Second last chapter dear readers! Please please please leave me a review telling me what you think! This is one of my favourite chapters, and I hope you will think so too. But even if you don't, I'd still love to hear from you.
Brinds
Chapter 43 Boiling Point
He collected her in his arms tightly but neither spoke. What was there to say? He moved to hold her cheeks with his large hands, adoring the feeling of her soft, springy, warm skin under his fingers as he kissed her with everything he had.
It was then that they wrenched him away from her. But they held onto each other, never wanting to be apart, frightened and unsure of what was going to happen. They pulled at Jennifer too, and their rough handling of her made Matt leap into the melee and handle the detectives just as roughly. He was terrified they would hurt her and put in jeopardy her life and the life of her baby. "Get your hands off her!" he barked, desperately trying to undo the strong grips they had on Jennifer's arms and shoulders. Elbows and fists and arms clashed as Nick and Jen fought to stay connected, Matt fought to protect Jennifer and Washington and Murdoch fought to drag Nick back into the interview room.
After several moments in the scuffle they successfully managed to pull Nick away from his wife as Matt caught Jennifer in the fall back of their force. "Nickkkkkk!" she cried as their hands were ripped apart slowly, finger by agonising finger, all the fear of the morning now spilling out into the open. Steve Murdoch shoved her away with the full force of his hand, grabbing the sleeve of her top just below her shoulder and wrenching her away from Nick. The material stretched and pulled and sucked back into place reluctantly after Murdoch had let it go and spun on his heel away from her, indifferent and uncaring, and stalked back into the interview room, slamming the door so hard behind him that the sound echoed through the hallway for what seemed like minutes.
Matt didn't know what to say in response to the clash. He simply stood beside Jennifer, his hands holding her up, lightly sitting on her shoulder and waist, and he looked dumbfounded at the door that was now closed in his face. Stunned into silence, Jennifer stood next to him, completely unprepared for Washington to come back out a moment later and hiss angrily in their faces.
"Don't go anywhere," he spat, his body half out the door, a crumpled and defeated Nick just visible behind him. "We're questioning you next." And once again, he slammed the door in their faces, the last glimpse Jennifer had of Nick, gone.
Matt turned to face his colleague and his face softened further, yet remained strong and determined in its will. He reached up a gentle hand to sweep the soft blonde strands of her fringe aside. "I'm coming in with you," he whispered. "Don't worry. I won't let them treat you like this." He gave her a small hug. "Don't worry," he repeated softly, rubbing a hand up and down her back soothingly.
Matt and Jennifer sat beside each other silently. Matt clasped his hands in front of him, his elbows on his knees, his head drooped, his eyes on the floor between his feet. His mind raced as he tried to keep up with the events unfolding before him. He knew nothing of what would happen next, only that he needed to stay by Jennifer's side throughout it all. He wouldn't leave her, no matter what they said.
Jennifer sat uncomfortably on his left, leaning back in her chair and with her right leg crossed over her left. She had propped one elbow up on the chair back and held her head up with her hand, occasionally massaging her temples and rubbing at her eyes as she waited with Matt. She didn't know when they'd be called into the interview room, nor whether they would tell her what was happening with Nick. It felt like a nightmare that was never going to end and she was beginning to feel the full physical and mental force of it take her over. She closed her eyes for a moment and exhaled loudly as she rubbed her stomach.
Matt looked up and over at her. "You ok?" he asked, concerned.
She nodded in response and went to speak when the door to the interview room that contained Nick opened. The two friends looked up quickly, expectation in their eyes. Washington stepped just outside the room and into the hallway and beckoned to a colleague just a few meters down the hall from where Jennifer and Matt sat. The man nodded in reply to Washington's actions and walked up to Matt and Jennifer and instructed them to follow him.
They got up reluctantly and did as they were told, passing Nick's interview room as they did so. Through the one way glass window Jennifer could see her husband's broken spirit sitting slumped behind the table, his eyes downcast and his shoulders low. She wanted to burst into tears at the sight of him.
