Chapter Twenty-Six
Yasu went outside the mess hall and found a shady tree to sit under to enjoy her breakfast. "We need more friends, Hana."
"What do you mean? I have a lot of friends…" Hanataro said.
"We need a third person to keep us company, let's hold an audition."
"O-okay."
"The first person who walks by will be our first candidate." Yasu nodded.
Hanataro looked down the path and spotted Byakuya walking, unsuspecting. "You planned this, didn't you?" He turned to Yasu.
"What are you talking about?" Yasu smiled sweetly.
Byakuya saw Hanataro and Yasu sitting under the tree and froze for a moment before trying to figure out a new path to take so as not to cross Yasu.
"Oh no, not him! Hana I take it back! I take it back!" Yasu wailed, seeing Byakuya.
Byakuya grudgingly walked over to them. "Good morning." He nodded.
"Please, sit down Sixth Captain." Yasu instructed, looking pained.
"What?"
"For your interview."
"What are you talking about?" Byakuya demanded.
Hanataro made room for him under the sakura tree.
"Please, Sixth Captain, just play along." Yasu begged.
"I have more important matters to attend to, then to take part in your foolish games."
"Are you feeling better? I didn't see you before you left last night." Yasu asked, momentarily giving up in the friend auditions.
"I am fine, is that all?"
"Hana, what do you think?" Yasu looked to Hanataro.
Hanataro shook his head.
"I'm sorry Sixth Captain; you're not best friend material."Yasu smiled sweetly at him.
"What are you talking about?" Byakuya questioned.
Yasu sighed. "If you must know, Hana and I were trying to find a third friend for our group."
"There is no room for friends in the court guard; you should focus on your duties assigned to you."
"Which is exactly why you can't join our group, you're only going to bring us down. Plus, you're old Sixth Captain." Yasu added.
Byakuya managed to look slightly offended. "This body is not old."
Yasu nodded. "Look at you; you have lines under your eyes."
"I haven't been sleeping well lately, not that, that is of any concern to you."
Matsumoto came back over to Saiko's table, dragging her captain with her. "My Captain decided he wanted to eat breakfast with us, isn't that fantastic!"
Shiro sighed. "I didn't decide anything, you dragged me here."
Matsumoto forced Shiro into a seat and pulled out a bib for him. "Do you need help putting it on?"
Shiro's eyebrow twitched.
Renji and Saiko walked out of the mess hall.
"Look, the Captain is making friends!" Saiko sang.
"And with seated members in another squad, too." Renji added.
"Good on you, sir!"
Byakuya looked flustered. "I am not making friends with them. They stopped me on my walk and began prattling on about some… 'interview'."
"He failed." Yasu nodded.
"How do you 'fail' an interview?" Renji asked.
"He was trying out for the position of our third best friend, and he didn't pass."
"Hey, where do I sign up?" Renji smiled.
"You can't." Yasu looked away.
"Why not?"
"Oh… Hana doesn't like you."
"Wh-what? Th-that's not true!" Hanataro exclaimed.
"No one would want you as a best friend, anyway, Abarai. It's best to just save yourself the embarrassment of failing an interview faster than the Captain." Saiko said.
"I didn't fail. I didn't even attend an 'interview'." Byakuya defended.
"It's okay, Captain, I'll keep this incident on the down low." Saiko reassured him.
"There is no need, for one, there was no incident and secondly, I did not fail."
Renji frowned. "I don't see why I can't even be given a chance; I would rock that interview and prove all of you wrong."
Yasu shook her head. "I'm sorry Renji, I can't let you do that." She patted him on the arm. "You'll understand when you're older."
"You said I was too old, now Abarai has to wait until he's 'older'?" Byakuya narrowed his eyes.
Yasu nodded. "Saiko, would you like to try out? You have a good shot."
"You're even letting her try out? What is this?" Renji demanded.
"What's that supposed to mean? You're blessed with the opportunity to call me your best friend." Saiko said to Renji before turning to Yasu. "I would love to try out." She turned back to Byakuya and Renji. "How sad, I already passed where you failed to even acquire an interview!"
