Chapter Twenty-six:
It had been three months since they lost their second baby; it had been three months since they even talked about what they were going to do next. But they had decided that they were going to try anything to have a baby, so Lilly made an appointment with Dr Colburn again to discuss their options.
So one Saturday morning, Lilly and Scotty were sitting in her office waiting for her to come in. Scotty drummed his fingers impatiently on the arms of the chair and Lilly jiggled her foot nervously. The door opened and they looked up at the Dr as she walked into the room. "Sorry to keep you waiting" she said warmly "how you feeling?" she asked
"Okay I guess" Lilly said "you know day to day"
Dr Colburn nodded and took a seat behind her desk "So you wanted to discuss your options" Lilly and Scotty nodded "Well, we can try the progesterone injections again"
"I..." Lilly sighed and looked over at Scotty "I don't think I could handle another miscarriage"
"Understandable" Dr Colburn replied "Well we have other options we could explore"
"Like what?" Scotty asked
"Well you could try gestational surrogacy"
"You mean someone else carries our baby?"
Dr Colburn nodded "The good news is that you are able to get pregnant, so we take some eggs from you Lilly and fertilise them in a lab with Scotty's sperm and then incubate them." she began "then once we determine that they are viable we place them into a surrogate who hopefully becomes pregnant"
Scotty looked over at Lilly, searching her eyes for any sign that this was the way to go. She seemed deep in thought. "What are some other options?" he asked.
"Well if you feel the surrogacy isn't an option for you there is always adoption"
Lilly sighed again "Well I guess we have got some decisions to make" Lilly said softly
"Of course" Dr Colburn added "well just call me if you need any more information.
Lilly and Scotty sat in their kitchen, cups of coffee in front of them. They hadn't said much since leaving Dr Colburn's, both had a lot to consider. Scotty was the first to break the silence "So, what are you thinkin'?" he asked her
Lilly stared down into her mug and shrugged "I don't know" she replied
"Well, what do you wanna do?"
Lilly looked up into his eyes and she smiled "I want to have a family with you"
Scotty smiled back at her and reached over the table, taking her hand in his "I want a family with you too Lil"
"Okay then so let's talk about what route we are gonna take"
Scotty nodded; this was going to be one of the biggest decisions of their lives "Well we could try the surrogacy" Scotty suggested
"Yeah" Lilly replied "I think I'd like that"
Scotty grinned "Great, the only question I suppose is who do we ask?"
Lilly's brow furrowed and she bit her bottom lip "That's a good question"
Silence fell over them again as they started to think about who they wanted to ask "I don't know about you" Lilly began "but I don't wanna have a stranger carry our baby, just wouldn't feel right"
Scotty nodded in agreement "So I guess we have to pick who we are gonna ask"
Lilly stood up and began to pace "Well, we can't ask Allie. She just had Miguel"
Scotty nodded "We can't ask Kat, she has Veronica and I don't think we could ask her to give up nine months of her life when she's a single Mom"
"Lydia can't, she and Greg have started trying for their own baby" Lilly added
"And your sister is in Canada"
"We also can't ask Lindsay" Lilly said "She has just started dating a investment banker"
"Crap" Scotty began "Guess there is no one we can ask then"
Lilly frowned "Is it sad that that is all the friends we have?"
Scotty smirked and stood up walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist "Well what can we do then?"
Lilly sighed "I guess the only other option is adoption"
Scotty smiled "You know that idea's actually startin' to grow on me"
"Really?" Lilly asked cautiously
"Yeah" Scotty answered reassuringly "I wanna find a baby that needs a good home and raise it with you" he said warmly
"Are you sure? I mean the baby wouldn't be yours biologically" she asked with concern.
Scotty raised a hand and caressed her cheek "That really doesn't matter to me Lil" he replied "I just want a family with you"
Lilly felt a tear slip down her cheek and she sighed "I think that adoption is a great idea" she said.
"Great, then it's decided I guess" he said and he started to feel excited, this could be it, the answer they'd been looking for.
