"You're right." Sam dipped his head in acknowledgement. "I'm sorry."
When he didn't say anything more, she chuckled, temper restored. "So, why don't you want to sleep with me?"
That startled a laugh out of him. "Who says I don't?"
"Then, why won't you?"
"Because –" Sam was tempted to put her off with a joke, a half-truth. Instead, "Because I don't want your death on my conscience." He held her gaze.
"Oh, Sam." Amused, Lucy tossed her cigarette butt out into the rain. "You're a good man, a brave man. But you're also a great fool."
"What?"
"It's sad that your mother died. And your girl. It's very sad. For you, for them. El Tragedia! But does that mean you have to be alone for the rest of your life?"
"Lucy –"
"So, by loving you I could die?" She laughed scornfully. "I could have died as a child when that monster attacked our village! I could get hit by a truck tomorrow. Sickness could eat me, like my Aunt Solange. We all face death, every day. One step in the wrong direction, and puf!" She snapped her fingers. "Muerte! You can't stop living just because you're afraid of dying."
"I'm not afraid for me," Sam protested, flushing. "Don't you get it? The demon pinned my mother and Jess to the ceiling. He tore open their stomachs and burned them alive!"
Lucy flinched, not from that horrible image, but because of the agony on his face.
Sam's voice shook. "I see that every night, every time I close my eyes. I'm not adding you to that. I won't. I can't."
The two sat quietly, while she went through a couple more cigarettes. He took an occasional hit, a habit he'd picked up when they first came to Mexico. Dean had nagged him into giving it up, but some nights . . .
"My father died because of me," she said abruptly.
Startled, he half-turned on the seat to face her.
She didn't look at him, just dragged in another lungful of smoke. "I wanted my father to teach me to hunt. I was only twelve, and a girl. He refused, of course." A rueful shake of her head. "I was so angry with him."
"Then, one night, a vampire came. My father told me to stay inside, but I didn't listen. I took my crucifix and a stake and went outside to help him."
Her voice was now so soft he could barely hear her.
"When my father found me, the vampire was drinking from me. The monster used me to win my father's weapons. Then, while I escaped, he killed – killed my father."
There was no sound in the car now but rain as it pattered on the roof.
At a complete loss for words, Sam took her hand.
Lucy looked at him at last, her face wet with tears. "I would give anything – anything – to change what happened."
He touched her cheek and she pulled back, not quite done with her story.
"My mother blamed me. So did I." She shrugged when she saw the protest in his eyes. "She couldn't stand to even look at me. A few months after it happened, she sent me to live with Aunt Solange." Lucy drew in a ragged breath. "She killed herself a few days later."
"Lucy –"
"We are alike, Sam," she said harshly. "I killed the vampire that murdered my father when I was seventeen."
Sam felt the truth of that in his bones. They were alike, the two of them, and Dean. Damaged, and struggling to survive the horror of their childhoods.
"When my father died, I wanted to follow him," Lucy said, voice softening. "But that would have made his sacrifice worthless. He wanted me to live, to be happy. So, I live the best life I can, for him. And for myself." Her eyes were full of compassion. "Would your mother, your girl, want any less for you?"
Sam broke. With a groan, he took hold of her, held her, felt the vulnerability beneath the tough shell she wore to protect herself. That vulnerability caught him. Murmuring her name, he took her lips, softly at first, then with a desperation matched only by her fierce hunger.
Moments, eons, later, as Lucy lay quiescent in his arms, there was no fear for her in his heart, only regret that he couldn't stay. Reading that regret in his eyes, she laid a quieting finger across his lips.
"No me importa, querido," she whispered. "No me importa."