The scars of your love
Remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love
They leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could've had it all
Jennifer eyed the chair the detective pointed at. Right beside her, Matt pulled out the chair for her and she accepted the seat gratefully, trying to restrain her ill feelings towards all the detectives – bar Matt – she was dealing with today.
"Thankyou Detective Ryan, you are not required in this interview," the man said, taking his seat opposite Jennifer.
Matt set his feet wide and clenched his jaw. "I'm not going anywhere."
The detective raised his eyebrows in response. "Detective Ryan, I am sure Mrs Buchanan can fend for herself. Please leave."
Matt was not so sure she could, but that was not why he wanted to stay. They were best friends and they stuck by each other through thick and thin. It had always been that way between them and he wasn't about to break tradition now.
"Detective Ryan! You are not needed in this interview!" the detective was starting to lose his patience with Matt, clenching his jaw in a similar fashion as they stared each other down.
"Mrs Buchanan has requested I stay," Matt said. Although Jennifer had said no such thing, he knew that she wouldn't disagree and when she heard him say it she looked up hopefully and nodded at his words.
The detective sighed, annoyed, and got up from his chair and made for the door, throwing an exasperated look at the two Homicide detectives. "We need to have a word outside first then," he stated. Matt followed him out, holding his own.
Out in the hallway again the two men were quickly joined by Washington and Murdoch, their faces like storm clouds. "What do you think you're doing Ryan!" Murdoch hollered, struggling to keep the volume of his voice low.
"Mrs Buchanan has asked me to accompany her anywhere you take her," Matt insisted. "And I plan on doing just that."
"You have no right to be in that interview room," Washington hissed. "You are not her legal aid, you are not a family member, you are not a doctor."
"No, but I've already seen the disgusting and unacceptable way in which you man handled a heavily pregnant woman," Matt hissed even more harshly back. "And I'll be damned if I'll let you continue to treat her that way. I'm not going anywhere. If my presence means you can't question her then too bad." His tone was so defiant and strong and he hoped it would be enough to convince them. He didn't want to have to go to even greater lengths to appeal to a humanity they clearly did not have within them. With relief he saw them give in instantly, saying nothing – just re-entering the interview room where Jennifer sat and fully expecting Matt to follow. He did.
"Mrs Buchanan," the detective began. "Are you aware that your husband, Detective Senior Constable Nick Buchanan, has been working undercover for some months now?"
Jennifer took a deep breath. Even though she'd barely been awake when Nick had rushed out his instructions to her that morning, she remembered them explicitly. She knew what to say. "No I was not."
Washington, standing at the door, observing, smiled. "Mrs Buchanan," he grinned evilly. "Are you trying to say that you did not notice the massive changes in your husband's workload, his appearance, his duty hours and his demeanour in recent months? Surely not."
Jennifer shrugged, already growing increasingly uncomfortable in her chair and in the stuffy room. The only relief came from the reassuring looks Matt kept throwing her from where he sat in the corner of the room. "Nick and I no longer work in the same squad together…how was I to know if his actions or workload were unusual for the squad he now works in? I've never worked in the Drug Squad, so how should I know?"
The three investigating detectives exchanged irritated looks around the room, but continued pressing the expectant mother.
"Well we're here to tell you that your husband has crossed the boundaries of typical undercover work Mrs Buchanan. He may be charged with drug, conspiracy and firearm offences that could very well spell the end of his career with the State Police."
Jennifer nodded blankly. They didn't need to tell her that Nick had crossed every boundary – she already knew that. But to hear it from people who seemed so intent on shutting the man she loved down was a bitter pill to swallow. She avoided their eyes for a few moments, looking over again at Matt instead.
His face gave away every emotion he was feeling right then. When I get my hands on Nick Buchanan he thought, seething. He'd reached his boiling point, sick of Nick's disregard for Jennifer's welfare – the welfare Matt had devoted himself entirely to, and would forever if she just gave the word.