"I do not 'fail'." Byakuya crossed his arms.
"Okay Saiko, question one: If you were a fruit, what kind of animal would you most associate yourself with?" Yasu began.
"You didn't ask me that question, how did I not pass my interview if you neglected to ask me the same questions." Byakuya looked down on her.
"Why do you care, Captain?" Renji questioned.
Saiko tapped her cheek. "Ah-ha!"
"What, a 'lion'? What a boring answer." Renji dismissed before Saiko had a chance to say anything.
"No, trick question, because if I were a fruit I would only know of fruit flies and they are insects, not animals." Saiko crossed her arms, content.
"You're an idiot, there's no way that's right."
"There is no 'right' answer Renji." Yasu shook her head at him. "Next question, Hana."
"Wh-what? Why me?" Hanataro stuttered.
"No, that's the question, the question is, 'Hana?'." Yasu looked up at Saiko.
"Donuts," Saiko answered.
Hanataro smiled.
Renji crossed his arms. "This is stupid, if you don't have a right or wrong answer, how can you judge if she's any good!"
"He's just grumpy because he knows if he answered these questions he'd get them wrong." Saiko told Yasu.
Byakuya stood there still frustrated at the fact that he failed to acquire an interview.
"Okay, this third question is a trick question." Yasu announced.
"Why would you tell her that?" Hanataro asked.
"Sixth Captain, why do you keep following me?" Yasu continued.
"I do—" Byakuya started.
"Shh, Sixth Captain, Renji needs to answer this one." Yasu shushed him.
"What? Why me? I thought Saiko was the one being interviewed." Renji exclaimed.
"She is… Now, answer please." Yasu held out her hand expectantly.
"This is stupid!" Renji shouted.
Saiko shook her head. "See, as soon as he doesn't know the answer he blames it on something else."
"How could I know the answer? I'm not the Captain!"
"She is the one following m—" Byakuya tried to defend himself again.
"You're going to ruin my interview, Captain. No hints!" Saiko yelled.
"Time's running out." Yasu looked at her nude wrist where a watch would have been.
"I'm-not-following-her." Byakuya said quickly, making sure he was able to get every word in this time.
"Awh man, sorry that's incorrect." Yasu gave Renji a sympathetic look.
"What? But I didn't even answer yet!" Renji shouted.
Hanataro sat there extremely happy that he didn't have to go through this interview process to become friends with Yasu.
"Great, Abarai, now I lose!" Saiko punched Renji.
"She said there are no wrong answers!" Renji grabbed his arm.
"Of course there are! How else would she know how to judge me?"
"There aren't any wrong answers… but somehow Renji managed." Yasu shrugged.
"This interview is bugged." Renji crossed his arms.
"I have one final question, this is for all of you, are you ready?" Yasu asked, glancing around.
Hanataro flinched.
Byakuya fixed his scarf.
Renji clenched and unclenched his fists a few times.
Saiko coughed. "What's my middle name?"
"What? This interview is for you! Why are you asking the questions?" Renji turned on Saiko.
"That's not an answer, those are both more questions."
Yasu nodded.
"You don't have a middle name, you're Japanese." Byakuya said after a moment.
Yasu clapped excitedly.
Hanataro pulled a handful of confetti out of his pocket and threw it on Byakuya.
"Congratulations Saiko, you did it! You won this blueberry muffin!" Yasu pulled the muffin out of her sleeve and held it out to her.
"I thought you were interviewing for your best friend…" Renji pointed out.
"What?" Yasu shook her head.
"Actually, you're all wrong." Saiko smirked. "I am Japanese and British. My middle name is Harry Potter and, I did not win a blueberry muffin, I won a blueberry cream cheese muffin." She held out the muffin and pointed to the cream cheese in the middle. "And I was never interviewing for the position of best friend, I was interviewing for the position of 'confuse Abarai'."
"It's all true." Yasu confirmed.
Renji pulled on his hair.
"I feel set up…" Byakuya trailed off.
"I'm sorry Sixth Captain." Yasu apologized to him.
