her hand gently.
"That's right, Draco. It's all been taken care of. You will marry Daphne Greengrass this summer. Things in the wizarding world should be more settled by then. Her father knows that it's only a matter of time before he'll be sent to Azkaban, and he wanted at least one of his daughters safely settled. It's just fortuitous that we can bring you two together."
Draco looked at him disbelievingly. His father threw him a hard look, then glanced meaningfully at his mother. The young man looked at her. She had an ecstatic look on her face and her eyes were brimming with happy tears. She was animated for the first time in weeks.
"Maragaine's daughter," she whispered in awe.
Draco looked down and stared at her hand, now linked with his father's. What the hell do I do now?
"Father, can I speak to you outside," Draco ground out as tonelessly as possible.
"Cissa, Draco and I have to discuss some details of the betrothal," Lucius told her in a cheerful voice. "I'll be back in a moment."
Draco kissed his smiling mother and strode out the door. Ron, who had been dozing while waiting for him looked up and saw the turmoil radiating off of the blond. He opened his mouth to speak, but Lucius walked out of Narcissa's room interrupting him. Draco shook his head and pointed to a vacant room next door. The two Malfoys walked in and shut the door. Lucius quickly put a privacy charm around the room.
"What the hell did you do that for?" Draco exploded. "You know damn well I don't give a fuck about Daphne Greengrass."
"Watch your tone with me, boy," Lucius told him coldly. "I know about your little infatuation with the mudblood and it's going to stop."
"Don't call her that! Don't you get it? She's the best of all of us. Without Hermione, we would never have defeated Voldemort. I would be dead right now if it weren't for her."
"No, you would be dead right now if it wasn't for your mother and me," Lucius reminded him acidly. "We switched sides so that halfblood maniac wouldn't kill you last year. Now it's time for you to pay us back."
"You said you did it because you loved me," Draco stated, shocked by his demand. Hermione had never put a price on her love.
"I did. But the Malfoys have been a pureblood family for sixteen generations. We were great and we will be so again. The Greengrass family has impeccable bloodlines. Your son will be the scion of both families. He will have the world before him. I will not let you screw it all up because you're only thinking with your libido."
"It's not just sex. Hermione is the best thing that's ever happened to me! I love her, Father." Lucius looked like he didn't believe Draco and shook his head.
"Not like I love your mother. We have twenty-two years together. Twenty-two. That's love. For Merlin's sake, she cringes from me when I reach for her! Do you know what that's like?"
"Yes, I do," the younger wizard replied remembering brown eyes in a bloodied face shrinking from him. His heart clenched. You selfish bastard, you can't even wait for Mother as long as I waited for Hermione. "I can't walk away from her."
"Nonetheless, you will marry the Greengrass chit. Look at how happy your mother was about it. This is the only thing that has made her react since she woke up."
"She was reacting to the way I was talking about Hermione! Daphne has always been a spoiled bitch."
"It doesn't matter who you meant. Your mother thinks it's Daphne now. Did you know your mother was Maragaine Greengrass' closest friend before she passed away? They were dorm mates together in Slytherin. They were best friends through their Hogwarts years. They probably fantasized this exact thing when they were silly schoolgirls. Will you destroy your mother's happiness and risk sending her back to the way she was for the sake of some girl you thought was a mudblood bitch until last year?" Lucius was a consummate manipulator and had always known exactly how to push the buttons of each member of his family.
Draco closed his eyes and thought about the two most important women in his life. His mother was so needy. She had always depended upon the males in her life to take care of her. The only time her husband hadn't done so, had sent her over the edge. Hermione, on the other hand, was always so damn strong and independent. No matter what obstacles fate put in her path, she managed to stay true to herself. Opening his eyes, he knew full well which one could and which one couldn't live without him.
Reading his son's face, the Malfoy patriarch was apparently satisfied by what he saw there.
