26

Sheldon asked Amy Farrah Fowler to meet him at the restaurant for their date night on Thursday. Amy thought that the choice of restaurant was romantic as it was the same one that they had gone to on their very first date. That made her quite happy. She was hopeful that this was a sign that Sheldon understood that she was not at fault for the altercation at Penny's. Nora was. She thought that Sheldon was clearly trying to be a better boyfriend and after the week she had just been through she was finally beginning to feel more optimistic about their relationship. However, when she walked in she was quite surprised to find Sheldon deep in conversation with Penny.

"Hello, Sheldon. Penny, I assume you gave Sheldon a ride and that is why you're here. As I really have nothing to say to you, you may now depart so that Sheldon and I may continue our date night."

"Amy Farrah Fowler, that was very rude. I demand you apologize to Penny."

"I will not apologize. She is intruding on our date night and she should leave."

"If you recall, Penny was present for out first date, which in fact occurred at her suggestion. You may also recall we both treated her quite rudely that evening and you asked her a number of very intrusive questions which I am ashamed to say I allowed."

"That does not explain why she is here now. And I will once again insist she leave us."

"Amy Farrah Fowler, as Penny was in attendance for our first date, I thought it appropriate that she be in attendance for this, our final date."

"Sheldon, I don't understand."

"After a great deal of thought and extensive discussion with my best friend, who I believe knows a great deal more about love than either of us, I have decided to terminate my Relationship Agreement with you."

"Sheldon, why?"

"I have come to the conclusion that you do not respect me, you do not respect the things I love, and you do not respect the people I love."

"That's not true. I have spent a great deal more time over the past few years doing what you want to do and you almost never do what I want to do. I have watched your movies. I have looked at your comic books. I have even played with your toys. I have stood on lines for hours for movies I did not wish to see. And I have spent endless hours with your boorish friends who are beneath me. I have been the best girlfriend that you will ever have."

"But every one of those things you did, every one of those activities you attended, you did not enjoy a single one, did you?"

"Well, no."

"Then why did you do them?"

"Because that is what a good girlfriend does and I didn't want you to complain later when you outgrew them that I never did them."

"Why do you expect that I will outgrow these activities?"

"Sheldon, you are going to be a Nobel Prize recipient someday. I am certain of it. These activities are not worthy of the intellect you will become. They are childish and stupid. You will outgrow them and I will help you do that."

"And if I do not wish to outgrow them?"

"I believe that you must. If necessary you will be able to participate in them to a limited extent when you play with our children before they know better but you will be doing more important things. There will be no room in your life for such silliness."

"Amy Farrah Fowler, that silliness is a part of who I am, just as much as my genius. I could no sooner put them aside than I could put my left arm aside. I have reached the conclusion that you are in love with the man you believe I will be and not with the man that I am."

"What's wrong with that, Sheldon? You will be a great man."

"I am far more interested in being a good man now. And that man likes comic books, and science fiction and toys. And my friends."

"I could reconsider that part of my plan."

"Ah yes, your plan. I am given to understand that you have given a great deal of thought to this plan. Was it a part of your plan to rid me of my Mysophobia just as you attempted to rid me of my supposed compulsion for closure?"

"Eventually, yes."

"And was spreading your germs upon every surface you came in contact with in my home, in Penny's home, and in my other friends' homes part of that?"

"No. That was something else."

"What was it?"

"I was marking my territory. It was to either attract people to me such as Penny or inform others that things were mine."

"Like me?"

"Yes."

"And you gave no thought to how much this would disturb me if I were to discover it."

"Sheldon, Mysophobia is a phobia, not a disease. I did you no harm through my actions."

"I did not say you harmed me, per se. However, what you did was quite disrespectful."

"Sheldon, I do respect you. I don't open the door until you finish knocking even though it annoys me to no end. And I listen to you go on and on and on about things in which I have no interest."

"Amy, you do not respect me. You tolerate me. You are tolerating me until you are able to fashion me into something you believe others will respect."

"Isn't that what any good girlfriend would do?"

"No, Amy. It is not. Penny has taught me that a real relationship is built upon mutual respect."

"Penny has not said a word. I still fail to understand why she is here. And why would you take her advice on relationships? As long as I have known her she has done nothing but fail at them. Even now she is throwing away what will likely be the best relationship of her life. She is a failure."

