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THIS CHAPTER IS IN BELLA'S POV
PISSED BELLA/LOVING BELLA
Edward left a little while after we had our dance . He said he understood that I needed to think about things, but he did not want my prom to be ruined by him basically running me off. Plus he admitted that he wanted to see me. And secretly, I wanted to see him too.
Laying here in my bed, I held the one single red rose up to my nose and inhaled. Closing my eyes I let out the deep breath that was just waiting to escape.
What was I going to do? I was so happy, shit, I was over the moon to finally hear those three words come from his lips.
I love you.
I just have no idea what to think. Does this change anything? Everything? Will we be able to work through our problems or was this relationship doomed from the start?
Who am I freaking shitting, tomorrow it will be known to everyone that has ever heard of the Cullen Brothers what took place tonight at my prom. I bet I could probably go on some gossip site or check in with good old Perez Hilton and there would undoubtedly be some little spiel about what happened.
Tonight would be my, our last night of privacy for a little while at least, and tomorrow would be a new day.
Besides all that, how will this really work? It seems that we have enough issues with both of us just being regular teenagers, being boyfriend and girlfriend. But to add him being Edward Cullen.
Whoa.
I guess I never truly thought this all the way through.
He is leaving to go back to L.A. in a few weeks.
He will be going on tour to promote their new album.
He is just about as famous as Brad Pitt.
He could have anyone he wants.
He has women throwing themselves at him all the time.
And he wants me?
This makes no logical sense, it's like Beauty and the Beast, except he is the beauty and I am the freaking ugly Beast.
Add that to the fact that he just shows up out of nowhere to my prom, him and all my supposed friends plotting against me.
Freaking ridiculous.
How could they all keep this from me? Not just him, but Rose, Alice and Angela. They all betrayed me, and I don't have any idea at who I am more pissed at. Rose, Alice and Angela for tricking me, lying to me, knowing for at least a few days how he felt. They could of told me something. I mean gosh, I was sitting here wallowing in self pity over this guy that I loved, and they just tell me 'everything's going to be okay' bullshit.
My ass everything's going to be okay when I get through with the three of them.
And then there's Edward.
Edward.
Ugh. Did he know for this past two weeks that he loved me or was this a recent development? I hope for the first, but that again does not help him whatsoever. Cause so help me God, if I find out that he has been just leaving me hanging here for two freaking horrible weeks, when he could of made this all better. I'll freaking kill him. He has no understanding about how hard it was for me to tell him that I was in love with him, and for him to just tell me first that 'I can't' crap.
It broke my heart.
But now he says he loves me. He freaking loves me and I should be jumping up and down, singing to the rooftops and all.
But I can't
Cause this shit still stings. No matter how I would like to dress the ugly truth of it up.
He broke my heart.
I agreed to meet him at his hotel for breakfast in the morning to talk about things. It royally sucks that everything will most likely be determined by just how long this has been going on and everything that went on with his part in the whole prom fiasco.
Till tomorrow-
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Walking through the lobby, I felt sick to my stomach. There was nothing that I could do to calm my nerves.
And there was this internal struggle going on within me.
On one side you had the angry, bitter, embarrassed, heart broken Bella that wanted nothing more than to go in there and tear his heart out, throw it on the floor, stomp all over it till it was good and flat and then walk away.
I had spent way to much time pondering every scenario of what all transpired for him during the past two weeks. I had scenes of him doing his interviews, talking to people, going out and being totally happy as shit until Alice or Rose put the wrath of God on him and basically guilted him into loving me or seeing me. The others were not so demented, but still had him figuring it out soon after we parted ways and him being totally fine with the idea of the two of us being apart.
That Bella wanted to see him grovel, see him hurt. That Bella was pissed.
The other side was more a pro-Edward Bella. That Bella was so happy that he finally said that he loved her that she was free from all reason. That Bella just wanted Edward, no matter what and would do and say anything to make it happen. Even if it meant forgiving him, no matter what.
That Bella wanted to hold, kiss, anything and everything Edward. That Bella was in love.
I gently tapped on his door trying not to attract to much attention to myself. He must have been waiting because by the end of my third knock the door flew open and he pulled me into his arms. I sighed and inhaled all that was Edward.