"Am I dreaming?" Hanataro pinched his cheek.
"I know, I know, when I'm around people think 'this must be a dream, I could never be so blessed in real life' but it is true, Hanataro. I am really here." Saiko nodded and smiled slightly.
"Please, no one feels that way about you." Renji dismissed.
"Rude, Abarai, rude and uncalled for."
Yasu started to laugh.
Renji smiled at her. "What's so funny?"
Yasu shook her head. "Nothing, nothing at all!"
Byakuya tried desperately to get the confetti out of his keisekan but failed.
"Sixth Captain, do you need some help?" Yasu offered.
"Don't be an idiot." Byakuya said.
"I'll take that as a yes…"
"With all the conditioner you use, Captain, I would assume the confetti would have just slid right out…" Saiko stated.
Soi Fen walked past. "Captain Kuchiki, Lieutenant Abarai. Ah, Saiko, I've been looking for you." She smiled. "May I have a word?"
"If this is in regards to—" Saiko started.
"Please? Before you say anything?" Soi Fen placed a hand on her back and led her away.
Renji watched the two leave. "What do you think that's about?"
"They're probably having some sort of secret lesbian relationship." Yasu shrugged.
"Wh-what?"
"Oh how embarrassing!" Yasu blushed. "I meant to say Lebanese relationship, I read an article about them once, they're very interesting people."
"I could offer you a spot in the second section." Soi Fen began, as soon as they were out of sight.
"I'm sorry, Captain, but, my place is in Squad Six. I don't know how to make that clearer."
"Your skill set would be very useful, I don't think your Captain would disagree with me on this…"
"I'm not arguing that. As I said before: I have a debt to repay. Thank you for your continued interest." Saiko bowed before heading back to everyone.
"Sixth Captain, please sit down, just for a moment." Yasu pleaded.
"I will not." Byakuya protested.
"You should listen to her, Captain." Renji crossed his arms. "Don't be stubborn."
Byakuya looked frustrated. "I will not dirty my robes by sitting on the ground."
Yasu ran behind Byakuya and began picking confetti out of the dangling chains of his hair piece; because they were the only ones she could reach standing on her tip toes.
Saiko stepped up next to Renji and watched Byakuya, amused.
Renji looked down at her. "Hey, what was that about?" He nodded toward Soi Fen.
"Hmm? Oh, it's nothing…" Saiko smirked at him. "Why, are you worried about little ol' me?"
"Tch, no, I couldn't care less."
"You're always getting yourself into trouble, Sixth Captain." Yasu doted on him.
"Don't pull, be careful back there!" Byakuya warned.
"You're the one who should be more careful."
"If you haven't noticed, you are the one who is causing all this trouble; it was you who have me the poisoned drink and you who threw confetti on me."
"That last one was Hana actually…" Yasu pointed out, quietly.
"Yeah, right, just imagine your life without me in it." Saiko scoffed at Renji.
"Ahh, the peace and quiet…" He smirked.
"Rude!" Saiko punched his arm.
Yasu glanced over at the two of them before turning her attention back to Byakuya. "I feel so special, hanging around with the Squad Six cool kids." She giggled softly. "Don't you feel popular, Hana?"
Hanataro was hunched over trying to hide the fact that he was eating one of the donuts in his pocket.
"Are you almost finished?" Byakuya inquired.
"I will be once you decide to sit down."
"Hey," Renji grabbed Saiko's wrist. "No hitting a superior officer… Wait." He held up her arm. "You're still wearing this?" He pointed to her last bracelet.
"Yep, I'm the only one with any left. Jealous?" Saiko grinned.
"No. I couldn't care less that I don't have any more of those stupid bracelets." Renji lied.
"Do you have any more information to hide, Renji?" Yasu peaked at him from behind Byakuya again. "It seems like Saiko's gotten all your secrets out of you."
"I have tons of secrets you and Saiko don't know about!"
"Oh, like what?"
"Like… oh like that my—hey! I'm not telling you!"
Saiko shook her head. "I know that one."
"How could you even know what I was going to say?" Renji demanded.