"There's going to be an announcement in tomorrow's Daily Prophet." Lucius said offhandedly. "If you can't give up your mudblood, keep her on the side. Just make sure to keep her the hell away from the family." With that bit of what he considered kind advice, Lucius ended the privacy spells and went back to his wife's room.
Draco bowed his head in defeat. He wished his mother wasn't in such an unbalanced emotional state. It may have been selfish, but for the first time he wished she wasn't so fragile, that she could have been stronger for him. Draco knew that he didn't have a choice. He was going to give up his one chance at happiness for hers. He felt like part of him was dying.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Hermione had been released from the hospital at around noon and had spent the afternoon resting in her room. I'm going to talk to Draco tonight, she thought happily. Her lover had spent a good chunk of last night in her hospital room, but they hadn't been able to carve out a moment of privacy. The friends had taken shifts in pairs to make sure she was all right. Ginny and Draco stayed for the first few hours, during which the injured girl had fallen asleep. When she awoke the next morning, Neville was sleeping in one of the chairs and Harry came wandering in a minute later with pastries and tea for all of them.
The two boys had remained with her until she was allowed to go home. The other four teens had been called on a mission a short while before she arrived at Grimmauld Place. Luna and Ginny returned at dinner time and greeted Hermione enthusiastically. They said Draco and Ron were going to grab a bite at the hospital canteen so Draco could visit with Narcissa before they came home. The boys were expected to be back late.
Hermione walked slowly down the stairs of Grimmauld Place, her head still felt just the tiniest bit tender. Everyone was asleep already except for her. Her earlier naps combined with her anxiousness for Draco's return kept her awake. She saw light spilling from the kitchen doorway and heard Ron's voice drift out to her.
"...say to you? He came out of there looking smug as hell. I know he's your Da, but he can be a right arsehole. You looked like shit too, Ferret."
"Shut it, Weasel. I guess it's not going to be a secret for much longer, since it'll be in tomorrow's paper," Draco said tiredly. "He's betrothed me to Daphne Greengrass."
Ron whistled knowing traditional pureblood betrothals were almost as binding as marriage. "I'm sorry, mate. She's hot, but she's one of the bitchiest witches in our year. Did you know she, Parkinson, and Bulestrode used to make Hermione cry almost daily when we were in first and second year? They tortured her unmercifully until she grew a thicker skin and learned to defend herself in third year. Gah...Girls are so cruel. We just used to punch and hex the shit out of each other."
"I'd forgotten all about that," Draco said softly. He remembered now how the Gryffindor's tears had filled him with childish glee. The thought made him feel sick now.
"Don't worry, though. Hermione's never been one to hold grudges. Hell, look at you two. Did you ever think you'd be friends and fighting on the same side? She'll probably make Daphne into her best girlfriend and be her maid of honor when you go down the aisle." Ron chuckled at the image.
"I don't think it's going to be as easy as that."
Ron put his hand on Draco's shoulder and squeezed once, before saying seriously, "We've come a long way together, mate. Good luck with Greengrass. You know we're all here for you if you need us. Don't doubt that. I'm off to bed." A little embarrassed about his sentimentality, Ron turned at the door for one last remark. "Oh, you do know you'll still always be Ferret Boy, right?" Smiling cheekily, the redhead climbed the stairs.
Draco headed up a few minutes later looking for Hermione. She wasn't in her bedroom when he looked there first. He found her sitting on his bed waiting for him when he got to his room. She was looking at him with a pained expression on her face. She didn't say anything for a moment and then closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. He quickly locked the door and cast a silencing spell. He walked to the bed and sat beside her, touching her arm gently.
"Hermione?" he asked, but he knew her too well. Fuck, he thought. She knows. How the fuck does she know?
"I heard you and Ron talking downstairs. Tell me if it's true. Are you going to marry Daphne Greengrass?" she asked him without opening her eyes. I thought you loved me.