Lilly pressed a kiss to his lips and he tightened his grip on her waist, deepening the kiss until he needed air and pulled back. "I am gonna go call Lindsay" she announced.
"Why?" Scotty asked as she crossed the room and pick up her cell.
"I am gonna see if she can see us on Monday" Lilly answered "Figure her being a social worker and all she could help us with the adoption process"
Monday morning came around and Lilly and Scotty walked into the Social services building. After a quick word with one of the other social workers, they ascertained that Lindsay should be there in a few minutes and that they could wait in her office.
Lilly took a seat on one of the chairs in front of Lindsay's chair while Scotty remained on his feet, seemingly too nervous to sit down so he perused the photos on the wall, and he chuckled softly when he found one of Lindsay and Lilly together, obviously in high school. "Nice" he said turning to Lilly and gleefully pointing to the photograph on the bookcase. Lilly rolled her eyes when she caught sight of the photo "I thought I told Lindsay to destroy that" Scotty chuckled again and picked up the photo frame to study it better.
Lindsay walked in a few seconds later and she seemed genuinely surprised to see the two detectives in her office. "Hey you guys" she said walking past Scotty to put her stuff down on her desk "You're not here to arrest me are you?" she asked teasingly.
Scotty chuckled "You got somethin' you wanna confess Linds?"
She smiled "So what can I do for you? Need info for a case?"
Lilly shook her head and Scotty walked over to her, finally taking a seat in the empty chair to Lilly's left. "Nah, this isn't about business"
"Okay, so what's up?"
Scotty took Lilly's hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze, and she turned to face him briefly before she replied "Scotty and I have decided..." she trailed off and took a deep breath "Scotty and I have decided that we aren't going to try to get pregnant anymore"
Lindsay's face fell "Oh Lil, Scotty, I am sorry"
"Thanks" Scotty said.
"If there is anythin' I can do"
"Actually, there is" Lilly answered
Lindsay nodded "Great, what?"
Scotty took over "We have decided that we wanna adopt, so we were wonderin' if maybe you could help us out with the paperwork." He said "Heard those forms can be a bit difficult to manage"
Lindsay remained silent for a few moments then she sighed and bit her bottom lip "Oh" she said sounding a bit upset.
"Linds, what's the matter?" Lilly asked her friend "I mean if you're worried about showing favouritism or anything then maybe you can give us some names of other social workers that could help us" Lilly suggested.
Lindsay seemed to be figuring out the best way to tell them something, whatever it was; they could tell it wasn't good news. "Guys, I really hate to tell you this" she began.
"Tell us what?" Scotty asked
"When couples apply to be put on the adoption lists they have to fill in paperwork, forms that ask a lot of questions on background and means of support" she said "the fact that you two are both homicide detectives...I am afraid that that doesn't bode well for your chances of being selected"
"What do you mean?" Lilly asked "why would us being cops have anything to do with whether or not we'd make good parents?"
"It doesn't" she said "and I am sure that you guys are going to make great parents but..." she sighed "your careers would be considered too dangerous"
"I don't understand" Lilly stated
"Prospective parents have to be able to show that they can financially and emotionally support a baby and the fact that you have such dangerous careers would pose a problem if something happened while on duty to one or both of you."
Scotty swore under his breath and Lilly could feel tears welling up behind her eyes "That's crap" Lilly spat "Cops have kids all the time, how is that any different?"
Lindsay shook her head "Hey, I didn't say the rules didn't suck" Lindsay said "I am just telling you what your chances would be if you applied for adoption. I am really sorry guys, I so want you to have the family you deserve and if there was anything I could do to chance this, I would"
Lilly nodded and a tight smile spread across her face, trying to remain stoic even though she felt like she was falling apart again. "Thanks Linds" she turned to Scotty "We should head off to the precinct" she said and he nodded.
"Yeah" Scotty replied and he stood up, watching Lilly walk out of the room. He turned to Lindsay and smiled apologetically "Thanks Lindsay"
Lindsay nodded "Tell Lil to call me if she wants to talk"
Scotty picked up his coat and walked out after his wife.