The loving Bella was oh so enjoying this right now.
The pissed Bella was…well she was pissed.
"God, I missed you," he said wistfully. There was a sense of longing in his actions, needy almost.
He squeezed me tight once more before pulling back to kiss my forehead.
I decided to be a little mean and play with him. "You just saw me last night."
He stood there and watched me. He offered a timid smile, not knowing what else to do. Standing here and truly admiring the man before me, he seemed different. He was sullen, his eyes dark, he looked hurt. He looked how I felt.
Pissed Bella almost felt sorry for him, almost.
Loving Bella wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be okay.
He took my hand and escorted me over to a table that he had set up in his room for what I assume is breakfast. He pulled out a chair, guiding me to sit down before pushing it in closer to the table. After seating himself directly across from me, an uncomfortable silence took over.
Nothing.
I waited for him to say something. I watched as he looked down at his plate, his utensils, his glass of orange juice and milk. Everywhere but me.
What in the hell?
Pissed Bella was content that he seemed a bit uneasy.
Loving Bella could not stand to see him like this and decided to break the silence.
"Umm, breakfast looks good," I said nervously.
After I said the words I felt like such an idiot. 'Umm, breakfast looks good', come on could I not come up with something better to say. That's about as cheesy as 'Do you like the weather?'
Nice one Bella.
He just nodded. He just freaking nodded and then proceeded to place his napkin on his lap and grab his utensils to start eating.
I followed his lead doing the same actions. I cut up my French toast and poured the syrup over it. My eyes staying constant on him. He never looked up.
I just sat there. The upset feeling in my stomach beginning to take over again. Rather then get sick, I thought that if I could just focus on him then this feeling would pass. And here I was using him as my anchor, in so many more ways then one. I zeroed in on the small things that I have seemed to neglect with my memory. The way his lines on his forehead bulged out when he was frowning, the way his hair would shimmer with the sunlight making his almost bronze hair appear to be purely red. The way his stubble filled jaw looked even more like it was chiseled out of stone. Could any man be more perfect looking?
No.
But that was not what attracted me to him. His looks were a plus. A huge, big freaking plus, but what did it for me was him. What he is on the inside. His guarded, egotistical, opinionated, loving, conflicted soul. The way he could take a situation and over analyze it so much that it almost pained him. The way he felt he had to protect me from what and who he is. Everything that everyone else that falls in love with Edward Cullen never sees in my Edward Cullen.
My Edward Cullen.
We both finished the meal in silence, neither one of us making an attempt at anything.
I figured enough was enough. He needed to talk. I was here to talk to him, not watch him sulk or whatever this was.
Pissed Bella wanted answers.
Loving Bella needed answers.
Finally a compromise.
"Edward," I called out to him.
He lifted his head and his eyes locked with mine. "Yes."
"Why are you avoiding me?" I asked, trying to keep my anxiety with this situation in check.
"Because, erm..this is going to," he started saying as he brought the napkin up from his lap to toss on the table. "Sound so stupid."
"What?" I asked shortly.
He took his hand and ran it through his hair as he stood up from his chair. "You're mad at me."
"Okay and…?"
"Well you were already mad at me and then I messed everything up more by coming over last night, and God Bella.." he rambled.
I threw both hands up and shook my head at him.
"What does last night when you came over have to do with you not talking to me?" I asked, aggravated by his weirdness in this instance.
"Well when I told you I missed you, you said back to me 'well you saw me last night' or something like that. I don't know I just thought that you ," He said as he walked over to my chair and squatted down to be at the same level as my eyes. "I thought that you were mad that I came over last night and that I made everything worse because I am an impatient, selfish prick that can't stand to be away from you." He blew out a sharp breath to end his little rant.
Pissed Bella was admiring how beautiful he was when he was flustered.
Loving Bella wanted to know when did he not look beautiful.
Beautiful indeed.
So the reason for his silly silence was because he thought that he made things worse by coming by last night. I don't know if I want to jump on him and kiss him like crazy or slap the shit out of him for being a stupid emo boy right now, when I sure and the shit don't need him acting like this.