Saiko stood on her tiptoes and whispered to him.
"How did you know that?" Renji jumped back.
"Like it or not, you tell me everything."
"Yeah, well, what about that time—"
"May ninth sixteen years ago?" Saiko smiled, knowingly.
"Dammit!"
"That's pretty embarrassing Renji… you haven't told my secrets have you?" Yasu looked worried a moment.
"Your secrets…"
"Renji." Yasu started at him.
"Of course not!"
"This is why I don't associate myself with 'friends'. Secrets are best kept to yourself." Byakuya said.
"Do you guys know what Byakuya's second name is?" Yasu grinned.
Byakuya looked pained.
"Don't worry, Abarai, I haven't told anyone about that time." Saiko watched Renji's expression.
Renji turned red. "There's nothing to tell!"
Saiko turned to Yasu. "I would love to know what my Captains second name is!"
"Since you passed my muffin test… I'll tell you if you tell me about 'that time'." Yasu smiled.
"Hey!" Renji shouted.
"I protest!" Byakuya added.
"How about a guessing game? Using what I know of my Captain I'll try and guess his second name."
"As your captain, I am disallowing you to take part in such activities."
"Aww, but Captai—"
"Furthermore, you are not allowed to inquire to or learn of that name. And if you do, by some fluke, hear it, you are to immediately forget it. Do I make myself clear?"
Saiko pouted. "Crystal."
"But I wanted to know what happened to Renji…" Yasu sighed.
"No you don't Yasu, trust me." Renji told her.
"But you talk to me about everything Renji… and I have no idea what day she's talking about."
"I don't talk to you about everything because… something's are too embarrassing."
"That's silly; you don't get embarrassed around me." Yasu shook her head.
"Yeah… yeah all the time." Renji scratched the back of his neck.
"What are you talking about…" Yasu looked sad.
"I think the word 'embarrassing' is code for, it would embarrass you to hear those stories." Hanataro explained.
"Hana, don't be ridiculous, I never get embarrassed."
Renji raised an eyebrow at Yasu.
"Oh, trust me; you would not want to hear about this. I even get embarrassed thinking about it…" Saiko snickered and blushed a little bit.
"S-stop thinking about it!" Renji yelled.
"But I don't want to."
"Stop thinking about it, that's a direct order!"
"Fine, fine." Saiko said, thinking about it again, making herself blush.
"You can't not tell me… now I need to know… Saiko please, as a fellow woman." Yasu pleaded.
"Don't do it Saiko…" Renji begged.
"You're pulling again." Byakuya warned, reaching up to knock Yasu's hand away.
"Shush Sixth Captain, this is important." Yasu reprimanded, and dug her fingers into his hair again, pulling out the little scraps of paper.
Saiko whispered something to Renji.
"Why?" Renji gasped.
Saiko grinned before turning to Yasu and whispering, "I'll tell you about it in a more secluded area."
"Saiko…" Renji sighed, nervously.
"What? I was just… Telling her, her hair looked nice…" She winked at Yasu.
"Let's go now!" Yasu rushed over to Saiko.
"But my hair…" Byakuya trailed off.
"Hana!"
Hanataro stepped up to Byakuya. "Sixth Captain." He bowed.
"I'll fix it myself…" Byakuya narrowed his eyes before whooshing away.
"Why didn't he do that in the first place?" Renji asked.
"I don't understand why he doesn't put his hair up like yours." Saiko looked Renji over. "I think everyone in Squad Six should look like a different fruit…"
"I don't look like a pineapple!" Renji yelled.
"Oookay, Abarai. Whatever you say."
Ikkaku ran over to Saiko cradling a pineapple. "Saiko! I found Abarai's decapitated head in a fruit bowl!"
"I think it's cute, Renji." Yasu smiled reassuringly at him.
"I am not cute! I am so far from cute! I'm one hundred percent sexy, all the way." Renji struck a pose.
Yasu blushed.
"See, I can even affect you, Yasu." Renji grinned at her.
"No." Yasu shook her head. "Your robes…"
Renji looked down and saw that his hakama had come untied and are slowly sliding down.