Chapter Twenty Six: Unclear Insight

Tharmeduil didn't feel all right; he felt dreadful. His eyes were filled with black and red and his head felt as if there was an axe buried in his skull.

And the images marching behind his eyes were relentless. Implacable. Terrible.

He clenched his body tight, curling up and cringing away from the pain, but it followed him. From somewhere far away, he heard a wail.

A voice hushed and a cool hand rested on his forehead.

'Be still, Tharmeduil. It will pass, I promise you.' The voice was familiar and gently reassuring. 'Come. We know it helps for you to talk through your visions. Talk to me, and I will write them down for you. Whatever you wish to say, I will note it.'

'There is so much pain,' he whispered, surprised to learn that when he spoke, the wailing ceased. 'It… ah, it burns! They are burning!'

Was this vision, or symptom? Nestoril didn't know, but she wrote down Tharmeduil's words.

'They burn and he weeps. So much lost hope. So many partings. Grey wood and silver sails on blue between blue… why does he weep, when he saved us all? Does he not see how he saved us? Ah, but he can't save him, he has to save himself…'

Tharmeduil broke off as an intense surge of grief swamped him.

'I see, but I cannot speak. I hear, but I cannot tell. I know, oh how I know but I cannot share my knowledge. I cannot tell him what to do. I cannot help. My hands do not obey me. My feet only obey another. I am not able. I cannot… I cannot…'

'We will take care of you, Tharmeduil. If you need to be led, we will lead you safely to where you need to be for your well-being…'

'We ought not go. If we do not go, then we will not burn. But then we will not stop them, and if they are not stopped, they will rage through Middle Earth. And it is too late to stop the others from going, and if we are not there, they will burn in our place and much more will be lost. We cannot let it be lost. We have to go. But tell them to bring the healers… oh. But they each have one, so that is good…'

This made no sense! This was mere ravings… Except by now Nestoril understood this was just the start of the process and that over the next few days after his attack faded, Tharmeduil would refine and redefine his visions, bringing some kind of order to them. Indeed, they had even been playing a sort of game, checking off his predictions against actual events.

'Sometimes… sometimes he forgets he isn't him. Our adar is not his adar. He can't see. He can't see. He may not again, ever. The willow has a bandage on it, will it help? Who can know? No need to bring us back, but you can't go straight away, he won't let you, though you should…'

His voice was rising, impassioned, and Nestoril sought to calm him.

'Tharmeduil, how is your pain now? Not your visionary pain, but the actual discomfort in your head?'

'My head is clearing. My head is clearing. It is not wrong to bring us home and leave again, but it wastes time. He cannot see that. He is in too much pain… Too much…'

Tharmedil gasped and his body spasmed. Trying to support him, hold him still, Nestoril was peripherally aware of a knocking at the outer door. It sounded loud, as if it had been going on for a while, and indeed, it could have been.

'Oh, please!' she called loudly. 'A help here! Come in, quickly!'

The door opened and she heard Legolas calling out.

'Where are you? What's wrong?'

'Through here, my prince!'

Legolas hurried through just as Tharmeduil cried out and rolled towards the edge of the bed. Legolas reached him just in time to slide onto his knees and catch his brother's shoulders, preventing him from falling while Nestoril tried to pull him back. He saw the relief in her eyes but had not time to say anything because Tharmeduil pushed forward again, retching, his head buried in Legolas' chest.

Legolas lifted his eyes heavenswards, but without complaint, just moved forwards and supported Tharmeduil's head, holding his hair back.

Nestoril handed him a damp cloth and he slid it into place on Tharmeduil's forehead until, finally, the fit of vomiting passed and Tharmeduil tried to move, reaching for the cloth to wipe his face with as he tried to get back onto the bed.

'Legolas… How long have you been back?' he asked.

Behind Tharmeduil, Legolas saw Nestoril's eyes close and open in relief.

'Long enough to take my friends to the healer hall, report to my commander, listen to father practice his stern voice…' Legolas grinned. 'Oh, and to eat, bathe and put nice clean clothes on!'

'Ah, I'm sorry! I…'

'Do not worry,' Legolas said lightly. 'It's not the first time in the last week or so, in truth. Just the first time for these garments.'

'It could have been worse,' Nestoril said. 'Your brother declined his supper, fearing this might happen.'

'Ha! My thanks, then, Tharmeduil! May I use your bathing room?'

'And my clothes, if it helps.'

'I think I might do so. Thank you.'

While Legolas was washing and donning borrowed clothes, Nestoril helped Tharmeduil get comfortable. Thanks to Legolas' sacrificial lap, and quick thinking, Tharmeduil's hair had escaped, and a fresh damp cloth soon had him feeling fresher.

'How is the pain now?'

'Fading, at last. Not so bad. But it was worse, this one. More intense. Did I say much?'

'We can go through it later.' Nestoril got to her feet. 'I think you'd be better in the healer hall tonight…'

'But if I do that, it will bring the headache back on. I know you wouldn't wish it on me. Would you?'

The healer raised an eyebrow appraisingly. 'Now, how do I know whether this is something you've seen or something you think could happen? I have many more facilities available to me at the healer hall…'

'But I'm more comfortable with my own things about me. Nestoril…'

She sighed. 'But I have to get back to my other duties and if you were there I could attend you, too. There are your insights to record, and I would want you to take a draught, at least…'

'Legolas will stay with me… would stay with me,' Tharmeduil suggested as his brother came back in in not-quite-fitting clothes. 'Wouldn't you?'

Legolas took a deep breath and pushed away thoughts of his own bed for the first time in almost two weeks.

'Of course I would,' he said.

Nestoril held his gaze, smiling gratitude and understanding.

'Well, I will go to my healer hall and bespeak such things as are needed here. I'll take a few moments with my duty assistants and then return. Tharmeduil, if you wish to freshen up, I'm sure your brother will help if you need it.'