Jennifer stayed at Matt's house for almost two days. The longer she stayed there, the angrier she became at Nick, irate that he had allowed the situation to fall so far into the shit. She knew exactly why and how it had happened - that was how well she knew her husband. It was his passion - an admirable trait most of the time, but this time it had gotten him into trouble, and she lamented his inability to reel in his passionate pursuits. She couldn't believe he had been so stupid, gotten so involved, even if it wasn't entirely his fault, to let it get this out of hand. She knew she didn't know the whole story, but it still didn't mean she was prepared to forgive it. Not then anyway.
In Matt's small house he tried to take her mind off what was happening to her and Nick. They sat together in his living room, picking at the dinner he had made for them both. He smiled kindly at her. "Got any names yet Jen?" he asked quietly.
For a moment she was confused, her mind still too focussed on the events of the past 24 hours. "What?" she asked.
"Names Jen," he said slowly. "For the baby."
He watched her exhale and relax. Her stomach was very large by now and her hands settled on top of it naturally.
"Oh," she smiled bashfully. "No. Not really. I think we'll just decide when he or she pops out you know?" Her eyes managed to sparkle just the tiniest bit as she said it. It warmed Matt's heart to see the stress momentarily removed from her beautiful face.
Matt nodded. "My Mum was going to call me Vincent," he revealed, grinning. "But when I came out she said I just didn't look like a Vincent, so she and Dad went with Matthew."
Jennifer nodded back enthusiastically, happy Matt understood her. "Exactly."
"And how's the nursery going?" he continued.
Jennifer's smile fell a little. They'd had barely any chance to prepare a nursery. "Well we've got a cot…that's the most important thing I guess." Truthfully she was a little sad. It was not the preparation she had wanted for her first child. She'd had visions of her manly husband wielding a drill, a paintbrush and an array of nuts and bolts and whipping their long empty spare room into the nursery of her dreams, fit for their future little boy or girl. But it hadn't happened.
But Matt was reassuring and confident and patted her leg enthusiastically. "All you need, all you need Jen," he confirmed. "I'll come by this week and get some more stuff organised for you though if you like. Turn it a bit more into what you had planned," he offered kindly.
Jen's smile turned up again and she reached out and stroked his cheek with her thumb. She was more grateful for his friendship than she could express to him these days. "That'd be great, thanks Matty."
He couldn't stop smiling back at her, knowing she'd pull through all of this, like the strong person she was. "You're going to be so great at this Jen," he explained confidently. "Imagine how great life's going to be for you and Nick with a little one around. You deserve this happiness." He offered her some more bread. "Are you excited?"
This time Jennifer nodded earnestly, finally feeling the excitement rising within her. "Yeah, I really am," she replied honestly. "We've waited so long for this – and I think it's really going to be worth the wait."
"It will be Jen," Matt replied. "I promise you." He squeezed her hand.
Matt drove by Nick and Jennifer's house every few hours for Jennifer's benefit, looking for lights to be on, to see if Nick had returned. When he finally saw signs of life in the house he returned to his own place, picked up Jen and drove her back to Nick. He parked his car in the street as he watched Jennifer walk across the lawn and up the front steps. And he waited. Just in case.
When Jennifer walked in to the house Nick looked up from his place on the couch and then stood, approaching her. He barely noticed her overwhelmingly expectant figure, now more than eight months along, instead only just taking into account her presence before him.
"You shouldn't be here," he said like a robot, not making eye contact. "It's not safe."
"I thought you'd want to see me," she said back.
Nick's response was the first blow. "No," he replied. "I need to sort myself out first." His voice was one Jennifer barely recognised, and it was then that she knew that he had taken everything just one tiny step too far. She frowned.
"Our marriage isn't more important than that?" she asked, shock in her voice. "Our family? Our life together?"
Nick didn't answer. Instead he turned away, looking out the front window. Outside Matt saw him turn from his place in his car parked on the curb.