"Look at me," he begged her. "It's going to be all right." I love you, but I have to do this.
The witch shook her head and asked again without opening her eyes, "Are you going to marry her?" Please say no; tell me I'm wrong.
Draco put his hands on her shoulders and gently turned her to face him. "Yes. I am." Please understand, I don't mean to hurt you.
Hermione felt a pain go straight through her heart at those three short words. She opened her eyes and Draco could see that they were full of tears. She only said one word. "Why?" Can't you see what you're doing to me?
"My father arranged a betrothal between us. Now that the war is over, it's my duty to my family to marry and have a son to carry on the name. I have no choice," Draco told her quietly, hating the pain he was causing her. I owe it to my parents. Mother almost died because of me.
"Yes you do. There's always a choice. You told me you loved me. Now you're leaving me again." No matter what he said, it always comes down to blood, she thought bitterly. Hermione was in a nightmare.
"My father demands that I secure the Malfoy line. He wants a grandson and he wants one soon. You don't understand how it is in my family. It's the pureblood way." This is the only thing that's making Mother get better.
"You know I'd marry you in a heartbeat," she hated that she was almost begging him. "I would have your children," she added in a choked voice. I already am.
He just shook his head. "My father would never accept that. He wants this marriage. It will make Mother so happy, and she's still not out of the woods yet. I have to pay them back. My mother was in a coma for two months because of me! I owe them. It's the only thing they've asked me to do and I can't disappoint them," he said. Mother isn't strong like you. We'll find another way for us to be together.
"I've never asked you for anything either, damn you, but you never choose me!" Hermione finally screamed, anger and disappointment in him overcoming her hurt. "It's always been your pureblood friends. Your House. Your reputation. Your parents. When was it going to be us? You were never going to choose us were you?" The last question was asked in a tear filled voice as she gestured between the two of them. You would never choose our daughter.
Draco tried to placate her by saying, "Daphne is just a means to give Lucius a grandson...but nothing says that I have to love her. You know I love you. I need you to be strong for us. We can still be together; it doesn't matter whom I marry." Please give us this chance. We can get through this. I still need you.
"What are you saying?" Hermione asked him in an incredulous voice. Do you know me so little?
"I still want you as my friend and lover. You're the one who helped me through everything. I would never turn my back on you." His gray eyes looked into hers searchingly. "We'd find a way to be make us work." This is the only way it can be if I want Mother to get better.
"You want me to be your whore," Hermione said, tears of anger, tears of pain falling down her face. "After everything we've been through, this is what I really mean to you." Ten gold galleons.
"No, you'd never be my whore. You'd be the keeper of my heart. The woman that I love," he tried to convince her. Why can't you understand? I need you to be at my side. I want you with me.
"I can't be that, Draco. I can't do that. I wasn't raised to believe it's okay to be with a married man. I can't love you and then send you home to your wife and family. You don't know me at all if you think I'd be your mistress, when you don't think I'm good enough to be your wife," Hermione answered in a defeated voice. "We fought a war so that blood status wouldn't matter so much." You can't even see why this is so wrong.
"Just think it over, Hermione," the blond begged her. "Don't walk away from what we have!" I don't want to lose you.
She looked at him sadly. "How can I walk away from you, when you've already left me for someone else? I know I'm worth more than what you're offering me, even if you don't. I deserve better than this and... so does Daphne. Since you're going to marry her, you owe her your fidelity. I can't...I won't... be the other woman. If you do this, you can't have me also."
She leaned into him and gave him one last kiss, cupping his face gently. There was a sense of finality to it. He tried to hold her, but she didn't let him. Hermione got up very carefully, holding herself together with every ounce of self-control she could muster. Without looking back at him, she unspelled the door and left.