Slap him.
Kiss him.
Slap him.
Kiss him.
My two internal Bella's were fighting it out. I say slap him, then kiss him because I slapped him. Then maybe kiss him again, well just because.
Getting up from the table, I was walking over to the sofa in the next room as I turned my head to ensure that he would follow me to continue or in our case start our much needed conversation.
"Edward, that is the silliest thing I've ever heard." I said as I plopped myself on one side of the couch.
He had no idea, but him surprising me with the flowers and the song at my house was probably the only thing keeping me from not totally going all crazy bitch on him right now.
I patted the seat right next to me a few times to motion for him to take a seat. He obliged. I could tell just by his rigid actions that he was tense. And a tense Edward is not a good sign when you want to talk.
I reached over and grabbed his hand and turned his palm face up. Taking my fingers I ran them back and forth over his fingers, completing the action all the way past his wrist. This action seemed to calm him. I did this a couple more times and listened as his breaths become less frequent. His eyes were closed and a small smile was playing at he corner of his lips.
"That feels so good, Bella," he sighed.
Pissed Bella wanted to get down to business and figure this shit out.
Loving Bella wanted to tell the other one to shut the hell up.
"Edward why did you come to my prom last night?"
The curious Bella couldn't stand it anymore. She had questions and she wanted answers dammit.
His eyes clenched open, and he took my hand in his, not allowing it to move any longer. "Because I needed to tell you that I was in love with you."
Loving Bella starts clapping and says great answer.
Pissed Bella says I need more than that and goes for the gut shot.
I turned looking straight ahead, not wanting to show any emotion when I heard his next answer.
"And how long have you known that you were in love with me?" I asked, keeping my voice nice and even.
Please say the right thing.
Please.
He shifted in his seat and gulped loudly before answering, "The moment you walked away."
Wrong answer.
Right answer.
Wrong.
Right.
Will you two shut up and let me think?
I exhaled sharply before turning to him. I was pissed. I was happy. I was pissed that I was happy, and I was happy that I was pissed.
"Since I walked away, you mean after I confessed that I was in love with you and you told me 'I can't' you freaking knew then and," I said, seething. I was so livid I had to stop myself from saying anything further.
I might regret it. I doubt it, but still.
The heat on my cheeks was warming their way upwards and taking over. I narrowed my eyes on him, contemplating my options.
I could not keep Pissed Bella reigned in any longer.
Loving Bella was screaming at me to stop her before she hurt Edward.
Sorry, but he hurt me first.
Pissed Bella was overjoyed at the satisfaction of the decision made.
Loving Bella just covered her eyes to keep from watching his punishment.
I reached my right hand up and with as much force as possible I swung it over and slapped him.
Pissed Bella cheered as my hand made the contact.
Loving Bella winced.
Shit that hurt.
I unraveled my other hand from his and cradled my now throbbing one. I looked down to analyze it rather than look at him.
What did I just do?
Pissed Bella congratulates me and tells me I did what needed to be done.
Loving Bella just shook her head and gives me a disappointed stare.
The guilt was coming at me at full force. I felt so bad the contents of my breakfast was threatening to make a reappearance. I closed my eyes to mentally calm myself and hopefully my stomach down.
It was then that I noticed Edward.
He did nothing in return. No yelling, no getting up and leaving.
Nothing.
I was straining to hear him, a word, a moan, a gasp. Something. Anything.
Nothing.
I took a chance and looked over at him. He was sitting there still, holding his left hand up to comfort his left cheek. His mouth was wide open cocking to the left side to help with the discomfort. I perched my head closer and ignored his beating eyes that were fixated on me. I wanted to take stock of the damage that I had inflicted on my unsuspecting victim.
A bright red hand print had taken over the majority of the left side of his face. I could see the individual fingers outlined by his contrasting pale skin. My palm print in the center making the most damage.
I retreated from his face to sit back and evaluate what I just did.
I hit Edward Cullen.
Holy shit.
Internally I started chuckling, this will be something to tell the grandkids one day… I hit the famous Edward Cullen.
"I guess I deserved that," he said, sounding apologetic.