Jennifer's blood boiled and she stalked over to his place by the window and shoved him as hard as she could on the shoulder and back, like a teenage boy starting a fight. She knew her actions then spoke much louder than any words could. She challenged him to respond, but he only turned to her with a dull expression that dealt the second blow to Jennifer's battered heart.
"I need to be alone Jen." His voice was a monotone now, as he slipped further back into his Euan Kennedy world and further out of his Nick Buchanan one.
"Alone?" she screeched, her fringe falling in her eyes in her moment of fury. She shoved him again. "We're about to have a baby Nick!"
Nick offered no reply, his look glazed over, as if her comment had gone in one ear and straight out the other.
"We have worked so hard for this right from the word go!" she continued as he just stood there silently in front of her, just taking it. "Our relationship, our marriage, our life together! How can you just throw it away? How could you let yourself get to the point of actually doing that?" she screamed, upset and overcome more than she'd ever been in her life.
He didn't answer her again, and that, cruelly, was the beginning of the third and final blow. "How could you give us up? We worked so hard, so hard Nick! How could you just let it all dissolve now?" This is the most important time in our life together she thought as she continued to stand in front of him. "You can't just forget about real life Nick!" The words were spilling out in what she felt were an incomprehensible jumble, and she wondered if she was wasting her breath.
Nick shrugged upon hearing her last sentence. He opened his mouth to speak, folding his arms across his chest. "Is anything real anymore? What's real?" he asked emotionlessly. He truly was unsure. Two sides of his brain were fighting tooth and nail against each other, trying to make him believe one side more than the other. He could not grapple properly with either, so began to tune out completely.
Tears streaming down her face she stepped towards him and yanked his arms away from his chest where they were folded tightly against his shirt. She pulled his hands towards her swollen stomach and placed them upon it. "This," she whispered harshly. "This is real." She stared with her last hope into his blank eyes.
But Nick barely acknowledged the feeling of their child beneath his hands and after a moment Jennifer shoved his hands back at him angrily and turned her back on him, stalking back out the front door.
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
Matt was leaning against the passenger door of his car, having gotten out when he saw through the window the screaming match that was taking place inside, and stepped onto the grass when he saw Jennifer come back out the front door. He walked across the lawn and met her half way, catching her as she fell into his arms, distraught at Nick's reactions.
Matt helped her into the front seat where she sat back, resting her head against the headrest and closing her eyes, crying quietly. He softly closed the door and walked back across the lawn and into the house Jennifer and Nick shared. Once inside he walked right up to Nick, and grabbed his shoulder to turn him around, away from the window.
"You better fix this Nick!" Matt warned his former colleague. "Look at what a mess this all is! Look at what you've done to Jen! How could you treat her like this…anytime? But especially now? How bloody stupid are you?" Matt was mad for so many reasons. He still thought often of the kind of life he could've given Jennifer had she chosen him over Nick.
Nick nodded immediately in response. "I know," he replied quietly. "I know ok?" No one will ever be able to understand what a failure I feel as a husband and father Nick thought inside. "I know I don't deserve her. I know she should never have stuck by me through all of this. I know she didn't need to be as loyal as she has been. I don't know why on earth she's stayed."
"Because she loves you Nick," Matt retorted. "Do you not even realise that?"
"Of course I do," he whispered back. He looked out the window to where Jennifer sat crying in the front seat of Matt's car. He shook his head in amazement at her. "She's so strong," his voice barely audible. "So capable." He turned back to Matt. "When we first started talking about kids I already knew she'd be amazing at it. I knew she'd be the kind of woman who'd have it all under control, drive herself to the hospital and then just tell me when exactly I needed to show up."
Matt nodded, agreeing. "She can withstand anything, your wife." He joined Nick in his gaze back out to Jennifer.
"She really can," Nick said. "I don't know what I did to deserve her. I don't think I deserve her."
"After all this…no, you don't," Matt answered bluntly, uncaring if it sounded rude. "But she loves you in such a way that you better damn well hold onto her and treat her right. She deserves that."
Nick nodded as Matt walked back towards the front door. "Don't let her down Nick."