He waited for her to change her mind and return; but she never came back. It was the first night since New Years that she didn't spend the night with him. It was the first night of many.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The next night at around ten, Hermione walked into the kitchen at Grimmauld Place and faced Lupin and McGonagall resolutely. The two of them were the only adults in the house at the moment. Harry, Draco, and Ron were on a night time hunt for Deatheaters. The Order had gotten some information and a raid had been planned. Ginny, Luna, and Neville were already asleep having gone on a mission earlier in the day.
"I need to leave today, Professor," she told the wizard and witch, "and I need you to make it right with the rest of the Order."
The older witch looked fondly at her ex-student, "Where do you need to go, Hermione?" she asked. "You know we have the 'only out in pairs' rule. Can you wait until tomorrow and then someone can accompany you?"
"No, Professor, I need to leave here permanently," Hermione clarified. "I want to be gone before the boys get back from their mission and everyone else wakes up."
The woman, who had been Hermione's mentor for the last seven years looked at her in a puzzled manner. "What's going on Hermione? Are you all right?" McGonagall's face was full of concern for the girl, noticing the redness of her eyes and her uncharacteristically disheveled appearance.
"You know we need every fighter we have to find the remaining Deatheaters. You're one of our best," broke in Remus looking at Hermione intently. "You had a close call. It's no shame to feel a bit afraid; it's to be expected. Why don't you go upstairs and rest and we'll talk in the morning. Your friends should be back by then."
"Remus, it's not just about me anymore," she stated quietly. "I'm having a harder time keeping up with everything now and I'm not going to be able to hide my condition much longer."
"What condition, Hermione?" Lupin asked sharply, while McGonagall covered her mouth with her hand.
"I'm pregnant."
"Oh my dear," McGonagall said sympathetically, "You should have told us. We would never have assigned you to the tracking teams. It's too risky for you now. Have you seen a mediwitch? How far along are you?"
"I'm almost three months along," the girl replied answering the questions in reverse order. "The healer at St. Mungo's confirmed everything while I was there."
"Three months!" exclaimed Remus, "Merlin preserve us girl, do you mean to say you were pregnant during the final battle? Did you know?"
"I knew before the battle, but Harry needed me to be there. So I didn't tell anyone."
When they looked at her flabbergasted, Hermione calmly replied, "If I wasn't there or if he'd known I was pregnant, he would have been worried when he needed to concentrate the most. Our fighting unit would have been broken. We've been in this together from the beginning and I didn't want to be a distraction."
"You were lucky, Hermione," Remus answered with a shudder. He had worried about his beloved Tonks being in battle, and she had already given birth to their son, Teddy, months ago.
"I know, but I had to. If Voldomort had won," she defended her actions, "he would have had my baby and me killed anyway. It worked out for the best. Now please, I'm only a liability here, and the Order doesn't need me the way Harry did before. Please let me go." Hermione looked at them beseechingly. "You're the only ones that can convince the others that I had to leave without them questioning you."
"If this is what you want, we'll help you," McGonagall agreed. Then she asked gently, "What about the father, Hermione?"
"He's not a part of this. He has no desire to be tied to me or this child and he made me no promises," Hermione said flatly closing the subject. "Don't worry, we'll be fine. Please just don't tell anyone else about why I'm leaving. I trust you both to keep my secret. I have a letter for each of my friends. Will you see that they get them, Remus? " At his affirmative reply, Hermione went to her room to pack.
McGonagall waited while Hermione gathered the things that she wanted to take with her and used a shrinking spell that allowed her to tuck them into into her pocket. After they had walked outside past the house wards, Minerva wrapped the younger woman in a long hug. "Take care of yourself, Hermione," she murmured. "Let me know how you are. I'll keep your secrets." Hermionw nodded solemnly. Both felt a strange sense of deja vu at the familiarity of the scene.
As she watched the brown haired witch apparate, Minerva McGonagall wiped away a tear. She said a silent prayer for the girl whom she thought of as a daughter and hoped for two things. The first was that Hermione and her child would be safe and happy. The second was that she would see the young woman again some day.