Shocked. I looked over at him, my eyes huge with shock. I felt all the flushed color drain from my face.
"Edward, I'm sor.." I said low and soft like, before he cut me off.
He reached over with both hands cupping my face in his hands. I closed my eyes and reveled in the thought that he still wanted to touch me after I just mauled him.
"I told you I deserved that," he lightly chuckled. I kept my eyes closed still relishing his hands on my face.
I exhaled quickly through my nose and willed my eyes to open and face him.
"I should of never slapped you," I whimpered out. "I'm sorry." Tears of guilt, anger, frustration and love started falling down my cheeks.
Pissed Bella was telling me to let it out.
Loving Bella was happy that I apologized to her Edward.
A small comforting smile was attempted on his part. "Shhhhhhh, Baby please don't cry."
I winced a little as he wiped the tears from my face. One by one he captured each of them individually, softly separating them from me.
We sat there in silence just gazing at each other. After too long though he started out in soft laughter.
"What?" I asked, baffled that he was laughing right now.
"It's just ironic, that I am the one that should be apologizing for everything, and you already tried to tell me you're sorry twice."
Smartass.
Pissed Bella thought that we were just getting ready to start forgiving him. Jackass.
Loving Bella was disappointed that her Edward just made such a comment.
I frowned at him. "Do you need to get slapped again, Mr. Cullen."
He reached over and grabbed me by the waist leaning himself down on the couch and pulling me on top of him. Not allowing me to move he intertwined both sets of fingers together behind my back.
"Mr. Cullen huh?" he said, as he waggled his eyebrows at me.
Oh, my-
God! As mad as I am at him, could this arrogant, cocky bastard be any hotter that he was right now.
Pissed Bella voted no and had to grab a magazine to fan herself from all the excitement.
Loving Bella voted hell no and stole the magazine away from her and did the same.
"Ugh, Edward, I am very, very, very mad at you." I closed my eyes to concentrate on finishing my verbal lashing at him. "Right now and you are making it impossible for me to be angry with you."
He lifted his head up to where he was just an inch away from my lips. "Good, I don't want you to be angry." Edward's lips made the final thrust forward and attached to mine for the shortest ten seconds of my life. He laid all the way back down before he said, "Anymore."
Pissed Bella sat back in her seat blowing out the air she was holding onto for his response and thought that he made a nice save.
Loving Bella wiped off her brow, having been sweating from all the excitement.
"Edward, we have things to talk about, issues to," I said, before I pointed a finger in his chest. "Discuss."
He groaned and put his face in my shoulder. "I don't want to, can't I just sit here and make out with my beautiful girlfriend that I missed so much."
He pulled back flashing me his most dazzling smile trying to sway the jury. I just rolled my eyes, but he kept up the fight.
"Who says you still," I laughed at him while I pointed my face directly in his face. "Have a girlfriend? From what I heard you let her walk away because you didn't tell her you loved her."
He suckled in his bottom lip and looked away from me trying to hide the hurt look in his eyes from my recent comment. When he was done with thinking about what I just said he straightened his face so his eyes could lock with mine.
His closed his eyes and took a deep breath and holding it. "Do I still have you?" he said in a little voice.
I felt a jab in the heart when I heard him like this. No matter what he did, I never wanted to hear the man I love like this.
I lent in close to his ear kissing him briefly before whispering in his ear, "That depends if you want me still?"
I heard him moan softly. I pulled back to see his beautiful face change.
"God, Bella I want to be with you more than anything in this whole world. I was such an idiot. I am so sorry for everything that I did, said. Shit, right now I am sorry for it all. Can you please forgive me? Please?"
Pissed Bella told me to go ahead and forgive him.
Loving Bella started jumping up and down telling me to kiss him, dammit.
I did not answer him, I just placed my lips on his and let myself start attacking this man. He granted me access with my tongue and moaned at the contact. We continued like this for a while until both of us were so winded from the activity that we needed to pull away.
Feeling lightheaded I placed my forehead up against his and told him, "We still need to figure out how we are going to do this."
NEXT CHAPTER- WILL BE A CONTINUATION OF THIS ONE.
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