"You still don't understand. Just like you, Leonard does not love the Penny that is. He loves a picture of Penny in his head, a fantasy he wishes her to become. He has come very close to destroying her and you aided him in that. I believe you are still trying to aid him in that endeavor. You did not know Penny before she was ever with Leonard. She was feisty, bright and fun and filled with optimism. He has all but pulled that from her. He and you have as much as called her stupid on multiple occasions. Penny is not stupid. In many areas she is the smartest and wisest of all of us."

"Why does she not say anything?"

"Amy, I haven't said anything because Sheldon is doing just fine on his own. I am here to support him. You have spent the last few years bulldozing him into a relationship the same way you bulldozed me into being your bestie. You have treated both of us like we're just a couple of your monkeys. Sheldon, continue."

"Amy, you have been trying for a long time to make me act in a more physical manner with you, to hold your hand, to kiss you, to hold you and to eventually have coitus with you. For a long time I believed that I might eventually wish to do those things because I was in a relationship and that was required. You never for one moment considered that I do not wish to do those things with you because I am not physically attracted to you. Despite what you may believe, I do have feelings and I do have needs. You have not, do not and will not ever be able to satisfy them. When we first met we had a relationship of the mind. We discussed intellectual matters and matters of consequence. And we even had moments of whimsy. However, I consider the moment I asked you to be my girlfriend and the subsequent crafting of our Relationship Agreement to be among the greatest mistakes of my life. I acquiesced to pressures I should have ignored."

"So you have decided to pursue a solitary life?"

"I did not say that. I believe that I am capable of love. I believe that I am capable of having a loving relationship and even marriage and children. I just do not wish to have those things with you."

"So what now?"

"There was a time that I would have said we should reset our relationship to the point it last worked. I no longer feel that way. I do not wish to ever see you again. I cannot speak for the rest of my friends as to whether you will be permitted to remain in their lives, but I can say that you owe each and every one of them an apology for your behavior, beginning with Penny."

"Sheldon, you have said a great many things and I will give them serious thought. But Penny derided and insulted me and I will not apologize to her. And Penny, I demand you return the painting I gave you."

"Amy, I'm perfectly fine with that because I really don't want you in my life anymore either. You encouraged me to stay in a relationship that was destroying me. You enabled my drinking when a real friend would have tried to stop me. Oh, I absolutely cop to being ultimately responsible for the pit my life is in but you made no effort at all to help me out of it. If anything you helped dig it deeper. I have a pretty good idea why you act the way you do. I just really have no desire at all to do anything to help you. Not only were you never really my bestie, you weren't a good friend to me at all. I think the only real relationships you have are with your monkeys. Sheldon, I think I'm ready to go now. Goodbye, Amy. I hope someday you figure out what you lost here. And as for the painting, I'll drop it off at your building just as soon as I can. That thing creeps me the hell out. Besides, I'm pretty sure I have something to replace it with that's a whole lot more meaningful."

"When you check your email you will find a formal termination notice for our Relationship Agreement. In twenty-four hours I will sever all communications ties with you. If there are any items in my home that you wish to retrieve you may contact Leonard by tomorrow morning and make arrangements with him. I do not wish to see you again."

"And finally, Nora visited the Pasadena Police earlier today to file assault charges against you. If I am correct, the lady and gentleman who just now entered the restaurant are with the police and will wish to speak with you regarding the events of this past Sunday night. Video copies of your assault upon Nora's person have been sent to your employer, your "fiancée" Faisal and your mother. Goodbye Amy Farrah Fowler."

Amy Farrah Fowler sat there in shock as her ex-boyfriend and ex-bestie left the restaurant hand-in hand.

Outside the restaurant

"Well that went about as well as it could. How are you doing, Moonpie?"

"Surprisingly, I feel quite well. I believe I now understand the relief you felt when your relationship with Leonard ended. There is one problem, though."

"What's that, sweetie?"

"We never actually ordered dinner. I find I am quite hungry."

"Me too. Where would you like to go?"

"I believe I noticed a little Italian bistro a couple of blocks away called Trattoria de Pasadena. It looked quite inviting."

"But it's not Sheldon-approved."

"How would I ever learn if it should be?"

"Sounds like a plan to me. Now, when we're done eating I'll drop you off at home. I'll be going to the gym to work out for a little bit. Are you ready for what's about to happen?"

"Indeed, the second half of our one-two punch."

"I really wish we weren't both going to be alone later on."

"As do I."